I finished the documentary on Tyga the rapper. It took about 2 months. And a handful of people were allowed to see the finished goods. But in the process of creating it, I decided that I didn't want to release it. The film quality was excellent and the editor did an amazing job with the piece. But towards the end of the process I became more troubled. I realized that you can't separate the messenger from the message. I decided I didn't want to release a doc to high school kids that puts this rapper on a pedestal of a role model. I'm sure like all of us, he's a mix bag of great, admirable qualities and horrible elements, he's human. But I'm not sure he would even be comfortable with the notion of "role model". Soooo I canned the project and that was painful. A part of me still wants to release it because it demonstrates the price of one person becoming FEARLESS. It shows a young kid in a classroom giving everything to his craft, having setbacks and years later, persevering. And I wanted kids to see an example of someone who worked through his FEAR, and what is possible for them. But what has he done with his fearlessness? Is he raising awareness for a cause? Is he teaching young boys from the hood his path to entrepreneurship? Isn't that MORE IMPORTANT than overcoming fear itself? What will we become on our hero's adventure? But I am severely biased. I want too much from my students. And he is still young and has plenty of time to decide his path GRRRRRRRRRRR!
Ah the hypocrisy of being a teacher. We want what we want from our students. But great teachers know that we teach students to think independently even if it pains us. I am also slanted of course in my judgement of Tyga. I've been called a light worker, an idealist, a martyr, an underdog, and an outlier. I suspect all of those are somewhat fitting. It is not enough to be courageous to me. One has to do something to leave this Earth a bit better. And who am I to judge perhaps? Even those who do harm in one area (degrading women on videos), many times do good in other areas (donate money to schools).
Overall, this project made me realize what I cared about the most: Helping to raise people's awareness. And getting rid of everything this year has left me with who I am. It's been a scary and thrilling ride. I like to call this period in my life "reconstruction". After all, we are the builders and destroyers of our own path. We determine how high and distinctly beautiful or appalling the structure. This may be a big shocker to some. Many people still believe that life is about blowing in the wind without a rudder or purpose. This couldn't be further from the truth. And yet, the secret is YOU determine that purpose. You decide what it will be and if you are willing to pay the price for what you want out of this life which takes a nice helping of COURAGE.
Hellen Keller said, "...Life is a grand adventure or nothing at all." I couldn't agree more. Since leaving my stable, well-paid corporate gig, I have finished the documentary that I didn't release, lol. I have acted in 2 other film projects that I co-wrote one involving filming on the 405 freeway, so much fun. Annnnd I'm finally finishing a book about FEAR and how it destroys lives. Lastly, I'm applying to a teaching residency for a charter school program. Oh and I became a part of SAG, the official union for actors, blah, blah. I used to think there was a blueprint for success. In fact our logo was based around this notion. But what I realize now is that success is about doing what you want to do and being who you want to be. And for me that entails raising the awareness of others in society. I'm happy. And I thank the Universe, God, Allah, Jesus, Buddha and anyone I may have missed for allowing such a grand adventure at such a young age. Encore!!
P.S. Check out this article by Steve Pavlina. http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles/courage-to-live-consciously.htm
Shak
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