Grindin'...no this isn't an ode to the Neptunes! (But I do love them)

I'm so tired of folks coming up to me telling me about their hustle alone. I guess with most rappers constantly talking about moving weight and staying "on their grind" and "everyday I'm hustlin" it must seem like the thing to do.  But it's not just the rappers; it's the parents, it's the bosses, it's the love ones, hell we can argue this message is coming from everywhere.

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT

You can hustle hard your whole damn life and remain standing still. I mean if you don't have a purpose behind what you're doing it will be all for nothing.  Case in point: When I was little, lol, 21 years old all I could think about was buying a condo. I didn't know why I wanted to buy a house...maybe I heard something about it being attached to the American Dream. I knew that in order to be a "complete" person, I would have to acquire this item. Now looking back that was fear motivating me to purchase a home. I thought, if I don’t have a home that’s “mine” I’m not going to live a stable life. That's most of us right? We gotta have this amount of money in our 401k and this type of car to drive, if we don’t have this and that than we’re screwed. WRONG!!!

Is having a condo nice? Yes it is. But does it complete me as a human being? NO! I wish someone would have broken that down for me prior to 21.  It's great to set goals.  No one is arguing that, however, setting goals that are not connected to our higher purpose is pointless in the long run.  We have to figure out what our PURPOSE is in life in order to gain happiness or we will spend the rest of our lives trying to feed that void. PERIOD. That means money, cars, homes and significant others will not be able to bring us lasting happiness if they're not connected to a higher purpose. And that feeling of being incomplete is a super scary feeling to have for 20-80 years. Often times that feeling is so bad and uneasy that we medicate it with alcohol, drugs, women, horrible relationships...you name it.

Why are we here in the first damn place? Are we here to make people laugh or cry? Do we want to help others or hurt them? Are we here to create or to destroy? I truly believe that what we are here to do resonates with the very essence of our soul. It's what makes us giddy with excitement to the point in which we are overwhelmed with joy and tears. (And it doesn’t cost a cent to experience this type of happiness).  However, it could take time to find it within ourselves. The trick is you can't get it by looking at someone else’s blue print because we're all hard wired differently. Took me a minute to get that fully, like 10 years. I can’t copy anyone because I’m an original and so are you. For that I’m grateful.

The name of this blog is INSPIRE the grind. Inspiration is literally translated to mean the breath of God. My personal belief is that we’re all inspired beings. We just cut ourselves off from the source. But when we connect to the thing that makes us happy, boy o boy there is no stopping our shine. It is my sincere hope that we all find our inspiration on our grind or journey on Earth.

A word of caution: Most of us have NO IDEA what the hell we're doing here. You can argue that NONE of us really know what we're doing here on planet Earth but that’s not where I’m going with this little rant. Of course there are religious manuals and various creeds and descriptions that give us a code or guide for rightful living. But what do we do with those great sources of inspiration? That’s right...the opposite of what they’re intended for us to do. We argue about which book is right, the pictures on the pages, the places where the books originate and the authenticity of the statues. What the heeeezy man? And in turn, we get distracted or totally lost in the sauce and think those books are all a sham. At least that’s how I felt at 13 years of age. Nothing could really reach me. I wish all the great religions of the world could come together and just say what they need to say in a simple word: LOVE. But that makes things too simple.

As a result…we don’t know what the hell to believe. The great majority of us are just blowing in the wind...killing time...smoking and drinking, getting A**, working a 9-5, chillin with the homies or warring with our families. Of course there are highlights to this type of existence, maybe a kid's birth or a wedding ceremony or a really cool movie on a Friday night. But the great tragedy is we never take a moment, a day, a week to look within ourselves and find out what makes us HAPPY.

Why oh why do we continue to plague ourselves with so much misery following someone else’s idea of happiness? I'm tired of blaming it on the devil. What did that dude ever do to me? What can we do to make ourselves a little more joyful?

I believe happiness comes from each and every moment. It's this gift called life. Like, we have this awesome chance to become great in this lifetime at whatever we choose to experience. We fall and fall again because we’re just learning and that’s ok. But we can become better friends, better strangers, better bosses, better employees, better artists, better dreamers...ECT. We don't need permission to be loving and happy. And yet that's how most of us parade around town. “My boss won’t let me do this and it’s ruining my day”. REALLY? You’re entire day or life is ruined by one person who does not control your mind, your creativity, and your vision? Interesting. “I don’t have the money to go to college so I’m not going to go”. REALLY? Hmmm so just because you don’t have the money in your pocket right now, you’re going to deny yourself an opportunity to grow because you can only see one way to gain entry.

We all suffer from limited vision. I remember how I first glimpsed the infinite. I didn’t get it in a book or from a person. I was just a kid bored just staring at the ground. I saw an entire army of ants, marching onward, talking in a coded whisper, moving with purpose and total order. I’ve never looked at the world the same since that encounter. For some reason or another everything looked different when I looked up.   When most of us get out of bed in the morning; we only see chaos. I wish we could have faith in the order because eventually we could see it in our own lives.

Some seemingly good and some seemingly bad situations will happen to all of us but they will pass because everything in life is in constant motion. It has to be that way otherwise how could we grow from nothing into something? But it’s because of our limited understanding of this concept that we place UNREALISTIC expectations on others and on ourselves to remain still, frozen and never changing as human beings. I’m sooooo guilty of this but I have to remind myself to be thankful for those who come into my life and for those who leave because they are making way for new and more pleasant experiences.

WE HAVE TO STOP LIMITING OURSELVES!

We act like our circumstances define who we are. We are not who our parents are. We are not our zip codes. We are not our race. We are not our income bracket. WE ARE BOUNDLESS POTENTIAL. Let’s do something with it. Let’s have a little flair, a little fun, a little creativity…

This is a limitless place of possibility. Don't believe the HYPE! Become more little by little, love a lil more. Go ahead try it. Smile at a random person, see what happens. I know, I know you feel weird doing it. Do it anyways. That smile could lead to an entire different life. I’ve witnessed it come true.

I wish success, love and happiness for everyone. Stay inspired on your grind. I beg you!

Shak
100.

We Can Be What We Will Ourselves To Be...

Man,

I will get that damn monologue filmed even if it kills me and it's just me and the web cam.  On our last day of class we all put up our work.  But the camera guy, the coolest guy Will, wasn't able to make it that day. And I was really happy with the end result of the piece.  Not that it was perfect, but it was far from my beginning.  I've realized that's what intrigues me most about this process of creating.  You always end up somewhere far from the beginning if you put in the work.  And one day you look up and realize that you are someone totally different that what you were 1-2 years ago.  How amazing is that?  I remember the day I decided I was going to start acting.

No I wasn't 4 years old.  I never had any particular draw to become famous or to sign autographs.  LOL  I never thought about it actually except for when my older bro would use me for his Twilight Zone reenactments.  It wasn't really until a few years back that I gave acting any thought.  In fact, I'm the type of person that is sooooo caught up in the NOW it's really hard to plan for tomorrow.  With that said, from time to time I decide to become something different in life, something more.  Most of the time it's when I get this feeling that I can't do anymore for that particular role in life OR I've discoverd another passion.  It's the most EXCITING thing too.  I've been a student, a girlfriend, a best friend, a lover, a high school teacher, a music producer's manager, a corporate trainer and now an actress.  Friends of mine say I get obsessed.  This total burning desire to go after something with all my heart.  But the only thing that I try to do with each of these particular roles is WIN.  That means I try my best to go all in, give it my all, give what I have to give and learn as much as possible.  I don't always succeed.  I've had several failed relationships, and a most painful experience within music which I loved dearly.  But I do PLAY the game.

In my experience, the thing that baffles me the most in life is that there are so few players.  I have yet to quite figure it out as of today the reason why.  Acting is by far one of the most exhilarating games I've played thus far.  I haven't really even started but I'm so enthused.  It's the performance.  The ability to capture something and create it to be whatever you wish it to be.  I think that's total freedom.  And if you're lucky, you can make someone feel something that you're feeling.  That's power.

I can't wait for the perfect role that I may have to create for myself if it doesn't show up soon enough.  I wish to create a beautiful character out of a most ugly situation or predicament.  :)  Wish me luck. 

P.S. The monologue will be up before long.  It's called "Rest Assured" by Joseph Arnone.  I'm sure it will resonate with those of you who have gone through great lengths to reach a goal to no avail.  The pain of not reaching a particular dream seems unbearable for a time.  At least it did for me.  Until I woke up one day from my heartache...and met someone who hadn't dared to live out any dream at all. He told me his pain was much worse.  That's when I woke up and starting living again, dreaming another dream that's bigger in scope. 

Shak
100.

I'm Inspired By: Big Shaq Diesel

Yesterday was an utter failure.  I BOMBED big time in class.  But I had already seen it coming about a year ago.  Memorization kills me.  It's like I can hear a song a thousand times on the radio and maybe if I'm lucky I will remember the hook.  The crazy thing is I've gone from grade school to a prestigious high school to USC without anyone noticing.  The truth is...I can't hear music, I only feel it.  I can't remember what people tell me only how they make me feel.  This has killed me in relationships by the way.  "Shak, don't you remember you said,..."  Ummm...no I don't.

My emotional memory is a BEAST...I feel everything and everyone.  In fact, I don't even hear people talk at first (and I usually get accused of not listening), but I'm feeling what they're saying.  This is the most challenging.  Many people speak with words but they give off a totally different feeling.  I feel through the disguise immediately.  I smile, pretend along with them nodding my head, many times wanting to cringe. 

But in class I had to memorize a commercial in 15 min flat.  I didn't panic, well not at first.  I realized in that moment that I would HAVE to find a way to memorize info without a particular emotional component.  Or I would have to give it an emotional angle.  But how do you give a commercial about beans (the musical fruit) an emotional angle?  It's very funny, well that is until panic kicks in.  And that's when it happened, I let my fear take over.  What if I'm found out?  What if people realize that I can't memorize like everyone else and that I'm different?  I hit the front of the room and went blank.  DAMN!  It was just a funny, chill commercial but I was too worried about missing the words.  The words, the page, the selling point; wait what am I selling?

Thank God for Dave Chapelle.  I remember reading about when he first bombed on stage at a local comedy club.  I remember him saying something like, "Well at least I know what that felt like".  But I hate to lose.  No I really hate loosing.  And there is only way to overcome a weakness, practice.  Right???

I look at Shaq, the big one, and admire his basketball game.  During his prime time, he DOMINATED the courts with hardly anyone that could answer.  But he couldn't shoot a free throw to save his life.  How could you be that great in the league and not be able to make free throws? 

And how can I become a great actress without being able to memorize efficiently?

Because I will master EVERYTHING else.  And that's what Shaq did.  He stayed in his lane and killed anyone in that path.  Maybe, we cannot totally overcome our weaknesses BUT we can make damn sure that no one comes close to our STRENGTHS.  And of course even if we keep falling short again and again we practice on our weaknesses because we want to be great.  Sometimes I wonder why I chose this new path considering all of my shortcomings.  And the answer is simple.  I love it.  When magic happens, and I hit all the right marks it's like relaxing on a cloud, legs crossed and kicked back, while sippin' a pina colada. 

I realize that even an allstar like Shaq has moments of utter failure.  People are going to point out captain obvious, like how can you possibly act without knowing...blah, blah, blah.  But we can become what we WANT to be.  Don't just pick a lane because you're good at it.  It will be easier.  But will you ascend to the clouds?

P.S. Up next monologues.   I'm going to kill it.  And I'll post it when I have footage.

Shak
100.

It's Finally Time to Tame the Beast!

Man it’s hard to realize that you’re the one driving the car. I know…I know what the hell is Shak talking about? I’m talking about taking control of your life. It’s just that this year has been HEEEEEEEEEEELA HARD.  And I’ve been the main reason why it’s been that way.  Sure, I could blame the Recession Monster (kind of a creepy dude) or the Money Bandit (another creepster) but the real truth is I’ve done a damn fine job of getting in my own way.  I spend many waking minutes envisioning conflict sometimes in my waking hours.  Who does that?  Oh, you do it too?

Check out my most recent example.  Getting a minor concussion from playing soccer with 10 stitches.  Boy when I envision, I manifest!  I even remember thinking a week before the incident, how cool would it be to get a tattoo with "Beauty & The Beast". 

Day 2:  Right After The Hit ( I went up for a soccer header & well it didn't go as planned.  Thank Goodness for pain killers.)

OUCH (10 stitches)!!!!!!

Day 7: No more thinking crazy, battle-themed thoughts.  I promise! 

The truth is I have this 80/20 thing going on, maybe you guys do too. 80% of the time, I’m optimistic, I’m bright & cheery and thankful to be alive on this grand journey we call LIFE. But the other 20% of me would make Darth Vader shudder. It’s my inner beast that I’m talking about. It’s afraid to become more in life, it’s worried about making enough money, it’s afraid to get close to someone in a relationship and so what does it do? SEEK, SELF SABOTAGE & DESTROY!

Seriously.

2010 has been my own version of HALO. Because I love creating battles, I mean EPIC battles for myself I decided to kill myself financially and pay my mortgage by myself right when I was on track to decrease my finances and pursue acting 100%. This is nothing new; I’ve been paying for everything since I was 17 years of age. I have the lone ranger act down pact. I’m so ready for my scene where I walk into the sunset it ain’t even funny. But this isn’t good folks; it’s tragic hero behavior. Those who win create a team of support. Those who win don’t create obstacles for themselves but rather create solutions.

Who knows, maybe I feel like life will be too damn easy without the obstacles.  But isn't that a good thing? I think that dude in the matrix, Agent Smith was right when he said, “…as a species, human beings define their reality through misery and suffering. The perfect world was a dream that their primitive cerebrum[s] kept trying to wake up from.” Say it ain’t so Agent Smith!!!!

I thought I had it. I thought through all of my research on personal development, I had learned to master my thoughts. I mean read through the posts I wrote the previous year. BOY WAS I WRONG! Every time I try to convince someone (including myself) that we can create our own happiness…it turns into this Disney vs. Apocalypse argument. What if Agent Smith is right? Who cares that he’s a fictional character. What if we just can’t accept that happiness is real and totally possible?

Well, I’m at it again. I’m opening up the positive reinforcement books. I realize that it’s a practice not a one and done scenario. It’s like lifting weights and eating healthy…it’s for life not for a season in your life. And more important than taking care of your body is taking care of what you feed your mind. So, for the time being, I’m focusing on peace, abundance and happiness.

I already know it takes a MASTER MIND to focus on such things in a world that blocks light, perpetuates fear, increases poverty…but each of us can make such a huge difference. I’m taking baby steps. I’m back on my inspired grind. I’m back in acting class with a most positive teacher, Dustin Felder. Check that dude out. I realize my efforts for 2011 will be spent on building a team of positive, inspirational and in Dustin’s words “winning mentality” types of folks. I can lose by myself. Nobody can create better war like scenarios than the ones I manifest in my mind. So, this time around I’m going to put myself to the test and envision a total win-win scenario for my whole camp.

I’ll let you guys know what happiness looks like.

Shak
100.

The Grind

I'm still on it...(THE GRIND) now more than ever.  It's crazy how we can totally psyche ourselves out of wanting to follow a particular path that leads...well we don't know where it leads.  That's both the excitement and the horror.  Sometimes I think I'm getting closer to what I'm looking for, only to fall back on old excuses or distractions.  I now realize the hardest part in anything is the full commitment.  It's like a marriage, for better or worse.  What if we choose the wrong path?  Is such a thing possible or is it simply meant to be?  But for me it's more than becoming a "big time" that people look up to or admire, even though that would be nice.  I want to become amazing at something worthwhile.  For now, that's more than enough for me.  But it's also a helluva lot of work to accomplish.  And to put in that type of work not to "make it'.  Damn...what a ride!

peace
Shak
100.

Right Here, Right Now...

I almost wanted to cry...or shout...or scream....to someone, anyone...And when I got the news that the music video I was supposed to Direct was canceled, I was in the worst wall to wall traffic that I had ever seen on main and side streets in all of LA.  Having to sit in that traffic forced me to really think about what this meant to my life.  The artist was cool.  He had other things that he had to devote his time to so, although he really wanted to do the video he was ok because he had other things he'd done to help propel himself forward.  After a few minutes and I am proud to say it was only a few, I was able to see how fortunate I was to be where I was.  I was able to get a place here to stay when I first moved out, my current apartment was all but handed over to me, I was gifted a car after almost 2 years of renting cars to work, I never had to get a "real" job....  My life out here hasn't been easy, by any means, all the same...if I was supposed to move back to Atlanta, I would have done so by now.  I haven't gotten every single thing that I've wanted, per se, but every single thing that I needed.  And like that traffic forced me to take time to think, not being able to do that video forced me to take a sec to see clearly.  I have no idea what the silver lining is just yet, although I'm sure it will become apparent soon enough.  I am basking in the knowledge that I was protected.  

There is a daily encouragement that I read that states, to paraphrase, every prayer will be answered the key is to keep your focus on your goal.  Even if it takes time, use that time to reflect on yourself and see what else, what more you could be and do.  When it does come to fruition it will be in a form greater than you had ever hoped.  So, that's where I am.  I decided that I had to make sure I continued to beat on my craft and make myself the best that I can be.  Last night I put in more pages on my screenplay and that made me feel like a winner.  Maybe I have to soley put out my own works?  I am working on another short short with Maya & Sakinah.  Shak has a fantastic idea I cannot discuss for fear of some penalty worse than death.  lol  So things are definitely coming up...this is all an opportunity as opposed to an obstacle.

When I was driving and noticed the streets were just blocked off and there wasn't an accident (thankfully) I knew something was up.  Come to find out, the traffic that put our entire city on pause last night was President Obama coming to visit.  Can't be mad at that.  Welcome to LA, Mr. President, especially because it was for a fundraiser.  Well, that traffic was there to protect him and I think this pause was given to me to protect me.  Thank you, Universe, 'preciate it.  :)

100.

Bright  

Balancing: On a Surf Board & in Life

Let me start by saying I am not a natural.  lol  And I'm not really sure what exactly attracted my spirit to surfing in the first place.  I didn't have the desire to be pro necessarily (at some point I may be and that would be uber fresh!).  I guess there are some people who can get on a board and ride instantaneously but not me.  I love it, though, crazily enough.  I always have, before I even started learning, I knew that I was going to love it.  The first time I went out I was so frustrated because I could not paddle to save my life, for real.  I know how to swim but I was getting nowhere fast and got so pissed about it.  It used to, and still does sometimes, frustrate the hell out of me when I can't do something straightaway.  I guess it's that damned perfectionist in me.  Zero patience but I'm working on it.  :)  After a few more attempts I got better at paddling because I found out it was all about the balance on the board.  Making sure you center yourself enables you to work your arms in a more efficient way.   

In any case, this past Sunday I went surfing again.  It'd been a long while.  This last time out, though, I finally got used to falling.  I was ok about it at first and then it started to just get downright ridiculous.  The guy who was helping me asked me how I was doing periodically and one of those times I responded "Frustrated" after spitting out salt water and pushing my hair out of my face.  Then he told me with a smile, "Well, surfing is a frustrating sport."  Ain't that the truth.  I had to smile.  Isn't that the essence of life?  It's frustrating until you find your balance.  Although, I'm getting better at getting my balance while lying down on the board, I still have yet to sustain it standing up.  I've only ridden a wave once while standing.  I got my behind kicked by the ocean this past weekend and... it was awesome!  lol  For real.  I was exhausted afterwards and still had sand in my ears 2 days later but I felt like a winner.  Getting used to falling is like a fail in life...It's all about giving it your best every time out and getting back up.  As long as I learn from every trip out I'll keep getting better.  Moment of hilarity: I actually got better at falling.  lol  Isn't that something?  Knowing how to fall helps you keep more of your energy and not get hit by the board.  To get out there to catch a wave you go against the current.  There is water coming at you all of the time..all of the time.  I know now that it's the challenge of getting better that I love.  I am working to be in tune with this amazing element.  To get back out you have to dive under a wave so as not to get pushed back to the starting point, other times you have to stand sideways and lift up your board to limit the amount of impact of the water so you don't (once again) get pushed back.  Flowing through the obstacles is the key not avoiding them.  It's impossible to avoid obstacles if you want to ride a wave, even if you only get to ride it on your knees.  lol  If you don't want an obstacle, sit on the beach and watch.  Seriously.  To get anything worth having, you have to be in the water, on the field (like Shak says), or on the court.  Get me?  Challenging my frustrations head on and accepting help gets me better in life.  Point blank.  I didn't ride a wave standing up this weekend, only on my knees a few times and a partial stand (lol).  The other thing I noticed is being committed to standing everytime, whether or not it actual happens, is a key component.  Creating the vision and committing to the vision of your goal is the only way.  In my earlier tries I realized I wasn't always holding the vision of me riding the wave.  I was just on the board hoping I'd get there somehow.  What?!  How did I think I was gonna get up there?  The wave would magically scoop me up and place me upright?  No, I have to see myself pushing up, popping up and standing up all while remaining centered on my board from head to toe.  Shiiiiit.  That's a lot to see while you're making sure your board is also pointing straight towards the coast, and I mean not even kinda sideways.


Balancing in life to me at this juncture is making sure I challenge myself on the daily.  It keeps me sharp and makes me grow constantly.  I have to remember to remember to sharpen skills everyday, keep my self grounded and see my dream, live in it everyday.  Play, too.  But play with people who want more, do more, see more from themselves and life.  Play with people who have my best interests (and I have theirs) at heart.  All of this makes daily living productive (and fantastic).  Balance also means... Keep getting up, accepting that I'll probably fall again at some point, and by probably, I mean I will.  Not beating myself up because I'm not perfect just yet.  This used to be a huge thing for me with regard to Directing.  Just not wanting to suck, man.  lol  But just like surfing, and like Will Smith said, it's about beating on your craft.  I can't get better at anything unless I get out there and work at it.  I can't watch a show on surfing and get it, just like I can't read books on Directing and be fantastic at it.  Like Nike, "Just. Do. It."  And like Nike = Victory, so too, shall Victory be mine.  :)

Always winning....

100.

Bright

On Checking Your Faith Quotient...

Alternatively entitled:  

"You can never have too much faith."

Shirt by: The Billionaire P.A.

Something has changed, or shall I say resurfaced in a new light, within me.  My faith has grown tremendously and especially in action.  A couple of years ago I was very diligent about doing my prayers morning and evening everyday.  I may miss one morning or one evening here and there but I was pretty on top of it.  Then, I fell off out of nowhere.  I didn't lose my faith but I wasn't putting in nearly as much effort to do my prayers everyday.  As of the last month or so, I've stepped up my game 10 fold and what a difference I've seen in myself and in my life.  I mean I am really in flow with everything and everyone around me, again.  People just want to help, people are kind.  Green is super green and blue the bluest blue. I'm catching sunsets that are amazing.  "Coincidences" are happening at lightening speed and you wouldn't believe how many people are willing to help on my first music video which is coming up.  Everything is so effortless it seems.  My gratitude for it all is in direct correlation to what I'm putting into my life and everyone around me.  

Took this with my camera phone.  It's the reflection of the sunset through my side mirror.  I was late for an appointment due to crazy traffic.  Because of that, when I was leaving my appointment this was in the night sky.  How amazing.

As a Buddhist, I'm taught not to feel guilty about missing prayers.  I believe one mustn't do things begrudgingly, be it hanging out with friends or what have you.  What I have realized in hindsight, though, is that by letting that aspect of my life fall off, I lost my footing in life...for real.  I became irritable, worried, depressed and insecure.  These are not qualities I possess on any given day in my life.  That's just not me.  Slowly but surely as I stopped taking quiet time for myself to reflect upon my life, my spirit became disconnected from the Source and I was like a fish out of water gasping for air.  Only as of late have I realized where my true grounding in life comes from...practicing my faith.  For me, it's a base from which all things spring forth.  The way I interpret and communicate with others, the way I live, love myself and others, workout, create....  Geez, I really must have felt so arrogant or lazy to think I didn't need to put in the effort no matter if it was even 5 minutes in the morning and evening in front of my altar.  What does it feel like to be back?  Winning!  And you know how much I love winning.  :) lol  It really does feel amazing.  I feel like my old self but way more dope (if it's possible lol).  The reason is because I have this experience under my belt now.  I took my practice for granted.  That's it!  That's what it was.  I took my practice and thereby myself and my life for granted.  I wasn't practicing appreciating every moment and so more moments seemed to start sucking.  lol  But for real...having had this experience not only increases my faith but it's a reminder of how precious decisions truly are.  When I decided that my practice could take a backseat to most everything in my life everything became backwards, seriously.  Damn, it's all a reflection of me.  Everyday, that rings more and more true.  How much power we really have is incredible once we learn how to be in tune with the universe and wield it responsibly, we can see and create beauty in everything we come in contact with.  Everyday and evening as I remind myself that I am a Buddha and so are you I am in touch with the beauty, love, peace and compassion that encompasses and and surrounds us all.  (sorry, i just teared up for a sec.)  When I remind myself of that and continue to practice that on the daily I am more frequently enlightened.  Enlightenment is not a destination it's a practice.  Everyday we may have a moment or many moments where we are at one with everything.  To sustain that truth and understanding is my goal.  I know I can do it and am doing it.  Thank you and this is my sincere prayer.  With love...  Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.

100.

Bright

p.s. please check out this guy The Billionaire P.A who made my new shirt (that I'm ordering), the pic above.  I t-t-totally love his philosophy..."I am going to help over a billion people speak their dreams into existence!  That is why I call myself "The Billionaire P.A."; not just to acquire a billionaire dollars, but to inspire over one billion people.  My success will come through helping billions of people develop wealthy minds.  The best part about what I do is I save lives tomorrow that want to die today."
http://www.wealthymindsclothing.com/

I'm Inspired By: Acting

Many times when we’re on our journey we become exhausted by the grind itself or loss in the sauce. LOL And that’s why we have to stay inspired. After leaving an acting workshop a few weeks ago and listening to the panel (writers, studio heads, playwrights, acting coaches, and marketing experts) I listened to the panel talk about what it takes to make it in the acting business and the fact that 98% will fail (OUCH). They covered topics about marketing, saving do-re-mi, networking, taking classes to sharpen your skills, and hustling. Some even ventured to talk about the mystical aspects of being a believer and “highly favored” or “lucky” enough to find the right opportunities on their path.  I happen to be a believer.  :) 

And for a moment I thought to myself, “of course everyone wants to get the prize (money), the glory and the fame”.  But today thinking the workshop over I realized that something was missing. Something wasn’t quite acknowledged in that theatre on that day.  It was the acting GRIND itself.  Putting in countless hours to become better at what you love is also a major reward.  A person becomes forever changed.  There are countless folks who make it to the top without putting in "the work" sort of speak.  But I always wonder if they appreciate it as much when they're not respected by their peers.  There are countless stories of drug abuse, addictions and negative behavior that plague the industry for countless reasons.  The money and the fame definitely can't guarantee what we all want which is happiness.  And personally, I'm most happy when I'm embracing the work itself.   All the risks and rewards are in the work itself.

Every time someone goes on stage; their Failure rate is huge, they can miss the mark and become unsuccessful in the worst way possible…publicly. It dawned on me that no one had even made the slightest mention of this at the workshop. Actors are already winning.  98% of the world would never take those types of risks.  Images come to mind of my friends and fam who are still waiting to take their next step in life but are reluctant for fear of failing.  I imagined dragging each of them on stage, kicking and screaming, to get rid of their fear for once and for all. :)

Besides I turned to acting for something entirely different.  I wanted a bigger challenge in life (not grinding in Hollywood but acting itself) and to become great at something totally different.  If I had never tried out for an audition; I would have never found out my innate gift of recalling my emotional memory.  For me landing a tv show or a major theatre production is extra.  The risk/reward is already built into acting itself.  One of the workshop panelist actually said that she was a horrible actress but always worked in the business because she knew how to “market” herself.  I don’t know if that was supposed to inspire us to take her course.  I actually felt bad for her.  Why go after something that you don't want to do? Or did she really want to act but was covering up her fear? 

What we put in is what we get back.  It might not seem that way but it’s physics. That’s why if you are going to do something half ass you might as well not do it at all. Our brains will record that as a pattern. Too many of those patterns and we’re in big trouble doing the same ol’, same ol’.  Of course she’s no longer acting, she’s teaching marketing workshops to actors.  And one by one each person on stage told their story about how they had started in acting but had ended up doing different things.  I don’t know if anyone else took notice.  But I wanted to know why did they all leave acting behind?  Some were presented with amazing career opportunities.  But I couldn’t help but wonder where the successful actor story was that day?

A teacher told me, “When a painting is criticized the painter can step back and detach himself from his artwork.  Actors are the canvas and the painting, there is no detachment.” Maybe, no one wanted to say it. But it’s not just the hustle and/or the lack of work that sucks being a "working" actor; it’s the acting work itself that is the most grueling.  Most people don’t like to open up to one person around them.  Most of us live our whole lives trying to avoid rejection, but that’s impossible as an actor.  It's an actor's job to expose the inner most part of herself in order to connect with her audience and hopefully make them feel something.

What a crazy opportunity for actors then!  To learn how to take rejection over and over again in order to hit a specific goal, and I'm not talking about a callback.  I'm talking about making the casting directors, the audience or whoever is watching in that moment FEEL differently because of your performance.  WOW!  A callback or being casted is extra, it's icing on the cake.  But no one can take away your performance, your ability to affect people in that moment.  And at the moment, I can’t think of a more worthwhile pursuit while I'm alive. 

Shak
100.

Practice = New Results

While looking at the floor in my bedroom last week and all of the clothes that had accumulated, I asked myself, "How did I get here, again?"  I made the determination a few months ago to get and keep my house in order and did...for awhile.  Then, it hit me...it's a mirror for life.  Here's the thing, I often get that "got it", you know?  I have epiphanies and whatnot but somehow lose the excitement of the realization after a few weeks/months.  What really makes all the difference is keeping up the practice of implementing said epiphany or else I'll find myself with crap all over the floor even though there are 2 hampers for sorting laundry in the closet.  lol  Additionally, I must practice envisioning my goals everyday without fail.  If I don't, I end up sliding back into seeing life only as it is currently and wondering why nothing has changed.  I have to experience the joy of where I'm going everyday in order to make it come into existence.  If I don't constantly see and feel myself on the set/in that meeting/in that relationship how will it come about?  How will I be able to notice the intuitive nudges that lead me on that path if I'm not currently connected to the vision?

My friend Julia previously invited me to attend a networking soiree she was throwing in Santa Monica last night but I ended up getting off of work later than I thought.  I wanted to just go home and sit in a bath and practice more imagining.  Instead, because my intuition told me I was supposed to have a conversation there, I went.  I ended up meeting five amazing young women and had incredible conversations.  Actually, the second woman I met after chatting for a bit asked what I did and I told her I was developing my reel as a Director.  She proceeds to tell me immediately that "We need to talk..." and that she has people who are looking for female Directors.  Fan-f'ing-tastic!  Everything is meant and I know for sure that because I keep putting my goals in the forefront of my mind in every aspect of everyday I'm pulling their actualization in so fast.  Man, I'm telling you I am paying bills and living off of my passion a.s.a.p. 

It's like in The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, I have to make a new habit or new agreement.  In order to do that I have to break the practice of the old which equals the old way of living, loving, learning and the only way to truly do that is to institute a new agreement.  I have to decide, for one, and hold fast to that decision, secondly, to really see a change.  If I just make a decision but don't put any power (i.e. feeling or action) behind it I might as well just keep the old way because I really don't believe in what I want.  I'm just making random wishes.  Everyday, my belief grows stronger.  I see myself there now, and I mean right now.  The lil inner hater is still lurking about but she's becoming miniscule with every prayer, renewed determination and "chance" occurrence.  Loving life :)

100.

Bright

Summer Boot Camp JULY 24, 2010

What up,

So I know a great majority of you are not up to task when it comes to getting up at 4:30 am for a workout.  Well now you can join me on Saturday at 7:30 am.  That's 3 whole hours of sleep time.  The flyer for the boot camp is below.  I embedded it in my blog.

I hope to see you there!

Shak
100.

SUMMER BOOT CAMP

“Discover the New You”

We often find ourselves waiting for tomorrow. But the only time that matters is in this moment! Today make a commitment to do something that will benefit your body, cleanse your mind and fill up your spirit. Begin to take care of yourself for once and regain control!

Shon’s boot camps are incredibly efficient because you work all areas of fitness including cardio and muscular endurance, fat loss and weight loss, agility, balance and strength. In addition, you release negative tension and built-up stress that over time harms the functions of the body.


Where: Fox Hills Park, Culver City (Corner of Green Valley Circle and Buckingham). Meet on the top of the park, near the stairs.
Time: 7:30-AM to 9:30-AM (Will start promptly)*
When: Saturday, July 24, 2010
Cost: $20

RSVP: Shon (323) 508-6830 OR Leave Comment on my Blog/Facebook.
(25 trainees MAX, list will close as soon as it hits capacity)


WARNING: Not the Average Workout
 Burn tons of calories and increase energy

 Challenges you to go beyond your comfort zone

 Great way to begin new fitness regimen

 Connect with like minded individuals

*For new comers please arrive 10 minutes early to sign-up*
*Please bring plenty of water, a towel and sunscreen/hat if needed*

The Power of Playing Make Believe Exercise Part I.

Yesterday I received a letter from a friend who is like a lil sister to me.  She was writing about being stuck in her current environment.  She said something like, "I don't want to be in the same place as I was last year."  Often times when we feel immobile we look for others to give us words of encouragement to help us counter our inner fears.  Sometimes this works out and other times it feels like a complete DISASTER depending on the responses you receive from your friends.  Advice: (Keep positive folks around and ditch the negative unless their family)  Sorry.

Since all answers lie within, I told her about a simple but powerful exercise that was going to give her more confidence to face her fears.  I've been doing this particular exercise since age two.  LOL  The real is kids always do it but then right about the age of 13-14 it goes bye-bye.  I'm talking about the ability to play MAKE BELIEVE.  Now before I get into the exercise, let me tell you why this is MORE IMPORTANT that writing down a business plan or a list of goals that you want to achieve in life.  I'm assuming most of us want to be successful.  I doubt that we want to stay put and feel stuck.  And I would venture to say that a good majority of us have also written down goals as a means to outline our potential dreams.  Here's the problem with just writing it down.  If you don't believe that you can obtain that goal...IT AIN'T HAPPENING.  I know folks will say well if I think about it, it will come about and blah...blah...blah.  That's not how the creative process works.

First we must see our goals clearly (writing them down does help), then we must believe in them, and then and only then do they begin to take form and start to manifest.  Of course that's the super, simplified version.  What my lil sis was asking about was gaining more belief in herself in order to silence the outsiders, ie. her family.  After all faith is the only cure for fear.  The millionaire dollar question then is: How do you gain more faith?

Well most folks will tell you that if you're not born with it then you're SOL.  I don't think that's the case.  But just like with everything in life, it takes mental discipline and much practice.  In a nutshell, here is the exercise I gave her.  I used this exercise diligently to purchase my first condo without realizing it and used it for my second condo and most recently I used it to start acting with no prior experience.  Folks always ask me how is that I'm able to jump from industry to industry.  Up until now, I was hesitant to tell people for fear of ridicule (adults pretending and playing=crazy in this society).  But here is the truth.  I first see it in mind, then I play make believe, and then I take action.  VOILA!

MAKE BELIEVE: Part I.  (The Senses) 

Why is this effective?  This is for the skeptics out there who always need to know why this and why that...lol I'm one of those people.  The brain does not know the difference b/w what is real and what is pretend.  When you don't know HOW to do something, you have no choice but to pretend it.  Over time, the brain will begin to accept the make believe as REALITY.  This is why pro athletes run the race first in their mind or execute plays while day dreaming.

 The Exercise:

 Part of what makes imagining something feel real is creating the environment of the goal you desire.  The more real it becomes, the more you begin to BELIEVE that you are able to execute what you are imagining.  Pick a quiet space alone and begin, for me this means bubble bath time.

• The first step is to pick a goal.  Let's not get fancy and write 10 goals all at once, especially if you don't use your imagination on a regular basis.  If you are a "realistic type" then start with one goal.  For example:  My goal was simply to start acting on stage. 
• The second step is to create the scene in your mind.  Close your eyes and try to visualize the environment.  What does the place look like?  What does it sound like?  Who is there with you?  What do you have on while you are attempting your goal?  For example:  If your goal is to holler at a girl that doesn't know you are alive; what would you be wearing when you meet her?  The idea is to have FUUUUUUUUUUUUUN with this people.  If you start saying, "Man I would like to have on a Rolex Watch but I can't afford that", you are going in the wrong direction.  For GOODNESS SAKE you are dreaming damn it!  DREAM BIG. 
• Ahem...sorry I get worked up about this stuff.  I can't tell you how many times folks defeat themselves while day-dreaming which translates into perpetuating a lack of confidence in their reality.  This brings me to step three.  PLEASE leave your fears at the door.  You are pretending.  However, pay attention to what that little inner voice is telling you.  If it's constantly worrying you to death about money or women or your family's concerns; it is a major indicator that your predominant thoughts encompass worry.  Worry brings about more fear and fear based people in the forms of friends/co-workers who are going to push against your dreams.
• The fourth step is let go and place your self in medias res.  In Latin that means, "into the middle of affairs".  Your only requirement is to create an IDEAL circumstance.  This means actually acting out, or visualizing the scene as it plays.  This is where that little inner hater voice usually gets his/her way.  For example:  If you are trying to become an actress, you don't want to dream up a situation where you start choking on stage or falling while exiting.  However, this is what we do.  We've been programmed to create less than ideal circumstances for what we really want.  And what happens?  Our brains later tell us that it's too scary or too dangerous.  It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.  Focus on PERFECTION when you play make believe.  If you don't know how to do it, watch kids.  Later on this year, I'm thinking about having a workshop.  I had no idea that adults had lost their ability to play until recently.   Another issue pops up when we are pretending.  We don't like looking silly in front of others.  That's fine, I suggest finding a place where you can pretend alone.  But know this...YOU should begin to believe in what you are doing as you practice over and over again.
• The fifth step is HAVE FUN!  This should feel amazing and fun like you're role playing a totally different person.  You might think, this is silly at first.  I'm never going to gain the courage to talk to that girl I really like.  But the more you rehearse it in your bedroom where no one is looking, the more confident you'll appear when it's no longer a dress rehearsal.  By the time I hit the audition for the first time, I had already done 40 scenes in my mind while soaking in the tub.  As a result I got the opportunity to play the lead.  Be bold and brave with your dreams.  Please do not limit yourself!

P.S. Let me know how playing make believe goes for you!  Good Luck!
Shak
100.

The Struggle of Being Who We Really Are

Dear Wannabe (Me),


I remember the scene in the Matrix where the Oracle spells out what’s written in her kitchen, “Know Thyself”. But what does that mean? Are we aware of how we come off to others? Are we aware of our inner most thoughts? Not really. The bulk of us have carefully designed an outwards persona with much deliberation, highly skilled effort and laborious detailed attention. The REAL us is somewhere buried, smothered by all the layers of pain, anger and loss. I believe we began masking when our scars first formed. It happened long ago when we reached out to be loved from our mother/father/sibling/wife/husband and no one reached back with love.

We tell our selves, “I’m never going to trust a woman again”. Or we start reading books like the "Art of War" in order to cope in our collectively created world that is deemed dangerous and not to be trusted. Some of us have spent our entire lives MASKING and I’m not talking about Mardi Gras even though that has something to do with the tradition. As Kanye said, “they make us hate our self and love they wealth.” Interesting…who is they? And why do we hate our selves so much? Why is money the fall guy?

Leave it to the pansies, the feelers, or the Empaths of this world to attempt to answer those questions. I happen to be one of these people. Amongst us are the crazy folks that we call actors, ironically. Just when the rest of the world is strapping on their weapons of mass defense; these guys are seeking ways to disarm themselves. They go on voyages to places others have labeled forbidden such as the exploration to inner self. It is there where we unlock the good, the bad and the ugly. It is there where the fiercest battles are raging. I’m not sure who Kanye was referring to when he said “they”. Perhaps, the real “they” is us. I think what Ye was saying is very true. We don’t like who we are too often. And we try to hide it from the world with a little Vuitton or Gucci.

Yesterday, I found myself in a Method Acting course based on the Ivana Chubbuck method. For those of you who don’t know, the “Method” as it’s been famously phrased has a number of definitions. But for me it’s a series of acting techniques to disarm actors from their public personas in order to discover who they really are . Sounds a lot like a psych class right? That’s actually pretty accurate. The only difference is instead of talking about your problems behind closed doors with a therapist; you’re on display, on stage, on set working it all out. ACTION!!!

Previous to this class, I had told myself several times that I would enroll in a class like this one. But I was always reluctant for good reason until Bright said she wanted to go and I decided to tag along. I was skeptical that a class that exposed a person’s deepest, tormented moments could become counterproductive. I mean I already know that the brain doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is pretend.  That means reliving the past could be dangerous.  However, I’ve spent countless hours and years with my inner most feelings, trying to see the patterns of why I am the way I am.  In fact, I feel like the bulk of what I do day in and day out is help others get in touch with what they are feeling at that moment.  After high school teaching, I’ve never really been afraid to expose myself in order to get others to come out into the open air and speak freely.

But boy does it cause a lot of controversy when you're not pretending, I mean acting. Sometimes family and friends fall back when they're around me, they don’t like that feeling of being exposed or to talk about their inner most feelings. After all, who am I to see and to speak on what they have tried to hide for years? But that is an actor’s job to see and to feel what others can’t or don’t want to reveal. We’re like detectives watching body language, listening to tone (anything) to give away a person’s true intent. We need to figure out a person’s motivation in order to do our thing. And we all know that motivation is tucked deep inside a person’s heart and mind.

And there I was in the second to last row of the small theatre observing all the actors who were fearful of truly exposing themselves. At one point during an exercise, a young nurse emerged onstage with her own personal story; I found myself sobbing beyond belief. She revealed being in an abusive relationship, wanting to end her life and feeling helpless. She didn’t have to say anything though; her whole demeanor and energy gave away her personal sadness. After she spoke, I had to give her a hug. Actually Bright and I both gave her hugs. Part of it was for her, the other part was for me; I felt drained and depressed. I looked at the actors as a microcosm of the real world. How could it be that the world was without this much love? Where were the happy stories, the actors gleaming with joy? Sadness.

Up until now, I’ve been performing freely, somewhat a vigilante in the acting game using nothing but instincts on stage. I’ve taken two classes (that don’t look good on a resume), one in acting theory and the other in film technique. But when I’m “acting”, I use my life’s experiences; the highs and the lows. But perhaps it will do me good to study a format, a prescribed method. I have to admit, I’m always skeptical about formats, procedures and regimented ways of study. I believe our best teacher is ourselves.

But maybe there was something else lurking. In the last few months I was beginning to avoid acting all together like I had once decided to avoid teaching.  I knew what it was but I begin to squirm in the back of the theatre as the teacher actually said it out loud during the last 10 minutes of class. He said something like, “actors get paid the big bucks because they are willing to EXPOSE themselves front and center to the world. The rest of the world doesn’t want to deal with their “shit” so they watch us squirm, cry, bleed and suffer in order for viewers to say, ‘oh I know how that feels’.”

I was back at square one. I remember being a brand new teacher in class. I felt naked. I had no instructions, no books, no nothing but ME.  It's funny, teachers go to college to learn how to become teachers of methodology and subject matter experts.  But how can you teach a single child when you don't know who you are?  It's impossible.  Anywho...That’s when I first discovered who I was. The kids were intent on sniffing me out; they had disposed of 6 other teachers before me who had decided to play the “role” of teacher. That wasn’t going to cut it with these kids. I felt like crying, screaming, and quitting. Why wouldn’t they just accept me as the Professional that I am? Professional, smessional…kids know real from fake. PERIOD! All those fancy higher education degrees don’t matter with kids. They see through the BULL. They know if you’re there for a check or if you care about them.  They also know if you have something to hide.  When you hide, it's GAME OVER.  They don't believe you.  In the words of Jay, "...you need more people."  And after week one, something happened.

I let down my guard completely and was me. And one by one, all the bad ass kids came forward like a right of passage. They started to trust me. They showed up, listened and most of all they begin to believe in me. It was the weight of that responsibility that drove me out of the game. What if what I was teaching them was untrue? I wanted them to live COURAGEOUSLY to become more than their parents and their circumstances. But the environment suggested I was wrong. It countered me step by step with blows from every direction. It whispered, “don’t get caught slippin, watch your back’”, “get money by any means necessary”, and “women can’t be trusted”. Damn, I was just a 22 year old kid with high hopes, armed with a chubby cheek smile and passion. What if one’s environment conquered the soul I thought? And when I left the class for music it almost conqurered mine.  But I digress...

Perhaps I was too young to counter the world’s push back while I was in the classroom.  I remember Ye in the class saying the music game was worse than the dope game.  LOL  You would've thought I listened but I'm stubborn and off to the music industry I went.  To my detriment I couldn’t “mask” in the music business.  I was damaged goods by their standards. I was too open, to trusting, too transparent. In fact, that move costs me more than I care to mention. The only people I really got along with were the artists themselves.   This place is no place for an artist, for an open soul. Our current world that’s filled with rampant fear feeds on negativity, scarcity and lack. Some artists can’t survive those bitter blows because inside they feel differntly, they're creators. Several develop drug habits to numb the pain. And in the back of the theatre, I felt that weight again.

Why did I want people to see themselves in the first place? Most artists were never fully appreciated or worse off they were ostracized until a gazillion years later when folks said, “AHA”.  Did I really want to go down this path? At least the kids in the class were genuine and made me laugh. 

Besides, I had found a cool place to hide out in life…an office filled with some really laid back folks. Why go back on the battleground? People are content watching reality TV, jazzlin’ their lil lives away.  Most people ARE NOT READY to see who they are and God forbid if you’re the one to show them.  I’ve made that mistake waaaaay too often. Show a person their talents, they might resent you. Now they can’t ignore their abilities. Show a person their strength.  And they can no longer act weak.  Perhaps the biggest lesson I’ve learned most recently is, don’t give others visions of grandeur about what they could become in this lifetime as Rick James might say.  If they’re fearful of becomming more, they’ll resent you and they'll think that you're judging them.  Somehow, when you're open, like a mirror you tend to expose too much of others.  And folks either fight or flee.  

There is a price to pay to try to inspire/change/teach others. There is a price to pay to inspire/change/teach yourself to become more and brighter. That price is usually solitude.  It’s like my reoccurring dream of me high up on the skyscrapper and I'm alone.  My dad always tells me that “no good deed goes unpunished”. I always hated that quote. Why would good be punished? Jay Z uses that quote on Drake’s new album.  He admits that his path in music altered him for GOOD.  On the song “light up’ he says, “...And since no good deed go unpunished/ I’m not as cool with ni**** as I once was/ I once was, cool as the Fonz was/ But these bright lights turned me to a monster/ Sorry, mama,/I promised it wouldn't change me /But I would've went insane had I remained the same me.”


That saddens me.  But I feel him.  Man do I feel him. 

Then again, art may be the only safe ground for those seeking change in this external world. I can always fall back on…it’s just pretend, right?  I'm just an actress.  I don’t know for sure though. People say having empathy is a gift. But often times, it feels like a curse in this world. No one wants to feel unless it isn't real. 

To be continued…
Shak
100.

things i love...pt 4

Alternatively entitled: 

"Random Acts of Kindness & A Trip to Method Acting"

Yesterday, I went to audit an acting class.  I haven't actually done acting since I was probably 15 yrs old.  It was my very first passion...until I was on an actual shooting set.  I'd done plays, taken classes blah blah blah.  Anyhoo, so I'm getting ready to bounce to the class.  I get to my car and it won't start.  I have a laser cut key because I drive a Saab and the car's computer wasn't accepting the key.  Come on, son!  lol  This put me behind several minutes.  I tried not to freak out because I really can't stand being late.  I get anxiety, it's wack.  So, I decide that I'm not going to go that route.  I decide to take my mind off of it and let the car sit for a sec.  I put on mascara, try again.  Nope.  Put on lip gloss, try again.  Sike.  Several minutes pass and I just continue to refocus my energy on calmness, peace and grounding and try again.  Alright, we're rollin'.  There are quite a few ways to get to the main street from where I live but I always let my spirit guide me on which path, I guess it's kinda like a choose your own adventure thing.  Anyhoo, the path for last night got me to a stoplight.  It was about to change (I'm winning!) and I saw a bus loading it's final passengers.  The bus driver closed the door but I saw a woman run up right afterwards.  She banged on the door to let the driver know she was there.  The driver took off through the light and my heart sank.  I can't stand to see people missing the bus.  I don't know why but I always feel like it'll change their whole day, you know?  Anyhoo, the bus crosses through my intersection as my light turns green and then stops on the other side of the street and opens the door.  I look over to the woman who is now defeated with her back to the bus.  I start immediately honking my horn and simultaneously roll down my window to let her know the bus is there for her.  Her face brightens and she runs across the street waving thanks to me.  It was fantastic.  It started to make me tear up because I love random acts of kindness like that of the bus driver.  I am inspired by seemingly small things like that.  It always amazes me and lifts my spirit to see someone do something for another simply out of the kindness of their heart.  Everytime, I think to myself we're getting closer to world peace.  Love it.

Anyhoo, I'm still trying to get to the class determined that I'll be on time.  Shak hits me that parking is a wrap to say the least.  I end up pulling up about 5 min late.  No parking anywhere remotely close until after 7p.  And at 7p finally find a space up the street.  They let me in even though I was supposed to be there at 6:45p.  Fantastic.  The class doesn't start until 20 min later.  They go through a slew of exercises and one of them is to close your eyes, take a deep breath and allow a sound come out that mirrors how you've felt that day/week/month/year.  Ok, cool.  When I tell you that the sounds that came out from EVERYONE were not unlike something that was a cross between "The Little Mermaid" when Ursula the octopus queen witch showed her her garden of "poor unfortunate souls" and what you'd expect to hear in Dante's Inferno...I'm not lying.  I turn to Shak and ask her, "Where is all of the happiness?"  She mirrors my shock saying her initial thought was to sing.  I agree saying that I was going to do something more along the lines of "LAAAAAAAAAAAAA".  lol  We watch in amazement and concern as they repeat the exercise and it continues.  So depressing, for real.  Anyhoo, the class was pretty cool, otherwise, in that the instructor was pretty dope at digging deeper to get what the students needed to go for from within.  I am interested in taking the class because I feel like it'll help me to be a better Director.  To really help my actors and thereby myself get the story that we want...the real story, not the surface, no-one-believes-you-because-we-know-you're-acting thing.  My desire is that people will get lost in my films because they see themselves there and let the actors inspire them to make better choices in their lives through our storytelling.  Making those better choices comes from being honest with yourself and what you're going through.  It's a part of the healing.  You can't heal if you don't address the wound and clean it.  The part that's kinda scary though is that method acting makes you drudge up something from your past even if you're over it, you've healed that wound.  You use it to create that real emotion that comes through but is that really healthy?  Is there another way to make the character truly identifiable without driving yourself and loved ones insane?  Acting is about telling the truth not lying so, I'm not sure at this point.  I need to do some more digging.  Maybe I'll try the class for a month because I do feel like I could learn a lot.  I have to have faith in my ability to center and recenter myself to get out what I need to on stage and leave it there.  Not to take it out into the rest of the world with me.  It's an art and a practice.  This will be an opportunity for me to become comfortable with that type of exposure as well as becoming more aware of my actions and the way I come across.  We'll see what develops.  :)

What I did realize, though, last night on my way home is that me seeing that situation with the bus and the woman was meant.  If my car started immediately, I wouldn't have been at the intersection to get her attention.  If I hadn't centered myself during and post the car situation, I may have only been thinking about myself and getting to the class.  I wouldn't have been able to be calm and observe my surroundings.  There weren't any other cars behind me and she would have missed the opportunity.  Maybe, just maybe, I am helping to bring about world peace on the daily.  :)

100.

Bright

Vulnerability vs Wounds in a Frame

When we first began this process I thought of myself as more of a behind the scenes kind of player.  Shak really encouraged me to write and share.  Ugh, no way...sharing means being vulnerable, having an expectation placed on me or being judged and I kinda just like to do my own thing...all the time. lol  What vulnerability means to an artist and people in general, I suppose, is the difference between having an opportunity to be understood or none at all.  It's the difference between letting the vision out completely and pulling the punch.  When we put ourselves out there on that stage, on that site, in that relationship we give an opportunity to someone else and to ourselves to be heard.  Without stepping out there it is assured that opportunity will never take place.  Shak said to me last week, "if you never let anyone in how can you really expect to let anything out?"

There are a host of reasons why people don't share who they are or what they think.  It usually surrounds some previous incident where their feelings were hurt/ego bruised/fell on their a$$.  I think we hold on to those embarrassing occurrences thinking that remembering the experience will shield us from ever having to experience that again.  I know I have.  What really happens though is that we lead lives full of never sharing how we really feel, doing what we love, trying something we like for fear of looking stupid or someone using our good nature against us.  And honestly that only creates more of itself.  When I open up and share myself people respond in like kind.  Usually someone is so happy someone, anyone finally said it...what ever that may be.  People are dishonest or withhold info in business because they think that other people will try to cheat them.  What really happens is that people will always respond in like kind.  Holding on to these past experiences and keeping them alive every day remembering and thinking about it instead of letting it heal is like placing a wound inside a frame and posting it on your wall.  Gross right?  Yeah, I think so, too.  No more wounds on the wall.  It's just another part of the drama we create in our daily lives instead of living and loving in the now.  

Vulnerability is truly courage.  Think about it...who gives a shit if someone breaks your heart?  You will meet someone else and the experience was grand wasn't it?  You know why?  You went for it!  Who cares if you fall off stage?  No one else in the audience had the courage to even get up there.  You went for it!  Time out for all of that b.s.  We hold onto things because we know what that pain is like but when you step out into the sun again you feel healed and you don't need to cloak yourself in that misery.  Letting go of the pain doesn't make the experience null and void, it allows you to have new experiences.  And if you bump your head again and think "damn, why am I here, again?"  The reason is because you didn't learn what you needed to so that you could go beyond it...beyond.

100.

Bright 

Only The Beginning

"Roger That" - Directed by Bright

Man, it feels like it's taken an eternity to just get to this point.  Ideas have been floating around, pushed back and scrapped all together.  Yesterday, my sister, her best friend (my other sister, Sakinah) & I got it together, finally, to do a quick shoot.  Sakinah and I have been trying to hash out ideas and get the timing right for what feels like forever.  Something always happens but not this time.  Sakinah and I went to scout a location for another idea that we'd come up with about a month ago.  We were able to find the spot immediately.  Fantastic, right?  Right.  Then we set up a schedule for when she'd rehearse and when we'd shoot.  Then, life happens.  We aren't able to stick to the plan because scheduling conflicts arose.  Momentum was lost and the plan was scrapped.  Sadness.  Somehow it just felt like I would never get off the ground...

About 3 months ago, Sakinah and I had a wonderfully insightful and honest conversation.  I was trying to understand "why"....why wasn't I actualizing my dreams yet.  Then she brought up "reasons".  She said we all have these reasons for why things aren't where or how we want them that all pertain to some "external force".  Ok, so I wasn't shooting all the time because I didn't have a camera to shoot with and I needed an editor and a new computer at the very least to be able to try to edit something myself.  She said ok let's start to knock out your "reasons".  That day we went to Best Buy and I bought a lil camera that only cost like $300.  We went to the dance studio and I shot her developing choreography.  I felt like a million dollars...for real.  It felt so good to have something.  It still wasn't enough, though.  I couldn't upload any of the footage onto my computer because it was about 5 years old and wouldn't recognize the video files.  Shit.  You gotta be kidding me.  Sadness, again.  Cut to me finally buying a new MacBook Pro a month ago.  That was a determination that I made at the top of the year and despite delay I did it.  Feeling better still.  This all brings me to yesterday.  Because Sakinah and I had a location we'd already scouted and she and Maya knew the choreography and only had to practice it a few times over the last couple of days it was going to be a totally winning move.  Then we get to the location and no one has the song on cd.  This is hilarious.  We didn't freak out.  I tried walking around with my computer to try to get a signal off of someone's wifi to download it from iTunes.  I said, "I wish there was someone around who would just let us borrow their internet for like 5 minutes."  A couple of minutes later as I'm walking around, Maya and Sakinah come across this guy who is parked at the building adjacent to where we're shooting and he "just happens" to have mobile wifi.  F'ing awesome.  Now, we're winning some more.  I start downloading the song and they go over choreography.  We're under a time crunch because Sakinah has to teach and my camera starts to lose battery.  We made it through, though and felt good about what we'd done.  It was fun the whole time...little pitfalls and all.  Maya dropped me off at home and I started to edit immediately.

Because I have been working on another kind of documentary project I was only a little refreshed on my editing.  I just kept digging to find the answers to things I didn't know...It's been like 6 yrs since I've edited for real.  But I figured it all out and completed it in like 4 hours.  Sakinah and I talked it over and only made minor adjustments.  I couldn't wait to post it last night...seriously.  Shak had to talk me down from posting it without getting an agreement on the edit first.  lol  

What's crazy is that when we first started this site Blogger didn't have the capability to embed video into the actual post.  I dug some more today to try and figure out how to add into our side panel.  They just added the capability to embed recently.  Talk about t-t-totally winning.


This I know for sure...things changed because I've changed...Because I'm continuing to challenge myself in personal growth.  I've been making more determinations and etching away my "reasons".  Having a never give up spirit always, and I do mean always, gets you to where you need to be.  That is why you actualize your dreams.  I'm making little jumps to create bigger leaps.  In a minute, I'm going to be flying...Just watch me. ;)

100.

Bright 

The Road Less Traveled...I'm a Muse

The Oprah opportunity was the last straw for the kid. Bright was there to witness my melt down. Despite much preparation and great film footage (thanks Briziiiight); it still didn’t work. The editing process was a NIGHTMARE but I still managed to finish it by 3 am Saturday morning, only to realize that the sound was not synced up to the actual picture. The final product looked like one of those old Karate films. I finished it but didn’t send it in to Oprah. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I almost had one of those I-feel-sorry-for-myself moments. You know where you just want to throw in the towel and declare life totally unfair. Man, I can honestly say I really know what it feels like to know when something just isn’t in the cards. I have put forth so much effort in several projects in my life only to meet with a big, fat, FAIL on the other end. For this particular opportunity, I didn’t even get to turn in the video audition. I mean it’s not like I created the video, sent it off and then didn’t get a call back. I literally couldn’t send off the video. I thought maybe I could have put in more work, more preparation for it and that is possible. BUT I’M ALL WORK AND HUSTLE. That’s most of what I do, day in and day out. I told Bright, something had to be wrong. I do believe when a door doesn’t budge we should try again and again to open it. But sometimes after hitting your head against the same door; it might be time to realize that maybe that door isn’t opening for a reason.

And that’s when Bright reminded me and said, “Pal, I think you’re just going to have to create your own path like you always do”. Hell, our blog’s motto is “Put Yourself On”. How ironic too considering that’s what the show was going to be about. I was going to interview all the other “weird” people in the world who had struck out on their own accord. But up until the Oprah moment; I thought that “putting yourself on” included going after opportunities offered by others. Oprah represents a chief Inspirer, surely that was an opportunity worth going after considering that’s what I want to do with my life. But maybe not, “Put Yourself On” =Create your own way. Of course people, places and events will show up to help you on your way but they will not create your path for you.

I started thinking back to all of my failed attempts to become a part of someone else’s dreams. There was the time I flew out 2,000 miles away to try to get an internship for Rocafella. (That was an amazing experience nonetheless, talking to producer Clark Kent for like 8 hours). There was the pitch to Jay-Z for the hip-hop curriculum. (Another cool experience, Ta Ta, John Minnelli and all his boys had the curriculum in hand discussing it). How about going gold in a network marketing company only to find out the technology was flawed? Oh and how I can I forget, my last day at Interscope Records when the head sales executive told me, “You’ll be very successful in life but not here.” HUH? It was like a bad reoccurring nightmare. Actually, I do have a reoccurring dream in which I’m alone at the top of buildings and/or walking tight ropes but that’s a whole other story. Why wouldn’t bosses want a super driven, successful person in their company? ARE THESE PEOPLE TOTALLY CRAZY? What was so wrong with me that I could never quite fit the bill? I already knew the answer, it was buried deep down. But I’ve been fighting the truth for some time.  I believe buried in our hearts are the answer to all of our questions.  When we stop listening to our hearts, that's when we're in trouble.

It reminded me of my first experience with my “problem”. I was in the 1st grade when 4 students told our teacher I cheated because I finished 30 minutes ahead of everyone. All I could do was cry. I had never been attacked before for being different, too fast.  I remember that moment at 3 am when I finished editing the project.  It felt like, I was scared to run ahead and do my own thing still.  In class, I would wait until the last minute to do my work that way I would never get discovered.  I learned how to play small.  Even though it hurt deep inside.  Why was I looking for someone to give me an opportunity?  I had all the faculties to strike out on my own, I always have.

I’m a creator. It sounds like a simple thing to say. But it’s not. The implications are very serious. It means that despite much effort, I would never be small enough to fit into one role because I’m constantly creating more opportunities in that role. DAMN! Most businesses are mainly interested in keeping status quo.  That's the anti of creating opportunities but rather maintaining projects already in place. And it makes sense. Can you imagine if a business was constantly creating more products than it could manage? In other words, I do too much. I set things on fire, for better or worse.  My greatest success has always come from creating something from nothing.  In particular helping dreamers strike out on their uncharted paths. After all, they need a creative spark, fire to help them begin their journeys.

I think we dishonor ourselves, our family and God when we do not use our full potential. Boy does it hurt us too. We suffer greatly from resisting the urge to become more of who we are. We develop addictions, diseases and all types of ailments from trying hard to not fill our place. Everything in nature both living and inanimate has a particular potential. I truly believe it’s our goal while we’re here on Earth to max out our own potential. And we can’t compare our potential to others because we all have a different destiny. We just have to have the courage to realize what ours is. That starts with a decision to be who we “really” are. Usually, it’s a lot bigger than what we think.

And just like that I met my first helper to assist me with my new decision. I went to my lil brother’s boxing trainer on Sunday. I was drenched. I established a rhythm with the quick one, two three routine crosses, slipping, ducking and throwing constant jabs. Boxing requires crazy discipline and focus. I need more of both; I tend to be more flighty and less grounded. I’m in constant motion with more energy than a two year old.  If I don’t use it, I become reckless, dangerous.  I have to give it away constantly. When you box and become tired the first thing to go is the mental. That’s when you have to focus harder. Turns out I already knew the boxing trainer, of course.

He had sold his big time Rim shop on La Cienega to do what he loves, boxing.  He let the shop go, to open a boxing gym in his own garage. I was inspired. No pretentiousness, no spa etiquette with warm towels; just a regular ol’ garage with gloves. That takes guts and courage to follow a path from your heart. But the clients were steady coming in, one left when I entered and one was coming in when I left. I felt the weight of his decision. He was dreaming up his path; it didn’t feel like I was in a garage. I felt like I was in a boxing ring, like I was training with a professional boxer.

He asked me. “What was my passion?” I told him I love helping people, particularly people who are stuck on their path.  I’ve helped them my whole life regardless of what “job” I’ve held.  It’s been a gift and a curse to be able to feel what’s in other people’s hearts. Sometimes they are not ready to know what’s in there. Of course, I was also speaking to myself.  We can often assist others but can we assist ourselves?  That's much harder.  Often people want surface level help from me like writing a resume, learning how to speak in public or how to make pitch calls to people in the industry. And of course those are all helpful skills that one needs to learn. But it’s like learning the formation of doing push-ups to achieve overall fitness. It’s a useful tool, but what good is learning form if you don’t have heart to do the push-up in the first place?

Gaining heart, passion and overcoming fears is what is needed to help people make permanent changes. I’m an Inspirer for better or worse I told him. I can feel things deeply, mainly what’s holding someone back from their goals. I help folks identify what those things are and charge them up with positive energy so they can start on their path. I was trying to think of an example of someone that does this too but the only example I have is fictional, Tinker Bell. I really didn’t want to sound like a nutcase so I opted to leave that example alone. But then he went for it.

He proceeded to ask me if there was a name for someone like me. I didn’t know for sure, I wanted to say “fairy, maybe muse” but I told him “life coach” but that doesn’t quite capture it. That’s when he started coaching me. He showed me his cards and his website that he put together in one day. He told me three pieces of advice. “Be patient you might only have one to two clients in your first month, maybe none but they will eventually come to you and then you’ll have too many clients.” He also said, “Charge something reasonable but something that you would be proud of receiving”. And finally he paused, “find your niche, I’m a boxing trainer, everyone has their thing.” Ummm ok. Truth is I have many clients and have had several in the past, I just haven’t charged them yet.

WOW, I thought I was just going to sweat out the VODKA I had consumed from Saturday’s party. Man, I’m so not a drinker anymore. Those days are just about over. That workout sobered me up though. It’s another nudge towards helping me fulfill my personal legend. I smiled when I read his card.  His name read Charles “Lucky” Brandon.  Of course that would be his nick name. LOL I love this life; it has so many twists and turns I never know what’s going to happen next.


Shak
100.

P.S. Check out Lucky’s website: www.boxingfitnessfactory.com
If you’re ever in LA, you should get up with this guy if you’re ready to put in that work.  :)