Brilliance

I spoke with a friend the other day who is about to graduate from school regarding he plans for the future. THE FUTURE. She was thinking of spending a few years becoming acclimated with her back up plan and then going after her third choice of attending law school and only after completing that trying her hand at her true passion of becoming a journalist for a magazine. I asked why and she responded that it seemed like the most responsible thing to do. She could begin to get income in arenas where there was a route already laid before, it was all very a + b = c. Her passion’s route was a bit more vague or hazy in what the actual starting point would be or when exactly she would begin to gain fruit from her labor. Here’s the thing, she’s in her early 20’s with every possibility at her fingertips. She has the time and the energy to go after her passion, not now but right now. She can sustain a few bumps and bruises along the way in the vein of a learning curve with little to no long term impact; no mortgage, no husband, no kids. Why wouldn’t now be the most opportune time?

It reminded me of the convo Shak and I had earlier this week. She asked me if I felt I had more trouble with my vision or faith in my vision. I thought about it for a sec, “my faith”, I said. She thought it was the same and wondered why and what I thought that was holding me back. I think it’s that I worry that people won’t understand the stories I’m trying to tell. What if they don’t get it? She told me I was worrying about the “how” and that was basically futile. Then she asked me if there were any projects I had that I was really connected to.

I said, "Yeah, but I have to make my visions fit my means. I don't have the $$$ to produce those works." "Once again," she said, "you're worried about the wrong thing. Write the scripts and the $, equipment, and the WAY will present itself."

Geez, even after writing it again I feel so silly. I spend time visualizing, intending, being in my head where I see myself. Having the gratitude for attaining all of that I envision but my faith still sucks and I had no idea. I moved out here with pure certainty that things would be fine. There was no, and there still isn't, expiration date for attaining and accomplishing all. I'm afraid of what..I'm not sure. But that fear definitely exists because if it didn't my faith would be stronger. After telling Shak of the script that was the first story I knew through and through pretty much, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I even came up with another plot point. Dope. "Leaps of Faith" is on my vision board and I feel like I haven't taken one in a while. Faith is the belief in the unknown, it's coming to the ledge and believeing you'll sprout wings on the way down. hahahaha It's real, though. "A risk worth taking" is also on my board. Great risk only produces great results. These things I know in my head, they add up. My heart on the other hand is pounding inside of my chest. I know the greatness within continues to seep out and soon it will completely engulf me even as i traverse new heights. You cannot unring a bell, as the saying goes. You cannot profess to be great, be great and then decide wholeheartedly to be mediocre. It just doesn't work like that. To do that means certain death of your spirit. The thing about it is that certain way, that is who you now are. Really, it's just being who you were the whole time anyway. Are you afraid of your own brilliance?

100.

Bright