Empathy & Dvd Extras

 Director, Gabriele Muccino and Will Smith

I am one of those people who watches the dvd extras and I mean all of them. There's always a gem. While watching the extras for "Seven Pounds" something in particular resonated with me and I found it truly inspiring. I really loved the insight that everyone gave about Gabriele, the Director. He is an emotionally in tune guy and asks for that extra bit from his actors. It reminded me of an exercise Shak suggested a little while ago. She suggested we ask people what they saw as our natural talent/gift. I asked and kept hearing, empathetic...and that I'm incredibly intense but more on that later.... lol What this translates into for me as a Director is the ability to understand where a character is coming from and getting that depth from my actor by being able to articulate what he/she needs to feel and what I need to feel from them. Awesome. The hard work is in conveying it in a manner that can be understood. A part of being the best is understanding your strengths and weaknesses.

So, what exactly is Empathy? There are several forms of empathy but let's start with the origin of the word. Hmmmm the origin of Empathy is from the Greek word empatheia which means literally, passion. 

Definition: : the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this

Ha! I love it. Yep, that pretty much sums me up. Passion, sensitivity, intense emotions.... I think we all relate with the world outside of us from within in a manner that is most natural. Some people see rigid lines whilst others see equations. Others still, see a cornucopia of colors or wavelengths. I am sensitive to my surroundings. I sometimes still battle whether or not this is a "good" thing. Kindness and beauty will bring me to tears. Joy wells up inside of me and bursts from my spirit and eyes. The other side of that coin is true, as well. When I see/feel sadness or despair it strikes a deep cord. What I am working on is experiencing those things without holding on to them. All of that... joy, pain, despair, beauty and graciousness are a part of life but we are ingrained to believe that joy is fleeting and pain is forever. Think about the saying, "through rose colored glasses". Its origin is to describe someone who has a positive optimistic view of life and/or a situation. Currently, I hear it used commonly to describe someone who isn't seeing life clearly. That person is forgetting the pain they endured. SMH. Why? Why are we taught to "wait for the other shoe to drop"? That something is "too good to be true"? Well, my guess is the answer is the saying "misery loves company". lol I believe we are supposed to forget the pain. Too often, myself included, we wear it around like badges of honor for experiencing life. But I am learning that that is just another way of playing the victim card. When I had that "aha!" moment, I almost fell out of my seat. Wow. What is truly healthy empathy? I believe it's using those deep feelings to help get others through their current pain by whatever medium suits you a film, play, song, poem, blog etc. Not to hold on to it and relive it on a daily basis or when an experience creates a trigger. 

Release. Release the pain. How? Through forgiveness. How do you forgive? Start with yourself. We must forgive ourselves and recognize that we learned from the experience (joy point!) and did the best we could at that time (another joy point!). When we forgive ourselves everyone else involved becomes easier to forgive. We don't secretly blame ourselves and try to pass it off on someone else. We extend them the same courtesy, they did the best they could with what they had at that point. I'd like to be like a duck in this instance. A duck gets wet but the water also rolls off it's back. 

*Puts on her rose colored glasses and smiles*

100.

Bright.

Let's GO!!!!

Finally I found a sensible, rational health tip that is worth something. Jamar and Sean (my trainers) would be proud…cut 250 calories per day and burn an extra 250 calories per day and 14 lbs should be OUTTA here by Labor Day Sept 5th. That sounds easy enough and we’re only 9 days behind. Notice how I said we’re (meaning you and me). I don’t like doing uncomfortable things by myself. There is something to be said about group suffering that is much more heartfelt, poetic even.


Now, like most of you, I want to lose around 10-15 more LBS. Am I asking for the moon? NOOOOO! And I have a pretty good suspicion about what’s been keeping these 10 lbs on me. Not my Americanos in the morning, not my unsalted peanuts snacks or my chili beans w/ corn on the cob. It’s those stupidy chocolate calories. If I say goodbye, there goes my 10 LBS.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Is there no justice in the world!

The problem is I’m not that sensible. Of course skinny minnies (i.e. my friend Brenda) proclaim, “Eat in moderation”. Sure I can eat green beans w/ chicken w/ a few spoonfuls of rice, or a 6 in tuna sub on wheat bread at Subway w/ cheese but only ½ the bread with a bite of chocolate for dessert. Oh and I can do well with this sort of thing for about a week. But then this lil voice starts yelling at me, “Stop being a lil wuss, moderation is the mother of BORING! Are you going to let those salad-eating pansies tell you what to do? Give me chocolate or give me death!” And sadly, I have no comeback for that type of passion and zealous response. How do you combat such charisma? And then I realize I’ve lost again, sabotaged by my alter ego, me.

No worries, I will prevail with a little help of course, maybe some therapy. Who will join me? 10 lbs by September 5th? Any takers? Go! Go! Go! On a more cheery note, I have been more consistent with the workouts than my eating. We have to take our strengths and build upon those. Like this random kid told me, “Every day I try to be the handball king”.

Tootles,
Shak
100.

The Take Over...Love

there's been no mistake,
it's first degree murder
i know what's at stake,
i'll go a bit further
my grave I have to make

i'm strapped and ready
to set the world on fire
many flames are unlit
but they're not retired
who better than a misfit

i'm loading up my guns

firing kisses and understanding
i'm loading up my guns
you're my prisoners
no one can run

i'm starting with the heads
cuz they are steadily rotting

freezing assets for access
financial systems tip-topping
this is play-time, it's recess

i'm loading up my guns

firing kisses and understanding
i'm loading up my guns
you're my prisoners
no one can run

first your masks will come off
i'm the only one that can be armed
it may feel like a loss
strip down, no need for alarm
bare bones no shiny gloss

i'm loading up my guns

firing kisses and understanding
i'm loading up my guns
you're my prisoners
no one can run

i may seem a little undone
but promise this war will be won
i'm loading up my guns

firing kisses and understanding
i'm loading up my guns
you're my prisoners
no one can run


Shak
100.

I'm inspired by Florence and the Machine...Lose Yourself

I remember my mom would say, "You just don't fear anything do you?" That was after I nearly cut my left thumb off as a result of a water fight. I sliced it on glass bowl inside of a friend’s house. In the hospital I remember being ticked that I wasn’t going to make it to the movies that night. While raging war on the other girls with my water bombs, I severed a major nerve and ended up needing months of physical therapy. But that’s how life is at times when you get lost in the moment. It can be exhilarating and extremely painful. I guess I've always been some what of a rabble-rouser, doing things that I “shouldn’t” be doing. Is that so bad?


I've tried to be totally lady-like and abide by certain rules and structures. Let's be honest, it sucks and it’s kinda boring. Don’t get me wrong it’s major fun dressing lady-like and it's cool being a lady in a relationship. Even still, it's not enough for this experience called life. It's never been enough for me. There's like this lil beast inside that rages to do things, grow, stretch, test things to the limit. Life has to be intense, extreme even. I’m a Porsche that’s built to race, hugging the side of the road, screaming to go a little bit faster. There’s this yearning to feel, to taste all that can be experienced. And yet it’s sooo hard when you’re surrounded by endless lanes of blah. I find myself slowing down to plan for the next exit on the fwy.  And lately my car has been stuck on idle.  For me, that’s worst than the engine dying.

I mean why are we all here? What’s the point if it’s not to be ALIVE? See! Hear! Smell! Touch! Taste!

And just like that, I was humming along on the fwy one day and the soundtrack showed up. I heard this voice. The sound was like a heartbeat on fire, bursting in flames. I’m like, “YOOOOOOOOOOOOO who is this chick, I NEED HER?” She wailed over the guitar and her voice got stuck in my heart. And like a fiend, I started scrambling to find the sound, the song, any resemblance of that tribalistic noise. It changed me. I was so high.

And just like love, I was infected. You can’t stop matters of the heart. There are times I’ve tried to erase the feeling behind meeting a stranger. Fools we are, thinking we are in control. And I began my hunt. I went back to the radio station for it. Nothing! Not even after a month. And since I suck at remembering what I hear, I had the lyrics all wrong. My Google searches and iTunes searches were leading me to nowhereseville. DAMN IT! Finally, the other day while driving to that same friend’s house, it came on and I BLASTED it. This time the hit was even more surreal than the first like I was barely even to focus on the road. And in those 3 minutes I lost myself completely. I can’t even tell you what she was saying. All I know is that I left myself…flying. That’s what artists can do to you if you're not careful. They speak to our souls with or without our permission. They remind us why we’re here in the first place. It doesn’t matter what language they use because the universal language, that existed before time isn’t spoken at all but rather felt.

It’s one thing to be entertained. I’ve been entertained and delighted plenty of times, pops songs and all. But it’s a whole other thing to be swallowed up in an artist’s trance unable to break free of their melody.
One day, I sincerely hope you find a song that SHAKES the dust off your wings whatever it may be. And when you do find it, I hope it makes you roll down your windows, speed up a little faster and yell out the window like your life depends on it. If you’re lucky it might remind you of why you’re here in the first place.

http://florenceandthemachine.net/video (Dog Days Are Over)

Shak
100.

I'm Inspired by Martha Graham

Check out Google today, 5/1/11, it’s inspired by a dancer/choreographer named Martha Graham. I took a few moments to look her up on my fav, Wikipedia. And I found an amazing convo that she had with a dancer who was an up and comer at the time.
http://www.google.com/

Here’s there exchange:

According to Agnes de Mille: "The greatest thing she ever said to me was in 1943 after the opening of Oklahoma!, when I suddenly had unexpected, flamboyant success for a work I thought was only fairly good, after years of neglect for work I thought was fine. I was bewildered and worried that my entire scale of values was untrustworthy. I talked to Martha. I remember the conversation well. It was in a Schrafft's restaurant over a soda. I confessed that I had a burning desire to be excellent, but no faith that I could be.

Martha said to me, very quietly:"

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others."

I need to frame her quote. I feel that the greatest thing you can do creatively in the beginning is to stay open to the inspiration. Most people choke it because they’re too busy worried about the outcome, or they get caught up in executing busy work or how it looks along the way. In their attempt to completely control the creative process they close up the exchange, suffocate it and so they don’t receive the energy. And there is so much purity and power in that exchange. It’s how folks are able to do ish they’ve never done before creatively. And I’ve never heard anyone reference it so explicitly until now. Well besides in Star Wars but that’s “fiction”.  I love this part especially, “it is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open”.

How lovely and how freeing that is for all creators.  She's saying, there is something worthwhile about your creation because it's uniquely you.  WOW!  Thanks Martha.

Shak
100.

What is an artist?

Dear best self,

Why can't you just bend?  How about a little?
 I think there is a big difference b/w wanting to create for the sake of having talent (singing, dancing, acting, writing and rapping) and having to SPILL out what’s inside you because you have to get something out to the world. To be honest, I was just about to go the regular Hollywood path, getting Headshots, taking classes, looking for an agent, hitting the audition path in order to fit into the mold but I lost all my energy along the way. Reminds of me of when I was in the music industry game, I would have killed myself trying to fit into their box, and almost succeeded against the strongest of wills holding me back. But in reality I’m not just a talent, secretly I’m really an artist posing as a talent. I’ve always been.


It’s funny because I really do appreciate other people’s visions and their EFFORT to create them. But when you see variations of the same PATTERNS, the same reoccurring characters being recycled over and over it’s enough to make me check out. And I see why many artists live lives of solitude. They’re so tired of the same song being played on repeat that they say to hell with trying to listen for a new tune. But new lyrics are written. And new patterns do emerge it’s what gives us hope. Yet, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Beethoven, Van Gogh, Cobaine and others have decided to leave this space. One can only desperately Jazzle (fit into the plastic molding) in an attempt to be normal for so long.

I finally asked my dad to level with me, “What do you see is my number one stumbling block to succeeding as an artist?” In so many words, he said, “Time, Resources and Focus”. He went on to tell me that I have an umbrella of projects with only a limited amount of hours and only a certain amount of focus to devote to any number of those projects at any given time. He explained that I have to increase my focus and narrow it at the same time. WOWZERS! Then he hit me in the gut. “I think you should get a list of all of the projects you’ve started and decide which ONE you’re going to accomplish first”. He went on to say, “This will not be easy for you. You’ve always had a number of competing demands vying for your attention. I suggest you take a weekend, a week or a month to decide which one you will prioritize.” Then he hit me with the upper cut. “Don’t abandon that first project EVEN if it means taking 2 years to accomplish it; do not move to number 2 unless you finish number 1. And it will be the most painful and liberating thing you’ve ever accomplished.” I appreciate him for his honesty.

All of a sudden I could remember the passages from Russell Simmons book in “Do You” talking about vision and how you should never abandon your original vision. GREAT! That now leaves me with making another BIG decision. Gotta love how answering one decision about your path (I’m going to create all original content) pushes you into making another decision (which content?). And the big Q: emerged, which one of my projects do I choose? That’s like picking between kids, if I had kids. How do you say, “I love you all the same, but I just need to focus on your brother this semester, well maybe the next four years because he’s about to go off to college”. I mean how do you choose? My pops also concluded with more painful commentary. I said, “How often do you think artists make real money”? He said, “Hardly ever, but when they are creating they’re happy and that’s far more than most people can ever say in this lifetime”.

Guess that old man has a point. Gotta love that wisdom!

Shak
100.

P.S. I love this guy’s story about what makes someone a true artist.
http://sye.me/post/742070566/what-makes-someone-an-artist

What is she?

The first time I was asked, “What are you mixed with?”

I might have been in grade school
I don’t remember the answer I gave
But I’ve always been a dreamer
So I probably made the answer up
I can do that you know?
Ah…what a gift
Who knew it would become a permanent fixture
The question(s)…
But how do you give an answer that has no frame of reference?
I was a kid outside my jurisdiction
Alien…foreign…edge-dweller
I learned to adapt
To live outside the margins
Where there is only open space
Lonely space…uniqueness is
Besides I’ve searched, looked in between the lines
I ain’t there, mon cher
It always begins with a particular look
I can read the puzzle in their eyes
Is she…no maybe she isn’t?
I smile
I often watch their politeness turn to angst
The uncomfortable language their body exposes
And the cunningly bold, make an attempt to stuff me in a box
So “isn’t it cool we have a Black President now?” they blurt out of nowhere
How strange but awkwardly amusing at the same time
They gasp, they wait for a response
Their ears listening for my dialect to offer a helpful hint
A subtle guide in the right direction
But I don’t write between the lines,
Because I can
“Umm sure”, no dialect there, just hints of West LA
They’re back at square one
"Maybe she isn’t”
I don’t know why it’s so hard to just say hello
I’m friendly
But it’s the categories that drive us
We need the boxes more than the hellos
That damn coffin of a box
I’ll never use it…I swear allegiance to its end
Besides make believe is much more fun
I dwell there…I belong everywhere and nowhere
I am what I am

Shak
100.

Is what we see, what we get?

most mask in light what they're afraid of in the dark
to be fully human gotta stay BRAVE heart
life can be a walk in the park
fireworks, a sky with spark
sometimes i'm free as a bird, i'm high
other times i'm looking for a place to lie
but it never mattered cuz I feel so ALIVE
most I come across only know how to die
we tell ourselves things, often lies
like we're not enough
so we stay grounded never fly
but life is what we make it
that's the sweet of the pie
there is no format to formulate the PI
can't  limit infinity
but we spend time figuring out divinity
rather than focus on its simplicity
what's in it for you and me?
dreams and possibility
most of us live check to check
water high deep to the neck
it's hard fixing a broken circuit
when we look out at a circus
gotta retreat within and dwell on the perfect
reason often brings treason
glad ideas change with the season
i stay goosed down
comfy when it's freezin
go from lint pockets
to diamond sockets
mind often drifts
astral rocket
one day i'll find answers
open locket

Spooky Shak: What is she up to now?

So I watched the movie “300” on Sunday in addition to going to church. Truthfully, I was looking for a few answers from both. The Spartan King decides to choose a path best fitting for a man that honors freedom. Sure it didn’t meet the rules and regulations of his kingdom. But it kinda makes you ask the question. Is there a higher set of rules and laws than what governs our present society? Hmmmm Nothing in life is set in stone, not even laws. One day the law says Blacks can’t vote. Then time progresses, people progress and the law changes with that progression. This world is forever in flux, forever becoming something more.


But I digress. What I admired about the King was his resolve. He made a decision and for better or worse he went ALL IN. Sometimes I feel like that’s where the magic is. We gotta find a way to go “all in”. Church complimented that theme and talked about being bold and free to accomplish what we really want to accomplish. Actually, being free to accomplish what our soul wants, not necessarily what we want. The Rev went on to say that most of us are living lives based on a manual that was scripted by our parents, teachers and loved ones. And while most of their advice is based in love; it may not be fitting for who we are destined to be. That was an eye opener.

He talked about our soul wanting to break free. It wants to express more creativity, more love, and more power. I knew what he was talking about. I felt like he was talking directly to me, like somehow I had been found out. All of a sudden, I felt very uncomfortable. The sermon brought me face to face with my present dilemma. Should I create my own creative content and develop something from scratch OR should I fit myself into someone else’s dream? It’s actually really simple. Some people excel at fitting into a role that’s already created. Many lawyers, doctors, actors and teachers accomplish this by excelling in the industries and systems that are already in present reality. And then you have the outliers. There is the lawyer that takes on a case that’s deemed unfit for his profession because it may change a present day law. There is the doctor that creates an instrument that uses music to heal ailments and the research defies present day modes of thinking about medicine. How about the actor that creates his own show that challenges our notion of sexuality and goes on to travel the world’s stages? And finally, there’s the teacher that dreams up another solution to the systematic problems plaguing American education.

Truthfully…in church that morning. I knew like I knew like I knew the answer. It’s always been there. I found it very young when I would turn my mother’s living room floor into a craft factory with glitter and Valentine’s cards working wee hours into the morning. I didn’t want the store bought cards. They were soooo unoriginal. Oh but I have tried MY DAMNEST to blot out AUTHENTICITY. This society screams out BE THE SAME, BE MEDIOCRE, BE CONTENT WITH WHAT YOU SEE. Why was I born a dreamer? Actually, I think we’re all born dreamers. That’s why we’re here. But only a few of us will persist to make our dreams become reality. Sure I had met a few of the weirdoes, there was Mrs. Dorn, Kanye West, and my friend’s father Shuki Levy. But why did I have to go down this same path? Why couldn’t I just be a regular Joe or rather Jolie?

And so for the past 2 years I’ve been going back and forth. I hopped into acting/writing as if it was going to magically change my soul’s original quest. I thought perhaps by being in an artistic field where I could play “artist” I could settle this uneasiness within my spirit. But it’s not enough. I can’t do what other actors do. I can’t just fit into a script and go out for any audition. No, that will not do. My “self” is getting impatient. It’s has had enough of my antics. No, I have to create something that’s not here. I have to find a way to change something. BREAK THE CODE! When I was a teacher, I created my own curriculum. When I was in the music industry, I couldn’t just be a “music employee”. I brought in artists, Tyga was one of them, and a studio was created in my house. I’ve TRIED VERY HARD TO FIT IN…TO KEEP THE STATUS QUO BUT I’M A DIFFERENT PATTERN. I can’t help but create different outcomes. My FORMULA is not here. It just isn’t. This is why I am here…it’s why we’re all here. We have a task to create what hasn’t been created yet on the physical plane. There I’ve said it. I have finally said it. No more trying to break into the systems. I’m going to create another one.

Shak
100.

While I Was Out... Part 1

So, I've been m.i.a. for a minute now and I wanted to talk about it.  I was feeling pressure to create something dope &/or profound or ultra insightful.  But pressure from who?  Shak?  The blog gods?  lol  Nope.  As I break it down it seems quite ludicrous because it's me.  I felt like in order to share I had to have had some epiphany or something amazing happen.  The truth is that has all happened and I still know I don't know or get everything 100%, although I'm really trying to. lol  I felt like I needed to have some long involved story to share in order for a post to be meaningful but I realized just now (seriously, just now) that's not it at all.  As long as it's honest then it's meaningful to me, anyway, and maybe someone else out there in the cosmos.  :)  

In 2010, I came to truly understand that I'm as much a Producer as a Director, jumped out of a perfectly good plane, did a triathlon, fell in love, bought an iPhone and went to vegas for the first time in life.  That's just a taste of what I didn't share.  Geez.  Bless my heart.  lol

The Director-Producer story:  So, I met with that amazing DP I spoke of in earlier posts, Yash, and we had some great meetings regarding this documentary I am planning.  The meeting started out as a Director and Cinematographer bouncing creative ideas off of one another.  Super awesome.  Then, we got down to discussing the nuts and bolts of actual execution and I had to switch into Producer mode because that's the other role I am playing.  It was fine at first but then I had to start saying "Let's try to figure out another way to do that because of money." And then I had to use the "n" word..."no."  Argh!!  It was all warm and creative and fun and then I had to go and be the Producer.  Yash wasn't upset with me or anything, it was more of an inner turmoil matter because when I got into my car I felt a bit drained.  I felt like, "man, this isn't what I want to do.  I want to be a Director.  Be creative and just have fun, man!"  But that producer is another aspect of me, another facet that has to be expressed, as well, and I am not maxing myself out if I shun that part of me from the sun.  I know what that entails and can and do it well.  I must remember to remember to be grateful for that every second as much as the creative vision.  I understand that my initial internal push back was me feeling like I was in the mode that I have to be in my job-job, which is disconnected from the actual creative element.  The gift is that I can utilize the on-the-job training in my own creations.  This was the first time I had to really go there and now I feel so incredibly fortunate to be able to use so many skills.  Ahhh, I'm such a winner.  lol

More later...gotta get some shut eye :)  Until next time....

100.

Bright

How to Take a Punch

Ho-ly crap, I just got gut checked.  I quit drinking and cigs and am eating supremely well so, there's no outside comfort.  I'm processing and accepting this straight, no chaser.  So, what happened?  Well, I sent the screenplay I've been working on to someone I know who's a screenwriter.  Man, when he sent me back notes..... I almost wanted to cry, for real.  I mean, my jaw was on the floor.  I knew I needed some help, which was the reason for me reaching out but, damn.  lol  And I can "lol" now because it's been a couple of hours but initially it was definitely a blow... to the ego.  After about 15 min, when the shock subsided, I could really see it for what it was.  I did know initially that I got exactly what I asked for, which was help but, I was still hurt.  Why hurt?  Because I put a lot of effort into it, read up, studied, cut, reworded, revamped etc. and he ripped it to shreds.  I was basically told, to paraphrase, that after all of the revisions, editing, compressing and such I would have about 15 pages.  Um, I thought I was almost done.  Hahahahaha Bless my heart.  However, I needed to see from a professional the best way to continue to move forward and what needed work.  I am truly appreciative and happy that I had the guts to hand over my baby to a stranger and ask him what he thought about it all.  I am grateful that he is knowledgeable and took the time to critique my work.  What I learned from this experience is that which is easy to love isn't always easy.  I have been in love with movies since before forever and I know that I'm a great visionary and I have wonderfully powerful ideas.  I know I can actually write very well.  Screenplays are a different beast.  I decided to start writing screenplays because I wanted to be able to tell my stories, not just other people's.  I need to showcase the truth about the human spirit and share how we decide to grow or not in a visual format and create it from scratch.  I must dig even deeper, learn even more and make sure that I am absolutely clear in what I'm sharing so that even a stranger can feel it. 

I am a perfectionist and it's hard on that pesky ego of mine when I'm not perfect out of the gate on something, especially when I want it so badly.  I am still winning because I'm not throwing in the towel.  Never gonna happen.  And I am taking the feedback and letting it be a guide for where I need to work harder as opposed to simply lashing out and giving up or not acknowledging more effort is needed.  I know that I'm getting better all of the time and this is a part of the process.  How do we grow if we don't know what we need to do better?  So, that initial pain is really just the sting of medicine cleansing, not poison.  I've taken it in and am going back to work.  

100.

Bright

She's Got That Sparkle!!



I was talking to my pops as I normally do on a fine Saturday morning, and I told him about how I became familiar with those who live life with PASSION.  And I tried honestly to find a word that completely describes these types of folks but couldn't find any word that quite captures the essence.  I will refer to them as Passionistas.

How does a person become a Passionista?  The answer is I don't know completely.  I do know however, when I was first introduced to the underground society ANNND when I first pledged.

I remember the first time I met someone whose energy was completely on fire.  That's really the only way I could describe her.  She was my 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Dorn.  She had to be in her late forties at the time which is clearly grandma territory to a kid.  BUT she didn't look a day over 27 with her flamboyant, ultra bright colored dresses and screaming red lipstick.  She wore high heels and pranced around the room like a character straight out of Disney.  I remember begging my mother to get to school extra early just so I could wait for her presence.  I was hypnotized.  Only her title disclosed she was a teacher but I always thought she wasn't from this world.  It was very obvious to me that she possessed "other abilities" like knowing the inner workings of magic potions and spells.  School just couldn't come soon enough, because deep within the walls of the classroom I was learning the framework of the hidden arts.  This was the first time in life where I think I worked around the clock for someone just because I couldn't help but do so.  I would clean, sweep, organize...anything to be in the midst of the "great one". 

It was there I wrote my first lines of poetry while listening to classical music.  I would use 10 different colors of glitter to design the cover for my very first novel.  I also learned about the heroic adventures of Perseus and the wonderful characters that dwell within Greek Mythology.  Who was she really?   I always thought I would find an answer.  But you see at this time in my life, I didn't have a voice to ask.  I mean sure I was a writer.  Words streamed together was my first language.  But I didn't know how to talk.  I would just do my work and turn it in with the rest, never raising a hand or talking out loud in class.  I didn't know my opinion really mattered that much.  And then it happened.  She called on me in class and I got the wrong answer.  I WAS MORTIFIED!

And I remember her words, "Shakira, don't make a mountain out of a molehill".  Well, that sounded great and all but I was totally embarrassed, one by hearing the sound of my own meek voice and two by not knowing what the hell a molehill was?  So she did what any great teacher would do.  She enrolled me in the school wide oratorical contest.  That's right, she picked the MUTE in her class to speak on behalf of the magnet school. And to add insult to injury, she picked a god-awful long poem for me to recite.  It was titled, "What shall I tell my children who are black"?  INTERESTING.  For at this point in time, I knew about as much about Black History as South Park's Cartman knows about etiquette...not much. 

I was supposed to deliver a poem about Black people in front of the whole SCHOOL?  But what if I forget half of it?  What if everyone begins to laugh at me?  What if the kids start asking more questions about my race?  Didn't she know that my mom checked white in order to get me in the magnet?  Everyone and their mom always asked questions about my race but I didn't know what that was. I remember telling the other kids that I was Creole because my parents told me to say that.  But ummmm yeah, in the 4th grade, who knows what that is?  I couldn't explain it.  Maybe I was a completely different species.  Why couldn't my parents have just said I was Black or White or something that all other kids understood.  Let's face it.  The whole situation was a perfect SET UP for a complete disaster. 

I attempted to cry my way out of it for a whole week.  And it was an UTTER FAIL.  This was Mrs. Dorn after all.  The fairy who had decided for better or worse to use her magical powers AGAINST me.  Not only did I feel betrayed but I was completely lost.  How could this be? It was I who served as her right hand apprentice.  Why wouldn't she show me favor?

The day before the contest I remember having my first and only PANIC ATTACK.  Then the thoughts of defeat just came rolling in one by one.  Maybe I could fake my own death or better I could run away or I could...

The morning of the contest I was actually relaxed because I had completely exhausted myself the two weeks before with non-stop crying and pleading.  I decided that the whole thing was one BIG JOKE.  The mute speaking in front of the school.  I think I was on the side of being delusional.  I thought no one would be paying attention.  I'll go up, say a few words, they'll give me a sympathy applause and I'll be on my merry way.  And so I remember taking the stage with a "La-Dee-Da" attitude.  And then it happened...I heard myself for the very first time.

In the midst of the recital, I could actually hear how I sounded and all the tones bounced around the auditorium, the low notes, the high notes and everyone was listening.  The poem itself created the perfect backdrop with its melodic words about heart break and gut wrenching exclusion.  I was just a kid.  But it started to flow because the words felt utterly TRUE.  Why was the beautiful color black demonized?  Why were things that were different criticised?  In my mind I replaced the title with What Shall I Tell the Mute who Doesn't Speak?  I knew that pain far too well...being quiet, being different, and being creative. 

Check out the poem:
http://www.sojournersplace.com/2009/07/what-shall-i-tell-my-children-who-are.html

When the poem was finished.  Crowds of parents, students and teachers all ran to the front of the stage to start asking me questions.  "What is the name of the poem again"?  "Who is the author of that poem"?  "What made you choose this poem?"  All of a sudden the mute was an authority figure on a subject that I hardly knew about a month ahead of time.  It was overwhelming to say the least.  WHO WAS I?  I won first place.  The mute won first place in a speaking contest. 

And just as you expect for a magic fairy to do...Mrs. Dorn gets through the crowd and tells me, "Don't forget this moment".  How could I?  She had conspired against me from the very beginning.  How did she do it?  Maybe she snuck a few drops of her magic potion in my juice when I wasn't looking. :)  And for that I'm eternally grateful.  Sometimes those who are seemingly against us are actually working in our favor.  Next time you are ever so fortunate to meet one of these types, as CRAZY as they may be.  Listen to the Passionistas!  Watch them!  Study them!  It is this secret society who give us the "other advice" on how to become more in this lifetime.  And if you listen long enough you may be lucky enough to hear them whisper your formula for greatness.  Whatever it is, it will equate to "Dare Great & Mighty Things!"

Shak
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