Love Your Haters

Image by: Michael Louis Young

"How do I gain your favor?

I need to know because I care.

I need you to love me, I swear....

...I need you, stay there.

I breathe you like air." 

- "Hate" Jay-Z Feat. Kanye West

Dislikers.  Abhorers.  Haters.  You know them.  Maybe too well.  I've had my fair share...When I was in middle school, the teacher goes around the room to ask everyone what they wanted to be when they "grew up."  Everyone wanted to be doctors, lawyers, firemen...and that's cool.  When it was my turn, "an actress".  The whole class laughed.  "How is that funny?", I thought.  Now, I realize their minds couldn't wrap around anyone doing or being something different.  They were taught that or felt too ashamed to speak out about what they were feeling.  Not the kid, though.

I remember when I first moved out here and started working on videos.  When I was in high school I watched every single video that came out.  I could tell you who the director was before the credit line came up.  So, it was dope when I moved to LA to start work with some of them.  On one job in particular, I produced the pick up shot (when a key shot is missing for the storyline and they need to pick it up after the official shoot is completed).  It was cool to have the responsibility and I got another DP, film, talent, wardrobe, etc in 24 hours.  Things went off without a hitch.  Dope, right?  So, the director asks me if this is what I want to do.  "What is that?", I inquire.  "Produce", says the director.  "Oh, no.  Not really", I say.  "What are you interested in?" was the follow up question.  I say, with a slight smile, "Actually, directing."  The director cricketed (tm Bright) the crap out of me.  Not a word, and just walked away like we had never been conversing in the first place.  WOW.  I was stunned for a second.  I'd worked with this director several times and had developed a relationship.  Then, I thought, "WHEN I become a director, I'll never do that to someone."  Was I going to cry?  No.  Pack up my ish and go home?  Hell no.  This director was suffering from a sense of scarcity.  I feel really bad for people like that.  No one can take your vision or your voice away from you if it's truly yours.  You have nothing to worry about.

People who "hate" usually suffer from a host of things that have nothing to do with you, even or especially if they're your friend.  There's the usual envy/jealousy aspect.  Also, boredom or feeling unfulfilled overall with their own lives.  It truly doesn't matter what the reason.  Being aware of them is all you can do but I would caution against being overly suspicous.  That tends to yield a self fulfilling prophecy type situation.  If that person is your friend, address it directly.  No use in keeping crappy energy close within your circle.  There's a poem "Hater" by Maya Angelou, I just saw on Melody Ehsani's Blog (fresh designer).  

The best lines: 

"The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don’t know my story…
If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!"

I firmly believe that there are two types people you run into everyday all day.   People who show you how to be and people who show you how not to be.  That's it.  They're both very important.  I try to remember to tell people what I like about them, they'll continue to do more of that.  I work to help people move forward from the position they're in if I'm able.  We are all supposed to do more and be more.  Even if you're amazing at assisting me then it's time to move on, if that's what's in your heart.  You've filled that space.  Being able to understand that has allowed me to release that irritation that I get from the "how not to be" people.  I appreciate them.  Hell, I ran into the director after years and bought him a drink.  Sweet.

100.

Bright

Be More

While conversing with one of my best guy friends last night, the topic of success and figuring out one's passion came up.  "Where do I go?"  "What do I do if I'm better off than other people I know but I still don't feel like I'm at my best?"  Say you're running a race (not that you compete with friends but, here's the analogy...) and you're waaaaay ahead.  So, it's not that people (i.e. your friends) aren't in the race at all, you're just much faster.  Ok, so it's time to run with people faster than you.  Meaning, if the people in your close circle aren't trying to take their lives to a new level ALL of the time, you begin to feel or become complacent.  You won't push your self any harder because you don't really see the need to. You're not learning anything new.  It's not to say that these friends don't serve you well in their friendship, we all just have different paths in life.  

"Put yourself where you see yourself."  

Even if you don't know what career path you're supposed to take just yet because you don't know your passion, put yourself in the place where you want to go have drinks after work, for instance.  These are the people you'll consort with and maybe they can help uncover that path with you just over a conversation about his/her particular view of life.  You'll learn more about you and maybe get an idea of where you want to be. Or maybe you'll have a new "running" partner who'll push you in the right direction and link you with the right person.  No matter what, you've taken a step and that gets you much closer than you were before you began.

100.

Bright

My Purpose

If only I could change….This year has been an A-MA-ZING year for me. Reason #1 out of 5723 is that I have really begun to see myself. No, not the well-put-together self that people see when you walk out the door in the morning, but the self that you see when you first wake up in the morning. I am so happy that I can start to see her for who she really is because I am taking less time with jazzleing (phony, fraudulent, fugazi in actions, words or ways of being) myself out of doing what I need to and using that energy to actually do something. This began with making the decision to get in shape…for real. When I made up my mind to do it, I said to myself that this was the first day of the rest of my life. I was tired of feeling like crap about myself and NOT doing anything about it. “Those types of people” get on my nerves and I was one of them. What started as something that seemed to be a more superficial change was actually a deeper, spiritual change. The reason is that I had to change my mind about how I was going to handle everything right then in that moment in that space.

This road of self-discovery has been such a profound overhaul of my entire existence that I know I have changed the course of my life. I was at that fork in the road where I could have continued to be a self-loathing person who let life pass me by or I could change one thing…my mind. I have seen the most horrific display of my competitive nature take me out of my element and my focus. While running in Palos Verdes one morning I allowed my competitive spirit to hate on me so much about not being able to catch up with the others that I had difficulty completing a run that I’d already done twice before. I felt sick to my stomach about what was happening internally, and when I tried to come out of it I just kept slipping back into it. There was an actual fight going on inside of me…the prideful versus the martyr, the hater versus the winner, the best me versus the worst me. At the end of it all, I was so disgusted with myself for allowing myself to get to this point of allowing ANYTHING to take me off of my game. It was a pivotal moment because I got to see my reflection on that hill. The beauty in that experience is that I DID see myself for who I really was. Seeing that allowed me to make a decision to work on it because I’ll be DAMNED if that person peaks her head out again. No one is stronger than me, no one can take me out but me…as ‘Ye says in my theme song for ’09 “Amazing,” “…I’m the only thing I’m afraid of.”

If only I could change…if only I could remember to remember that I am the strongest, most compassionate, endearing, inspirational me everyday, I can remind others of that part in themselves. For the last eight months I’ve been working out every morning at 5am. I started out as a person who has never really run a day in her life, I mean if you don’t count kickball and four-square. I came from that to a place where I ran 2 miles outside in 40 degree weather with hills and all while feeling subpar and finished it in the fastest time I had done to date, 19 minutes. I realized from this one accomplishment that at least every week there is something else I accomplish that I thought was impossible. To me, “impossible” is a concept or a word that I’ve used in the past to alleviate myself of the responsibility to complete a task or fulfill a mission. I HAVE to challenge that inner jazzler and hater everyday because through that I AM changing.

100.

Bright

Empower – Inspire