I'm Inspired By: My Friends

Photography by Michael K.

I went home to Atlanta for the first time in a few years and it was definitely an experience.  It was at some points disheartening but overall quite inspiring.  I was able to catch up with quite a few people...people I hadn't seen in years.  As the years pass friends and associates go about their way.  What was frustrating for me to witness was that there were people who kind of just seemed like life had happened to them.  Some were in careers that they didn't care for or relationships that they just settled for and I couldn't help but wonder..."What happened?"  Why have people given up?  I saw my favorite teacher, Ms. Page, and she said that it's about choices that people make.  If you make a succession of "good" choices then that's the direction your life will tend to go.  It seemed as though some have not really liked the choices they made but decided that it was too late to go a different route.  I mean, we're not 95 years old!  There is still time to go after what you want.  

Take my homie Mike Jones, for instance.  He's been at his corporate job since he was about 17 years old.  He graduated from college and continued on the path that he began while in high school.  However, he's always been drawn to photography.  This year, as a fluke, he was at a friend's party and went around telling everyone he was a photographer; completely joking.  A few days later someone from the party called him and told him she was ready for her session with him.  This took him completely by surprise.  He now had to make good on the joke he'd played.  He did some research and found a great factory refurbished Nikon and started making his passion become a reality in his life.  When he picked me up that was the last thing I was expecting him to tell me.  He's found his love, his passion and is going after it wholeheartedly.  He has since, shot several sessions with different friends, his fraternity brothers, the city of Atlanta, etc.  He decided to put himself on.  He offered deals to people to help build up his portfolio and to continue to learn.  I found this so incredibly inspiring because this is exactly what I'm talking about.  He could have decided that the life he's been making for himself for the past 12+ years was one he had to resign himself to forever.  Instead he chose to step out on faith and just give it a go.  When he was initially contacted by the friend from the party he could have merely stated that he was joking and moved on but he decided to jump at the opportunity.  I am so encouraged by his decision, it has changed the way I look at him, for real.  He's always been cooler than a fan but now he's someone I can talk to about this grind.   

I was so excited about his process that I interviewed him.  I want to showcase stories like his and ours to share what this process looks like.  There are people at so many points along the spectrum and I think that this will help all of us keep being inspired by each other because we're not alone.  I'm working on the edit of the interview and plan to have it done in a week or so as soon as I'm able to get it off my camera.  The footage looks pretty interesting but more than that, what this first of many stories does for me is it gives me my jump, my leap.  Even if it sucks, I was incredibly inspired to try to capture what I was feeling from our conversations and through more efforts I will gain experience and my vision will become more clear.  So, I thank Michael K. Jones, Shawn "KCutta" Williams, Parker Mathieu Word, April Perez, Keisa Davenport, Michael Curry II, Caleb Watkins, Chris Portis, Carla Odom, and Jade "K.C." Frazier for keeping me inspired and never ceasing their grind.

100.

Bright

p.s. You may view more of Michael K.'s work or contact him via www.modelmayhem.com/MichaelKPhoto

I'm Inspired By: Education

Happy New Years!!!!

I thought about my resolve to become a better person and to have more faith in pursuing my dreams in 2010. I wondered, why do people wait until the last damn day of the year to create a list of things they need to change?

Why is changing so brutal a task in the first place? I think in part ignorance is bliss, so why change? But my dad would say, "If you think education is expensive, try ignorance". The only problem with learning is that the more you do so, the more you start to challenge all things you've previously learned. And all of a sudden you feel like you don't know too much after all.
Hell, how we view the world in large is based upon what we've been taught. If we're taught that green folks are evil, we'll probably believe it until we meet a green person and learn otherwise. Thank God for experience. But sometimes experience lies, we have one great/bad experience with a green person and generalize about all other green people in the world.

Life is soooooo messy. It's book of rules is so not clear-cut, and often times rules don't apply or can be broken. Fun times! Well then, how can one benefit from real education. First off, in Latin the word education means (Educo) to draw out, lead out, to foster. Basically to extract information that’s already within a person. That’s totally contrary to western education that tries to stuff facts and info into the learner. Think about that for a sec. What if all the answers you need to become a great person lie within you? Hmmmmmm

I think we're moving into a new era in terms of education. A few great minds have just rediscovered that there are several different types of intelligences, perhaps many of them have not even been discovered yet. What does this mean? It means if you're a musical learner and you've been memorizing rote information; you're probably going to be a piss-poor student. And that's when it hit me when I was teaching in the classroom. Beethoven would have sucked at running a 40 yard dash. Einstein would have sucked at freestylin against Jay Z. NO CONTEST! Not now, not neva.

I remember a choir teacher at Morningside telling a student, “Oh wow, I didn’t know you can sing, I never taught you how to read the music.” To me that sentence captures it all. That’s where the majority of educators are right now. While a teacher I tried my best to remain a facilitator not an instructor. Socrates had that method down pact. He only asked the right questions, he only prompted his students to search for the answers. Without critical reasoning, our republic is doomed. Sorry for the dramatics, I'll continue.

What answers are you looking for? What do you need to know in the new year to be more successful? Perhaps it's time to think about WHY you do what you do? Or more importantly, why do you know what you know? Whose rule book are you following? I hope it's your own. I sincerely hope you created it. We borrow from others of course, but in the end, it's our own choices that create our life.

"Nosce Te Ipsum"

"Know Thyself"

Shak

100.

I'm Inspired By: Faith

Happy Holidays Everyone!

I’m inspired by this piece, Allegory of Faith by L.S. Carmona (1752-53). It reminds me that almost everything we see around us: cars, cell phones, computers, lights, buildings etc. was once unseen; unimaginable except in the minds of those who had inner vision, and the belief to make their creations visible to the rest of the world.

My New Year's Resolution: Believe more in the unseen=Have more faith.

Shak

100.

On Joy...The Response to Bright

One word for this ….DOPE! You’ve inspired me to post a blog about joy. Coincidentally it was written about a year ago to date. Maybe it should have been titled, "Joy=Pain".

I sensed it today too…I saw the sky, when I was driving from the track, and it was burnt orange again and there were swirls of pink. Sometimes there is no explanation for these feelings; all you can do is say WOOOOOOOOW!

This is the first month of the rest of my life. I’ve killed the old me literally and I’ve been reborn. I’ve done more in this one month then I have in previous years. I’ve witnessed the sky in its rarest form. I’ve ran a Palos Verdes hill in 20 minutes 25 seconds, I’m launching a dream, and I’m really living on purpose. I’ve also learned to submit which is all discipline. It’s taken me close to 29 years to wrestle that part of me. When I use the word submit, I’m talking about giving your all to a particular task that you don’t want to do. I’m building a project at work that I detested from the very beginning. I didn’t understand any part of it, not one piece and I had no desire to do it. I even plotted and planned earlier this year to leave the company just in time before its roll out.

And yet, I stayed knowing it was coming. I procrastinated, and then some more, still not understanding any detailed piece. Then finally the word was given, I had to have it done by a set time. But how was I going to get myself to do it? I talked to myself day and night and said you have no choice but to just do it. So I did the only thing I could do…I started. And I didn’t understand what the hell I was doing at first, but I thought just maybe I could wrestle with one piece of it at a time, one small victory to keep me going. As of today, I finally understand big chunks of it. I’m starting to connect the dots. Looking back, I remember when I ran 3 miles last year and could barely pick up my legs. Both folks I was running with finished well before me, and it took me over an hour to finish. I still remember how humbling that felt. I ran 2 miles uphill in 20 minutes…that’s crazy.

I never knew that it was possible to really detest doing something and yet by just doing it, like really just submitting and attacking it, something magical happens. You start to respect the task at hand, and while you keep attacking it, it slowly starts to become something that’s manageable; it begins to submit to you. And possibly, you begin to master your greatest fear or the thing you loathed the most. And when you master something through hard work there is joy, there is pride…there is a sense of accomplishment and self worth that fills one with purpose.

Now I understand why Russell S. says to start with a broom and sweep the ground like a master sweeper. Who the hell are we to always dictate what tasks will be laid out for us? I mean really, we do not know all that a business entails, all that this life entails. That is where I was defeated in the past. Most of us stop when it hurts a little, or when we don’t understand, or when we don’t like the task at hand. And you know what I found about this project at work? Everyday it becomes easier. Sure there are technical docs and codes galore I don’t understand. And I still don’t like reading through all the jargon and crap that holds my attention for about 15 seconds if I’m lucky. Every time I read a document it’s like starting at the bottom of the hill. But I tell myself, if I can master what I don’t like in order to reach my goal then I will master myself and success will be inevitable. Doing what I love is easy and effortless. But what about filing legal docs? Balancing budgets and payroll? Reading technical code for the website? What about all those things we have to learn and do in order to be great? Most of us let the hill get in the way of our finish line. We want it to be easy. We want it to be a fun ride the whole way which it can be once you submit. The joy comes after the work or maybe during it. Where there is no work there is no joy. I FINALLY UNDERSTAND THIS IS THE ROAD TO HAPPINESS!!! You can get cars, homes, and toys galore, but I can almost guarantee there is no joy. And we wonder why folks don’t have happiness. Ever wonder why we buy happiness and inspiration in a pill, a bottle or in the form of a car.

It’s right there in front of us…we just have to pick up that broom! When u reach the top of the hill no one in the world can take that away from you. You become a master of you. We have to become what we think is impossible, we have to do what is hard as hell in order to grow but more importantly in order to be happy. Then we see who we are, we know what we are made of and we witness the miracle of becoming something from nothing.

That’s why Shon said, “F your b-day”, he said, “When u run that biz, you’ll be working on your birthday because people will want to get paid and they’ll be depending on you.” I finally realize that happiness=working, and if you want to be ridiculously happy, then you’ll have to work ridiculously.

Shak
100.

I'm Inspired By: The Jump

My lil play sister called me the other day in a fret over her upcoming 27 th birthday. She was super anxious over the fact that certain things in her life were not in place. Out of all my favorite folks she's one of the most ambitious and determined out of the lot. And yet she was calling because she felt something was missing. Why? I mean after all she had bought a condo in Los Angeles, held down a pretty-damn impressive real estate gig and was rolling in a Lexus. But she said she didn't feel successful or accomplished at her present age. She wanted more. So she did what any self respecting woman would do. She left LA behind including the condo and the car and landed in D.C.

I often receive these calls from strangers, family and friends alike. It doesn't matter the time or circumstance. They call me to see if they should jump. Sometimes I think God is playing a lil trick on me, using all of these folks around me as a mirror. They're asking me if it's ok to jump and to follow their dreams despite the hard, cold facts that they make not make a dollar their first year or despite the fact that they may indeed fail. Those who have already jumped; call me on a regular to see if they should have taken the leap in the first place. Jumping is one of the most hazardous of all occupations because most simply don't do it. It's also the only way to become totally free, never locked into life's guaranteed options which leads to the path of BOREDOM. Actually, Dr. Seuss coined a much better term for the place, "the waiting place". That's what most of us are doing while we're here on Earth that is, WAITING. Taking up space, time and energy until retirement maybe, more like until death.

My sis said she was tired of living the 'LA life'. In her words LA had become reduced to window-shopping, high-glossed over people with little to no substance. OUCH! I told her that it was not necessarily LA but rather a certain mentality that we all can subscribe to from time to time. I call it the wall paper mentality. When we become consumed by the trappings of appearances. It's when we stop listening to the lil voice inside of us that wants to explore, to live and to dream. We become more intent upon living according to a prescribed plan. We're supposed to have 2.5 kids by 28 and of course be married. We're also supposed to have obtained a "respectable" job, one that pays the bills and stores a bit for retirement. Ahhhhh the all elusive retirement that will come after we've put in our "time".

But what about all the damn space in between retirement? What about our grind? It isn't the work that necessarily defines us, it's the quality of our work. And since it's damn hard to do something well that you absolutely hate; I suggest you find something that moves you, that brings you joy. I think the most dreadful disease that's spread throughout America is mediocrity. We've become content with good ol' comfort. In fact it's what we strive to gain in this lifetime. But a path only designed to bring about comfort is a straight shot to BOREDOM. And then there are those who want more...not later but NOW, like right NOW!

They're like my lil sis, just not content with the wall paper. They realize that all the glossed over things and people around them mean nothing if they are not truly LIVING. But how do you live? How can you truly get the most out of life? By never being completed.

Real living isn't about just "becoming comfortable". It's about using your God given talents to personally become more, and in the process, increasing more life and opportunities for everyone around you. Just when you think you've done enough. Your soul earns for more. This is the real reason why we want more money and more things. We really want to become MORE. It's the same for all things on this planet. The rose is designed to bloom. The catapillar becomes the butterfly. The seed becomes the tree. Why do humans think we are destined to sit around and watch TV? ARE YOU SERIOUS????????????????

Most of us are scared to become more and we look down upon those who decide that they want more from life. The only catch is the day you decide you're too afraid to start living is the day you begin to die. Most folks think death comes when the breath ceases. Look around you! There are tons of walking zombies amongst us. Folks have checked out long ago. But every once and awhile someone catches fire and becomes inspired to live again.

So I told my sis, "to hell with the Lexo and the condo and the window dressings". Be free. Listen to your heart. There will be those who frown upon your decision to become a family therapist rather than a real estate tycoon. Of course condescendingly they will say, "but you were soooo good at real estate". And she expressed her concern of not becoming a millionaire by the age of 30. I couldn't help but to start smirking a bit. We must all learn to tune out the world. I told her be weary of those who say you should think realistically, to be more reasonable. There is nothing more unreasonable then not listening to your own heart. In the end, when all is said and done. There is only you. And you can choose to play this game however and the hell you choose. She's chosen to LIVE. And I salute her.

P.S. This blog is really only meant for about 5%, no 3% of the population. Those who have jumped or those who think about it almost every day. For every one else...carry on.

Shak

100.

Who's Watching You?

With all that is going on in the media re Tiger Woods (I don't even watch tv and I am so over hearing about it, seriously) it made me think of something Shak said to me last year, "People are watching you Bright.  I'm watching you."  The gift and the curse of a leader.  She can tell me that because she lives it, too.  When I'm on the hill and I want to just stop, because it always crosses my mind, I don't.  There's definite pride in there that won't let me quit but there are people who are motivated by what I do, as well.  How can this chick who looks like that not give up.  I mean let's be real, I don't have a runner's build but that's what makes it all the more dope.  I did my first 10k this year and I started running for the first time in life last year.  Like Shak says, you expect the thin chick to beat everyone or outlast everyone but what about someone like her (Shak) who has a similar shape to mine, fit and curvy, and is KILLING 'EM.  And I mean she kills them, beats everybody... dudes... chicks... it doesn't matter.  But she's fast as all get out because she decided to be so.  So, when there are people who are at the top of whatever game and they cheat on their spouse or pull a Kanye why are people like, "Damn, not you man?"  Why do we hold these people at such high regard?  Because they make us believe that we can be the best at something, too.  I don't think that they should be messiah-ed, because we are all human.  But the truth is people lose faith in themselves because you were that embodiment of what the best possible them could be if they tried.  The fact is when you sign up to be a leader, that's how you'll be treated.  I believe in second chances, at the same time you have to own your space.  

When I hear it said that these business men/women, athletes, musicians should just expect that they are role models that kind of bothers me because it sounds a liiiittle bit like sideline critics.  You don't know what it's like to live such and such a life, neither do I...just yet.  What I do know is the pressure I put on myself to succeed.  I now am aware that other people I know who've watched me grow up and move clear across the country by myself are also looking to me to succeed.  I don't have a model for what I'm going after and that makes it all the more nerve wracking but I'll be proof that it can happen, it will happen because when I want to stop you're watching me and I can't give up.

100.

Bright

Love and the Grind

emergise.wordpress.com

Is it possible?  Can you successfully date (ie have a relationship) while going after your dreams?  Shak & I discuss this from time to time & it's still up in the air for me.  I haven't been successful to date but the optimist in me believes it's possible.  The hard part is that the amount of time and devotion it takes to make things pop is serious.  Hell, having a "regular" job can put your grind into jeopardy.  I think that in addition to the general set of standards that one has in dating when you throw major passion for what you do into the mix the stakes get even higher.  That significant other has to be on that same level of intensity for it to work.  But man, retaining friendships can prove trying enough and romance brings it's own set of challenges. 

What if your partner doesn't have the same drive?  Nope, can't work.  They don't understand why you go so hard.  I remember this guy who was trying to date me couldn't get around the fact that I got up so early every morning.  No, dude I can't talk to you every night for hours, I gotta get up at 3:30a to kick my own behind.  Gotta be aware of the saboteur.  Well, what if he/she doesn't have the same level of self awareness?  Ahh, it might prove to be too much. Feelings of inadequacy start to creep in through the window.  Jealousy.  Resentment.  What if it's so dope on so many levels but you just don't have the time?  In large part, I do believe you make time for what you want.  But maybe this isn't the best time?  My boy Norio has a theory, he thinks that you can't get to that level of greatness if you're seeing someone seriously. His case & points?  Oprah and Bill Gates.  I think that finding that balance in your overall life of interdependence will debunk that.  Being confident enough in yourself to be able to depend on and trust in others in a healthy way may be the key.  I'm working on uncovering that happy medium as I'm coming back from being too independent.  

Are relationships just another level of comfort, though?  Do you have to sacrifice having someone around to truly focus on that goal?  Because getting to the next level when you're starting from scratch-ish changes the caliber of people you spend time with.  You know the adage, you are who you hang around....So if being a winner in life is what you are after then those are the people with which you have to consort.  That means no wackness.  No settling, not even a lil baby bit.  I believe once you start down that road it becomes easier the next time and the time after and you look up and you're still in that "regular" job that was only supposed to make ends meet until you blow and now you're being thrown a retirement party.  Not. The. Business.  

I think that you can have it all.  If that's what you decide then that's what you'll get.  I know that I have to be SUPER clear about what I want in every aspect of my life because otherwise, I'm just along for the ride and a ride is precisely what I'll be taken on.  So, just like I have the vision for my production company, philanthropic endeavors, etc clear in my mind and heart, the vision for my partner has to be crystal, as well. 

zazzle.com

100.

Bright 

Our Logo's Creation...The Blueprint

Man I found this in the archives, almost a year to the date. How are lil logo "the blueprint" was born.

The email is below:

From: Gagnier, Shakira
Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 9:03 AM
To: 'Jewel Estephanos'Cc: Damani Rivers
Subject: RE: It's about that time...

Let’s see since the concept here is plugging into a dreamer’s blueprint…Hmmmm

I really like this concept below….ride with me for a minute… Do yall remember Kanye’s first video “Through the Wire”? Where the pictures were taped to the wall? I kinda like that idea of the blueprint being taped to a wall (peep image below). We all need a daily reminder of going after our dreams and we need to see it everyday. What better way to do that then to tape it directly in front of us?

Now as for the images on the blueprint, ride with me for another second…I can visualize a person with plugs coming into different parts of their body… (representing electricity/inspiration & power). I don’t know that might be hella weird-like. (The image below is usually equipped for science…we could make the person a big fresher, for one he/she wouldn’t be naked (HEEELO)).

And then see how the blueprint has lines pointing to explanations of the image? That’s where we can drop that ill word play on them that Bright discussed: Each plug going into different parts of their body will represent an intangible skill that’s needed for them to complete the blueprint. For example: One plug can be: Hard work (and then define it…what does it take? And the location of the plug will be matched with the word. Maybe for hard work, the plug can come out of the hands, or the legs), Patience, Inspiration, Sweat & Tears, Heart & Passion, Mental Prowess, ….

We can come up with a bunch of them. This is just what I visualized though, and yall all know my mind tends to get to wandering a bit. So I’m really curious/excited to see what you guys visualize?

Holla at the kid.
Shakira Gagnier
“The most important thing in life is to stop saying ‘I wish’ and start saying ‘I will’. Consider nothing impossible then treat possibilities as probabilities”. –David Copperfield

From: Jewel Estephanos
Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 7:37 AM
To: Shakira Gagnier; Gagnier, Shakira; Damani Rivers
Subject: It's about that time...

Dude, ok sooooo.....why did I almost try to go on to our website? I was sitting at my computer and things calmed down a bit here on the shoot and I'm listening to seeing sounds and I thought hmm, anti-matter, I should look over my posts and see if I have anything about that and maybe write that one. are you kidding me?!?!?! Dude, yeah it's about that time.....If I'M forgetting that it doesn't EXIST yet then we've got to keep moving forward like we've planned.

Also, because we're meeting with Rich, the guy who is going to work on the logo, do you all have any specifics that you'd like for me to share in the vein of design? color choices for certain parts of the blueprint...like i thought the blue would be good for the general outline of the blueprint and maybe the green mixed with brown for the words and i don't know where the grey accents should go...oh, yeah on the plug! where do we want the plug to come into play exactly? Any ideas we can gather and then we can brainstorm with Rich tomorrow.

Shak

100.

That Heat aka The Challenge

What I'm reading: "Stealing Fire From the Gods" - James Bonnet

"If you go through it, you come through it." - James Bonnet

What I have been afraid of for the longest were my feelings.  I hated the fact that they are so intense, that I am soooo sensitive, that you can see them all over my face.  I mean that figuratively and literally.  My face turns red if I'm happy, sad or pissed.  I have spent so many years trying to hide and disguise them that it is only fitting that at this stage of my life and my career I am forced to not only deal with them but welcome them back to the forefront of everything I do.  I am working on several pieces and as I've been doing my research EVERY book tells me to listen to how I feel.  Pay attention to a negative feeling when writing because it tells you something isn't working.  Go toward that feeling, understand it and you'll come out all the better for it because your piece will be better because it the truest representation of what you want to convey.  Damn.  Really?  So, all of that crap I didn't want to deal with I have to look at head on because as I stated in "...Narcissistic", understanding me makes me better ALL the way around.

The writers, especially Bonnet, speak about really paying attention to our dreams.  Bonnet likens them to our own personal Rumpelstiltskin.  Rumpelstiltskin worked while the maiden was sleeping to make the hay into spun gold.  Our dreams are our subconscious (Rumpelstiltskin) working on our conscious problems (hay) to create solutions (gold) for us while we rest.  Fresh, right?  Sometimes I'll think that an entire idea isn't good enough because of that negative or "eh" feeling.  All it truly takes, though, is a little reworking most time to get to that "greatness" stage.  Sometimes I may have to scrap an entire piece and start again but I don't have to throw out the initial feeling.  Kind of like someone who creates music or paints.  You keep the heartbeat of the music or the color that you began with because that's the basis but the surrounding colors on the canvas or accompanying rhythms need to change.  A piece I was working on was feeling dead in the water because I couldn't see where my characters were going to or coming from after a particular scene.  I now realize that my first inspiration was the climax, I have to create the beginning for them so they'll get to that stage.  Mozeltoff!

"If you can't stand the heat stay out of the kitchen."- someone a long time ago

Addressing that "heat" is what makes us great.  Looking into the face of a challenge makes us actually face ourselves.  "I thought I was strong but now after going through (fill in the blank), I know I'm much stronger and better than before."  The part of me that I thought was the weakest is actually my greatest attribute.  It's how I connect with people and will get better at telling stories.  Sweet.

100.

Bright

I'm Inspired by Walt Disney

This b-day week has been Amazing! I went to Disneyland on Sunday and a Laker game on Wednesday. What could possibly be next? Best part about Disneyland was the end. When Bright and I were walking out on Main street it started to snow (fake snow of course) and the fireworks started to light up the night sky. A soft feminine voice announced over the speaker, "Happy holidays and remember to believe." I started thinking about what it means to believe in things as if you're a 6 year old walking around Disney's park for the first time. Kids don't reason about the time it takes to get on a ride or how many calories are in a damn funnel cake. All they know is that they're going to get on the rides they want to ride and live it up. Ask an adult about Disneyland and he'll usually tell you it's much smaller than he remembered, too crowded, too noisy and he's just there for the kids.

What is is about adulthood that kills our ability to look at things from a fresh perspective? Why are we no longer impressed with running around in a circle with our jacket over our head? Why can't we laugh at ourselves anymore?

I mean who and the hell wrote the book on being an adult anyways? Whoever they are, they pretty much suck. That's my best, humble opinion of course. One of my gentleman suitors gave me the greatest compliment recently about my age. Of course he didn't realize it at the time. He said, "you can't be turning 30 this year, where's the mature attitude? Shouldn't you be more worried about your bills." MUAHAHHAHAHAHHA! Umm really? I've had more bills and responsibilities than most folks my age since 16, however, I choose not to let those worries define who I am. Bills are bills are bills. I can take em or leave em. They're going to be there so why worry about them?

But how we choose to see the world is ALWAYS up to us. We decide. And up until this crazy point in my life where I finally feel kinda grown up, after all, I am 30 ish. I choose to live my life like it's brand new, exciting and an adventure. It's more fun that way, you don't know what to expect and chances are guys 10 years younger will still find you attractive. Not because you're wearing skinny jeans but because they'll actually think you're their age. Ok maybe that's the downside of this whole be-whatever-age-you-think-you-are thing. There is always a plus and a minus.

"All your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them". ---Walt Disney

Shak

100.

To Be or Not To Be...Narcissistic

Narcissus by Caravaggio

I've found that a lot of people misconstrue narcissism with self awareness.  My desire to understand myself better enables me to be a better artist, friend, mate, sister yadda yadda yadda.  The difficult part of that journey is that many people are not on the same page.  I want to share my stories, the triumphs and failures because we can all learn from them.  The failures enable me to have compassion and empathy.  I am working to overcome my disappointment within when I feel I have slipped back into some previous way of being or thought process.  I mean, damn, haven't I outgrown that by now?!  The trouble is that when I think I've overcome something intellectually it may rear it's ugly head in a new form and here we go.  That tells me that what ever that habit may be, like having a cigarette when I'm out drinking with friends from time to time, is that subconsciously "I ain't there yet."  But it's painful for a person like me who strives for perfection (gotta figure out where that comes from) because I see that others are a work in progress but it's difficult for me to accept it of myself at times.  Intellectually, I understand it but subconsciously, I have to be more, do more.  The gift and the curse.  That means that I won't take "no" for an answer, I'll persevere through anything and at the same time when I faulter, sometimes I beat myself up terribly.  I, too, am unreasonable.  How else to you get unreasonable results?  Do the seemingly impossible?  

What have I been learning?  ....Well, something I now know is the strength in communicating properly.  What may seem obvious to me may not be to someone else who really cares about me.  So, that means being more assertive about what I think and feel immediately because that could cause a rift that was unintended.  My sensitivity is a strength not a curse.  For instance, I l-o-v-e the dvd extras and there's this director named, Gabriele Muccino, who directed "Seven Pounds" and "Pursuit of Happyness".  What Will Smith loves about him is that he is so in touch with his feelings.  I saw that my gift of empathy will enable me to connect with people on a deeper level.  However, if I try to fight that then my actors, crew, friends, etc. will come off equally repressed.  Funny, right?  The people around us are a mere reflection of what's within.  My digging to become more aware of self even shows up in the books I read.  I went to Borders to pick up several books on screenwriting and could only find two of the ones I was looking for and picked up another book because Shak mentioned something about psychology (message) just before I walked into the store.  I didn't find what I wanted instead I found what I needed.  Both books speak explicitly about uncovering self to delve deeper into your characters.  

I'm remembering to remember to listen to my inner wisdom.  Still don't have that down just yet but I'm making strides.  I was on set the other day talking to Shak about something quasi personal and a young lady happened to be standing within earshot. Normally, I would not continue to speak but something within told me to continue because she needed to hear what I was saying.  Sure enough, as soon as I got off of the phone she came over to tell me that she heard what I was talking about and then offered me a "life gem", she told me of a book entitled "The Four Agreements."  Tomorrow, I'm headed to Borders, again.  

This I know for sure (what up Ms. WINfrey!)...when I share myself with others I am truly giving and that's the most amazing feeling.


100.

Bright


p.s. it's almost our birthdays!!!!! wahoooooooooooooo :)