I'm Inspired By: Big Shaq Diesel

Yesterday was an utter failure.  I BOMBED big time in class.  But I had already seen it coming about a year ago.  Memorization kills me.  It's like I can hear a song a thousand times on the radio and maybe if I'm lucky I will remember the hook.  The crazy thing is I've gone from grade school to a prestigious high school to USC without anyone noticing.  The truth is...I can't hear music, I only feel it.  I can't remember what people tell me only how they make me feel.  This has killed me in relationships by the way.  "Shak, don't you remember you said,..."  Ummm...no I don't.

My emotional memory is a BEAST...I feel everything and everyone.  In fact, I don't even hear people talk at first (and I usually get accused of not listening), but I'm feeling what they're saying.  This is the most challenging.  Many people speak with words but they give off a totally different feeling.  I feel through the disguise immediately.  I smile, pretend along with them nodding my head, many times wanting to cringe. 

But in class I had to memorize a commercial in 15 min flat.  I didn't panic, well not at first.  I realized in that moment that I would HAVE to find a way to memorize info without a particular emotional component.  Or I would have to give it an emotional angle.  But how do you give a commercial about beans (the musical fruit) an emotional angle?  It's very funny, well that is until panic kicks in.  And that's when it happened, I let my fear take over.  What if I'm found out?  What if people realize that I can't memorize like everyone else and that I'm different?  I hit the front of the room and went blank.  DAMN!  It was just a funny, chill commercial but I was too worried about missing the words.  The words, the page, the selling point; wait what am I selling?

Thank God for Dave Chapelle.  I remember reading about when he first bombed on stage at a local comedy club.  I remember him saying something like, "Well at least I know what that felt like".  But I hate to lose.  No I really hate loosing.  And there is only way to overcome a weakness, practice.  Right???

I look at Shaq, the big one, and admire his basketball game.  During his prime time, he DOMINATED the courts with hardly anyone that could answer.  But he couldn't shoot a free throw to save his life.  How could you be that great in the league and not be able to make free throws? 

And how can I become a great actress without being able to memorize efficiently?

Because I will master EVERYTHING else.  And that's what Shaq did.  He stayed in his lane and killed anyone in that path.  Maybe, we cannot totally overcome our weaknesses BUT we can make damn sure that no one comes close to our STRENGTHS.  And of course even if we keep falling short again and again we practice on our weaknesses because we want to be great.  Sometimes I wonder why I chose this new path considering all of my shortcomings.  And the answer is simple.  I love it.  When magic happens, and I hit all the right marks it's like relaxing on a cloud, legs crossed and kicked back, while sippin' a pina colada. 

I realize that even an allstar like Shaq has moments of utter failure.  People are going to point out captain obvious, like how can you possibly act without knowing...blah, blah, blah.  But we can become what we WANT to be.  Don't just pick a lane because you're good at it.  It will be easier.  But will you ascend to the clouds?

P.S. Up next monologues.   I'm going to kill it.  And I'll post it when I have footage.

Shak
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