Things I love... Pt2

"Crazy Daily" 

by Ahmad Hassan

60 Days to Lose 10 lbs: Beginning August 31st, 2009

60 DAYS TO LOSE 10BLS:

Here's the thing about creating goals, first you have to start them (HARD AS HELL) and finally you have to complete them (EVEN MORE DIFFICULT).

Back in Jan of 08, I sat down with my Pops and wrote out my weight loss plans. It was simple, I wanted to lose weight to the tune of 45-50 lbs, I was a bit over 190 at the time. I actually created the goal not really to lose weight but rather to prove a point to my dad. I wanted to demonstrate that I could do whatever I wanted to do as long as I committed to it. Weight loss was something that seemed very difficult to accomplish. I remember running with a co-worker after work and it took me a little bit over an hour to run 3 miles. Having been a former athlete, I remember that feeling of being demoralized after the run.

After reading the scale and looking at it in total disbelief, I made a phone call on Jan 3, 08. I remember calling my girl Erica, a fitness psycho, to work out with me. Of course it was raining hard outside in sunny LA, and she declined the offer at 7AM. But I begged her to just come workout with me on that day. The crazy thing is it's been over a year and a half since that morning; and Erica hasn't worked out with me ever since. But I still owe her a lot for getting out of bed on that morning, that was the day I decided that I was going to change my mind about being stuck. After all being overweight, or being in a rut really has little to do with food at all. Usually it's something bigger that's holding us back, either a mental weight or block that keeps us from being who we really are meant to be. We never know who might help us take our first step.

Today is August 26th, 2009 and I woke up at 4:30 am as usual, ran a mile and a half at the gym and did about 500 situps, 5 different weight machines ect. Tomorrow I might be outside running hills or pulling tires with chains. But I can't help but look back and see the woman I used to be (in a word): STUCK. I think most of us have such a hard time just GETTING STARTED. We think of all the million and one reasons why we can't accomplish our goals. I remember thinking I'm too big to do these types of exercises. I'm too slow to run up the hill that many times. But the amazing thing about the human will is, over time, with one day at a time, those loud excuses become quieter until you can't hear them whisper to you anymore. Those are the voices that hold us back the most, the one's that we create.

P.S. STOP MAKING EXCUSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR THE RECORD: "I'M NOT A MORNING PERSON...I HATE GETTING UP IN THE MORNING". Just take the 1st step...join me Aug 31st. We'll keep each other inspired.

Shak

100.

Working....for Someone Else's ish

And as Confucius may have said: do something you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

posted by Paulo Coelho via twitter 8/20/09 

Good morn.. If you don't have big dreams and goals you'll end up working reeeally hard for someone who does. :)
God is Love
Rev Run posted via Global Grind 8/26/09 

Last week I was speaking with my mom because we finally did our major email blast for the site.  She was telling me how inspired she was.  Wow.  It makes me feel awesome when I know I'm doing something that my mother can get behind.  I don't do things for her approval but I can't get around or past that warm feeling I get when she tells me she's proud of me.  She  follows this comment by stating, "I'm going to utilize your site for what it's for...To Put Myself On."  FRESH.  I was truly blown away, my MOM is going to "Put [herself] On"?  Hey, that's what it's all about.

I started to think about how fortunate I really am, you know?  I mean, I was raised to go after my passions.  To make a life based upon going after my dreams.  It wasn't until I was about to graduate from high school that I realized what a rarity that was.  Quite a few of my friend's parents did not support them in their life's choice for a career.  Instead their parents put A LOT of pressure on them to do what they wanted as opposed to what my friends wanted for their career.  This was completely mind blowing to me. You mean your MOM doesn't support you?!  What the hell?!  That's what they're there for.  To guide you and lead you, yes.  But ultimately to care for and support your dreams.  My house ended up turning into somewhat of a safehouse for runaway dreamers....It still is today.  lol  Please don't get it twisted...I've had PLENTY of run ins with my mom regarding disagreeing over curfews, some friend choices, I took her for granted when I was younger blah blah blah.  All of that is natural.  The real is that my mother supported me in what I wanted to do, always.  That's partially why I'm so determined to make it happen.  Because I don't want her support to be in vain.  She and I don't speak everyday or even every week.  We don't have to because she knows I'm grinding and she has her own life.  lol  

Anyhoo... I think about people who hate their lives, like wake up soooo unhappy because they're helping someone else make their dreams pop off and it has nothing to do with what they are truly passionate about.  Those are the people who you encounter on the daily and are pissed off ALL the time.  I felt myself starting to get into that rut.  You know the one... you've taken on a job or a position to help you get somewhere and all the sudden time is passing and you still don't feel any closer to achieving your goals.  I started to feel so irritated all of the time.  I would take out my frustration on people around me and then it hit me... I'm not doing IT.  This is not something I love, I am going against the very grain of my being.  Wouldn't you be pissed if you were helping to build someone else's company from the ground up for YEARS and you still had that idea that you never fleshed out hanging out in your basement?  Now this is not to say that everyone has to be CEO.  Even if your passion is to be a part of building up something let it be something that you L-O-V-E.  I mean, seriously, life is to be enjoyed and lived to the fullest.  Without maxing out our potentials and fulfilling our hearts desires what is really the point of existing?  Time out for all the bull***t.  I made a decision, it's time to get. it. in.

100.

Bright

P.S. had a great convo with a possible cinematographer last night for my upcoming shoot.  so juiced...everyday making it happen step by step.  much thanks to Del for thinking of me.  :)

First Time I rhymed for Bright aka Jewel in 08

I just found this...gotta love technology. Bright sent me some Bright-USA stuff as usual about the Lotus Flower and overcoming the odds. It came up because we were choppin' it up a bit, and I asked her for her myspace page. Turns out her page had the word lotus in it. The wierd thing is I was researching that flower the week before because I'm wierd like that...Peep the convo.

-----Original Message-----
From: Jewel K. Estephanos
Sent: Wednesday, September 10, 2008 1:44 PM
To: Gagnier, Shakira
Subject: RE: Words of encouragement
well, it's a prominent symbol in buddhism & it represents cause and effect in nature. It is the only flower that seeds & blooms at the same time and it blooms out of swamps which is also quite symbolic of creating extreme beauty out of any life/karma.

>On Wednesday, September 10, 2008, at 02:41 PM, "Gagnier, Shakira"
wrote:

Yes now I remember, I remember the part about blooming from the swamps, and under the worst conditions. Dang that's tight BRIGHT...uh oh I'm rhyming. I used to rhyme back in the day. :)

Still blooming despite the dark
The light's inside
So I see with my heart
How u stop me? Yall don't have the heart

Shak's on the holy grail

But I'll leave my fans a spark

Jewels of wisdom, follow the bits and parts

But it's lights out when I get my final part

Not acting, just living that's my secret art

Victory over Trials

I found this excerpt below in my email this morning: Come get that inspiration!

The need to weather hard times is constantly part of our business and personal lives. Do you ever think of these hurdles in a positive light? The next time you are faced with opposition, instead of looking at it as a source of anxiety, view it as an opportunity! Can you apply what you have learned to other areas of your life? Will this experience make you stronger and wiser next time around? Sometimes the worst and most painful experiences are the ones that help us grow the most. Having a positive attitude can deflate even the scariest situation. Overcoming adversity can help you achieve the extraordinary!
 

This brings to mind my senior thesis for high school. We all had to type this paper in order to graduate that was at least 25 pages in length. But it wasn't typing a long paper that was the major victory in the end, it was the process of finding a computer to actually type the damn thing. I must have used about 5 different computers and typewriters (friends/library) in order to put the paper together. Can you imagine using a freakin' typewriter from the library? First I had to humble myself to ask to use other people's computers because I didn't have one. Second I had to coordinate crazy schedules in order to fit the timing of when they weren't using their own computer. Even though I got like a B-/C+ on the paper itself; I knew deep down that no one had gone to greater lengths to actually finish the paper. This is the thing about schools they only grade the finish product which is a BIG mistake. What about the process it takes to complete a project/paper?  We become who we are based on the grind, the actual work we put into the finished product.

That was the formative years 7th-12th grade that molded me into a certified grinder. I didn't have much of the same resources as some of my peers, but I knew there was always a way. I ended up typing 25 pages straight at my homies house, started at 6pm and finished at 6am...dropped the paper off in my P.J.s. I think some of my teachers always thought that I wasn't giving enough or that I half-assed things and didn't use my full potential. Perhaps they were right in some cases. But sometimes we can't see behind the scenes. I had to get it done whenever, however I could...which is something that comes from having your back against the wall. You either figure out a way or you fold.

The problem in life is Comfort is a luxury most of us CAN'T afford. Most of us never see opportunities because we're waiting for the perfect package that seems easy, something we can readily handle in our present situation. Opportunities are usually laced with difficulties, the unexpected and require us to grow and to stretch. I didn't get an A on the paper, but I learned that I only need the will and the desire to act on that will to make it happen, and the rest will take care of itself. If I would have waited for my own computer, I would have been waiting until I was a senior at USC, when I bought my own. I made through highschool and all through College using probably around 50 computers in total to complete all my assignments. And while I'm not a master by no means on the computer, I do consider myself masterful at gettin' ish done by all means possible.

P.S. For one week, try cooking without a microwave, or try catching the bus/catching rides with friends, or set a small weekly allowance for a week and stick to it, if you blow it all in one day living the life...improvise. Creativity and Flexibility are usually born out of trials and limitations. Who knows what you might create along the way.

Shak

100.

We Run This, Man....

Alternately entitled: The Return of Artisty

So, just checked out "Run This Town" vid.  Super Fresh, indeed.  I must admit the 1st time I heard the song, "eh" is what I felt.  After hearing it a bit more on my mixed cd, I started to fall for it.  Not too surprising because Jay does it to me almost everytime anyway.  But the vid was soooooo dope!  Shout out to Anthony Mandler, the director.  He's been doing his thing for a minute now and I had an opp to work on a vid with him years back before Omarion, Rihanna and such.  So happy to see the return of the artistry.  The thing is, I knew it was coming and have been saying it for a minute now.  The pendulum HAS to swing back the other way.  People can't take the vacuousness for too long.  People are drawn to authenticity not the watered down crap that keeps getting peddled.  True artists are going to keep creating just that, art.  That's what we do.  Loved the visual depth without feeling overwhelmed.  I'll prolly watch it a few more times tonight.  This ish keeps me inspired....love it.

Sidebar: purchased my 1st piece of Mr. Brainwash artwork tonight.  It's a Miles Davis joint.  More on that when it arrives.

100.

Bright

Don't Touch My Chocolate!!

I'm just saying, there are things that you just shouldn't do and whatnot. And taking other people's chocolate is one of them, chocolate is AMAZING for a lack of a better term. There isn't too many things that can beat it. With that being said, I would appreciate it if you GET YOUR OWN! Try to take it and you'll be sorry...something to the tune of (drag you out to a desolate, dry area and, well you get the picture...see below).

P.S. I love the word: WHATNOT (it means nothing and yet it describes everything).

0 to 1 Moment...

30 DAYS TO MY FIRST PERFORMANCE!

Are lies really worth being told when the truth can set you free? People from all different walks of life tell lies to secure personal feelings and to cover up the truth that may be painful. Many have deep dark secrets better known as skeletons in their closet; but what happens in the dark shall come to the light. No matter how many years it may take, the truth is bound to surface sooner or later. How do we handle our past showing up unexpectedly in the present time?

Will the truth be revealed or will it remain Shhh…Quiet as Kept

-Excerpt from "Quiet as Kept" play flyer

I want to invite all of you to my first major performance in a play production entitled: Shhhh…Quiet As Kept by Brandi Burks. Now I know some of you might be wondering what is going on? Shak is an actress? What is she doing on stage? But life’s an adventure, right? It’s what we make it, and somehow I ended up in an acting class and have been rolling with it ever since. Oh did I mention I was singing too? Relax… I’m a background singer in the choir, but I am one of the lead actresses in the play. (Exciting, Anxiety). I asked the Playwright, “Wait, are you sure you want me to play the lead? I mean this is my first production." She replied, “Dang, I didn’t realize you are the lead. Well, look at it this way, you’re like the wildcard, you’ll either shine and do really well or well, don't worry about it, you'll be fine.” YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKES! So this is it…my beginning moment, and I would love for ya’ll to share it with me. And if you can’t make it, say a prayer for me that I shine bright.

Thank you guys,

Shak.
100.

TICKETS: $25 Presale
Purchase tickets online at www.plays411.com/quietaskept.

WHEN/TIME:
Saturday, September 19th/ 8:00 PM
Saturday, September 26th/ 8:00 PM
Sunday, October 4th/ 4:00 PM
Sunday, October 11th (Closing Night) / 4:00 PM

WHERE: STAGE 52
5299 W. Washington Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90016
Ample Street Parking

things i love...

* i got a letter in the mail yest stating that a company owes me $215.34 from 2 yrs ago. they're sending me my check asap

* fitted tees that are now just t-shirts

* jeans that do not fit whatsoever even though they're newly washed

what do you love? :)

Revere the Message not the Messenger

"i want to believe that michael vick is truly remorseful...so, i shall" posted by me via facebook

Here's the thing...I think that it took a major situation to shake up his life. I read a blog he wrote and he stated that he didn't FEEL anything while in jail. It wasn't until he was talking to people who really love animals just like a few friends of mine, that he changed his heart and FELT something. He realized how numb he had been his whole life until that point. If it's all a media ploy, I don't care. I won't feel duped because I want to see the best in people and I like to see the best in them. I understand people being angry especially when it's so closely related to someone's daily life or what you do for a living, but i think that it's people with that type of passion geared in a positive direction that helped change his life.

let's be clear: I'm not supporting what he did. I'm supporting growth

100.

Bright

I'm Inspired By: Jay-Z (Black Republican)

Ok so Shon (one of my fitness trainers) told me to listen to Jay Z's verse on Black Republican. In the beginning of most relationships/friendships everything is clear, exciting and bright (no pun intended). Sometimes though the distractions and outside world can become too much to bear and friendships get sidetracked or destroyed in the process. I hope we never sing this tune Bright...not now or ever. I was inspired by Jay's verse so I wrote one too.

[Jay-Z]
Huddlin' over the oven, we was like brothers then (What?)
Though you was nothin' other than a son of my mother's friend
We had governin', who would of thought the love would end
Like ice cold album, all good things
Neva thought we sing the same song that all hood sang
Thought it was all wood-grain, all good brain
You wouldn't bicker like the other fools talk good game
Neva imagine all the disasters that one could reign
Could bring!, should bling, the game, and I could
It's kill or be killed, how could I refrain?
And foreva be in debt, that's neva a good thing
To the pressure for success can put a good strain
On a friend you call best, and yes it could bring
Out the worst in every person, even the good's insane
Though we rehearsed, it's just ain't the same
When you put in the game at age sixteen
Then you mix things: like cars, jewelry, and miss things
Jealousy, ego, and pride, and this brings
It all to a head like coin, cha-ching
The rule of evil strikes again, this could sting
Now the team got beef between the Post and the Point
This puts the ring in jeopardy - until Liberty


[Shak]
We started out in the same sand box,
Didn't play fair cuz I’m born from a different lot
Lots of kids talked, said I could not…would not
Soft spoken, sweet kid with long locks
Pretty face, couldn’t throw rocks, no aim bad shot
My lessons were earned tho, school of hard knocks
Didn’t know people would hate what they are not
Now no amount of repeats let those compete
it’s never even, no strategies can beat
the one they’ve secretly admired so they try to be me
But I delete those who don’t honor defeat
They rather not try, and that’s the real beast
Someone who can’t look me in the eye, can neva feast
So hard to be the best; started out slower than the rest
Almost came to an arrest, No accolades for passing life’s test
I landed broken wing when I first left the nest
No pillow soft, to lay down to rest,
So even if u catch up, it’s not for long, I’m so rest less
Who knew it would be this hard?
I became what I am cuz they said I would fall
No more give and go’s straight hoop, I learned to ball
I went all out for a glimpse of the 5 around rodeo’s blvd
clowin’ with black faux furs, And that’s where it blurs,
My fam rather see me with nothin
I Never did it for stuntin, but to show I was neva bluffin
No frontin my ammunition came from hunger
thirsty to be more than just somethin

Go Hard or... Well, You Know the Rest

A few weeks back (7/15/09), Shak's homie, Dame Taylor(on the Beat), posted a blog about a random producer stating that he was the best in the state of Maryland followed by his question "who cares?" Understandably, there are tons of people touting that they're "the best" at this or that and they kinda...ok, majorly SUCK. Here's my response to the posting:

alright, i feel where you're coming from but let me pose this question to you... if you walk the earth stating that you're merely "alright" then that's what you'll always be. maybe that dude in maryland sucks, maybe. maybe he'll never amount to anything, maybe. but at least he's calling claim to what he wants. a lot of people look to the outside world to up their SELF esteem and like katt williams stated "it's called esteem of your mf'ing SELF". feel me? people like pharrell, beyonce, russell, will, etc didn't get to where they are because they touted they wanted to be the "most alright [fill in the blank]". will smith proclaimed that he wanted to be the biggest movie star and that's what he made out of himself. seriously. just because right now they seem to be a bit more humble to you, don't get it twisted... russell, beyonce, et al are more confident on the daily than most people can hope to think about. they MADE the way for themselves by claiming it, proclaiming it even all the while putting in the hard work to make it come true. you HAVE to proclaim what ever it may be that you want or else you'll sit there waiting, like so many super talented people do, for someone to hand it to you instead of getting it. do you really think that diddy got where he is by stating he wants to be an alright, cool producer? that doesn't even sound like smth that would come out of his mouth, right? soulja boy proclaimed it and was signing autographs before he made it. he put himself on in a major way. so, whereas i may not dig someone's "talent", i respect their grind and their hustle. EVERYONE's success began as a proclamation that they would in fact succeed. it's not happenstance.

btw, big ups to DTOTB (dame taylor on the beat). that's my best friend's boy.

Yesterday, while speaking to Diesel(Shak) about writing my goals for this yr and my complete goal/vision for life in full smth she said struck a chord with me, yet again. lol Gotta love the inspiration. :)

Anyhoo...so she said smth regarding being the best actress and how Deej(a friend of hers) said, "if you didn't want to be the best then why go at all?" Well, I was thinking about that while doing my prayers and it occurred to me that I've never said, "I want to be the best director." WOW. I mean, I've said I want to be critically acclaimed and world renowned but I've never said "the best". So, that's smth I've gotta and did change as of this am. I have to keep practicing it; to keep feeling that feeling of being the best when I think it and envision it but I've started! yes. :) It's kinda like me saying that I will be on par or better than Alfred Hitchock. That's a tall order for me to wrap my head around but I have to do it b/c he is, in fact, no better than I. We all have to start somewhere and where we begin has no real bearing on how far we go or how brightly we shine. Russell, Ye, Will, etc all started out wack or at best soooo not where they are today but they just. kept. going. That's what it's all about. As long as you START, you're in the game.

100.

Bright

I’M SO UNREASONABLE…

I think parents often want their child to pick a “stable” career that brings home “stable” income that will provide for a “stable” life. But what if I would rather live life as an adventure? I’ve never subscribed to the philosophy that I should just be satisfied with a “good” job that pays “good” benefits. What if that job doesn’t fill my soul? I can’t remember who said it, but there was this dude who said something like, “everyone should just go home from work until they figured out what it is they really wanted to do”. Now of course if you have a family to provide for that may seem very foolish and totally unfeasible. But is living a life of total regret and unhappiness a more reasonable aim? I’m convinced the hardest thing to do in this lifetime is to truly follow one’s heart. How can that be?

Well, that’s easy to figure out. We’re all told from the time we’re born that certain things in life are “impossible” or “improbable”. If you think I’m stretching that a bit, go ahead and tell one of your dearest friends that you’re about to start your own business or that you’re going to drop 25 lbs in 6 months. I’ll tell you what’s going to happen because I’ve actually tried both. A few of your friends will tell you good luck, a few others will tell you how difficult and improbable your goals are and the rest will tell you nothing. It is the silence that often kills dreams not the voices of dissent. I spent years waiting for cheerleaders to show up at the sidelines of my dream. But guess what? They never appeared not from my family or friends. So I stopped talking about my dreams and goals.

Crazily enough, in 2008 it hit me. I realized that the reason no one appeared at my side with pom-poms and cheers was because I had not entered the arena yet. Fans cheer on the players: the ones who have committed for better or worse to their dream. On Jan 3rd 2008 I realized I wanted to become a major player. Hell, I really wasn’t even certain of what game I wanted to play in the beginning, but I just put my head down and started working…well actually running. I wanted to do something totally creative that sparked my inner passion. Players acknowledge that they want to play in the game first and foremost which means that they proclaim this is who I am and this is what I’m about to do. You can’t “kinda” play, it’s all or nothing. And when players fall short of making a play they don’t blame it on the weather or their lack of playing time, they acknowledge their shortcomings and build.

In 08 when I decided to pursue acting it was the first time I didn’t tell anyone of my secret ambition. I just decided to train relentlessly, either taking a class or running the hills of Palos Verdes. And this time, I didn’t need any cheerleaders to help me figure out if I was good enough or talented enough or pretty enough to enter the arena. All I needed was a hunger to play. And I figure now that I’m in the game, I might as well try to score and I’m playing to win. But what I didn’t know then that I know now is that being a player is in itself a major victory. I’ll never be amongst the crowd who talks down on the game, who belittles the game because they were too afraid to put on a uniform and enter the arena. At rehearsal last night, one of the other actresses talked about how she overcame stage fright, how she couldn’t sleep before performances because deep down she knew that her opening lines either captured the audience or made them hit the snooze button. It was a quiet moment in which we were exchanging comforting words amongst performers. It was in that moment that I realized, wait a second, I’m about to hit the stage for the first time, I’m acting baby. That’s all right…I’m finally entering the arena this September and that’s got to be worth at least like a million dollars.

I’m a beast.

Shak

100.