My Life's Purpose

http://www.inner-cityarts.org/who-we-are-campus.php

There was an opening article “How to Discover Your Life’s Purpose in about 20 minutes” from Steve Pavlina that I remember reading a few months ago. http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/01/how-to-discover-your-life-purpose-in-about-20-minutes/

He said in order to find your life’s purpose sit still and then write at the top of the page “What is my TRUE purpose in life”? At first most of the stuff that you write is surface crap according to him. I guess one could write things like to become a millionaire and to have plenty of women. Then your purposes may get a bit deeper like to become an actress, to be a director, or to be a librarian. But after awhile if you force yourself to keep asking the question, it will APPEAR…it’s the purpose that makes you cry uncontrollably. It sounded interesting enough but I never got around to actually taking the test but…

This morning I got a text from http://www.idealist.org/. Dope website BTW. And as part of the text message they send 2-3 job postings per day. One of which was a gig for an Inner City Arts Theatre Manager. Now I had no intention on applying for the job, but “Inner City Arts” peaked my interest. And when I went on their site to learn more about the organization, I spotted their headquarters. The building was BEAUTIFUL! I mean the type of design and architecture that would be featured on Kanye West’s Blog. But this wasn’t located in Beverly Hills or in Brentwood, or even in Santa Monica; it’s was located in, well, the inner city of Los Angeles. And when I imagined a scene of kids pouring into the building, I started crying. I remember the first time I saw my school's campus in Brentwood, it was beyond belief. And at my desk, the tears swelled up in my eyes, it was out of my control. Then I remembered Steve’s blog.

My life changed when my environment changed. I remember going from having bars outside my apartment's windows to driving through neighborhoods filled with mansions. But I had to travel to a whole new world to experience the beauty. Little did I know back then, that when a person changes inside so does her environment. I was a BIG dreamer even as a child.

But to dream is one thing, to set out to fulfill a life's mission is a whole 'nother thing. Thanks Steve, who knew my purpose, was so simple. It’s the purpose that makes you cry with or without your permission.

My life’s purpose:
To become the most brilliant (light-bearing) person I can be in this lifetime by helping to ignite the fire and passion in others whose light is barely flickering; to inspire “inner city youth”, the have-nots, the edge-dwellers, the outcast, the forgotten to dream beyond seeming limitations and in the process, transform barren landscapes of hopelessness to expressions of beauty and unparalleled art.
The words just came. We are here for a purpose. And it ain’t got nothing to do with your mortgage, your rims, or your iphone.

Shak
100.

No Do-Overs

A few weeks ago, I had dinner with a friend of mine who I've never known truly before that evening.  We went to high school together but never connected before that dinner although we've lived in LA for the last 6 yrs for her and the last almost 5 for me.  It wasn't meant for us to connect before this time.  I couldn't receive her as she was then and nor she who I was before.  Relationships come and go as they always do and this is something we spoke about at length that night.   Just like a splinter in your finger and sometimes like clothes you wore in your youth things are not to last for forever and always.  Your body naturally pushes out the splinter and you naturally out grow the clothes.  I have no misgivings about friendships that have passed.  It's not to say that I'm some heartless chick that doesn't care about people or treats them as they are expendable, on the contrary, actually.  It's just that as I grow I understand that there is a time and a place for most things.  I don't look forward to the demise and I mourn the passing but I let it go.  You have to.  Appreciate what there was and learn from the experience so you can be more, experience more. THAT'S what life is about.  I cannot wear the same clothes I sported as a youth (not all lol) nor do I desire to do so because I've out grown it all.  No do-overs because at that time I was supposed to experience what was.  It's hard to let go of some people who aren't serving you and vice versa because we're used to that relationship but in order to be what I am fully I have to let go of some baggage such as weight, habits such as a lack of discipline, etc.  When people don't grow to their fullest as we see it, the natural response is to try to pull them along.  But what can happen is you can get caught in the undertow.  You end up resenting them but it is you who is not on your path.  Is it better that they love you and want to spend time with you because you are not living up to your best or to deal with the difficult entanglements of resentments and jealousy on their part because they've taken another path than you think they should have?  The answer is up to each of us but for me, I've had to walk away a few times.  I still think about some people, today even, that i miss for their camaraderie or laughter because I do love it/them but I wouldn't give up who I am today nor who I am becoming for it because it is my destiny.  With all sincerity, if people truly wanted the best for you they would not hate on who you are becoming but yet celebrate it and be inspired by it and rise to meet the challenges you've faced for themselves.

100.

Bright

Brilliance

I spoke with a friend the other day who is about to graduate from school regarding he plans for the future. THE FUTURE. She was thinking of spending a few years becoming acclimated with her back up plan and then going after her third choice of attending law school and only after completing that trying her hand at her true passion of becoming a journalist for a magazine. I asked why and she responded that it seemed like the most responsible thing to do. She could begin to get income in arenas where there was a route already laid before, it was all very a + b = c. Her passion’s route was a bit more vague or hazy in what the actual starting point would be or when exactly she would begin to gain fruit from her labor. Here’s the thing, she’s in her early 20’s with every possibility at her fingertips. She has the time and the energy to go after her passion, not now but right now. She can sustain a few bumps and bruises along the way in the vein of a learning curve with little to no long term impact; no mortgage, no husband, no kids. Why wouldn’t now be the most opportune time?

It reminded me of the convo Shak and I had earlier this week. She asked me if I felt I had more trouble with my vision or faith in my vision. I thought about it for a sec, “my faith”, I said. She thought it was the same and wondered why and what I thought that was holding me back. I think it’s that I worry that people won’t understand the stories I’m trying to tell. What if they don’t get it? She told me I was worrying about the “how” and that was basically futile. Then she asked me if there were any projects I had that I was really connected to.

I said, "Yeah, but I have to make my visions fit my means. I don't have the $$$ to produce those works." "Once again," she said, "you're worried about the wrong thing. Write the scripts and the $, equipment, and the WAY will present itself."

Geez, even after writing it again I feel so silly. I spend time visualizing, intending, being in my head where I see myself. Having the gratitude for attaining all of that I envision but my faith still sucks and I had no idea. I moved out here with pure certainty that things would be fine. There was no, and there still isn't, expiration date for attaining and accomplishing all. I'm afraid of what..I'm not sure. But that fear definitely exists because if it didn't my faith would be stronger. After telling Shak of the script that was the first story I knew through and through pretty much, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I even came up with another plot point. Dope. "Leaps of Faith" is on my vision board and I feel like I haven't taken one in a while. Faith is the belief in the unknown, it's coming to the ledge and believeing you'll sprout wings on the way down. hahahaha It's real, though. "A risk worth taking" is also on my board. Great risk only produces great results. These things I know in my head, they add up. My heart on the other hand is pounding inside of my chest. I know the greatness within continues to seep out and soon it will completely engulf me even as i traverse new heights. You cannot unring a bell, as the saying goes. You cannot profess to be great, be great and then decide wholeheartedly to be mediocre. It just doesn't work like that. To do that means certain death of your spirit. The thing about it is that certain way, that is who you now are. Really, it's just being who you were the whole time anyway. Are you afraid of your own brilliance?

100.

Bright

On Joy…

I've been getting these little tingling joyous sensations lately. They come out of nowhere and seem almost unwarranted. The only thing I can contribute it to is the starting of this company. It feels like doses of euphoria. I feel SO a-ma-zing inside that I am taken off guard by the experience and am prone to uncontrollable smiles. These are deeply content knowing smiles that derive from the inside, the depths of my soul. I am talking about real joy like the literal definition of joy combined with a sense of grace. Not the kind that dancers have but the ethereal kind that makes you feel calm and totally connected to everything. I don't have tons more money than I did before, my bumper still needs to be fixed and I have to do the dishes (lol) but that has nothing to do with this joy because it's inside and not dependent upon those things. I finally SENSE my purpose. When I think of it, my senses heighten...I can see it more in my head and because of that I feel like I see the world around me coming more into focus. The leaves on the trees are individual where before they were a green blob. I can taste it in my dreams, daytime and nocturnal. :) I guess this is being alive...and it only took me 28 yrs :)

100.

Bright

Connect – Inspire