Spooky Shak: What is she up to now?

So I watched the movie “300” on Sunday in addition to going to church. Truthfully, I was looking for a few answers from both. The Spartan King decides to choose a path best fitting for a man that honors freedom. Sure it didn’t meet the rules and regulations of his kingdom. But it kinda makes you ask the question. Is there a higher set of rules and laws than what governs our present society? Hmmmm Nothing in life is set in stone, not even laws. One day the law says Blacks can’t vote. Then time progresses, people progress and the law changes with that progression. This world is forever in flux, forever becoming something more.


But I digress. What I admired about the King was his resolve. He made a decision and for better or worse he went ALL IN. Sometimes I feel like that’s where the magic is. We gotta find a way to go “all in”. Church complimented that theme and talked about being bold and free to accomplish what we really want to accomplish. Actually, being free to accomplish what our soul wants, not necessarily what we want. The Rev went on to say that most of us are living lives based on a manual that was scripted by our parents, teachers and loved ones. And while most of their advice is based in love; it may not be fitting for who we are destined to be. That was an eye opener.

He talked about our soul wanting to break free. It wants to express more creativity, more love, and more power. I knew what he was talking about. I felt like he was talking directly to me, like somehow I had been found out. All of a sudden, I felt very uncomfortable. The sermon brought me face to face with my present dilemma. Should I create my own creative content and develop something from scratch OR should I fit myself into someone else’s dream? It’s actually really simple. Some people excel at fitting into a role that’s already created. Many lawyers, doctors, actors and teachers accomplish this by excelling in the industries and systems that are already in present reality. And then you have the outliers. There is the lawyer that takes on a case that’s deemed unfit for his profession because it may change a present day law. There is the doctor that creates an instrument that uses music to heal ailments and the research defies present day modes of thinking about medicine. How about the actor that creates his own show that challenges our notion of sexuality and goes on to travel the world’s stages? And finally, there’s the teacher that dreams up another solution to the systematic problems plaguing American education.

Truthfully…in church that morning. I knew like I knew like I knew the answer. It’s always been there. I found it very young when I would turn my mother’s living room floor into a craft factory with glitter and Valentine’s cards working wee hours into the morning. I didn’t want the store bought cards. They were soooo unoriginal. Oh but I have tried MY DAMNEST to blot out AUTHENTICITY. This society screams out BE THE SAME, BE MEDIOCRE, BE CONTENT WITH WHAT YOU SEE. Why was I born a dreamer? Actually, I think we’re all born dreamers. That’s why we’re here. But only a few of us will persist to make our dreams become reality. Sure I had met a few of the weirdoes, there was Mrs. Dorn, Kanye West, and my friend’s father Shuki Levy. But why did I have to go down this same path? Why couldn’t I just be a regular Joe or rather Jolie?

And so for the past 2 years I’ve been going back and forth. I hopped into acting/writing as if it was going to magically change my soul’s original quest. I thought perhaps by being in an artistic field where I could play “artist” I could settle this uneasiness within my spirit. But it’s not enough. I can’t do what other actors do. I can’t just fit into a script and go out for any audition. No, that will not do. My “self” is getting impatient. It’s has had enough of my antics. No, I have to create something that’s not here. I have to find a way to change something. BREAK THE CODE! When I was a teacher, I created my own curriculum. When I was in the music industry, I couldn’t just be a “music employee”. I brought in artists, Tyga was one of them, and a studio was created in my house. I’ve TRIED VERY HARD TO FIT IN…TO KEEP THE STATUS QUO BUT I’M A DIFFERENT PATTERN. I can’t help but create different outcomes. My FORMULA is not here. It just isn’t. This is why I am here…it’s why we’re all here. We have a task to create what hasn’t been created yet on the physical plane. There I’ve said it. I have finally said it. No more trying to break into the systems. I’m going to create another one.

Shak
100.

I’M SO UNREASONABLE…

I think parents often want their child to pick a “stable” career that brings home “stable” income that will provide for a “stable” life. But what if I would rather live life as an adventure? I’ve never subscribed to the philosophy that I should just be satisfied with a “good” job that pays “good” benefits. What if that job doesn’t fill my soul? I can’t remember who said it, but there was this dude who said something like, “everyone should just go home from work until they figured out what it is they really wanted to do”. Now of course if you have a family to provide for that may seem very foolish and totally unfeasible. But is living a life of total regret and unhappiness a more reasonable aim? I’m convinced the hardest thing to do in this lifetime is to truly follow one’s heart. How can that be?

Well, that’s easy to figure out. We’re all told from the time we’re born that certain things in life are “impossible” or “improbable”. If you think I’m stretching that a bit, go ahead and tell one of your dearest friends that you’re about to start your own business or that you’re going to drop 25 lbs in 6 months. I’ll tell you what’s going to happen because I’ve actually tried both. A few of your friends will tell you good luck, a few others will tell you how difficult and improbable your goals are and the rest will tell you nothing. It is the silence that often kills dreams not the voices of dissent. I spent years waiting for cheerleaders to show up at the sidelines of my dream. But guess what? They never appeared not from my family or friends. So I stopped talking about my dreams and goals.

Crazily enough, in 2008 it hit me. I realized that the reason no one appeared at my side with pom-poms and cheers was because I had not entered the arena yet. Fans cheer on the players: the ones who have committed for better or worse to their dream. On Jan 3rd 2008 I realized I wanted to become a major player. Hell, I really wasn’t even certain of what game I wanted to play in the beginning, but I just put my head down and started working…well actually running. I wanted to do something totally creative that sparked my inner passion. Players acknowledge that they want to play in the game first and foremost which means that they proclaim this is who I am and this is what I’m about to do. You can’t “kinda” play, it’s all or nothing. And when players fall short of making a play they don’t blame it on the weather or their lack of playing time, they acknowledge their shortcomings and build.

In 08 when I decided to pursue acting it was the first time I didn’t tell anyone of my secret ambition. I just decided to train relentlessly, either taking a class or running the hills of Palos Verdes. And this time, I didn’t need any cheerleaders to help me figure out if I was good enough or talented enough or pretty enough to enter the arena. All I needed was a hunger to play. And I figure now that I’m in the game, I might as well try to score and I’m playing to win. But what I didn’t know then that I know now is that being a player is in itself a major victory. I’ll never be amongst the crowd who talks down on the game, who belittles the game because they were too afraid to put on a uniform and enter the arena. At rehearsal last night, one of the other actresses talked about how she overcame stage fright, how she couldn’t sleep before performances because deep down she knew that her opening lines either captured the audience or made them hit the snooze button. It was a quiet moment in which we were exchanging comforting words amongst performers. It was in that moment that I realized, wait a second, I’m about to hit the stage for the first time, I’m acting baby. That’s all right…I’m finally entering the arena this September and that’s got to be worth at least like a million dollars.

I’m a beast.

Shak

100.

Respect Your Struggle

Photography: Jewel K. Estephanos

"Respect your struggle it is your greatest teacher." posted via twitter by russell simmons july 25

I used to think that struggle soley meant facing a massively oppressive or aggressive opponent. You know, like working out a problem with a co-worker or facing procrastination. Now, not so much... Sometimes the real struggle lies within that more calm or easy going situation. The struggle to not be comfortable or complacent. To not SETTLE is the biggest one, I think. That is a massive struggle when it comes in such a beautifully wrapped package. It's all warm and cozy inside. Why get up and workout today when I did yesterday and for oh, I don't know the last 3 days in a row...because I can't settle. I won't even buy a pair of glasses that aren't exactly what I want because I refuse to settle. But what about when it isn't so overt. What if it's a job that's going to pay the bills but doesn't have anything to do with your career? What if it's a relationship (business, platonic or romantic) that is past it's expiration date. A lot of times we don't want to walk away from these situations, myself included, because it's uncomfortable to deal with the repercussions. The fallout of of how the other party will take the demise. When I fight my gut instinct that tells me this is over because of how hard it will be to face a person who may be disappointed I take myself off of my path. I don't want to walk away because I feel like I "can just deal with it." It'll be easier for me to deal with than the other person because I'm stronger and far better equipped with being inconvenienced. Moreover, I don't want to be the "bad guy". What is the worst that could happen from being honest? Are you going to die? I mean really...that's the question I always try to pose to myself when I come up against these situations..."Am I going to die?" Usually the answer is "no". lol Sidebar: I'm going airborne in a few weeks and I think I'll leave that question off the table when I get nervous before jumping out of the plane. lol Anyhoo...life is made up of tough decisions. It seems like those of us who are leaders happen to have an unusually high number of those decisions to make in their lifetimes. Well, I guess that's what we get for being "Spartans...birthed in the flames of fire...." Sorry, I love how melodramatic "300" really is. And yes, I am a spartan.... Check my stats.

100.

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