A few weeks ago, I had dinner with a friend of mine who I've never known truly before that evening. We went to high school together but never connected before that dinner although we've lived in LA for the last 6 yrs for her and the last almost 5 for me. It wasn't meant for us to connect before this time. I couldn't receive her as she was then and nor she who I was before. Relationships come and go as they always do and this is something we spoke about at length that night. Just like a splinter in your finger and sometimes like clothes you wore in your youth things are not to last for forever and always. Your body naturally pushes out the splinter and you naturally out grow the clothes. I have no misgivings about friendships that have passed. It's not to say that I'm some heartless chick that doesn't care about people or treats them as they are expendable, on the contrary, actually. It's just that as I grow I understand that there is a time and a place for most things. I don't look forward to the demise and I mourn the passing but I let it go. You have to. Appreciate what there was and learn from the experience so you can be more, experience more. THAT'S what life is about. I cannot wear the same clothes I sported as a youth (not all lol) nor do I desire to do so because I've out grown it all. No do-overs because at that time I was supposed to experience what was. It's hard to let go of some people who aren't serving you and vice versa because we're used to that relationship but in order to be what I am fully I have to let go of some baggage such as weight, habits such as a lack of discipline, etc. When people don't grow to their fullest as we see it, the natural response is to try to pull them along. But what can happen is you can get caught in the undertow. You end up resenting them but it is you who is not on your path. Is it better that they love you and want to spend time with you because you are not living up to your best or to deal with the difficult entanglements of resentments and jealousy on their part because they've taken another path than you think they should have? The answer is up to each of us but for me, I've had to walk away a few times. I still think about some people, today even, that i miss for their camaraderie or laughter because I do love it/them but I wouldn't give up who I am today nor who I am becoming for it because it is my destiny. With all sincerity, if people truly wanted the best for you they would not hate on who you are becoming but yet celebrate it and be inspired by it and rise to meet the challenges you've faced for themselves.
100.
Bright
This could not have come at a better time!
ReplyDeleteI'm struggling with the loss of a friend at the moment. We met at work, became friends outside of work and I thought that we were building something powerful and large.
But we had a misunderstanding. I spoke with her about it and felt that we had made amends.
But she isn't speaking to me. Is actively avoiding me. Is cold, short and snippy when she is forced to confront me in the work place.
And I've been wondering how much effort and concern I should put into making this right.
She has issues with confronting problems in her life. She doesn't. She's very passive agressive, she makes choices that seem (to me) to be detrimental to her mental health, her financial health and her future well being. I thought that I could help her but after her reaction to our confrontation, I'm not so sure.
I appreciate the clarity in your post- the reality check that we have to look at our lives and be honest about the people in them.
I think that I need to walk away. After reading this post, it's what feels right. My hope is, if we are meant to be friends, it will happen when it's supposed to. If not, I mourn her loss and move on.
Thank you. This is the answer that I've been looking for for weeks but didn't really know that I was asking that particular question.
Peace.
Al
wow, thanks, miria :)
ReplyDeleteit's such a difficult situation to deal with. i've found that when i allow myself to release my sense of responsibility over their happiness and appreciate what was i don't feel guilt for letting go or resentment for them not "fulfilling" what i thought was their path. and you're so right, nothing is finite; not that you'll always be friends or that you never will again. either way, our happiness should remain constant to welcome whatever new experiences come. i really appreciate your comment.
be well...
-b