The Night the Cops Tried to Jack Me for Inspiration

photography: Jewel K. Estephanos

Today we had our first sit down to offically begin the launch of this site. Things have begun to get a bit strange with all of the coincidences. Whenever we're together it seems that every single thing we speak of comes into existence almost instantaneously or we’re somewhere where someone knows one of us…it’s very Celestine Prophecy-ish. I guess I’ll start at the end, I always like stories that start that way :)

We go to Starbucks for the second time today and see the same group of older gentlemen sitting at the table in the middle and Shak even remarks on it…”Kinda déjà vu-ish, right?” We order the same drinks as before we walk out I look across the street to see what new art Mr. Brainwash, a new-ish Pop Artist think Andy Warhol circa ’08 but in his (Mr. Brainwash’s) own right, has put up. It’s so right on, of course, I have to point it out. As we get to the car Shak asks if I brought a camera and I “just so happened” to have mine in my purse. We decide that I’ll take a picture and post it on the site. I get out of the car and try to find the best vantage point for the shot because it’s dark outside and I don’t want to get hit but I’ve gotta get the shot. As I’m positioning myself in the middle of the yellow lined area on the edge of the lane for traffic a police car pulls up next to me and the officer asks, rather nicely, “What are you talking a picture of?” I simply respond that I’m taking a picture of the art work because we’re starting a company and wanted to put it on our website. He asked what the website was about, and I said that it was about empowering people through inspiration to go after their passions and follow their dreams. And so, seeing the sign from across the street was like God (the universe) talking to us as we were just taking a break from our session. He wanted to know the name of the website and I told him that we hadn’t posted it yet and that’s what we were in the process of creating. He said ok and I told the officers to have a great evening. I took a couple more shots and as soon as I got back into the car the officer had turned around and pulled up right next to us and said he wanted to know if he could get the website info and Shak said that it wouldn’t be up for another two weeks. He said, “Well, how can I find it later,” and I asked if he had a business card. He said, “With my email address?” And we said, “Yep.” As he was writing his info on the card we introduced ourselves to him and the officer that was accompanying him. He gave Shak the card and asked how we met. I said that I was the “brains of the operation.” Lol Then I said that it actually started from an idea by Shak. She expounded that it was something she’d been thinking about for about 10 years. She then said that she picked me because I was one of her most artistic friends. We wished them well and they drove away. After words we looked at each other like “What the f*@k?! Did that really just happen? Did a police officer just come over and try to get that inspiration up outta us?” It was just further proof that what we’re peddling is like water, like air…it’s SOOOOO necessary. An officer of the LAW stopped me got a little bit of info, drove away and then TURNED AROUND! Are you serious?! Who does that happen to?...And on the DAY that we’re getting everything together for the launch no less. It was meant man, it was meant.

Everything that day happened in such a way that every experience seemed to just feed into one another. The premonitions have slowed down coming through my dreams by way of my subconscious. My conscious thought patterns and processes are bringing every person into my life now. Because I am experiencing this and recognizing what I’m experiencing makes me feel at once more powerful and at the same time more responsible because I AM bringing it all to me. So that previous wackness, yeah, I brought it in and the DOPEST, I’m definitely bringing it in. I have to be aware, at all times of my thought process and work constantly to eradicate any negativity by instantaneously replacing it with that positivity when crap wants to peek it’s little head in. I mean, before we left the house to go on that Starbucks run, Shak did her Tyrone Biggums impression, AGAIN lol, and this time it was Tyrone talking about wanting Obama to win, “Obama in ’08.” And she follows up with (in her own voice) “Uhhh, Obama was actually elected last month.” So when a real life Tyrone Biggums walks up on us in the parking lot of Starbucks saying, “Obama for President! And I bet that Michelle can cook, too.” We were a bit stunned because we knew Shak brought that experience into our lives. I just gave the dude a pound and responded, “Si se puede” (Yes we can), I mean what else can you say? Lol I further commented on the experience after we got into the car by simply stating “Shak… stop thinking about things or next chocolate is going to start raining from the sky.”

Sidebar: she has a MAJOR obsession with chocolate…for real. Check her profile pic.

100.

Bright

Inspire

My Purpose

If only I could change….This year has been an A-MA-ZING year for me. Reason #1 out of 5723 is that I have really begun to see myself. No, not the well-put-together self that people see when you walk out the door in the morning, but the self that you see when you first wake up in the morning. I am so happy that I can start to see her for who she really is because I am taking less time with jazzleing (phony, fraudulent, fugazi in actions, words or ways of being) myself out of doing what I need to and using that energy to actually do something. This began with making the decision to get in shape…for real. When I made up my mind to do it, I said to myself that this was the first day of the rest of my life. I was tired of feeling like crap about myself and NOT doing anything about it. “Those types of people” get on my nerves and I was one of them. What started as something that seemed to be a more superficial change was actually a deeper, spiritual change. The reason is that I had to change my mind about how I was going to handle everything right then in that moment in that space.

This road of self-discovery has been such a profound overhaul of my entire existence that I know I have changed the course of my life. I was at that fork in the road where I could have continued to be a self-loathing person who let life pass me by or I could change one thing…my mind. I have seen the most horrific display of my competitive nature take me out of my element and my focus. While running in Palos Verdes one morning I allowed my competitive spirit to hate on me so much about not being able to catch up with the others that I had difficulty completing a run that I’d already done twice before. I felt sick to my stomach about what was happening internally, and when I tried to come out of it I just kept slipping back into it. There was an actual fight going on inside of me…the prideful versus the martyr, the hater versus the winner, the best me versus the worst me. At the end of it all, I was so disgusted with myself for allowing myself to get to this point of allowing ANYTHING to take me off of my game. It was a pivotal moment because I got to see my reflection on that hill. The beauty in that experience is that I DID see myself for who I really was. Seeing that allowed me to make a decision to work on it because I’ll be DAMNED if that person peaks her head out again. No one is stronger than me, no one can take me out but me…as ‘Ye says in my theme song for ’09 “Amazing,” “…I’m the only thing I’m afraid of.”

If only I could change…if only I could remember to remember that I am the strongest, most compassionate, endearing, inspirational me everyday, I can remind others of that part in themselves. For the last eight months I’ve been working out every morning at 5am. I started out as a person who has never really run a day in her life, I mean if you don’t count kickball and four-square. I came from that to a place where I ran 2 miles outside in 40 degree weather with hills and all while feeling subpar and finished it in the fastest time I had done to date, 19 minutes. I realized from this one accomplishment that at least every week there is something else I accomplish that I thought was impossible. To me, “impossible” is a concept or a word that I’ve used in the past to alleviate myself of the responsibility to complete a task or fulfill a mission. I HAVE to challenge that inner jazzler and hater everyday because through that I AM changing.

100.

Bright

Empower – Inspire

On Joy…

I've been getting these little tingling joyous sensations lately. They come out of nowhere and seem almost unwarranted. The only thing I can contribute it to is the starting of this company. It feels like doses of euphoria. I feel SO a-ma-zing inside that I am taken off guard by the experience and am prone to uncontrollable smiles. These are deeply content knowing smiles that derive from the inside, the depths of my soul. I am talking about real joy like the literal definition of joy combined with a sense of grace. Not the kind that dancers have but the ethereal kind that makes you feel calm and totally connected to everything. I don't have tons more money than I did before, my bumper still needs to be fixed and I have to do the dishes (lol) but that has nothing to do with this joy because it's inside and not dependent upon those things. I finally SENSE my purpose. When I think of it, my senses heighten...I can see it more in my head and because of that I feel like I see the world around me coming more into focus. The leaves on the trees are individual where before they were a green blob. I can taste it in my dreams, daytime and nocturnal. :) I guess this is being alive...and it only took me 28 yrs :)

100.

Bright

Connect – Inspire

Recession

The race is back
His campaign got swag
Go ahead and Celebrate
I’m wearin all black
But no one knows
The real totem pole
With lil gas left
and banks all froze
I’m watchin’ my money
It’s down
Like the Dow Jones
So I got a jones for pickin’ bones
With dudes in wall street suits
Fallin’ from the sky
With “golden parachutes”
Don’t get me wrong they fly
Windsor knots with Armani suits
Maybe they’ll ask why
drive byes increase lookin’ for loot
driving Country-Wide in mad pursuits

I'm Inspired By: Heath Ledger

Discussing a convo about the Dark Knight to a friend...

An aspiring film maker told me when Heath died several people broke down and cried when they heard the news on his set. I think he touched people because of his genuine nature, he became all those characters, their weaknesses and their strengths and that's why we rally around actors like him who bare their soul. His wasn't a particular humanitarian that did great deeds, but by embodying what makes us really human he stood out and he's sort of a reminder of who we really are. I was like damn dude…

And yet that is the greatest challenge for my entire duration with acting, to reveal who I really am, not the one that I would like to be or the person people want me to be…and that is such a scary feat, exposing oneself for better or worse. It could alienate you or bring great ridicule, but it's what I want to be. Humans hide behind their own defense mechanisms scared to show their true selves…we cover and protect our feelings, and to do the opposite requires great discipline and a total awareness.