Empathy & Dvd Extras

 Director, Gabriele Muccino and Will Smith

I am one of those people who watches the dvd extras and I mean all of them. There's always a gem. While watching the extras for "Seven Pounds" something in particular resonated with me and I found it truly inspiring. I really loved the insight that everyone gave about Gabriele, the Director. He is an emotionally in tune guy and asks for that extra bit from his actors. It reminded me of an exercise Shak suggested a little while ago. She suggested we ask people what they saw as our natural talent/gift. I asked and kept hearing, empathetic...and that I'm incredibly intense but more on that later.... lol What this translates into for me as a Director is the ability to understand where a character is coming from and getting that depth from my actor by being able to articulate what he/she needs to feel and what I need to feel from them. Awesome. The hard work is in conveying it in a manner that can be understood. A part of being the best is understanding your strengths and weaknesses.

So, what exactly is Empathy? There are several forms of empathy but let's start with the origin of the word. Hmmmm the origin of Empathy is from the Greek word empatheia which means literally, passion. 

Definition: : the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this

Ha! I love it. Yep, that pretty much sums me up. Passion, sensitivity, intense emotions.... I think we all relate with the world outside of us from within in a manner that is most natural. Some people see rigid lines whilst others see equations. Others still, see a cornucopia of colors or wavelengths. I am sensitive to my surroundings. I sometimes still battle whether or not this is a "good" thing. Kindness and beauty will bring me to tears. Joy wells up inside of me and bursts from my spirit and eyes. The other side of that coin is true, as well. When I see/feel sadness or despair it strikes a deep cord. What I am working on is experiencing those things without holding on to them. All of that... joy, pain, despair, beauty and graciousness are a part of life but we are ingrained to believe that joy is fleeting and pain is forever. Think about the saying, "through rose colored glasses". Its origin is to describe someone who has a positive optimistic view of life and/or a situation. Currently, I hear it used commonly to describe someone who isn't seeing life clearly. That person is forgetting the pain they endured. SMH. Why? Why are we taught to "wait for the other shoe to drop"? That something is "too good to be true"? Well, my guess is the answer is the saying "misery loves company". lol I believe we are supposed to forget the pain. Too often, myself included, we wear it around like badges of honor for experiencing life. But I am learning that that is just another way of playing the victim card. When I had that "aha!" moment, I almost fell out of my seat. Wow. What is truly healthy empathy? I believe it's using those deep feelings to help get others through their current pain by whatever medium suits you a film, play, song, poem, blog etc. Not to hold on to it and relive it on a daily basis or when an experience creates a trigger. 

Release. Release the pain. How? Through forgiveness. How do you forgive? Start with yourself. We must forgive ourselves and recognize that we learned from the experience (joy point!) and did the best we could at that time (another joy point!). When we forgive ourselves everyone else involved becomes easier to forgive. We don't secretly blame ourselves and try to pass it off on someone else. We extend them the same courtesy, they did the best they could with what they had at that point. I'd like to be like a duck in this instance. A duck gets wet but the water also rolls off it's back. 

*Puts on her rose colored glasses and smiles*

100.

Bright.

Right Here, Right Now...

I almost wanted to cry...or shout...or scream....to someone, anyone...And when I got the news that the music video I was supposed to Direct was canceled, I was in the worst wall to wall traffic that I had ever seen on main and side streets in all of LA.  Having to sit in that traffic forced me to really think about what this meant to my life.  The artist was cool.  He had other things that he had to devote his time to so, although he really wanted to do the video he was ok because he had other things he'd done to help propel himself forward.  After a few minutes and I am proud to say it was only a few, I was able to see how fortunate I was to be where I was.  I was able to get a place here to stay when I first moved out, my current apartment was all but handed over to me, I was gifted a car after almost 2 years of renting cars to work, I never had to get a "real" job....  My life out here hasn't been easy, by any means, all the same...if I was supposed to move back to Atlanta, I would have done so by now.  I haven't gotten every single thing that I've wanted, per se, but every single thing that I needed.  And like that traffic forced me to take time to think, not being able to do that video forced me to take a sec to see clearly.  I have no idea what the silver lining is just yet, although I'm sure it will become apparent soon enough.  I am basking in the knowledge that I was protected.  

There is a daily encouragement that I read that states, to paraphrase, every prayer will be answered the key is to keep your focus on your goal.  Even if it takes time, use that time to reflect on yourself and see what else, what more you could be and do.  When it does come to fruition it will be in a form greater than you had ever hoped.  So, that's where I am.  I decided that I had to make sure I continued to beat on my craft and make myself the best that I can be.  Last night I put in more pages on my screenplay and that made me feel like a winner.  Maybe I have to soley put out my own works?  I am working on another short short with Maya & Sakinah.  Shak has a fantastic idea I cannot discuss for fear of some penalty worse than death.  lol  So things are definitely coming up...this is all an opportunity as opposed to an obstacle.

When I was driving and noticed the streets were just blocked off and there wasn't an accident (thankfully) I knew something was up.  Come to find out, the traffic that put our entire city on pause last night was President Obama coming to visit.  Can't be mad at that.  Welcome to LA, Mr. President, especially because it was for a fundraiser.  Well, that traffic was there to protect him and I think this pause was given to me to protect me.  Thank you, Universe, 'preciate it.  :)

100.

Bright  

Balancing: On a Surf Board & in Life

Let me start by saying I am not a natural.  lol  And I'm not really sure what exactly attracted my spirit to surfing in the first place.  I didn't have the desire to be pro necessarily (at some point I may be and that would be uber fresh!).  I guess there are some people who can get on a board and ride instantaneously but not me.  I love it, though, crazily enough.  I always have, before I even started learning, I knew that I was going to love it.  The first time I went out I was so frustrated because I could not paddle to save my life, for real.  I know how to swim but I was getting nowhere fast and got so pissed about it.  It used to, and still does sometimes, frustrate the hell out of me when I can't do something straightaway.  I guess it's that damned perfectionist in me.  Zero patience but I'm working on it.  :)  After a few more attempts I got better at paddling because I found out it was all about the balance on the board.  Making sure you center yourself enables you to work your arms in a more efficient way.   

In any case, this past Sunday I went surfing again.  It'd been a long while.  This last time out, though, I finally got used to falling.  I was ok about it at first and then it started to just get downright ridiculous.  The guy who was helping me asked me how I was doing periodically and one of those times I responded "Frustrated" after spitting out salt water and pushing my hair out of my face.  Then he told me with a smile, "Well, surfing is a frustrating sport."  Ain't that the truth.  I had to smile.  Isn't that the essence of life?  It's frustrating until you find your balance.  Although, I'm getting better at getting my balance while lying down on the board, I still have yet to sustain it standing up.  I've only ridden a wave once while standing.  I got my behind kicked by the ocean this past weekend and... it was awesome!  lol  For real.  I was exhausted afterwards and still had sand in my ears 2 days later but I felt like a winner.  Getting used to falling is like a fail in life...It's all about giving it your best every time out and getting back up.  As long as I learn from every trip out I'll keep getting better.  Moment of hilarity: I actually got better at falling.  lol  Isn't that something?  Knowing how to fall helps you keep more of your energy and not get hit by the board.  To get out there to catch a wave you go against the current.  There is water coming at you all of the time..all of the time.  I know now that it's the challenge of getting better that I love.  I am working to be in tune with this amazing element.  To get back out you have to dive under a wave so as not to get pushed back to the starting point, other times you have to stand sideways and lift up your board to limit the amount of impact of the water so you don't (once again) get pushed back.  Flowing through the obstacles is the key not avoiding them.  It's impossible to avoid obstacles if you want to ride a wave, even if you only get to ride it on your knees.  lol  If you don't want an obstacle, sit on the beach and watch.  Seriously.  To get anything worth having, you have to be in the water, on the field (like Shak says), or on the court.  Get me?  Challenging my frustrations head on and accepting help gets me better in life.  Point blank.  I didn't ride a wave standing up this weekend, only on my knees a few times and a partial stand (lol).  The other thing I noticed is being committed to standing everytime, whether or not it actual happens, is a key component.  Creating the vision and committing to the vision of your goal is the only way.  In my earlier tries I realized I wasn't always holding the vision of me riding the wave.  I was just on the board hoping I'd get there somehow.  What?!  How did I think I was gonna get up there?  The wave would magically scoop me up and place me upright?  No, I have to see myself pushing up, popping up and standing up all while remaining centered on my board from head to toe.  Shiiiiit.  That's a lot to see while you're making sure your board is also pointing straight towards the coast, and I mean not even kinda sideways.


Balancing in life to me at this juncture is making sure I challenge myself on the daily.  It keeps me sharp and makes me grow constantly.  I have to remember to remember to sharpen skills everyday, keep my self grounded and see my dream, live in it everyday.  Play, too.  But play with people who want more, do more, see more from themselves and life.  Play with people who have my best interests (and I have theirs) at heart.  All of this makes daily living productive (and fantastic).  Balance also means... Keep getting up, accepting that I'll probably fall again at some point, and by probably, I mean I will.  Not beating myself up because I'm not perfect just yet.  This used to be a huge thing for me with regard to Directing.  Just not wanting to suck, man.  lol  But just like surfing, and like Will Smith said, it's about beating on your craft.  I can't get better at anything unless I get out there and work at it.  I can't watch a show on surfing and get it, just like I can't read books on Directing and be fantastic at it.  Like Nike, "Just. Do. It."  And like Nike = Victory, so too, shall Victory be mine.  :)

Always winning....

100.

Bright

On Checking Your Faith Quotient...

Alternatively entitled:  

"You can never have too much faith."

Shirt by: The Billionaire P.A.

Something has changed, or shall I say resurfaced in a new light, within me.  My faith has grown tremendously and especially in action.  A couple of years ago I was very diligent about doing my prayers morning and evening everyday.  I may miss one morning or one evening here and there but I was pretty on top of it.  Then, I fell off out of nowhere.  I didn't lose my faith but I wasn't putting in nearly as much effort to do my prayers everyday.  As of the last month or so, I've stepped up my game 10 fold and what a difference I've seen in myself and in my life.  I mean I am really in flow with everything and everyone around me, again.  People just want to help, people are kind.  Green is super green and blue the bluest blue. I'm catching sunsets that are amazing.  "Coincidences" are happening at lightening speed and you wouldn't believe how many people are willing to help on my first music video which is coming up.  Everything is so effortless it seems.  My gratitude for it all is in direct correlation to what I'm putting into my life and everyone around me.  

Took this with my camera phone.  It's the reflection of the sunset through my side mirror.  I was late for an appointment due to crazy traffic.  Because of that, when I was leaving my appointment this was in the night sky.  How amazing.

As a Buddhist, I'm taught not to feel guilty about missing prayers.  I believe one mustn't do things begrudgingly, be it hanging out with friends or what have you.  What I have realized in hindsight, though, is that by letting that aspect of my life fall off, I lost my footing in life...for real.  I became irritable, worried, depressed and insecure.  These are not qualities I possess on any given day in my life.  That's just not me.  Slowly but surely as I stopped taking quiet time for myself to reflect upon my life, my spirit became disconnected from the Source and I was like a fish out of water gasping for air.  Only as of late have I realized where my true grounding in life comes from...practicing my faith.  For me, it's a base from which all things spring forth.  The way I interpret and communicate with others, the way I live, love myself and others, workout, create....  Geez, I really must have felt so arrogant or lazy to think I didn't need to put in the effort no matter if it was even 5 minutes in the morning and evening in front of my altar.  What does it feel like to be back?  Winning!  And you know how much I love winning.  :) lol  It really does feel amazing.  I feel like my old self but way more dope (if it's possible lol).  The reason is because I have this experience under my belt now.  I took my practice for granted.  That's it!  That's what it was.  I took my practice and thereby myself and my life for granted.  I wasn't practicing appreciating every moment and so more moments seemed to start sucking.  lol  But for real...having had this experience not only increases my faith but it's a reminder of how precious decisions truly are.  When I decided that my practice could take a backseat to most everything in my life everything became backwards, seriously.  Damn, it's all a reflection of me.  Everyday, that rings more and more true.  How much power we really have is incredible once we learn how to be in tune with the universe and wield it responsibly, we can see and create beauty in everything we come in contact with.  Everyday and evening as I remind myself that I am a Buddha and so are you I am in touch with the beauty, love, peace and compassion that encompasses and and surrounds us all.  (sorry, i just teared up for a sec.)  When I remind myself of that and continue to practice that on the daily I am more frequently enlightened.  Enlightenment is not a destination it's a practice.  Everyday we may have a moment or many moments where we are at one with everything.  To sustain that truth and understanding is my goal.  I know I can do it and am doing it.  Thank you and this is my sincere prayer.  With love...  Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.

100.

Bright

p.s. please check out this guy The Billionaire P.A who made my new shirt (that I'm ordering), the pic above.  I t-t-totally love his philosophy..."I am going to help over a billion people speak their dreams into existence!  That is why I call myself "The Billionaire P.A."; not just to acquire a billionaire dollars, but to inspire over one billion people.  My success will come through helping billions of people develop wealthy minds.  The best part about what I do is I save lives tomorrow that want to die today."
http://www.wealthymindsclothing.com/

Practice = New Results

While looking at the floor in my bedroom last week and all of the clothes that had accumulated, I asked myself, "How did I get here, again?"  I made the determination a few months ago to get and keep my house in order and did...for awhile.  Then, it hit me...it's a mirror for life.  Here's the thing, I often get that "got it", you know?  I have epiphanies and whatnot but somehow lose the excitement of the realization after a few weeks/months.  What really makes all the difference is keeping up the practice of implementing said epiphany or else I'll find myself with crap all over the floor even though there are 2 hampers for sorting laundry in the closet.  lol  Additionally, I must practice envisioning my goals everyday without fail.  If I don't, I end up sliding back into seeing life only as it is currently and wondering why nothing has changed.  I have to experience the joy of where I'm going everyday in order to make it come into existence.  If I don't constantly see and feel myself on the set/in that meeting/in that relationship how will it come about?  How will I be able to notice the intuitive nudges that lead me on that path if I'm not currently connected to the vision?

My friend Julia previously invited me to attend a networking soiree she was throwing in Santa Monica last night but I ended up getting off of work later than I thought.  I wanted to just go home and sit in a bath and practice more imagining.  Instead, because my intuition told me I was supposed to have a conversation there, I went.  I ended up meeting five amazing young women and had incredible conversations.  Actually, the second woman I met after chatting for a bit asked what I did and I told her I was developing my reel as a Director.  She proceeds to tell me immediately that "We need to talk..." and that she has people who are looking for female Directors.  Fan-f'ing-tastic!  Everything is meant and I know for sure that because I keep putting my goals in the forefront of my mind in every aspect of everyday I'm pulling their actualization in so fast.  Man, I'm telling you I am paying bills and living off of my passion a.s.a.p. 

It's like in The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, I have to make a new habit or new agreement.  In order to do that I have to break the practice of the old which equals the old way of living, loving, learning and the only way to truly do that is to institute a new agreement.  I have to decide, for one, and hold fast to that decision, secondly, to really see a change.  If I just make a decision but don't put any power (i.e. feeling or action) behind it I might as well just keep the old way because I really don't believe in what I want.  I'm just making random wishes.  Everyday, my belief grows stronger.  I see myself there now, and I mean right now.  The lil inner hater is still lurking about but she's becoming miniscule with every prayer, renewed determination and "chance" occurrence.  Loving life :)

100.

Bright

The Power of Playing Make Believe Exercise Part I.

Yesterday I received a letter from a friend who is like a lil sister to me.  She was writing about being stuck in her current environment.  She said something like, "I don't want to be in the same place as I was last year."  Often times when we feel immobile we look for others to give us words of encouragement to help us counter our inner fears.  Sometimes this works out and other times it feels like a complete DISASTER depending on the responses you receive from your friends.  Advice: (Keep positive folks around and ditch the negative unless their family)  Sorry.

Since all answers lie within, I told her about a simple but powerful exercise that was going to give her more confidence to face her fears.  I've been doing this particular exercise since age two.  LOL  The real is kids always do it but then right about the age of 13-14 it goes bye-bye.  I'm talking about the ability to play MAKE BELIEVE.  Now before I get into the exercise, let me tell you why this is MORE IMPORTANT that writing down a business plan or a list of goals that you want to achieve in life.  I'm assuming most of us want to be successful.  I doubt that we want to stay put and feel stuck.  And I would venture to say that a good majority of us have also written down goals as a means to outline our potential dreams.  Here's the problem with just writing it down.  If you don't believe that you can obtain that goal...IT AIN'T HAPPENING.  I know folks will say well if I think about it, it will come about and blah...blah...blah.  That's not how the creative process works.

First we must see our goals clearly (writing them down does help), then we must believe in them, and then and only then do they begin to take form and start to manifest.  Of course that's the super, simplified version.  What my lil sis was asking about was gaining more belief in herself in order to silence the outsiders, ie. her family.  After all faith is the only cure for fear.  The millionaire dollar question then is: How do you gain more faith?

Well most folks will tell you that if you're not born with it then you're SOL.  I don't think that's the case.  But just like with everything in life, it takes mental discipline and much practice.  In a nutshell, here is the exercise I gave her.  I used this exercise diligently to purchase my first condo without realizing it and used it for my second condo and most recently I used it to start acting with no prior experience.  Folks always ask me how is that I'm able to jump from industry to industry.  Up until now, I was hesitant to tell people for fear of ridicule (adults pretending and playing=crazy in this society).  But here is the truth.  I first see it in mind, then I play make believe, and then I take action.  VOILA!

MAKE BELIEVE: Part I.  (The Senses) 

Why is this effective?  This is for the skeptics out there who always need to know why this and why that...lol I'm one of those people.  The brain does not know the difference b/w what is real and what is pretend.  When you don't know HOW to do something, you have no choice but to pretend it.  Over time, the brain will begin to accept the make believe as REALITY.  This is why pro athletes run the race first in their mind or execute plays while day dreaming.

 The Exercise:

 Part of what makes imagining something feel real is creating the environment of the goal you desire.  The more real it becomes, the more you begin to BELIEVE that you are able to execute what you are imagining.  Pick a quiet space alone and begin, for me this means bubble bath time.

• The first step is to pick a goal.  Let's not get fancy and write 10 goals all at once, especially if you don't use your imagination on a regular basis.  If you are a "realistic type" then start with one goal.  For example:  My goal was simply to start acting on stage. 
• The second step is to create the scene in your mind.  Close your eyes and try to visualize the environment.  What does the place look like?  What does it sound like?  Who is there with you?  What do you have on while you are attempting your goal?  For example:  If your goal is to holler at a girl that doesn't know you are alive; what would you be wearing when you meet her?  The idea is to have FUUUUUUUUUUUUUN with this people.  If you start saying, "Man I would like to have on a Rolex Watch but I can't afford that", you are going in the wrong direction.  For GOODNESS SAKE you are dreaming damn it!  DREAM BIG. 
• Ahem...sorry I get worked up about this stuff.  I can't tell you how many times folks defeat themselves while day-dreaming which translates into perpetuating a lack of confidence in their reality.  This brings me to step three.  PLEASE leave your fears at the door.  You are pretending.  However, pay attention to what that little inner voice is telling you.  If it's constantly worrying you to death about money or women or your family's concerns; it is a major indicator that your predominant thoughts encompass worry.  Worry brings about more fear and fear based people in the forms of friends/co-workers who are going to push against your dreams.
• The fourth step is let go and place your self in medias res.  In Latin that means, "into the middle of affairs".  Your only requirement is to create an IDEAL circumstance.  This means actually acting out, or visualizing the scene as it plays.  This is where that little inner hater voice usually gets his/her way.  For example:  If you are trying to become an actress, you don't want to dream up a situation where you start choking on stage or falling while exiting.  However, this is what we do.  We've been programmed to create less than ideal circumstances for what we really want.  And what happens?  Our brains later tell us that it's too scary or too dangerous.  It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.  Focus on PERFECTION when you play make believe.  If you don't know how to do it, watch kids.  Later on this year, I'm thinking about having a workshop.  I had no idea that adults had lost their ability to play until recently.   Another issue pops up when we are pretending.  We don't like looking silly in front of others.  That's fine, I suggest finding a place where you can pretend alone.  But know this...YOU should begin to believe in what you are doing as you practice over and over again.
• The fifth step is HAVE FUN!  This should feel amazing and fun like you're role playing a totally different person.  You might think, this is silly at first.  I'm never going to gain the courage to talk to that girl I really like.  But the more you rehearse it in your bedroom where no one is looking, the more confident you'll appear when it's no longer a dress rehearsal.  By the time I hit the audition for the first time, I had already done 40 scenes in my mind while soaking in the tub.  As a result I got the opportunity to play the lead.  Be bold and brave with your dreams.  Please do not limit yourself!

P.S. Let me know how playing make believe goes for you!  Good Luck!
Shak
100.

things i love...pt 4

Alternatively entitled: 

"Random Acts of Kindness & A Trip to Method Acting"

Yesterday, I went to audit an acting class.  I haven't actually done acting since I was probably 15 yrs old.  It was my very first passion...until I was on an actual shooting set.  I'd done plays, taken classes blah blah blah.  Anyhoo, so I'm getting ready to bounce to the class.  I get to my car and it won't start.  I have a laser cut key because I drive a Saab and the car's computer wasn't accepting the key.  Come on, son!  lol  This put me behind several minutes.  I tried not to freak out because I really can't stand being late.  I get anxiety, it's wack.  So, I decide that I'm not going to go that route.  I decide to take my mind off of it and let the car sit for a sec.  I put on mascara, try again.  Nope.  Put on lip gloss, try again.  Sike.  Several minutes pass and I just continue to refocus my energy on calmness, peace and grounding and try again.  Alright, we're rollin'.  There are quite a few ways to get to the main street from where I live but I always let my spirit guide me on which path, I guess it's kinda like a choose your own adventure thing.  Anyhoo, the path for last night got me to a stoplight.  It was about to change (I'm winning!) and I saw a bus loading it's final passengers.  The bus driver closed the door but I saw a woman run up right afterwards.  She banged on the door to let the driver know she was there.  The driver took off through the light and my heart sank.  I can't stand to see people missing the bus.  I don't know why but I always feel like it'll change their whole day, you know?  Anyhoo, the bus crosses through my intersection as my light turns green and then stops on the other side of the street and opens the door.  I look over to the woman who is now defeated with her back to the bus.  I start immediately honking my horn and simultaneously roll down my window to let her know the bus is there for her.  Her face brightens and she runs across the street waving thanks to me.  It was fantastic.  It started to make me tear up because I love random acts of kindness like that of the bus driver.  I am inspired by seemingly small things like that.  It always amazes me and lifts my spirit to see someone do something for another simply out of the kindness of their heart.  Everytime, I think to myself we're getting closer to world peace.  Love it.

Anyhoo, I'm still trying to get to the class determined that I'll be on time.  Shak hits me that parking is a wrap to say the least.  I end up pulling up about 5 min late.  No parking anywhere remotely close until after 7p.  And at 7p finally find a space up the street.  They let me in even though I was supposed to be there at 6:45p.  Fantastic.  The class doesn't start until 20 min later.  They go through a slew of exercises and one of them is to close your eyes, take a deep breath and allow a sound come out that mirrors how you've felt that day/week/month/year.  Ok, cool.  When I tell you that the sounds that came out from EVERYONE were not unlike something that was a cross between "The Little Mermaid" when Ursula the octopus queen witch showed her her garden of "poor unfortunate souls" and what you'd expect to hear in Dante's Inferno...I'm not lying.  I turn to Shak and ask her, "Where is all of the happiness?"  She mirrors my shock saying her initial thought was to sing.  I agree saying that I was going to do something more along the lines of "LAAAAAAAAAAAAA".  lol  We watch in amazement and concern as they repeat the exercise and it continues.  So depressing, for real.  Anyhoo, the class was pretty cool, otherwise, in that the instructor was pretty dope at digging deeper to get what the students needed to go for from within.  I am interested in taking the class because I feel like it'll help me to be a better Director.  To really help my actors and thereby myself get the story that we want...the real story, not the surface, no-one-believes-you-because-we-know-you're-acting thing.  My desire is that people will get lost in my films because they see themselves there and let the actors inspire them to make better choices in their lives through our storytelling.  Making those better choices comes from being honest with yourself and what you're going through.  It's a part of the healing.  You can't heal if you don't address the wound and clean it.  The part that's kinda scary though is that method acting makes you drudge up something from your past even if you're over it, you've healed that wound.  You use it to create that real emotion that comes through but is that really healthy?  Is there another way to make the character truly identifiable without driving yourself and loved ones insane?  Acting is about telling the truth not lying so, I'm not sure at this point.  I need to do some more digging.  Maybe I'll try the class for a month because I do feel like I could learn a lot.  I have to have faith in my ability to center and recenter myself to get out what I need to on stage and leave it there.  Not to take it out into the rest of the world with me.  It's an art and a practice.  This will be an opportunity for me to become comfortable with that type of exposure as well as becoming more aware of my actions and the way I come across.  We'll see what develops.  :)

What I did realize, though, last night on my way home is that me seeing that situation with the bus and the woman was meant.  If my car started immediately, I wouldn't have been at the intersection to get her attention.  If I hadn't centered myself during and post the car situation, I may have only been thinking about myself and getting to the class.  I wouldn't have been able to be calm and observe my surroundings.  There weren't any other cars behind me and she would have missed the opportunity.  Maybe, just maybe, I am helping to bring about world peace on the daily.  :)

100.

Bright

Vulnerability vs Wounds in a Frame

When we first began this process I thought of myself as more of a behind the scenes kind of player.  Shak really encouraged me to write and share.  Ugh, no way...sharing means being vulnerable, having an expectation placed on me or being judged and I kinda just like to do my own thing...all the time. lol  What vulnerability means to an artist and people in general, I suppose, is the difference between having an opportunity to be understood or none at all.  It's the difference between letting the vision out completely and pulling the punch.  When we put ourselves out there on that stage, on that site, in that relationship we give an opportunity to someone else and to ourselves to be heard.  Without stepping out there it is assured that opportunity will never take place.  Shak said to me last week, "if you never let anyone in how can you really expect to let anything out?"

There are a host of reasons why people don't share who they are or what they think.  It usually surrounds some previous incident where their feelings were hurt/ego bruised/fell on their a$$.  I think we hold on to those embarrassing occurrences thinking that remembering the experience will shield us from ever having to experience that again.  I know I have.  What really happens though is that we lead lives full of never sharing how we really feel, doing what we love, trying something we like for fear of looking stupid or someone using our good nature against us.  And honestly that only creates more of itself.  When I open up and share myself people respond in like kind.  Usually someone is so happy someone, anyone finally said it...what ever that may be.  People are dishonest or withhold info in business because they think that other people will try to cheat them.  What really happens is that people will always respond in like kind.  Holding on to these past experiences and keeping them alive every day remembering and thinking about it instead of letting it heal is like placing a wound inside a frame and posting it on your wall.  Gross right?  Yeah, I think so, too.  No more wounds on the wall.  It's just another part of the drama we create in our daily lives instead of living and loving in the now.  

Vulnerability is truly courage.  Think about it...who gives a shit if someone breaks your heart?  You will meet someone else and the experience was grand wasn't it?  You know why?  You went for it!  Who cares if you fall off stage?  No one else in the audience had the courage to even get up there.  You went for it!  Time out for all of that b.s.  We hold onto things because we know what that pain is like but when you step out into the sun again you feel healed and you don't need to cloak yourself in that misery.  Letting go of the pain doesn't make the experience null and void, it allows you to have new experiences.  And if you bump your head again and think "damn, why am I here, again?"  The reason is because you didn't learn what you needed to so that you could go beyond it...beyond.

100.

Bright 

Day 7: Staying Focused

Initially, I was a bit nervous about this challenge.  But I knew that no matter what I had to challenge myself and with zeal no less, that I would make it happen.  I have been able to keep myself to at least 3 pages a day on my script and most days a bit more.  I enter day 7 at 24 pages with a trillion more to go but it's fantastic.  I cannot wait to get home from work everyday to hang out with my characters.  I was worried about how I would be able to get into that mindset after working all day.  So, this is what I decided to do.... On my way home I would begin the transition.  I start to think about them and where they were when I left off the night before.  I let my mind wander around the characters and their personalities.  I daydream about anything regarding them even if it doesn't pertain to what needs to happen next in the script.  By the time I reach the house I am in that mode.  The very first thing I do is set up my computer to write.  After every installment, I chat with Las Mujeres (Sakinah & Jay) to share the updates.  

Things I love for 5,000, Alex?  The fact that they're already so invested in the characters.  I feel like I'm telling a story to them everyday about real people, Sakinah & I might be in love with the main character.  lol  But all of it feels so great to be able to live with the characters who feel like completely new people in my life.  It's like a new television show that I get to watch a piece of everyday.

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Bright

p.s. this was meant to go up about 13 days ago.  :)

Day 2: the "Challenge"

At this point, I'm technically in Day 3 but I digress....

So, Shak came up with this brilliant idea a few days ago after reading something about Quentin Tarantino.  He wrote "Reservoir Dogs" in 3.5 weeks.  That was his first feature and well, we all know where he is now.  There's a whole amazing story about how he ended up getting it funded and shot that I knew about but I didn't know how long he took to write it.  To paraphrase, here's the challenge: write a short, feature, pilot, or story in 3.5 weeks.  "Ok, I'm down," I say.  There are the moments that change our lives forever; this is one of them, I can feel it.  That push, that challenge to do the most...  I'm excited and nervous.  What's going to come out in the end?  Who knows.  Even if it still needs work, having a feature in my hand is amazing!  

Currently, I'm up to page 9 of my feature script.  The first day I spent time reading through Final Draft's (my script writing program) tutorial.  I got it as a gift for my Birthday/Christmas (thanks, mom!) and was unable to upload it to my computer until this Thursday because my new computer came finally came in!  (Super long)Sidebar: My other computer was moving rather slowly (it's 5 yrs old) and because I have to use it for my job-job (what pays the bills right now) I didn't want to risk uploading another program on it and it crashing on me.  So, I finally found a MacBook Pro that was brand new and a lil cheaper than what other people were charging and bought it.  Now, when I bought it I had just spent $700 fixing my car but was expecting a check from my last job to arrive any day.  Wellllll, it still hasn't arrived AND I had to pretty much empty out my saving's account and put off paying my car note in order to pay my rent.  Yep, awesome.  lol  (It's the grind right? :) )  I don't have buyer's remorse because I needed to make that leap and buy the computer already so I could start to upload footage from my camera (the other computer because it's older won't recognize the files), start formatting scripts and just be winner for goodness sakes.  I'm knocking out all of the "reasons" one by one for why I'm not exactly where I see myself.  The camera was the first step, the computer the next and this challenge the most recent.

I just got home from taking my mentee to a Dodger vs Braves game (the Braves won 9-3! sweet!) and all I could think about on the way home was getting in front of my computer to continue to write.  I was able to do a few pages earlier before I left for the game.  I had a great impromptu brainstorming session with Sakinah, too  (thanks, sis) that had me super juiced.

What's crazy is that the story that I've been in love with/has been haunting me for the last 6 years is finally feeling like it's being pieced together.  I've jotted down notes as they've come to me about the characters over those years and a partial scene here and there as it comes but over the last couple of days they finally feel like they're coming alive to me inside my head.  I can't say what it's about just yet because that would t-t-totally ruin the surprise (lol) but suffice it to say I love it and it's going to be dope.  

So, I'm off to continue writing a bit then finally going to bed.  I've been up forever, it feels like.  We had a great run this morning in Palos Verdes and I think I might still be high off of that, or the creativity, or the Braves win... either way, still winning.


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How to be: Super Fresh

Switching it up a bit..for me at least.  I've been on another kind of knowledge kick as of late.  I think it's cool to be what comes easily but to push yourself to stretch beyond your known limits makes you super fresh.  I like being super fresh so.... I've got like 12 ideas running around in my head.  2 feature scripts, 1 video, 2 shorts and a documentary (& a partridge in a pear treeeeee....lol).  Focus man.  Alright, but different days feel like different projects.  What I am teaching myself is how to write all of the above because the formats are so incredibly different.  I learned how to write scripts in college, taught myself how to write treatments for videos when I moved out here and am learning about documentaries for the first time ever.  

Feature scripts are behemoth in nature, at least to me.  It's really the dialogue that kills me everytime.  I wish I could just outsource it!  lol  Alas, I am currently not paid like that so, I have to step up to the plate.  When I had to do it years ago, I got better at it because I just locked myself in a space and wrote and let my friends read it to see if it sounded believable.  I also, didn't have to write 80+ pages.  This time will have to be much of the same.  I am reteaching myself all of the break down elements.  Setting up the locations, character's personas, plot elements....  I know that I can do this and it's something I need.  Fleshing the entire thing out from stem to stern will help me get even closer to the project.  Screenwriters are genius (& I'm something like a genius so...) and there's so much that they go through.  Besides all of the drafts they're like novelists on speed.  In addition to the final draft that has to be in a certain format that is universally accepted there is also a treatment for the film that is 8-15 pages long that gets submitted 1st.  This treatment gives all of the plot points, acts, characters and such in a condensed form that has to have its own format.  So think about it like this....most features are about 80-120 pages in length allllll of that info has to be miniaturized and still make you want to buy it.  That's some amazing pressure.  Oh and you only use minimal dialogue and it's solely for descriptive reasons.


Moving on to the video treatment.  I worked on several videos when I moved out to LA and had the privilege of reading over the Director's treatments.  What most people don't know is that a large percentage of the Directors don't actually write their own treatments.  I was saddened initially when I found that out, but here's why....  Mainly it's because of Directors being inundated with a catrillion projects that may or may not jump off the ground and all of the hours that are put into making a treatment could be a complete wash because if they don't choose you you don't get your pay.  In those cases production companies will outsource a treatment writer to come up with a concept that the Director and Production Company can stand behind and then it gets submitted to the label.  Anyhoo... a treatment for a video gives the writer more creative room as far a format goes.  Sometimes, there are photos submitted to give a better sense of the art direction, wardrobe, make up etc.  Even if they are not submitted there are tons of style magazines that are flipped through, books about architecture, the human body, movies, you name it that are referenced to allow the Director to fully grasp his/her vision.  Cut to me as a PA driving to tons of newstands, movie stores, book stores sifting through so much to find that gem that will yield the perfect reference.  No, it was not glamorous but it was fun (sometimes).  lol  So, the format of a video treatment is usually a one pager or at best a couple of pages consisting of paragraphs laying out the complete visual element and feel of the video down to the presence that the artist gives.  It's simple yet effective as long as your adjectives are super on point.  


Oh the documentary.....  Well, this is a completely new field for me.  The reason being is that it's live.  In essence what you're doing as the Director/Writer is writing what you're looking to shoot and leaving room for real life to take place.  When you're interviewing, you will have a list of questions to ask but you don't know what the answers will be and if those answers will lead you on an eye opening tangent.  You come up with a list of places to drive to shoot footage and get permission to shoot and have no idea that you may come across an unexpected nook or interview that will lead you else where.  The important part of this entire process is keeping track of it all and documenting the changes.  Your pre-shoot/shooting script may change dozens of times to get the best story.  The difference between a documentary and the aforementioned is that there are far less rules and it's your idea.  It's real life and you have a plan but you end up making a lot of it up as you go along.  What's amazing about it is that you have your core message/subject matter outlined and you let it develop itself, you cannot force this or else it's incredibly obvious.  The downside is that without the structure, if you're not paying attention, time will fly by and you won't know when or where you're supposed to stop.  It's real life so, there is no real end and you choose your own adventure.  


That being stated this is my adventure to create compassionate stories that are fictional, 100% real or a combination of both.  Developing my breadth of knowledge is incredible.  It makes me stretch myself to be more so I can touch more people and do what I'm hear to do...Inspire dialogue and break boundaries.  The bear is tackling one at a time.  With Shak's "Tarantino Challenge" on the table it's must.


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Bright

"I'm Like Rubbin' 2 Logs...."

Feeling on fire.  Since my post on F.E.A.R., I've felt strangely liberated.  I mean, I feel something kinda like A-Ma-Zing.  It's like when I made the decision that I wasn't going to let my limited view or that of others affect my destination the world became my oyster, so to speak.  I have felt so incredibly inspired as of late that it's almost ineffable.  The ideas are pouring forth so quickly and clearly and even from other sources, as well.  The universe is truly my ally and the reverse is true.  

The funny thing about how we feel and what we see is that it can change from moment to moment and from day to day.  That's, once again, the beauty of an ever changing life.  I am feeling appreciation and ownership, knowing that my environment changed because I decided to.  Being more of myself is a necessity and it hurts so much when I can't see me stretching and reaching for all that I want to gain and share.  I realized that when I said that I am worth more and will get more, my life reflected that.  Making ends meet cannot be the end goal or product because that cuts me off from the source, my creativity.  If all I think about is how I am going to get my bills paid then that's all I will bring into my environment.  I began to seek clarity of vision, knowing that it comes from within because that is my gift, envisioning.  I'm a seer and it's so painful when it feels like I can't even grasp a coherent thought.  When I began to return to myself and the way that I do things the well seemed like it sprang forth.  I even had an idea to go have ethiopian food at a spot I'd never been to before and ended up in a conversation with the owner because he had a picture of himself with Stevie Wonder posted.  I knew seeing that photo was a confirmation of my need to be in that place at that time because Stevie is the truth!  I digress...(lol)  At the end of my meal he invited me to come back for live music and then decided that he wanted to show me the back area of the restaurant that was only open during the evening.  When I walked back there I knew instantly that was the place I was supposed to shoot the video for the treatment I'd just written (which, incidentally got rave reviews from the artist ;) ).  I inquired about cost and he told me hundreds of dollars as opposed to thousands of dollars which is what most locations would charge.  He even talked about the crew being able to eat lunch there, so on and so forth.  We established a phenomenal rapport immediately and I am so grateful for the time and connection.  

Everything is definitely meant and I know that I have to make sure I keep my mind in the right space at all times because I sometimes take for granted my innate happiness...that is until depression rears it's ugly head.  Then, I can't see the forest for the smog (what up, shak? lol).  I feel blinded by it but I'm continuing to learn to share all of those moments (positive and not so very positive) because when I let people in they can help me see more clearly and help.  Life retains it's color and I'm a blaze of inspiration to myself and others.

Still t-t-totally winning..... :)

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F.E.A.R.

F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real.  

- Hill Harper

I am not afraid of most things.  I cannot wait to jump out of a plane.  I wasn't afraid to go to Jordan.  I'm really not afraid of dying.  I like going places by myself.  No problem going to dinner alone.  The movies by myself = cool with me.  I am afraid of failure.  I am afraid of not winning at being a director.  I have been going through this whirlwind of emotions and thoughts... So many thoughts.  I am unhappy with my current job.  Not because of the people I work with.  I think they're awesome.  My job is stressful but it's exciting.  The hours are ridiculously long (think 80+ hour work week) but I get to see cool stuff.  I mean in the span of 2 months alone we worked with a live elephant, rhino (yes, a real live rhino!) and Danica Patrick (cooler than a fan).  My problem, my frustration is that I am helping to put out other people's dreams, not my own.  My home is a safehouse for dreamers who grind...My sister, her best friend Sakinah, my friend Damani, my friend Shawn....  These are all people who have made the leap and I love them for it.  But not me.  I haven't made the jump to go after what I want 100%.  For the third time in my life, I feel alone.  I see myself standing at the top of the cliff and watching all of the people I love and admire and brainstorm with one by one smile at me, turn to look at the cliff and take a running jump.  They disappear from my sight for a second and reappear with wings.  They motion for me to come.  "It's ok...it's easy", they say.  But I'm paralyzed.  I look over the edge and wonder if my wings will sprout, too, or am I not special enough.  Maybe they're different than I am, maybe they're better, more talented.  I have tears in my eyes now because I want it so badly and I am ashamed of my lack of confidence, faith, belief.  Where did it all go?  This is NOT me, I feel like an alien in my own skin, in my own mind.  When I found out my mom had cancer, it exacerbated my anxiety.  I felt like time was running out.  I have to show her that she did an amazing job.  She did the right thing.  Prove to her that everything she has gone through having us was a winning move.  "I just wanna be, I just wanna be successful...." keeps playing in my head.  My vision is blurred and I'm having difficulty tapping into the source.  I go go go but feel like I'm running in circles.  What's funny is that when I moved out to LA 5 years ago, I was not afraid in the very least.  I left every person who knows and loves me to make that leap by myself.  I moved clear across the country to fulfill my life's mission without one ounce of nervousness.  This jump somehow seems greater.  And it is, in a sense...This is the most important decision I have had to make to date.  I know that I am prepared and that the people who love me will love me always no matter what happens.  In my heart I know that I will be ok but my mind, my inner hater, tells me I'm not ready yet, that I don't have what it takes.  Fuck you, hater.  Seriously.  

"...let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself"

-Franklin D. Roosevelt

That's so real.  So, what am I going to do?  I get into this cycle with work where I need to pay my bills so I work but then I'm exhausted.  Tapping into my creativity after not utilizing it at all feels impossible.  I have to remember to make the things that matter most to me a priority.  That means praying, writing and shooting.  This also means that I will buy myself a new computer so that I can upload footage to work on editing to improve my vision.  I will budget money better so that I don't have to take every job that comes my way because of some wack scarcity mentality.  This will allow me to stay in the creative mindset longer to actually see my vision clearly and create it.  Making this decision is an act of faith.  I have been extraordinarily protected and will only have the opportunity to win if I truly tune in and take care of me.  That's what I'm here for anyway.  Besides, this site isn't called "Inspire the Wackness/Complacent/Fearmonger", so I'm going to leap.  I have to...I owe it to myself.  I'm going all in because I'm sure as hell not going home.  

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Getting Here...

Alternatively entitled:
"Capitalizing on an Opportunity: Part 1"

 

This is part one of this particular part of the journey.  Recognizing that being patient is a major quotient of the process of getting the opportunity.(Thanks, Caleb :) )  My major frustration as of late has been where I'm not.  I get so worked up over not being where I want to be right now that I know I'm not being as grateful as I should be for where I am currently.  Being grateful for my current surroundings doesn't equate to wanting to be here in this space forever.  It just means that I have to remember to remember (once again) to appreciate every aspect of this process.  Being here in this moment is preparing me for when that opportunity presents itself.  I find myself trying to force the moment, trying to make it happen...if only I do this then yadda yadda yadda will finally take place.  That, however, is not the divine nature of things.  All of these experiences will allow me to appreciate that moment even more when it arrives.  

I had a wonderfully inspired thought last week while guess where..in the shower.  So, I was thinking that I could begin to make a name for myself shooting music videos for major artists without them and post them on youtube.  I could get really good actor friends to impersonate them for me and get my ideas out.  I know a slew of choreographers and dancers, too.  My ideas are really good fantastic and artists will start to contact me to do their real videos for them.  Even if that doesn't happen I will create a following online and people will seek me out to direct things for them anyway.

This recognition has given me the chills..the good kind.  Seeing that vision...I feel it..I'm already there...I see it...I'm a director!  I'M A DIRECTOR!!!  It finally became crystal clear to me.  I saw that the reason I had to go through all of these years being here, working the way that I did to get to this point is so that I would NEVER have to work for anyone else as a director.  I could start my own company straightaway with all of my contacts that I've acquired to date. I can do what I want, create what I want.  I just have to remember that I'm not a failure unless I stop trying and that's never going to happen.

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Bright

Organizing the Mind

I once heard something along the lines of a clean house is a reflection of one's mind.  I'm totally paraphrasing but that's the gist of it.  Upon returning from visiting my mom that's exactly what I set out to do.  I needed to clear my head and that began with my apartment.  Time out for keeping crap that I haven't used...ever.  Fortunately, I'm not into tchotchkes or else I'd be totally screwed.  lol  There are a few of my close friends, Shak included, that are really good and minimalizing and organizing their lives.  She totally has a place for everything and everything has it's place.  She has a really good rule about not keeping something around (especially clothes) if she hasn't used them in 6 months.  There are some people who are a bit OCD; I don't desire that necessarily, but I have to be better.  It was one of my recent determinations for my life.  I not only feel better but I can think better when I know where the hell things are.  Organization, is not my strong suit but it's about to be.  lol  

The best thing about the hours of work I put in yesterday is that I found some notes I'd written regarding ideas I've had.  I also found the very very original beginning of the script that I'm working on and all other subsequent notes pertaining to it.  I felt a surge of energy and recharged creatively.  I've been having a writer's block lately and it sucks!  That's why I decided to clear out my house so my brain could breathe better.  This purge is a way to get myself even more disciplined.  I used to feel like discipline was like being in prison.  Why can't I just do what I want when I want?  Well, what I am discovering is that without more discipline I cannot truly be prepared for success.  I am not where I want to be because I am not ready to capitalize on that winning opportunity just yet.  All is not lost... starting from today onward.  Everyday and every moment is about reaffirming my determinations.  It starts from the most minute to get to the grand.  They are one in the same, truly.  My thoughts and notes are now in one place and I am building on them currently.  I still have more work to do but I'm super close.  I love being a winner.  hahahahaha

100.

Bright

p.s.  My mom is much better now, thankfully.  The surgery was an uber success and she is now cancer free. :)

The more things change the more they...well, change

Alternatively entitled 

"The C word"

I've never understood the real ending of that, you know..."the more they stay the same."  I guess someone was trying to be ironic but yeeeeaaaah, not so much.  lol  I digress.  So, I've been trying to decide whether or not I wanted to post this but it's on my mind so, on with "keeping it real."  I found out just under two weeks ago that my mom has breast cancer.  This news shook me to my core.  I was stunned, scared, nervous and a host of other not so great feelings.  What does this mean?  I mean, everything has changed.  My mom is my only mom, you know?  She can't go anywhere AND she's a trillion miles away in Atlanta so, I can't just go see her and feel her energy and know she's ok.  I'd just started a job when I found out and was at a loss as to what to do.  I decided to stay on the job because in order for me to have some kind of piece of mind about going to see her I needed to stack that do-re-mi before I bounced.  The job is almost over and I made it through with only crying on the job once.  

What I am facing is change...dancing in the storm, so to speak.  I was(am) nervous about being strong for my mom.  I know that she needs me to be that way for her so that we can make it through this entire thing.  As much of an "adult" as I felt before the news I felt equally like a little girl afterwards.  I'm not ready to take care of everyone, yet.  I thought about all of the accomplishments that I hadn't made to date to show my mom that she did an amazing job raising me.  I felt overwhelmed.  Shak and my friend Ife have both counseled me on trying to shoulder this alone.  I am learning to set aside my pride and to ask others for help.  Because the truth is I cannot handle this on my own.  I am so happy that my sister was working in Miami and could go up to Atlanta.  At the same time I was pissed that I couldn't do the same.  The real is that Maya(my sister) sacrificed what she was doing on her grind to be there for my mom.  I have to sacrifice not being able to be there right away to make sure that we (my sister & I) still have a place to live in LA throughout this experience.  There are a myriad of emotions I may feel at any given moment.  For the last couple of weeks, I've felt mostly incredibly numb.  Like I just can't let the news permeate me because I have to continue to move forward, to finish my job, to be "strong".  But I haven't completely felt "strong" this entire time.  The strangest thing is that I know that my mom is going to be ok, like I know it in my heart, in my spirit, in my soul.  My faith is not shaken in the least.  I know that it will only get stronger through this.  Faith isn't the absence of nervousness or being afraid, I don't think.  Faith is continuing to take the steps forward to move through in spite of those things.  The other side of that, though, is that I can't control this..this change.  This was a very sobering event that shook me to my core because everything is truly transient.  And amazingly enough, that is the beauty of all existence.  When it presents itself in different forms it looks like an obstacle but when we are on the other side of it we realize that obstacle was really an opportunity.  I'm training myself to see the opportunities at present.  I see the opportunity of being closer with my mom and sister and my friends.  I get to be in the same space with my mom and sister and we haven't been in years.  My friends are allowing me to lean on them for emotional support and I am learning to relinquish that control of having it all together.  I never want to seem like I can't handle a situation or that I'm not strong enough.  I never want people to pity me.  But it's my own fight with my ego that I have to work out.  

I finally balled my eyes out yesterday and it was so cathartic to just let go at Shak's house.  For some reason, I couldn't let myself do it even alone in my own space.  I felt so much better after that release.  What I am learning and why I wanted to share this is that our lives may take a trillion twists and turns on this path to greatness.  This grind and my individual process of growth will shape me to be able to tell the stories that I need to share, to speak to people and inspire them from all of my experiences.  Being a liv-er is not about going through life unscathed, it's about how you heal and flaunt your scars.  lol

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I'm Inspired By: New Years Resolution-ish

This year I’ve decided to part ways with my ol’ pal, a real gentleman.  That’s right, no more Jack Daniels #7. It’s really nothing personal against him. I’ve had so many good times; I can’t begin to recall all of them. But every good thing comes to an end right? Or perhaps it comes to a stopping point, only to rediscovered later. That’s how life is…ebbs and flows.


Bottom line: Shak ain’t drinking no more. And no I didn’t come to a religious understanding about the subject. Nor did anyone tell me about my personal health demise from abusing it. I made the decision to stop based on a cost/benefit analysis. I want to be a great runner. I want to be in the best shape in my life. I want to be able to perform in front of crowds with explosive, contagious energy.


I can not accomplish this and be a DRINKER. That’s it, it’s really that simple. I just made a decision. And I could write a blog about how important and how powerful it is to make decisions BUT that’s not what this particular blog is about kids.


This is about how people will react when YOU decide to make a decision about YOU. Come again? That’s right, when you get ready to make up your mind to do things a bit differently, you can expect a bunch of folks to start acting crazy based on a decision you’ve made about yourself. Case in point: I stopped drinking but I didn’t stop partying. As a result, the last 4 outings I’ve been to, I’ve heard at least one of my friends get real “pissy” about me not drinking. One chick said, “No, I can’t believe you’re not going to take at least one shot. This is ridiculous! You’re at least taking one shot”. Am I? Really? It seems so trivial until it happens at every event you attend.


Ever wonder why your friends/fam-bam get so upset at you for changing? It’s because we are all MIRRORS. When ever you change a pattern or behavior that’s incredibly consistent with who you are; it challenges what people think about you in the first place. But more importantly, it challenges what they think about themselves.

Shak
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Why I've turned off my tv...

At first it was necessity.  I needed to eliminate some bills that I could live without.  Then, I just didn't desire it any longer.  I mean how many reality shows pitting people against one another can I really watch stomach?  Sad and disturbing news shows...Gossip tv....  I've found better use for my time.  I was writing more and reading a hell of a lot more.

I remember when I was in high school and found out over convo after school one day that my art teacher, Mr. D'Andrea, didn't own a television.  WHAT?!  You've got to be kidding me!  I told him about all there was to watch on tv, "You're missing Seinfeld!"  lol  I told him about Bob Ross ("Happy Trees"), gotta love that guy..he was hilarious and so sincere.  Anyhoo...I digress....  But Mr. D'Andrea was a G(enius).  He could play most instruments, paint, draw, sketch, was dope with graphic design, an amazing photographer AND he found time to do all of those things at my school and teach us how to as well.  Only now does it dawn on me that he could be so prolific because he wasn't spending his time watching Dynasty reruns and Dawson's Creek.  hahahahaha

If there is a show I'd like to watch (Entourage), I netflix or hulu.com it.  I know I've expanded myself exponentially from cutting the cord.  A year or two ago this guy basically ripped me a new one stating that he would never hire me if I came to him for a job because I worked in the entertainment industry and didn't have cable.  
A) Dude, I'm not asking you for a job annnnnd 
B) I'm probably more in tune with what really matters in my industry...Hello, I LIVE it everyday!  hahahahaha  Bless his heart.

I keep up with new directors I really dig and continue to expand my horizon on the classics.  I have no desire to recreate what already exists.  I seek to strengthen my own vision.  By and large, television for me was a distraction.  TV was something that allowed me to "zone out" when I really didn't need that, I needed to delve within.  I'm creating what I want to see because I definitely don't need filler, I desire substance.

100.

Bright

p.s. check out http://georgetwopointoh.com.  An example of what we can do with what we have when we turn it off for a sec.

I'm Inspired By: 365ers

Photographer: Tony Price

Gotta love technology.  Thursday, the homie, Yohance, tweets, "ART, 365 days of it. http://www.365ers.com/"  The name alone is the hook.  I go to the site and check it out.  It is, in a word, "fresh."

Their motto:

"Every year, we all make resolutions of some sort and end up breaking them at some point. So instead of making a resolution, we all decided to document our growth over the year through photos, video, audio clips, or simple words. This is our story ART...ONCE A DAY...EVERYDAY"

The 365ers are a collection of 10 artists and you get an opportunity to see a myriad of visions and thoughts.  For instance...

"This week has taught me that excuses will just lead me to a non-life where I don't really do anything or truly live."

-Sui Solitaire reflecting on her lack of shooting this week because of rain

Woooow!  That's real.  When I honestly sit down and look at myself, being a "non-liver" = certain death.  Everyday I have to make a succession of decisions that keep me on the "liver" path or else life just just ends up being something that happens to me.

What's so dope about this site is that like us, they've decided to chronicle their individual growth along their ascension.  It made me take a sec to think about what I do everyday.  What I do and "don't have time for."  The mind tells the body what to do, right?  Can't I create something EVERYDAY?  When I initially thought about it, I found trouble in that sometimes I feel like I have to "tap" into my creativity, kinda like turning on and off a light switch, because of work stuff.  I am soooo tired after these 18-20 hour days (remeber 3:30a? lol).  But that just sounds like an excuse to me because we make time for what we want don't we?  Granted, often times it feels like there aren't enough hours in a day but I have to make it work...somehow..someway.  How else will I "be the change [I] wish to see"?  Then, it occurred to me...the fact that my "work" consists of creative problem solving ("so, we need to come up with a plan to recapture the elephant in case it escapes." real talk but, more on that another time. lol).  My creativity is a large part of me, I don't have to outsource it.  As long as I'm diligent, I'm golden...I will make it happen.

100.

Bright
aka
Liver

p.s.  thanks Tony for letting me use your piece :)