Practice = New Results

While looking at the floor in my bedroom last week and all of the clothes that had accumulated, I asked myself, "How did I get here, again?"  I made the determination a few months ago to get and keep my house in order and did...for awhile.  Then, it hit me...it's a mirror for life.  Here's the thing, I often get that "got it", you know?  I have epiphanies and whatnot but somehow lose the excitement of the realization after a few weeks/months.  What really makes all the difference is keeping up the practice of implementing said epiphany or else I'll find myself with crap all over the floor even though there are 2 hampers for sorting laundry in the closet.  lol  Additionally, I must practice envisioning my goals everyday without fail.  If I don't, I end up sliding back into seeing life only as it is currently and wondering why nothing has changed.  I have to experience the joy of where I'm going everyday in order to make it come into existence.  If I don't constantly see and feel myself on the set/in that meeting/in that relationship how will it come about?  How will I be able to notice the intuitive nudges that lead me on that path if I'm not currently connected to the vision?

My friend Julia previously invited me to attend a networking soiree she was throwing in Santa Monica last night but I ended up getting off of work later than I thought.  I wanted to just go home and sit in a bath and practice more imagining.  Instead, because my intuition told me I was supposed to have a conversation there, I went.  I ended up meeting five amazing young women and had incredible conversations.  Actually, the second woman I met after chatting for a bit asked what I did and I told her I was developing my reel as a Director.  She proceeds to tell me immediately that "We need to talk..." and that she has people who are looking for female Directors.  Fan-f'ing-tastic!  Everything is meant and I know for sure that because I keep putting my goals in the forefront of my mind in every aspect of everyday I'm pulling their actualization in so fast.  Man, I'm telling you I am paying bills and living off of my passion a.s.a.p. 

It's like in The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, I have to make a new habit or new agreement.  In order to do that I have to break the practice of the old which equals the old way of living, loving, learning and the only way to truly do that is to institute a new agreement.  I have to decide, for one, and hold fast to that decision, secondly, to really see a change.  If I just make a decision but don't put any power (i.e. feeling or action) behind it I might as well just keep the old way because I really don't believe in what I want.  I'm just making random wishes.  Everyday, my belief grows stronger.  I see myself there now, and I mean right now.  The lil inner hater is still lurking about but she's becoming miniscule with every prayer, renewed determination and "chance" occurrence.  Loving life :)

100.

Bright

Summer Boot Camp JULY 24, 2010

What up,

So I know a great majority of you are not up to task when it comes to getting up at 4:30 am for a workout.  Well now you can join me on Saturday at 7:30 am.  That's 3 whole hours of sleep time.  The flyer for the boot camp is below.  I embedded it in my blog.

I hope to see you there!

Shak
100.

SUMMER BOOT CAMP

“Discover the New You”

We often find ourselves waiting for tomorrow. But the only time that matters is in this moment! Today make a commitment to do something that will benefit your body, cleanse your mind and fill up your spirit. Begin to take care of yourself for once and regain control!

Shon’s boot camps are incredibly efficient because you work all areas of fitness including cardio and muscular endurance, fat loss and weight loss, agility, balance and strength. In addition, you release negative tension and built-up stress that over time harms the functions of the body.


Where: Fox Hills Park, Culver City (Corner of Green Valley Circle and Buckingham). Meet on the top of the park, near the stairs.
Time: 7:30-AM to 9:30-AM (Will start promptly)*
When: Saturday, July 24, 2010
Cost: $20

RSVP: Shon (323) 508-6830 OR Leave Comment on my Blog/Facebook.
(25 trainees MAX, list will close as soon as it hits capacity)


WARNING: Not the Average Workout
 Burn tons of calories and increase energy

 Challenges you to go beyond your comfort zone

 Great way to begin new fitness regimen

 Connect with like minded individuals

*For new comers please arrive 10 minutes early to sign-up*
*Please bring plenty of water, a towel and sunscreen/hat if needed*

The Power of Playing Make Believe Exercise Part I.

Yesterday I received a letter from a friend who is like a lil sister to me.  She was writing about being stuck in her current environment.  She said something like, "I don't want to be in the same place as I was last year."  Often times when we feel immobile we look for others to give us words of encouragement to help us counter our inner fears.  Sometimes this works out and other times it feels like a complete DISASTER depending on the responses you receive from your friends.  Advice: (Keep positive folks around and ditch the negative unless their family)  Sorry.

Since all answers lie within, I told her about a simple but powerful exercise that was going to give her more confidence to face her fears.  I've been doing this particular exercise since age two.  LOL  The real is kids always do it but then right about the age of 13-14 it goes bye-bye.  I'm talking about the ability to play MAKE BELIEVE.  Now before I get into the exercise, let me tell you why this is MORE IMPORTANT that writing down a business plan or a list of goals that you want to achieve in life.  I'm assuming most of us want to be successful.  I doubt that we want to stay put and feel stuck.  And I would venture to say that a good majority of us have also written down goals as a means to outline our potential dreams.  Here's the problem with just writing it down.  If you don't believe that you can obtain that goal...IT AIN'T HAPPENING.  I know folks will say well if I think about it, it will come about and blah...blah...blah.  That's not how the creative process works.

First we must see our goals clearly (writing them down does help), then we must believe in them, and then and only then do they begin to take form and start to manifest.  Of course that's the super, simplified version.  What my lil sis was asking about was gaining more belief in herself in order to silence the outsiders, ie. her family.  After all faith is the only cure for fear.  The millionaire dollar question then is: How do you gain more faith?

Well most folks will tell you that if you're not born with it then you're SOL.  I don't think that's the case.  But just like with everything in life, it takes mental discipline and much practice.  In a nutshell, here is the exercise I gave her.  I used this exercise diligently to purchase my first condo without realizing it and used it for my second condo and most recently I used it to start acting with no prior experience.  Folks always ask me how is that I'm able to jump from industry to industry.  Up until now, I was hesitant to tell people for fear of ridicule (adults pretending and playing=crazy in this society).  But here is the truth.  I first see it in mind, then I play make believe, and then I take action.  VOILA!

MAKE BELIEVE: Part I.  (The Senses) 

Why is this effective?  This is for the skeptics out there who always need to know why this and why that...lol I'm one of those people.  The brain does not know the difference b/w what is real and what is pretend.  When you don't know HOW to do something, you have no choice but to pretend it.  Over time, the brain will begin to accept the make believe as REALITY.  This is why pro athletes run the race first in their mind or execute plays while day dreaming.

 The Exercise:

 Part of what makes imagining something feel real is creating the environment of the goal you desire.  The more real it becomes, the more you begin to BELIEVE that you are able to execute what you are imagining.  Pick a quiet space alone and begin, for me this means bubble bath time.

• The first step is to pick a goal.  Let's not get fancy and write 10 goals all at once, especially if you don't use your imagination on a regular basis.  If you are a "realistic type" then start with one goal.  For example:  My goal was simply to start acting on stage. 
• The second step is to create the scene in your mind.  Close your eyes and try to visualize the environment.  What does the place look like?  What does it sound like?  Who is there with you?  What do you have on while you are attempting your goal?  For example:  If your goal is to holler at a girl that doesn't know you are alive; what would you be wearing when you meet her?  The idea is to have FUUUUUUUUUUUUUN with this people.  If you start saying, "Man I would like to have on a Rolex Watch but I can't afford that", you are going in the wrong direction.  For GOODNESS SAKE you are dreaming damn it!  DREAM BIG. 
• Ahem...sorry I get worked up about this stuff.  I can't tell you how many times folks defeat themselves while day-dreaming which translates into perpetuating a lack of confidence in their reality.  This brings me to step three.  PLEASE leave your fears at the door.  You are pretending.  However, pay attention to what that little inner voice is telling you.  If it's constantly worrying you to death about money or women or your family's concerns; it is a major indicator that your predominant thoughts encompass worry.  Worry brings about more fear and fear based people in the forms of friends/co-workers who are going to push against your dreams.
• The fourth step is let go and place your self in medias res.  In Latin that means, "into the middle of affairs".  Your only requirement is to create an IDEAL circumstance.  This means actually acting out, or visualizing the scene as it plays.  This is where that little inner hater voice usually gets his/her way.  For example:  If you are trying to become an actress, you don't want to dream up a situation where you start choking on stage or falling while exiting.  However, this is what we do.  We've been programmed to create less than ideal circumstances for what we really want.  And what happens?  Our brains later tell us that it's too scary or too dangerous.  It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.  Focus on PERFECTION when you play make believe.  If you don't know how to do it, watch kids.  Later on this year, I'm thinking about having a workshop.  I had no idea that adults had lost their ability to play until recently.   Another issue pops up when we are pretending.  We don't like looking silly in front of others.  That's fine, I suggest finding a place where you can pretend alone.  But know this...YOU should begin to believe in what you are doing as you practice over and over again.
• The fifth step is HAVE FUN!  This should feel amazing and fun like you're role playing a totally different person.  You might think, this is silly at first.  I'm never going to gain the courage to talk to that girl I really like.  But the more you rehearse it in your bedroom where no one is looking, the more confident you'll appear when it's no longer a dress rehearsal.  By the time I hit the audition for the first time, I had already done 40 scenes in my mind while soaking in the tub.  As a result I got the opportunity to play the lead.  Be bold and brave with your dreams.  Please do not limit yourself!

P.S. Let me know how playing make believe goes for you!  Good Luck!
Shak
100.

The Struggle of Being Who We Really Are

Dear Wannabe (Me),


I remember the scene in the Matrix where the Oracle spells out what’s written in her kitchen, “Know Thyself”. But what does that mean? Are we aware of how we come off to others? Are we aware of our inner most thoughts? Not really. The bulk of us have carefully designed an outwards persona with much deliberation, highly skilled effort and laborious detailed attention. The REAL us is somewhere buried, smothered by all the layers of pain, anger and loss. I believe we began masking when our scars first formed. It happened long ago when we reached out to be loved from our mother/father/sibling/wife/husband and no one reached back with love.

We tell our selves, “I’m never going to trust a woman again”. Or we start reading books like the "Art of War" in order to cope in our collectively created world that is deemed dangerous and not to be trusted. Some of us have spent our entire lives MASKING and I’m not talking about Mardi Gras even though that has something to do with the tradition. As Kanye said, “they make us hate our self and love they wealth.” Interesting…who is they? And why do we hate our selves so much? Why is money the fall guy?

Leave it to the pansies, the feelers, or the Empaths of this world to attempt to answer those questions. I happen to be one of these people. Amongst us are the crazy folks that we call actors, ironically. Just when the rest of the world is strapping on their weapons of mass defense; these guys are seeking ways to disarm themselves. They go on voyages to places others have labeled forbidden such as the exploration to inner self. It is there where we unlock the good, the bad and the ugly. It is there where the fiercest battles are raging. I’m not sure who Kanye was referring to when he said “they”. Perhaps, the real “they” is us. I think what Ye was saying is very true. We don’t like who we are too often. And we try to hide it from the world with a little Vuitton or Gucci.

Yesterday, I found myself in a Method Acting course based on the Ivana Chubbuck method. For those of you who don’t know, the “Method” as it’s been famously phrased has a number of definitions. But for me it’s a series of acting techniques to disarm actors from their public personas in order to discover who they really are . Sounds a lot like a psych class right? That’s actually pretty accurate. The only difference is instead of talking about your problems behind closed doors with a therapist; you’re on display, on stage, on set working it all out. ACTION!!!

Previous to this class, I had told myself several times that I would enroll in a class like this one. But I was always reluctant for good reason until Bright said she wanted to go and I decided to tag along. I was skeptical that a class that exposed a person’s deepest, tormented moments could become counterproductive. I mean I already know that the brain doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is pretend.  That means reliving the past could be dangerous.  However, I’ve spent countless hours and years with my inner most feelings, trying to see the patterns of why I am the way I am.  In fact, I feel like the bulk of what I do day in and day out is help others get in touch with what they are feeling at that moment.  After high school teaching, I’ve never really been afraid to expose myself in order to get others to come out into the open air and speak freely.

But boy does it cause a lot of controversy when you're not pretending, I mean acting. Sometimes family and friends fall back when they're around me, they don’t like that feeling of being exposed or to talk about their inner most feelings. After all, who am I to see and to speak on what they have tried to hide for years? But that is an actor’s job to see and to feel what others can’t or don’t want to reveal. We’re like detectives watching body language, listening to tone (anything) to give away a person’s true intent. We need to figure out a person’s motivation in order to do our thing. And we all know that motivation is tucked deep inside a person’s heart and mind.

And there I was in the second to last row of the small theatre observing all the actors who were fearful of truly exposing themselves. At one point during an exercise, a young nurse emerged onstage with her own personal story; I found myself sobbing beyond belief. She revealed being in an abusive relationship, wanting to end her life and feeling helpless. She didn’t have to say anything though; her whole demeanor and energy gave away her personal sadness. After she spoke, I had to give her a hug. Actually Bright and I both gave her hugs. Part of it was for her, the other part was for me; I felt drained and depressed. I looked at the actors as a microcosm of the real world. How could it be that the world was without this much love? Where were the happy stories, the actors gleaming with joy? Sadness.

Up until now, I’ve been performing freely, somewhat a vigilante in the acting game using nothing but instincts on stage. I’ve taken two classes (that don’t look good on a resume), one in acting theory and the other in film technique. But when I’m “acting”, I use my life’s experiences; the highs and the lows. But perhaps it will do me good to study a format, a prescribed method. I have to admit, I’m always skeptical about formats, procedures and regimented ways of study. I believe our best teacher is ourselves.

But maybe there was something else lurking. In the last few months I was beginning to avoid acting all together like I had once decided to avoid teaching.  I knew what it was but I begin to squirm in the back of the theatre as the teacher actually said it out loud during the last 10 minutes of class. He said something like, “actors get paid the big bucks because they are willing to EXPOSE themselves front and center to the world. The rest of the world doesn’t want to deal with their “shit” so they watch us squirm, cry, bleed and suffer in order for viewers to say, ‘oh I know how that feels’.”

I was back at square one. I remember being a brand new teacher in class. I felt naked. I had no instructions, no books, no nothing but ME.  It's funny, teachers go to college to learn how to become teachers of methodology and subject matter experts.  But how can you teach a single child when you don't know who you are?  It's impossible.  Anywho...That’s when I first discovered who I was. The kids were intent on sniffing me out; they had disposed of 6 other teachers before me who had decided to play the “role” of teacher. That wasn’t going to cut it with these kids. I felt like crying, screaming, and quitting. Why wouldn’t they just accept me as the Professional that I am? Professional, smessional…kids know real from fake. PERIOD! All those fancy higher education degrees don’t matter with kids. They see through the BULL. They know if you’re there for a check or if you care about them.  They also know if you have something to hide.  When you hide, it's GAME OVER.  They don't believe you.  In the words of Jay, "...you need more people."  And after week one, something happened.

I let down my guard completely and was me. And one by one, all the bad ass kids came forward like a right of passage. They started to trust me. They showed up, listened and most of all they begin to believe in me. It was the weight of that responsibility that drove me out of the game. What if what I was teaching them was untrue? I wanted them to live COURAGEOUSLY to become more than their parents and their circumstances. But the environment suggested I was wrong. It countered me step by step with blows from every direction. It whispered, “don’t get caught slippin, watch your back’”, “get money by any means necessary”, and “women can’t be trusted”. Damn, I was just a 22 year old kid with high hopes, armed with a chubby cheek smile and passion. What if one’s environment conquered the soul I thought? And when I left the class for music it almost conqurered mine.  But I digress...

Perhaps I was too young to counter the world’s push back while I was in the classroom.  I remember Ye in the class saying the music game was worse than the dope game.  LOL  You would've thought I listened but I'm stubborn and off to the music industry I went.  To my detriment I couldn’t “mask” in the music business.  I was damaged goods by their standards. I was too open, to trusting, too transparent. In fact, that move costs me more than I care to mention. The only people I really got along with were the artists themselves.   This place is no place for an artist, for an open soul. Our current world that’s filled with rampant fear feeds on negativity, scarcity and lack. Some artists can’t survive those bitter blows because inside they feel differntly, they're creators. Several develop drug habits to numb the pain. And in the back of the theatre, I felt that weight again.

Why did I want people to see themselves in the first place? Most artists were never fully appreciated or worse off they were ostracized until a gazillion years later when folks said, “AHA”.  Did I really want to go down this path? At least the kids in the class were genuine and made me laugh. 

Besides, I had found a cool place to hide out in life…an office filled with some really laid back folks. Why go back on the battleground? People are content watching reality TV, jazzlin’ their lil lives away.  Most people ARE NOT READY to see who they are and God forbid if you’re the one to show them.  I’ve made that mistake waaaaay too often. Show a person their talents, they might resent you. Now they can’t ignore their abilities. Show a person their strength.  And they can no longer act weak.  Perhaps the biggest lesson I’ve learned most recently is, don’t give others visions of grandeur about what they could become in this lifetime as Rick James might say.  If they’re fearful of becomming more, they’ll resent you and they'll think that you're judging them.  Somehow, when you're open, like a mirror you tend to expose too much of others.  And folks either fight or flee.  

There is a price to pay to try to inspire/change/teach others. There is a price to pay to inspire/change/teach yourself to become more and brighter. That price is usually solitude.  It’s like my reoccurring dream of me high up on the skyscrapper and I'm alone.  My dad always tells me that “no good deed goes unpunished”. I always hated that quote. Why would good be punished? Jay Z uses that quote on Drake’s new album.  He admits that his path in music altered him for GOOD.  On the song “light up’ he says, “...And since no good deed go unpunished/ I’m not as cool with ni**** as I once was/ I once was, cool as the Fonz was/ But these bright lights turned me to a monster/ Sorry, mama,/I promised it wouldn't change me /But I would've went insane had I remained the same me.”


That saddens me.  But I feel him.  Man do I feel him. 

Then again, art may be the only safe ground for those seeking change in this external world. I can always fall back on…it’s just pretend, right?  I'm just an actress.  I don’t know for sure though. People say having empathy is a gift. But often times, it feels like a curse in this world. No one wants to feel unless it isn't real. 

To be continued…
Shak
100.

things i love...pt 4

Alternatively entitled: 

"Random Acts of Kindness & A Trip to Method Acting"

Yesterday, I went to audit an acting class.  I haven't actually done acting since I was probably 15 yrs old.  It was my very first passion...until I was on an actual shooting set.  I'd done plays, taken classes blah blah blah.  Anyhoo, so I'm getting ready to bounce to the class.  I get to my car and it won't start.  I have a laser cut key because I drive a Saab and the car's computer wasn't accepting the key.  Come on, son!  lol  This put me behind several minutes.  I tried not to freak out because I really can't stand being late.  I get anxiety, it's wack.  So, I decide that I'm not going to go that route.  I decide to take my mind off of it and let the car sit for a sec.  I put on mascara, try again.  Nope.  Put on lip gloss, try again.  Sike.  Several minutes pass and I just continue to refocus my energy on calmness, peace and grounding and try again.  Alright, we're rollin'.  There are quite a few ways to get to the main street from where I live but I always let my spirit guide me on which path, I guess it's kinda like a choose your own adventure thing.  Anyhoo, the path for last night got me to a stoplight.  It was about to change (I'm winning!) and I saw a bus loading it's final passengers.  The bus driver closed the door but I saw a woman run up right afterwards.  She banged on the door to let the driver know she was there.  The driver took off through the light and my heart sank.  I can't stand to see people missing the bus.  I don't know why but I always feel like it'll change their whole day, you know?  Anyhoo, the bus crosses through my intersection as my light turns green and then stops on the other side of the street and opens the door.  I look over to the woman who is now defeated with her back to the bus.  I start immediately honking my horn and simultaneously roll down my window to let her know the bus is there for her.  Her face brightens and she runs across the street waving thanks to me.  It was fantastic.  It started to make me tear up because I love random acts of kindness like that of the bus driver.  I am inspired by seemingly small things like that.  It always amazes me and lifts my spirit to see someone do something for another simply out of the kindness of their heart.  Everytime, I think to myself we're getting closer to world peace.  Love it.

Anyhoo, I'm still trying to get to the class determined that I'll be on time.  Shak hits me that parking is a wrap to say the least.  I end up pulling up about 5 min late.  No parking anywhere remotely close until after 7p.  And at 7p finally find a space up the street.  They let me in even though I was supposed to be there at 6:45p.  Fantastic.  The class doesn't start until 20 min later.  They go through a slew of exercises and one of them is to close your eyes, take a deep breath and allow a sound come out that mirrors how you've felt that day/week/month/year.  Ok, cool.  When I tell you that the sounds that came out from EVERYONE were not unlike something that was a cross between "The Little Mermaid" when Ursula the octopus queen witch showed her her garden of "poor unfortunate souls" and what you'd expect to hear in Dante's Inferno...I'm not lying.  I turn to Shak and ask her, "Where is all of the happiness?"  She mirrors my shock saying her initial thought was to sing.  I agree saying that I was going to do something more along the lines of "LAAAAAAAAAAAAA".  lol  We watch in amazement and concern as they repeat the exercise and it continues.  So depressing, for real.  Anyhoo, the class was pretty cool, otherwise, in that the instructor was pretty dope at digging deeper to get what the students needed to go for from within.  I am interested in taking the class because I feel like it'll help me to be a better Director.  To really help my actors and thereby myself get the story that we want...the real story, not the surface, no-one-believes-you-because-we-know-you're-acting thing.  My desire is that people will get lost in my films because they see themselves there and let the actors inspire them to make better choices in their lives through our storytelling.  Making those better choices comes from being honest with yourself and what you're going through.  It's a part of the healing.  You can't heal if you don't address the wound and clean it.  The part that's kinda scary though is that method acting makes you drudge up something from your past even if you're over it, you've healed that wound.  You use it to create that real emotion that comes through but is that really healthy?  Is there another way to make the character truly identifiable without driving yourself and loved ones insane?  Acting is about telling the truth not lying so, I'm not sure at this point.  I need to do some more digging.  Maybe I'll try the class for a month because I do feel like I could learn a lot.  I have to have faith in my ability to center and recenter myself to get out what I need to on stage and leave it there.  Not to take it out into the rest of the world with me.  It's an art and a practice.  This will be an opportunity for me to become comfortable with that type of exposure as well as becoming more aware of my actions and the way I come across.  We'll see what develops.  :)

What I did realize, though, last night on my way home is that me seeing that situation with the bus and the woman was meant.  If my car started immediately, I wouldn't have been at the intersection to get her attention.  If I hadn't centered myself during and post the car situation, I may have only been thinking about myself and getting to the class.  I wouldn't have been able to be calm and observe my surroundings.  There weren't any other cars behind me and she would have missed the opportunity.  Maybe, just maybe, I am helping to bring about world peace on the daily.  :)

100.

Bright

Vulnerability vs Wounds in a Frame

When we first began this process I thought of myself as more of a behind the scenes kind of player.  Shak really encouraged me to write and share.  Ugh, no way...sharing means being vulnerable, having an expectation placed on me or being judged and I kinda just like to do my own thing...all the time. lol  What vulnerability means to an artist and people in general, I suppose, is the difference between having an opportunity to be understood or none at all.  It's the difference between letting the vision out completely and pulling the punch.  When we put ourselves out there on that stage, on that site, in that relationship we give an opportunity to someone else and to ourselves to be heard.  Without stepping out there it is assured that opportunity will never take place.  Shak said to me last week, "if you never let anyone in how can you really expect to let anything out?"

There are a host of reasons why people don't share who they are or what they think.  It usually surrounds some previous incident where their feelings were hurt/ego bruised/fell on their a$$.  I think we hold on to those embarrassing occurrences thinking that remembering the experience will shield us from ever having to experience that again.  I know I have.  What really happens though is that we lead lives full of never sharing how we really feel, doing what we love, trying something we like for fear of looking stupid or someone using our good nature against us.  And honestly that only creates more of itself.  When I open up and share myself people respond in like kind.  Usually someone is so happy someone, anyone finally said it...what ever that may be.  People are dishonest or withhold info in business because they think that other people will try to cheat them.  What really happens is that people will always respond in like kind.  Holding on to these past experiences and keeping them alive every day remembering and thinking about it instead of letting it heal is like placing a wound inside a frame and posting it on your wall.  Gross right?  Yeah, I think so, too.  No more wounds on the wall.  It's just another part of the drama we create in our daily lives instead of living and loving in the now.  

Vulnerability is truly courage.  Think about it...who gives a shit if someone breaks your heart?  You will meet someone else and the experience was grand wasn't it?  You know why?  You went for it!  Who cares if you fall off stage?  No one else in the audience had the courage to even get up there.  You went for it!  Time out for all of that b.s.  We hold onto things because we know what that pain is like but when you step out into the sun again you feel healed and you don't need to cloak yourself in that misery.  Letting go of the pain doesn't make the experience null and void, it allows you to have new experiences.  And if you bump your head again and think "damn, why am I here, again?"  The reason is because you didn't learn what you needed to so that you could go beyond it...beyond.

100.

Bright 

Only The Beginning

"Roger That" - Directed by Bright

Man, it feels like it's taken an eternity to just get to this point.  Ideas have been floating around, pushed back and scrapped all together.  Yesterday, my sister, her best friend (my other sister, Sakinah) & I got it together, finally, to do a quick shoot.  Sakinah and I have been trying to hash out ideas and get the timing right for what feels like forever.  Something always happens but not this time.  Sakinah and I went to scout a location for another idea that we'd come up with about a month ago.  We were able to find the spot immediately.  Fantastic, right?  Right.  Then we set up a schedule for when she'd rehearse and when we'd shoot.  Then, life happens.  We aren't able to stick to the plan because scheduling conflicts arose.  Momentum was lost and the plan was scrapped.  Sadness.  Somehow it just felt like I would never get off the ground...

About 3 months ago, Sakinah and I had a wonderfully insightful and honest conversation.  I was trying to understand "why"....why wasn't I actualizing my dreams yet.  Then she brought up "reasons".  She said we all have these reasons for why things aren't where or how we want them that all pertain to some "external force".  Ok, so I wasn't shooting all the time because I didn't have a camera to shoot with and I needed an editor and a new computer at the very least to be able to try to edit something myself.  She said ok let's start to knock out your "reasons".  That day we went to Best Buy and I bought a lil camera that only cost like $300.  We went to the dance studio and I shot her developing choreography.  I felt like a million dollars...for real.  It felt so good to have something.  It still wasn't enough, though.  I couldn't upload any of the footage onto my computer because it was about 5 years old and wouldn't recognize the video files.  Shit.  You gotta be kidding me.  Sadness, again.  Cut to me finally buying a new MacBook Pro a month ago.  That was a determination that I made at the top of the year and despite delay I did it.  Feeling better still.  This all brings me to yesterday.  Because Sakinah and I had a location we'd already scouted and she and Maya knew the choreography and only had to practice it a few times over the last couple of days it was going to be a totally winning move.  Then we get to the location and no one has the song on cd.  This is hilarious.  We didn't freak out.  I tried walking around with my computer to try to get a signal off of someone's wifi to download it from iTunes.  I said, "I wish there was someone around who would just let us borrow their internet for like 5 minutes."  A couple of minutes later as I'm walking around, Maya and Sakinah come across this guy who is parked at the building adjacent to where we're shooting and he "just happens" to have mobile wifi.  F'ing awesome.  Now, we're winning some more.  I start downloading the song and they go over choreography.  We're under a time crunch because Sakinah has to teach and my camera starts to lose battery.  We made it through, though and felt good about what we'd done.  It was fun the whole time...little pitfalls and all.  Maya dropped me off at home and I started to edit immediately.

Because I have been working on another kind of documentary project I was only a little refreshed on my editing.  I just kept digging to find the answers to things I didn't know...It's been like 6 yrs since I've edited for real.  But I figured it all out and completed it in like 4 hours.  Sakinah and I talked it over and only made minor adjustments.  I couldn't wait to post it last night...seriously.  Shak had to talk me down from posting it without getting an agreement on the edit first.  lol  

What's crazy is that when we first started this site Blogger didn't have the capability to embed video into the actual post.  I dug some more today to try and figure out how to add into our side panel.  They just added the capability to embed recently.  Talk about t-t-totally winning.


This I know for sure...things changed because I've changed...Because I'm continuing to challenge myself in personal growth.  I've been making more determinations and etching away my "reasons".  Having a never give up spirit always, and I do mean always, gets you to where you need to be.  That is why you actualize your dreams.  I'm making little jumps to create bigger leaps.  In a minute, I'm going to be flying...Just watch me. ;)

100.

Bright