Freud, Jung and me
*This bears repeating because I am my only formidable opponent.
Let me begin by stating that I love people with what are deemed to be huge egos. I listen to music that talks about having a big ego...T.I., Jay-Z, Kanye, Lil Wayne, etc. Because when people call that type of person egotistical I really see confidence. Now, I don't mean the type who puts down the little guy who is struggling because that's just posing. But the kind of person who is self aware enough to know their strengths and works on their weaknesses are using their ego to the best of their abilities. They are constantly working on getting better.
That being stated, I watched Revolver, by Guy Ritchie, last night and again today (I love the dvd extras lol). The concept of the film is man versus self. This has always been my favorite of the basic story types. The others are man versus nature and man versus man.
Anyhoo...I realized that I have always been attracted to this theme and it is only fitting as it's what I'm researching now. The "coincidences" are still coming and I love it. The deal with Revolver and all man versus self stories is that the hero/antihero must face himself in order to "win." What this brings to light in my life is self reflection. Breaking down myself and seeing how I let my ego hinder me is the only way I'll win in my life. Allowing the ego play as it likes makes my life a swinging pendulum as opposed to staying the course. The negative aspect of ego is what tells me I'm afraid. The undeveloped ego is what brings about hardships in the form of false allies. When I really sit down and think about it my focusing on something negative is what actually brought that negative (fill in the blank) into my life.
The trick, I'm finding, is not to just fight those negative thought tendencies but to really break them down. Who told me I couldn't do something in my life? Why do I feel small when I don't know some type of factual information? I know that the answer to the latter is that I based my self worth for a large portion of my life on how intelligent I was. That was the ego, in it's negative form, showing up as my perceived self. People perceived me as smart so that's who I was. When that was challenged I felt like my entire life was at stake so, I would go into uber defensive mode. Protecting that perceived self at all costs, because without that, who would I be?
Let me begin by stating that I love people with what are deemed to be huge egos. I listen to music that talks about having a big ego...T.I., Jay-Z, Kanye, Lil Wayne, etc. Because when people call that type of person egotistical I really see confidence. Now, I don't mean the type who puts down the little guy who is struggling because that's just posing. But the kind of person who is self aware enough to know their strengths and works on their weaknesses are using their ego to the best of their abilities. They are constantly working on getting better.
That being stated, I watched Revolver, by Guy Ritchie, last night and again today (I love the dvd extras lol). The concept of the film is man versus self. This has always been my favorite of the basic story types. The others are man versus nature and man versus man.
Anyhoo...I realized that I have always been attracted to this theme and it is only fitting as it's what I'm researching now. The "coincidences" are still coming and I love it. The deal with Revolver and all man versus self stories is that the hero/antihero must face himself in order to "win." What this brings to light in my life is self reflection. Breaking down myself and seeing how I let my ego hinder me is the only way I'll win in my life. Allowing the ego play as it likes makes my life a swinging pendulum as opposed to staying the course. The negative aspect of ego is what tells me I'm afraid. The undeveloped ego is what brings about hardships in the form of false allies. When I really sit down and think about it my focusing on something negative is what actually brought that negative (fill in the blank) into my life.
The trick, I'm finding, is not to just fight those negative thought tendencies but to really break them down. Who told me I couldn't do something in my life? Why do I feel small when I don't know some type of factual information? I know that the answer to the latter is that I based my self worth for a large portion of my life on how intelligent I was. That was the ego, in it's negative form, showing up as my perceived self. People perceived me as smart so that's who I was. When that was challenged I felt like my entire life was at stake so, I would go into uber defensive mode. Protecting that perceived self at all costs, because without that, who would I be?
"The only way to get smarter is to play a smarter opponent."
- Fundamentals of Chess, 1885
The unfortunate part of that equation is that I was in fact retarding my growth and thereby my intelligent quotient by not asking questions or allowing myself to be informed. Ahhhh, hindsight is 20/20, right? My sister and her friend call them "hiccups". lol Sometimes we don't know ourselves well enough to see ourselves and are unable to come back from a massive perceived self attack aka a blow to the ego. So, last night while I was sleeping I started to think about my perceived self versus who I think I am. This is not to say that I don't listen to people who tell me what they think about me. The trick is are they completely informed? Meaning do I present my most authentic self?
"I want to be seen here in my pure natural ordinary fashion without pose or artifice for it is myself that I portray."
- Goethe
- Goethe
I have definitely been working on making sure that comes through. If I'm peeved or extremely pissed off, I've been working on sharing that sooner rather than later and in a method that conveys what I really mean to say. I share what I think is dope about people, too. Too often people only know what we think sucks about them. If they knew what we thought rocked about them they would probably do more of that, feel me? I digress. I am flawed and that's what makes me awesome. I can relate to people on a host of different topics if I listen and share me...all of me. The good, bad and not so hot. lol So here's to revamping the ego. Not allowing it to control me, and it fights me tooth and nail to that end. But I'm a winner so, I'll do what I do...win. Sorry, baby ego, someone's gotta "not win." lol
100.
Bright.
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