I'm Inspired By: Big Shaq Diesel

Yesterday was an utter failure.  I BOMBED big time in class.  But I had already seen it coming about a year ago.  Memorization kills me.  It's like I can hear a song a thousand times on the radio and maybe if I'm lucky I will remember the hook.  The crazy thing is I've gone from grade school to a prestigious high school to USC without anyone noticing.  The truth is...I can't hear music, I only feel it.  I can't remember what people tell me only how they make me feel.  This has killed me in relationships by the way.  "Shak, don't you remember you said,..."  Ummm...no I don't.

My emotional memory is a BEAST...I feel everything and everyone.  In fact, I don't even hear people talk at first (and I usually get accused of not listening), but I'm feeling what they're saying.  This is the most challenging.  Many people speak with words but they give off a totally different feeling.  I feel through the disguise immediately.  I smile, pretend along with them nodding my head, many times wanting to cringe. 

But in class I had to memorize a commercial in 15 min flat.  I didn't panic, well not at first.  I realized in that moment that I would HAVE to find a way to memorize info without a particular emotional component.  Or I would have to give it an emotional angle.  But how do you give a commercial about beans (the musical fruit) an emotional angle?  It's very funny, well that is until panic kicks in.  And that's when it happened, I let my fear take over.  What if I'm found out?  What if people realize that I can't memorize like everyone else and that I'm different?  I hit the front of the room and went blank.  DAMN!  It was just a funny, chill commercial but I was too worried about missing the words.  The words, the page, the selling point; wait what am I selling?

Thank God for Dave Chapelle.  I remember reading about when he first bombed on stage at a local comedy club.  I remember him saying something like, "Well at least I know what that felt like".  But I hate to lose.  No I really hate loosing.  And there is only way to overcome a weakness, practice.  Right???

I look at Shaq, the big one, and admire his basketball game.  During his prime time, he DOMINATED the courts with hardly anyone that could answer.  But he couldn't shoot a free throw to save his life.  How could you be that great in the league and not be able to make free throws? 

And how can I become a great actress without being able to memorize efficiently?

Because I will master EVERYTHING else.  And that's what Shaq did.  He stayed in his lane and killed anyone in that path.  Maybe, we cannot totally overcome our weaknesses BUT we can make damn sure that no one comes close to our STRENGTHS.  And of course even if we keep falling short again and again we practice on our weaknesses because we want to be great.  Sometimes I wonder why I chose this new path considering all of my shortcomings.  And the answer is simple.  I love it.  When magic happens, and I hit all the right marks it's like relaxing on a cloud, legs crossed and kicked back, while sippin' a pina colada. 

I realize that even an allstar like Shaq has moments of utter failure.  People are going to point out captain obvious, like how can you possibly act without knowing...blah, blah, blah.  But we can become what we WANT to be.  Don't just pick a lane because you're good at it.  It will be easier.  But will you ascend to the clouds?

P.S. Up next monologues.   I'm going to kill it.  And I'll post it when I have footage.

Shak
100.

It's Finally Time to Tame the Beast!

Man it’s hard to realize that you’re the one driving the car. I know…I know what the hell is Shak talking about? I’m talking about taking control of your life. It’s just that this year has been HEEEEEEEEEEELA HARD.  And I’ve been the main reason why it’s been that way.  Sure, I could blame the Recession Monster (kind of a creepy dude) or the Money Bandit (another creepster) but the real truth is I’ve done a damn fine job of getting in my own way.  I spend many waking minutes envisioning conflict sometimes in my waking hours.  Who does that?  Oh, you do it too?

Check out my most recent example.  Getting a minor concussion from playing soccer with 10 stitches.  Boy when I envision, I manifest!  I even remember thinking a week before the incident, how cool would it be to get a tattoo with "Beauty & The Beast". 

Day 2:  Right After The Hit ( I went up for a soccer header & well it didn't go as planned.  Thank Goodness for pain killers.)

OUCH (10 stitches)!!!!!!

Day 7: No more thinking crazy, battle-themed thoughts.  I promise! 

The truth is I have this 80/20 thing going on, maybe you guys do too. 80% of the time, I’m optimistic, I’m bright & cheery and thankful to be alive on this grand journey we call LIFE. But the other 20% of me would make Darth Vader shudder. It’s my inner beast that I’m talking about. It’s afraid to become more in life, it’s worried about making enough money, it’s afraid to get close to someone in a relationship and so what does it do? SEEK, SELF SABOTAGE & DESTROY!

Seriously.

2010 has been my own version of HALO. Because I love creating battles, I mean EPIC battles for myself I decided to kill myself financially and pay my mortgage by myself right when I was on track to decrease my finances and pursue acting 100%. This is nothing new; I’ve been paying for everything since I was 17 years of age. I have the lone ranger act down pact. I’m so ready for my scene where I walk into the sunset it ain’t even funny. But this isn’t good folks; it’s tragic hero behavior. Those who win create a team of support. Those who win don’t create obstacles for themselves but rather create solutions.

Who knows, maybe I feel like life will be too damn easy without the obstacles.  But isn't that a good thing? I think that dude in the matrix, Agent Smith was right when he said, “…as a species, human beings define their reality through misery and suffering. The perfect world was a dream that their primitive cerebrum[s] kept trying to wake up from.” Say it ain’t so Agent Smith!!!!

I thought I had it. I thought through all of my research on personal development, I had learned to master my thoughts. I mean read through the posts I wrote the previous year. BOY WAS I WRONG! Every time I try to convince someone (including myself) that we can create our own happiness…it turns into this Disney vs. Apocalypse argument. What if Agent Smith is right? Who cares that he’s a fictional character. What if we just can’t accept that happiness is real and totally possible?

Well, I’m at it again. I’m opening up the positive reinforcement books. I realize that it’s a practice not a one and done scenario. It’s like lifting weights and eating healthy…it’s for life not for a season in your life. And more important than taking care of your body is taking care of what you feed your mind. So, for the time being, I’m focusing on peace, abundance and happiness.

I already know it takes a MASTER MIND to focus on such things in a world that blocks light, perpetuates fear, increases poverty…but each of us can make such a huge difference. I’m taking baby steps. I’m back on my inspired grind. I’m back in acting class with a most positive teacher, Dustin Felder. Check that dude out. I realize my efforts for 2011 will be spent on building a team of positive, inspirational and in Dustin’s words “winning mentality” types of folks. I can lose by myself. Nobody can create better war like scenarios than the ones I manifest in my mind. So, this time around I’m going to put myself to the test and envision a total win-win scenario for my whole camp.

I’ll let you guys know what happiness looks like.

Shak
100.