It's Finally Time to Tame the Beast!

Man it’s hard to realize that you’re the one driving the car. I know…I know what the hell is Shak talking about? I’m talking about taking control of your life. It’s just that this year has been HEEEEEEEEEEELA HARD.  And I’ve been the main reason why it’s been that way.  Sure, I could blame the Recession Monster (kind of a creepy dude) or the Money Bandit (another creepster) but the real truth is I’ve done a damn fine job of getting in my own way.  I spend many waking minutes envisioning conflict sometimes in my waking hours.  Who does that?  Oh, you do it too?

Check out my most recent example.  Getting a minor concussion from playing soccer with 10 stitches.  Boy when I envision, I manifest!  I even remember thinking a week before the incident, how cool would it be to get a tattoo with "Beauty & The Beast". 

Day 2:  Right After The Hit ( I went up for a soccer header & well it didn't go as planned.  Thank Goodness for pain killers.)

OUCH (10 stitches)!!!!!!

Day 7: No more thinking crazy, battle-themed thoughts.  I promise! 

The truth is I have this 80/20 thing going on, maybe you guys do too. 80% of the time, I’m optimistic, I’m bright & cheery and thankful to be alive on this grand journey we call LIFE. But the other 20% of me would make Darth Vader shudder. It’s my inner beast that I’m talking about. It’s afraid to become more in life, it’s worried about making enough money, it’s afraid to get close to someone in a relationship and so what does it do? SEEK, SELF SABOTAGE & DESTROY!

Seriously.

2010 has been my own version of HALO. Because I love creating battles, I mean EPIC battles for myself I decided to kill myself financially and pay my mortgage by myself right when I was on track to decrease my finances and pursue acting 100%. This is nothing new; I’ve been paying for everything since I was 17 years of age. I have the lone ranger act down pact. I’m so ready for my scene where I walk into the sunset it ain’t even funny. But this isn’t good folks; it’s tragic hero behavior. Those who win create a team of support. Those who win don’t create obstacles for themselves but rather create solutions.

Who knows, maybe I feel like life will be too damn easy without the obstacles.  But isn't that a good thing? I think that dude in the matrix, Agent Smith was right when he said, “…as a species, human beings define their reality through misery and suffering. The perfect world was a dream that their primitive cerebrum[s] kept trying to wake up from.” Say it ain’t so Agent Smith!!!!

I thought I had it. I thought through all of my research on personal development, I had learned to master my thoughts. I mean read through the posts I wrote the previous year. BOY WAS I WRONG! Every time I try to convince someone (including myself) that we can create our own happiness…it turns into this Disney vs. Apocalypse argument. What if Agent Smith is right? Who cares that he’s a fictional character. What if we just can’t accept that happiness is real and totally possible?

Well, I’m at it again. I’m opening up the positive reinforcement books. I realize that it’s a practice not a one and done scenario. It’s like lifting weights and eating healthy…it’s for life not for a season in your life. And more important than taking care of your body is taking care of what you feed your mind. So, for the time being, I’m focusing on peace, abundance and happiness.

I already know it takes a MASTER MIND to focus on such things in a world that blocks light, perpetuates fear, increases poverty…but each of us can make such a huge difference. I’m taking baby steps. I’m back on my inspired grind. I’m back in acting class with a most positive teacher, Dustin Felder. Check that dude out. I realize my efforts for 2011 will be spent on building a team of positive, inspirational and in Dustin’s words “winning mentality” types of folks. I can lose by myself. Nobody can create better war like scenarios than the ones I manifest in my mind. So, this time around I’m going to put myself to the test and envision a total win-win scenario for my whole camp.

I’ll let you guys know what happiness looks like.

Shak
100.

Fame Does Not Equal Success

If I allow my success to be based on how much money I net or what other people think about what I do then I've lost.  It's akin to looking for happiness outside of myself.  My friend Michael Curry, II and I were discussing this at length before I left Atlanta.  He told me that he stopped thinking about whether or not he was successful based on anything other than the effort that he gave to what he was going after.  This speaks to "100%" on the logo and "100." at the close of every post.  If he gives maximum effort then he has won.  I haven't fully liberated my ego to that extent just yet.  Meaning, I have not completely freed myself of the financial parameters of success.  I do not believe that anyone has to be broke to live from their passion.  However, I do believe that it should not be the sole basis for traversing the path.  What I am discovering though is that my love of storytelling is trumping my initial fear of perfection.  I was afraid of doing anything because of it possibly not being perfect.  The reason we made our logo with "FAME" crossed out and "SUCCESS" written above it is to illustrate that they are not synonymous.  With all that's being thrown at us everyday in the media, sometimes it's hard to remember that our success is truly subjective.  There are people who remind me of this on the daily, Michael Curry, II, George Peters, II and now Guy Ritchie.  Guy Ritchie stated that "Revolver" was his favorite movie to date because of the subject matter it tackled.  He addresses the fact that a lot of people didn't like the film at all.  He took another look at the it and decided that he was in fact proud of his piece and confident that people will come around when they're more open to seeing themselves.

Sometimes, I get so scared about whether or not anyone will get "it."  That "it" being the story I'm trying to share.  What that equates to is that I'm afraid people won't get me.  I know now, though, that is merely the perceived self rearing it's ugly head again.

Here's the thing...Success is doing what you're inspired to do no matter what anyone thinks.  It's sharing your voice in whatever capacity you are drawn to and living life "100." everyday.  As Shon, my trainer, says, "Time waits for no one, Bright."  Time to get it in.

100.

Bright

I'm Inspired By Shakira Gagnier

 Opening night: DJ, Tamara, Shak & Joel
 

Closing night: Me, Brandi's Dad, Tiff, Shak & Shon

Who better than your friends to inspire you?  When you are working to carve out your place, to bring that vision that you only have to life it can get a liiiiittle lonely.  When you can't find a mentor to share in this process of discovery and you get frustrated who do you talk to?  There have to be more grinders out there.  People who understand what it's like to do something different.  So, I talk to Shak.  Shak started taking acting classes last year and feel in love.  When the opportunity arose for her to be in "Shh...Quiet as Kept" she jumped at it even though it was nerve wrecking to go after something she'd never done before.  As she and I discussed at lunch today, most people assume that it's so damn easy but it isn't.  People expect you to shine but the truth is that you shine because you've made up your mind to do so.  Seriously.  You get anxious, you question whether or not you're going to be good...good enough.  And not good enough for "them" but for you.  There is a level of excellence that you hold your self to that can sometimes be paralyzing.  The fear of failure is so immense but the "not trying" kind of failure is greater.  Much much greater.  You stare that fear down and jump off the ledge...anyway.  

Like a proud papa: Shak & Larry

All Love: Shak & Kieran

Shak starred in the closing of "Shh..Quiet as Kept" October 11th, 2009.  It was another of many sold out nights for Brandi Burke's play.  It was amazing to see Shak's growth to this point.  She was great (and I mean it) her opening night and she was A-Ma-Zing closing night.  I'd heard about it before but I witnessed people being moved to tears.  She wasn't acting like her character she was being Candice and that's what got people invested in her role.  They believed her and wanted her to win, to be ok.  So much so, that after some shows audience members would come up to her to give their support regarding her "relationship" with her "father".  Ummm, she and Mr. Gagnier are cooler than a fan.  lol

What is truly inspirational is that she chose to do what she wanted.  She chose this art because it's what made sense to her spirit so, she followed that.  She didn't ask for a lot of input or for kudos for stepping out on the ledge.  She did it because she wanted to be the change she wished to see.  Shak put in countless hours of rehearsal time with the other actors and on her own.  She opened up her home on many nights as additional rehearsal space.  She gave up every weekend to rehearsal and then for every performance for months.  She accomplished this while going to work everyday.  She wanted people to see her going after something that she'd never done before and see it unfold for themselves.  And maybe through this one step of many more to come others will see that they can do it, too.  

 

 Tammy, Damani, Shak, Dawan and Dietric

 

The After Party: 

Tamara & Joel, like me, came to see the beginning and the end.

100.

Bright

Love Your Haters

Image by: Michael Louis Young

"How do I gain your favor?

I need to know because I care.

I need you to love me, I swear....

...I need you, stay there.

I breathe you like air." 

- "Hate" Jay-Z Feat. Kanye West

Dislikers.  Abhorers.  Haters.  You know them.  Maybe too well.  I've had my fair share...When I was in middle school, the teacher goes around the room to ask everyone what they wanted to be when they "grew up."  Everyone wanted to be doctors, lawyers, firemen...and that's cool.  When it was my turn, "an actress".  The whole class laughed.  "How is that funny?", I thought.  Now, I realize their minds couldn't wrap around anyone doing or being something different.  They were taught that or felt too ashamed to speak out about what they were feeling.  Not the kid, though.

I remember when I first moved out here and started working on videos.  When I was in high school I watched every single video that came out.  I could tell you who the director was before the credit line came up.  So, it was dope when I moved to LA to start work with some of them.  On one job in particular, I produced the pick up shot (when a key shot is missing for the storyline and they need to pick it up after the official shoot is completed).  It was cool to have the responsibility and I got another DP, film, talent, wardrobe, etc in 24 hours.  Things went off without a hitch.  Dope, right?  So, the director asks me if this is what I want to do.  "What is that?", I inquire.  "Produce", says the director.  "Oh, no.  Not really", I say.  "What are you interested in?" was the follow up question.  I say, with a slight smile, "Actually, directing."  The director cricketed (tm Bright) the crap out of me.  Not a word, and just walked away like we had never been conversing in the first place.  WOW.  I was stunned for a second.  I'd worked with this director several times and had developed a relationship.  Then, I thought, "WHEN I become a director, I'll never do that to someone."  Was I going to cry?  No.  Pack up my ish and go home?  Hell no.  This director was suffering from a sense of scarcity.  I feel really bad for people like that.  No one can take your vision or your voice away from you if it's truly yours.  You have nothing to worry about.

People who "hate" usually suffer from a host of things that have nothing to do with you, even or especially if they're your friend.  There's the usual envy/jealousy aspect.  Also, boredom or feeling unfulfilled overall with their own lives.  It truly doesn't matter what the reason.  Being aware of them is all you can do but I would caution against being overly suspicous.  That tends to yield a self fulfilling prophecy type situation.  If that person is your friend, address it directly.  No use in keeping crappy energy close within your circle.  There's a poem "Hater" by Maya Angelou, I just saw on Melody Ehsani's Blog (fresh designer).  

The best lines: 

"The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don’t know my story…
If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!"

I firmly believe that there are two types people you run into everyday all day.   People who show you how to be and people who show you how not to be.  That's it.  They're both very important.  I try to remember to tell people what I like about them, they'll continue to do more of that.  I work to help people move forward from the position they're in if I'm able.  We are all supposed to do more and be more.  Even if you're amazing at assisting me then it's time to move on, if that's what's in your heart.  You've filled that space.  Being able to understand that has allowed me to release that irritation that I get from the "how not to be" people.  I appreciate them.  Hell, I ran into the director after years and bought him a drink.  Sweet.

100.

Bright

"Who Do You Tell Your Stories To?"

Who do you tell your fears?  Your wishes?  The embarrassing crap that you'd soon forget buuuuut someone has to know.  lol  Who do you tell your daydreams?  One of my favorite things in the world is to daydream, seriously.  I trust my daydreams in the hearts of my friends.  A lot of mine are about success like when Oprah interviews us or when a magazine writes an article about us, photoshoots....  Sitting in the director's chair, MY director's chair on MY set.  Smiling and working with the crew and talent.  Of people not thinking that I'm a Director because of my stature and being even more surprised when they realize I'm a beast.  lol (sidebar: I'm so sincere about all of the above. ;) )  

I think daydreaming totally gets a bad rap.  Growing up, adults always make it seem or even say that daydreamers are listless, lazy, unfocused blah blah blah.  I love to daydream and over the past few years have allowed myself to do it more often.  Everyday in fact.  I find my vision has gotten stronger and I know more about myself.  Daydreaming isn't for suckers it's for... da-da-dada-dah... dreamers.  It's for people who change the world and invent stuff.  People who see life differently and want to make it different.  The fact is that daydreaming is actually the breeding ground for innovation, growth and success.  How else do people who are doing their "in the meantime/keep the bills paid" jobs keep sane while they go after their passion in their off time?  The cool thing about it is that when I share my daydreams I get to see them more clearly.  It's easier to put something into action when you can see what IT really is.  Sharing my stories with others helps to fuel my vision and feed my passion.  Through the practice I am able to articulate what I see in my mind's eye more effectively.  I dream amazingly big and I feel bad for people who think that it's too much because somewhere someone told them that daydreaming was for losers and they believed it.

100.

Bright