Inspire The Grind

Empathy & Dvd Extras

2011-06-21T16:01:00.000-07:00

Director, Gabriele Muccino and Will Smith

I am one of those people who watches the dvd extras and I mean all of them. There's always a gem. While watching the extras for "Seven Pounds" something in particular resonated with me and I found it truly inspiring. I really loved the insight that everyone gave about Gabriele, the Director. He is an emotionally in tune guy and asks for that extra bit from his actors. It reminded me of an exercise Shak suggested a little while ago. She suggested we ask people what they saw as our natural talent/gift. I asked and kept hearing, empathetic...and that I'm incredibly intense but more on that later.... lol What this translates into for me as a Director is the ability to understand where a character is coming from and getting that depth from my actor by being able to articulate what he/she needs to feel and what I need to feel from them. Awesome. The hard work is in conveying it in a manner that can be understood. A part of being the best is understanding your strengths and weaknesses.

So, what exactly is Empathy? There are several forms of empathy but let's start with the origin of the word. Hmmmm the origin of Empathy is from the Greek word empatheia which means literally, passion.

Definition: : the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this

Ha! I love it. Yep, that pretty much sums me up. Passion, sensitivity, intense emotions.... I think we all relate with the world outside of us from within in a manner that is most natural. Some people see rigid lines whilst others see equations. Others still, see a cornucopia of colors or wavelengths. I am sensitive to my surroundings. I sometimes still battle whether or not this is a "good" thing. Kindness and beauty will bring me to tears. Joy wells up inside of me and bursts from my spirit and eyes. The other side of that coin is true, as well. When I see/feel sadness or despair it strikes a deep cord. What I am working on is experiencing those things without holding on to them. All of that... joy, pain, despair, beauty and graciousness are a part of life but we are ingrained to believe that joy is fleeting and pain is forever. Think about the saying, "through rose colored glasses". Its origin is to describe someone who has a positive optimistic view of life and/or a situation. Currently, I hear it used commonly to describe someone who isn't seeing life clearly. That person is forgetting the pain they endured. SMH. Why? Why are we taught to "wait for the other shoe to drop"? That something is "too good to be true"? Well, my guess is the answer is the saying "misery loves company". lol I believe we are supposed to forget the pain. Too often, myself included, we wear it around like badges of honor for experiencing life. But I am learning that that is just another way of playing the victim card. When I had that "aha!" moment, I almost fell out of my seat. Wow. What is truly healthy empathy? I believe it's using those deep feelings to help get others through their current pain by whatever medium suits you a film, play, song, poem, blog etc. Not to hold on to it and relive it on a daily basis or when an experience creates a trigger.

Release. Release the pain. How? Through forgiveness. How do you forgive? Start with yourself. We must forgive ourselves and recognize that we learned from the experience (joy point!) and did the best we could at that time (another joy point!). When we forgive ourselves everyone else involved becomes easier to forgive. We don't secretly blame ourselves and try to pass it off on someone else. We extend them the same courtesy, they did the best they could with what they had at that point. I'd like to be like a duck in this instance. A duck gets wet but the water also rolls off it's back.

*Puts on her rose colored glasses and smiles*

100.

Bright.

Let's GO!!!!

2011-06-09T11:33:00.000-07:00

Finally I found a sensible, rational health tip that is worth something. Jamar and Sean (my trainers) would be proud…cut 250 calories per day and burn an extra 250 calories per day and 14 lbs should be OUTTA here by Labor Day Sept 5th. That sounds easy enough and we’re only 9 days behind. Notice how I said we’re (meaning you and me). I don’t like doing uncomfortable things by myself. There is something to be said about group suffering that is much more heartfelt, poetic even.

Now, like most of you, I want to lose around 10-15 more LBS. Am I asking for the moon? NOOOOO! And I have a pretty good suspicion about what’s been keeping these 10 lbs on me. Not my Americanos in the morning, not my unsalted peanuts snacks or my chili beans w/ corn on the cob. It’s those stupidy chocolate calories. If I say goodbye, there goes my 10 LBS.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Is there no justice in the world!

The problem is I’m not that sensible. Of course skinny minnies (i.e. my friend Brenda) proclaim, “Eat in moderation”. Sure I can eat green beans w/ chicken w/ a few spoonfuls of rice, or a 6 in tuna sub on wheat bread at Subway w/ cheese but only ½ the bread with a bite of chocolate for dessert. Oh and I can do well with this sort of thing for about a week. But then this lil voice starts yelling at me, “Stop being a lil wuss, moderation is the mother of BORING! Are you going to let those salad-eating pansies tell you what to do? Give me chocolate or give me death!” And sadly, I have no comeback for that type of passion and zealous response. How do you combat such charisma? And then I realize I’ve lost again, sabotaged by my alter ego, me.

No worries, I will prevail with a little help of course, maybe some therapy. Who will join me? 10 lbs by September 5th? Any takers? Go! Go! Go! On a more cheery note, I have been more consistent with the workouts than my eating. We have to take our strengths and build upon those. Like this random kid told me, “Every day I try to be the handball king”.

Tootles,
Shak
100.

The Take Over...Love

2011-06-03T18:14:00.000-07:00

there's been no mistake,
it's first degree murder
i know what's at stake,
i'll go a bit further
my grave I have to make

i'm strapped and ready
to set the world on fire
many flames are unlit
but they're not retired
who better than a misfit

i'm loading up my guns

firing kisses and understanding
i'm loading up my guns
you're my prisoners
no one can run

i'm starting with the heads
cuz they are steadily rotting

freezing assets for access
financial systems tip-topping
this is play-time, it's recess

i'm loading up my guns

firing kisses and understanding
i'm loading up my guns
you're my prisoners
no one can run

first your masks will come off
i'm the only one that can be armed
it may feel like a loss
strip down, no need for alarm
bare bones no shiny gloss

i'm loading up my guns

firing kisses and understanding
i'm loading up my guns
you're my prisoners
no one can run

i may seem a little undone
but promise this war will be won
i'm loading up my guns

firing kisses and understanding
i'm loading up my guns
you're my prisoners
no one can run

Shak
100.

I'm inspired by Florence and the Machine...Lose Yourself

2011-05-23T13:47:00.000-07:00

I remember my mom would say, "You just don't fear anything do you?" That was after I nearly cut my left thumb off as a result of a water fight. I sliced it on glass bowl inside of a friend’s house. In the hospital I remember being ticked that I wasn’t going to make it to the movies that night. While raging war on the other girls with my water bombs, I severed a major nerve and ended up needing months of physical therapy. But that’s how life is at times when you get lost in the moment. It can be exhilarating and extremely painful. I guess I've always been some what of a rabble-rouser, doing things that I “shouldn’t” be doing. Is that so bad?

I've tried to be totally lady-like and abide by certain rules and structures. Let's be honest, it sucks and it’s kinda boring. Don’t get me wrong it’s major fun dressing lady-like and it's cool being a lady in a relationship. Even still, it's not enough for this experience called life. It's never been enough for me. There's like this lil beast inside that rages to do things, grow, stretch, test things to the limit. Life has to be intense, extreme even. I’m a Porsche that’s built to race, hugging the side of the road, screaming to go a little bit faster. There’s this yearning to feel, to taste all that can be experienced. And yet it’s sooo hard when you’re surrounded by endless lanes of blah. I find myself slowing down to plan for the next exit on the fwy. And lately my car has been stuck on idle. For me, that’s worst than the engine dying.

I mean why are we all here? What’s the point if it’s not to be ALIVE? See! Hear! Smell! Touch! Taste!

And just like that, I was humming along on the fwy one day and the soundtrack showed up. I heard this voice. The sound was like a heartbeat on fire, bursting in flames. I’m like, “YOOOOOOOOOOOOO who is this chick, I NEED HER?” She wailed over the guitar and her voice got stuck in my heart. And like a fiend, I started scrambling to find the sound, the song, any resemblance of that tribalistic noise. It changed me. I was so high.

And just like love, I was infected. You can’t stop matters of the heart. There are times I’ve tried to erase the feeling behind meeting a stranger. Fools we are, thinking we are in control. And I began my hunt. I went back to the radio station for it. Nothing! Not even after a month. And since I suck at remembering what I hear, I had the lyrics all wrong. My Google searches and iTunes searches were leading me to nowhereseville. DAMN IT! Finally, the other day while driving to that same friend’s house, it came on and I BLASTED it. This time the hit was even more surreal than the first like I was barely even to focus on the road. And in those 3 minutes I lost myself completely. I can’t even tell you what she was saying. All I know is that I left myself…flying. That’s what artists can do to you if you're not careful. They speak to our souls with or without our permission. They remind us why we’re here in the first place. It doesn’t matter what language they use because the universal language, that existed before time isn’t spoken at all but rather felt.

It’s one thing to be entertained. I’ve been entertained and delighted plenty of times, pops songs and all. But it’s a whole other thing to be swallowed up in an artist’s trance unable to break free of their melody.
One day, I sincerely hope you find a song that SHAKES the dust off your wings whatever it may be. And when you do find it, I hope it makes you roll down your windows, speed up a little faster and yell out the window like your life depends on it. If you’re lucky it might remind you of why you’re here in the first place.

http://florenceandthemachine.net/video (Dog Days Are Over)

Shak
100.

I'm Inspired by Martha Graham

2011-05-11T12:16:00.000-07:00

Check out Google today, 5/1/11, it’s inspired by a dancer/choreographer named Martha Graham. I took a few moments to look her up on my fav, Wikipedia. And I found an amazing convo that she had with a dancer who was an up and comer at the time.
http://www.google.com/

Here’s there exchange:

According to Agnes de Mille: "The greatest thing she ever said to me was in 1943 after the opening of Oklahoma!, when I suddenly had unexpected, flamboyant success for a work I thought was only fairly good, after years of neglect for work I thought was fine. I was bewildered and worried that my entire scale of values was untrustworthy. I talked to Martha. I remember the conversation well. It was in a Schrafft's restaurant over a soda. I confessed that I had a burning desire to be excellent, but no faith that I could be.

Martha said to me, very quietly:"

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others."

I need to frame her quote. I feel that the greatest thing you can do creatively in the beginning is to stay open to the inspiration. Most people choke it because they’re too busy worried about the outcome, or they get caught up in executing busy work or how it looks along the way. In their attempt to completely control the creative process they close up the exchange, suffocate it and so they don’t receive the energy. And there is so much purity and power in that exchange. It’s how folks are able to do ish they’ve never done before creatively. And I’ve never heard anyone reference it so explicitly until now. Well besides in Star Wars but that’s “fiction”. I love this part especially, “it is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open”.

How lovely and how freeing that is for all creators. She's saying, there is something worthwhile about your creation because it's uniquely you. WOW! Thanks Martha.

Shak
100.

What is an artist?

2011-03-25T17:40:00.000-07:00

Dear best self,

Why can't you just bend? How about a little?
I think there is a big difference b/w wanting to create for the sake of having talent (singing, dancing, acting, writing and rapping) and having to SPILL out what’s inside you because you have to get something out to the world. To be honest, I was just about to go the regular Hollywood path, getting Headshots, taking classes, looking for an agent, hitting the audition path in order to fit into the mold but I lost all my energy along the way. Reminds of me of when I was in the music industry game, I would have killed myself trying to fit into their box, and almost succeeded against the strongest of wills holding me back. But in reality I’m not just a talent, secretly I’m really an artist posing as a talent. I’ve always been.

It’s funny because I really do appreciate other people’s visions and their EFFORT to create them. But when you see variations of the same PATTERNS, the same reoccurring characters being recycled over and over it’s enough to make me check out. And I see why many artists live lives of solitude. They’re so tired of the same song being played on repeat that they say to hell with trying to listen for a new tune. But new lyrics are written. And new patterns do emerge it’s what gives us hope. Yet, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Beethoven, Van Gogh, Cobaine and others have decided to leave this space. One can only desperately Jazzle (fit into the plastic molding) in an attempt to be normal for so long.

I finally asked my dad to level with me, “What do you see is my number one stumbling block to succeeding as an artist?” In so many words, he said, “Time, Resources and Focus”. He went on to tell me that I have an umbrella of projects with only a limited amount of hours and only a certain amount of focus to devote to any number of those projects at any given time. He explained that I have to increase my focus and narrow it at the same time. WOWZERS! Then he hit me in the gut. “I think you should get a list of all of the projects you’ve started and decide which ONE you’re going to accomplish first”. He went on to say, “This will not be easy for you. You’ve always had a number of competing demands vying for your attention. I suggest you take a weekend, a week or a month to decide which one you will prioritize.” Then he hit me with the upper cut. “Don’t abandon that first project EVEN if it means taking 2 years to accomplish it; do not move to number 2 unless you finish number 1. And it will be the most painful and liberating thing you’ve ever accomplished.” I appreciate him for his honesty.

All of a sudden I could remember the passages from Russell Simmons book in “Do You” talking about vision and how you should never abandon your original vision. GREAT! That now leaves me with making another BIG decision. Gotta love how answering one decision about your path (I’m going to create all original content) pushes you into making another decision (which content?). And the big Q: emerged, which one of my projects do I choose? That’s like picking between kids, if I had kids. How do you say, “I love you all the same, but I just need to focus on your brother this semester, well maybe the next four years because he’s about to go off to college”. I mean how do you choose? My pops also concluded with more painful commentary. I said, “How often do you think artists make real money”? He said, “Hardly ever, but when they are creating they’re happy and that’s far more than most people can ever say in this lifetime”.

Guess that old man has a point. Gotta love that wisdom!

Shak
100.

P.S. I love this guy’s story about what makes someone a true artist.
http://sye.me/post/742070566/what-makes-someone-an-artist

What is she?

2011-03-18T17:04:00.000-07:00

The first time I was asked, “What are you mixed with?”

I might have been in grade school
I don’t remember the answer I gave
But I’ve always been a dreamer
So I probably made the answer up
I can do that you know?
Ah…what a gift
Who knew it would become a permanent fixture
The question(s)…
But how do you give an answer that has no frame of reference?
I was a kid outside my jurisdiction
Alien…foreign…edge-dweller
I learned to adapt
To live outside the margins
Where there is only open space
Lonely space…uniqueness is
Besides I’ve searched, looked in between the lines
I ain’t there, mon cher
It always begins with a particular look
I can read the puzzle in their eyes
Is she…no maybe she isn’t?
I smile
I often watch their politeness turn to angst
The uncomfortable language their body exposes
And the cunningly bold, make an attempt to stuff me in a box
So “isn’t it cool we have a Black President now?” they blurt out of nowhere
How strange but awkwardly amusing at the same time
They gasp, they wait for a response
Their ears listening for my dialect to offer a helpful hint
A subtle guide in the right direction
But I don’t write between the lines,
Because I can
“Umm sure”, no dialect there, just hints of West LA
They’re back at square one
"Maybe she isn’t”
I don’t know why it’s so hard to just say hello
I’m friendly
But it’s the categories that drive us
We need the boxes more than the hellos
That damn coffin of a box
I’ll never use it…I swear allegiance to its end
Besides make believe is much more fun
I dwell there…I belong everywhere and nowhere
I am what I am

Shak
100.

Is what we see, what we get?

2011-03-17T10:20:00.000-07:00

most mask in light what they're afraid of in the dark
to be fully human gotta stay BRAVE heart
life can be a walk in the park
fireworks, a sky with spark
sometimes i'm free as a bird, i'm high
other times i'm looking for a place to lie
but it never mattered cuz I feel so ALIVE
most I come across only know how to die
we tell ourselves things, often lies
like we're not enough
so we stay grounded never fly
but life is what we make it
that's the sweet of the pie
there is no format to formulate the PI
can't limit infinity
but we spend time figuring out divinity
rather than focus on its simplicity
what's in it for you and me?
dreams and possibility
most of us live check to check
water high deep to the neck
it's hard fixing a broken circuit
when we look out at a circus
gotta retreat within and dwell on the perfect
reason often brings treason
glad ideas change with the season
i stay goosed down
comfy when it's freezin
go from lint pockets
to diamond sockets
mind often drifts
astral rocket
one day i'll find answers
open locket

Spooky Shak: What is she up to now?

2011-03-07T11:55:00.000-08:00

So I watched the movie “300” on Sunday in addition to going to church. Truthfully, I was looking for a few answers from both. The Spartan King decides to choose a path best fitting for a man that honors freedom. Sure it didn’t meet the rules and regulations of his kingdom. But it kinda makes you ask the question. Is there a higher set of rules and laws than what governs our present society? Hmmmm Nothing in life is set in stone, not even laws. One day the law says Blacks can’t vote. Then time progresses, people progress and the law changes with that progression. This world is forever in flux, forever becoming something more.

But I digress. What I admired about the King was his resolve. He made a decision and for better or worse he went ALL IN. Sometimes I feel like that’s where the magic is. We gotta find a way to go “all in”. Church complimented that theme and talked about being bold and free to accomplish what we really want to accomplish. Actually, being free to accomplish what our soul wants, not necessarily what we want. The Rev went on to say that most of us are living lives based on a manual that was scripted by our parents, teachers and loved ones. And while most of their advice is based in love; it may not be fitting for who we are destined to be. That was an eye opener.

He talked about our soul wanting to break free. It wants to express more creativity, more love, and more power. I knew what he was talking about. I felt like he was talking directly to me, like somehow I had been found out. All of a sudden, I felt very uncomfortable. The sermon brought me face to face with my present dilemma. Should I create my own creative content and develop something from scratch OR should I fit myself into someone else’s dream? It’s actually really simple. Some people excel at fitting into a role that’s already created. Many lawyers, doctors, actors and teachers accomplish this by excelling in the industries and systems that are already in present reality. And then you have the outliers. There is the lawyer that takes on a case that’s deemed unfit for his profession because it may change a present day law. There is the doctor that creates an instrument that uses music to heal ailments and the research defies present day modes of thinking about medicine. How about the actor that creates his own show that challenges our notion of sexuality and goes on to travel the world’s stages? And finally, there’s the teacher that dreams up another solution to the systematic problems plaguing American education.

Truthfully…in church that morning. I knew like I knew like I knew the answer. It’s always been there. I found it very young when I would turn my mother’s living room floor into a craft factory with glitter and Valentine’s cards working wee hours into the morning. I didn’t want the store bought cards. They were soooo unoriginal. Oh but I have tried MY DAMNEST to blot out AUTHENTICITY. This society screams out BE THE SAME, BE MEDIOCRE, BE CONTENT WITH WHAT YOU SEE. Why was I born a dreamer? Actually, I think we’re all born dreamers. That’s why we’re here. But only a few of us will persist to make our dreams become reality. Sure I had met a few of the weirdoes, there was Mrs. Dorn, Kanye West, and my friend’s father Shuki Levy. But why did I have to go down this same path? Why couldn’t I just be a regular Joe or rather Jolie?

And so for the past 2 years I’ve been going back and forth. I hopped into acting/writing as if it was going to magically change my soul’s original quest. I thought perhaps by being in an artistic field where I could play “artist” I could settle this uneasiness within my spirit. But it’s not enough. I can’t do what other actors do. I can’t just fit into a script and go out for any audition. No, that will not do. My “self” is getting impatient. It’s has had enough of my antics. No, I have to create something that’s not here. I have to find a way to change something. BREAK THE CODE! When I was a teacher, I created my own curriculum. When I was in the music industry, I couldn’t just be a “music employee”. I brought in artists, Tyga was one of them, and a studio was created in my house. I’ve TRIED VERY HARD TO FIT IN…TO KEEP THE STATUS QUO BUT I’M A DIFFERENT PATTERN. I can’t help but create different outcomes. My FORMULA is not here. It just isn’t. This is why I am here…it’s why we’re all here. We have a task to create what hasn’t been created yet on the physical plane. There I’ve said it. I have finally said it. No more trying to break into the systems. I’m going to create another one.

Shak
100.

While I Was Out... Part 1

2011-01-29T23:44:00.000-08:00

So, I've been m.i.a. for a minute now and I wanted to talk about it. I was feeling pressure to create something dope &/or profound or ultra insightful. But pressure from who? Shak? The blog gods? lol Nope. As I break it down it seems quite ludicrous because it's me. I felt like in order to share I had to have had some epiphany or something amazing happen. The truth is that has all happened and I still know I don't know or get everything 100%, although I'm really trying to. lol I felt like I needed to have some long involved story to share in order for a post to be meaningful but I realized just now (seriously, just now) that's not it at all. As long as it's honest then it's meaningful to me, anyway, and maybe someone else out there in the cosmos. :)

In 2010, I came to truly understand that I'm as much a Producer as a Director, jumped out of a perfectly good plane, did a triathlon, fell in love, bought an iPhone and went to vegas for the first time in life. That's just a taste of what I didn't share. Geez. Bless my heart. lol

The Director-Producer story: So, I met with that amazing DP I spoke of in earlier posts, Yash, and we had some great meetings regarding this documentary I am planning. The meeting started out as a Director and Cinematographer bouncing creative ideas off of one another. Super awesome. Then, we got down to discussing the nuts and bolts of actual execution and I had to switch into Producer mode because that's the other role I am playing. It was fine at first but then I had to start saying "Let's try to figure out another way to do that because of money." And then I had to use the "n" word..."no." Argh!! It was all warm and creative and fun and then I had to go and be the Producer. Yash wasn't upset with me or anything, it was more of an inner turmoil matter because when I got into my car I felt a bit drained. I felt like, "man, this isn't what I want to do. I want to be a Director. Be creative and just have fun, man!" But that producer is another aspect of me, another facet that has to be expressed, as well, and I am not maxing myself out if I shun that part of me from the sun. I know what that entails and can and do it well. I must remember to remember to be grateful for that every second as much as the creative vision. I understand that my initial internal push back was me feeling like I was in the mode that I have to be in my job-job, which is disconnected from the actual creative element. The gift is that I can utilize the on-the-job training in my own creations. This was the first time I had to really go there and now I feel so incredibly fortunate to be able to use so many skills. Ahhh, I'm such a winner. lol

More later...gotta get some shut eye :) Until next time....

100.

Bright

How to Take a Punch

2011-01-29T16:22:00.000-08:00

Ho-ly crap, I just got gut checked. I quit drinking and cigs and am eating supremely well so, there's no outside comfort. I'm processing and accepting this straight, no chaser. So, what happened? Well, I sent the screenplay I've been working on to someone I know who's a screenwriter. Man, when he sent me back notes..... I almost wanted to cry, for real. I mean, my jaw was on the floor. I knew I needed some help, which was the reason for me reaching out but, damn. lol And I can "lol" now because it's been a couple of hours but initially it was definitely a blow... to the ego. After about 15 min, when the shock subsided, I could really see it for what it was. I did know initially that I got exactly what I asked for, which was help but, I was still hurt. Why hurt? Because I put a lot of effort into it, read up, studied, cut, reworded, revamped etc. and he ripped it to shreds. I was basically told, to paraphrase, that after all of the revisions, editing, compressing and such I would have about 15 pages. Um, I thought I was almost done. Hahahahaha Bless my heart. However, I needed to see from a professional the best way to continue to move forward and what needed work. I am truly appreciative and happy that I had the guts to hand over my baby to a stranger and ask him what he thought about it all. I am grateful that he is knowledgeable and took the time to critique my work. What I learned from this experience is that which is easy to love isn't always easy. I have been in love with movies since before forever and I know that I'm a great visionary and I have wonderfully powerful ideas. I know I can actually write very well. Screenplays are a different beast. I decided to start writing screenplays because I wanted to be able to tell my stories, not just other people's. I need to showcase the truth about the human spirit and share how we decide to grow or not in a visual format and create it from scratch. I must dig even deeper, learn even more and make sure that I am absolutely clear in what I'm sharing so that even a stranger can feel it.

I am a perfectionist and it's hard on that pesky ego of mine when I'm not perfect out of the gate on something, especially when I want it so badly. I am still winning because I'm not throwing in the towel. Never gonna happen. And I am taking the feedback and letting it be a guide for where I need to work harder as opposed to simply lashing out and giving up or not acknowledging more effort is needed. I know that I'm getting better all of the time and this is a part of the process. How do we grow if we don't know what we need to do better? So, that initial pain is really just the sting of medicine cleansing, not poison. I've taken it in and am going back to work.

100.

Bright

She's Got That Sparkle!!

2011-01-08T12:17:00.000-08:00

I was talking to my pops as I normally do on a fine Saturday morning, and I told him about how I became familiar with those who live life with PASSION. And I tried honestly to find a word that completely describes these types of folks but couldn't find any word that quite captures the essence.  I will refer to them as Passionistas.

How does a person become a Passionista?  The answer is I don't know completely. I do know however, when I was first introduced to the underground society ANNND when I first pledged.

I remember the first time I met someone whose energy was completely on fire. That's really the only way I could describe her. She was my 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Dorn. She had to be in her late forties at the time which is clearly grandma territory to a kid. BUT she didn't look a day over 27 with her flamboyant, ultra bright colored dresses and screaming red lipstick. She wore high heels and pranced around the room like a character straight out of Disney. I remember begging my mother to get to school extra early just so I could wait for her presence. I was hypnotized. Only her title disclosed she was a teacher but I always thought she wasn't from this world. It was very obvious to me that she possessed "other abilities" like knowing the inner workings of magic potions and spells.  School just couldn't come soon enough, because deep within the walls of the classroom I was learning the framework of the hidden arts. This was the first time in life where I think I worked around the clock for someone just because I couldn't help but do so. I would clean, sweep, organize...anything to be in the midst of the "great one".

It was there I wrote my first lines of poetry while listening to classical music. I would use 10 different colors of glitter to design the cover for my very first novel. I also learned about the heroic adventures of Perseus and the wonderful characters that dwell within Greek Mythology. Who was she really?   I always thought I would find an answer. But you see at this time in my life, I didn't have a voice to ask. I mean sure I was a writer. Words streamed together was my first language. But I didn't know how to talk. I would just do my work and turn it in with the rest, never raising a hand or talking out loud in class. I didn't know my opinion really mattered that much. And then it happened. She called on me in class and I got the wrong answer. I WAS MORTIFIED!

And I remember her words, "Shakira, don't make a mountain out of a molehill". Well, that sounded great and all but I was totally embarrassed, one by hearing the sound of my own meek voice and two by not knowing what the hell a molehill was? So she did what any great teacher would do. She enrolled me in the school wide oratorical contest. That's right, she picked the MUTE in her class to speak on behalf of the magnet school. And to add insult to injury, she picked a god-awful long poem for me to recite. It was titled, "What shall I tell my children who are black"? INTERESTING. For at this point in time, I knew about as much about Black History as South Park's Cartman knows about etiquette...not much.

I was supposed to deliver a poem about Black people in front of the whole SCHOOL? But what if I forget half of it? What if everyone begins to laugh at me? What if the kids start asking more questions about my race? Didn't she know that my mom checked white in order to get me in the magnet? Everyone and their mom always asked questions about my race but I didn't know what that was. I remember telling the other kids that I was Creole because my parents told me to say that. But ummmm yeah, in the 4th grade, who knows what that is? I couldn't explain it. Maybe I was a completely different species. Why couldn't my parents have just said I was Black or White or something that all other kids understood. Let's face it. The whole situation was a perfect SET UP for a complete disaster.

I attempted to cry my way out of it for a whole week. And it was an UTTER FAIL. This was Mrs. Dorn after all. The fairy who had decided for better or worse to use her magical powers AGAINST me. Not only did I feel betrayed but I was completely lost. How could this be? It was I who served as her right hand apprentice. Why wouldn't she show me favor?

The day before the contest I remember having my first and only PANIC ATTACK. Then the thoughts of defeat just came rolling in one by one. Maybe I could fake my own death or better I could run away or I could...

The morning of the contest I was actually relaxed because I had completely exhausted myself the two weeks before with non-stop crying and pleading. I decided that the whole thing was one BIG JOKE. The mute speaking in front of the school. I think I was on the side of being delusional. I thought no one would be paying attention. I'll go up, say a few words, they'll give me a sympathy applause and I'll be on my merry way. And so I remember taking the stage with a "La-Dee-Da" attitude. And then it happened...I heard myself for the very first time.

In the midst of the recital, I could actually hear how I sounded and all the tones bounced around the auditorium, the low notes, the high notes and everyone was listening. The poem itself created the perfect backdrop with its melodic words about heart break and gut wrenching exclusion. I was just a kid. But it started to flow because the words felt utterly TRUE. Why was the beautiful color black demonized? Why were things that were different criticised? In my mind I replaced the title with What Shall I Tell the Mute who Doesn't Speak? I knew that pain far too well...being quiet, being different, and being creative.

Check out the poem:
http://www.sojournersplace.com/2009/07/what-shall-i-tell-my-children-who-are.html

When the poem was finished. Crowds of parents, students and teachers all ran to the front of the stage to start asking me questions. "What is the name of the poem again"? "Who is the author of that poem"? "What made you choose this poem?" All of a sudden the mute was an authority figure on a subject that I hardly knew about a month ahead of time. It was overwhelming to say the least. WHO WAS I? I won first place. The mute won first place in a speaking contest.

And just as you expect for a magic fairy to do...Mrs. Dorn gets through the crowd and tells me, "Don't forget this moment". How could I? She had conspired against me from the very beginning. How did she do it?  Maybe she snuck a few drops of her magic potion in my juice when I wasn't looking. :) And for that I'm eternally grateful. Sometimes those who are seemingly against us are actually working in our favor. Next time you are ever so fortunate to meet one of these types, as CRAZY as they may be. Listen to the Passionistas! Watch them! Study them! It is this secret society who give us the "other advice" on how to become more in this lifetime. And if you listen long enough you may be lucky enough to hear them whisper your formula for greatness. Whatever it is, it will equate to "Dare Great & Mighty Things!"

Shak
100.

Grindin'...no this isn't an ode to the Neptunes! (But I do love them)

2010-12-22T15:08:00.000-08:00

I'm so tired of folks coming up to me telling me about their hustle alone. I guess with most rappers constantly talking about moving weight and staying "on their grind" and "everyday I'm hustlin" it must seem like the thing to do. But it's not just the rappers; it's the parents, it's the bosses, it's the love ones, hell we can argue this message is coming from everywhere.

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT

You can hustle hard your whole damn life and remain standing still. I mean if you don't have a purpose behind what you're doing it will be all for nothing. Case in point: When I was little, lol, 21 years old all I could think about was buying a condo. I didn't know why I wanted to buy a house...maybe I heard something about it being attached to the American Dream. I knew that in order to be a "complete" person, I would have to acquire this item. Now looking back that was fear motivating me to purchase a home. I thought, if I don’t have a home that’s “mine” I’m not going to live a stable life. That's most of us right? We gotta have this amount of money in our 401k and this type of car to drive, if we don’t have this and that than we’re screwed. WRONG!!!

Is having a condo nice? Yes it is. But does it complete me as a human being? NO! I wish someone would have broken that down for me prior to 21. It's great to set goals. No one is arguing that, however, setting goals that are not connected to our higher purpose is pointless in the long run. We have to figure out what our PURPOSE is in life in order to gain happiness or we will spend the rest of our lives trying to feed that void. PERIOD. That means money, cars, homes and significant others will not be able to bring us lasting happiness if they're not connected to a higher purpose. And that feeling of being incomplete is a super scary feeling to have for 20-80 years. Often times that feeling is so bad and uneasy that we medicate it with alcohol, drugs, women, horrible relationships...you name it.

Why are we here in the first damn place? Are we here to make people laugh or cry? Do we want to help others or hurt them? Are we here to create or to destroy? I truly believe that what we are here to do resonates with the very essence of our soul. It's what makes us giddy with excitement to the point in which we are overwhelmed with joy and tears. (And it doesn’t cost a cent to experience this type of happiness). However, it could take time to find it within ourselves. The trick is you can't get it by looking at someone else’s blue print because we're all hard wired differently. Took me a minute to get that fully, like 10 years. I can’t copy anyone because I’m an original and so are you. For that I’m grateful.

The name of this blog is INSPIRE the grind. Inspiration is literally translated to mean the breath of God. My personal belief is that we’re all inspired beings. We just cut ourselves off from the source. But when we connect to the thing that makes us happy, boy o boy there is no stopping our shine. It is my sincere hope that we all find our inspiration on our grind or journey on Earth.

A word of caution: Most of us have NO IDEA what the hell we're doing here. You can argue that NONE of us really know what we're doing here on planet Earth but that’s not where I’m going with this little rant. Of course there are religious manuals and various creeds and descriptions that give us a code or guide for rightful living. But what do we do with those great sources of inspiration? That’s right...the opposite of what they’re intended for us to do. We argue about which book is right, the pictures on the pages, the places where the books originate and the authenticity of the statues. What the heeeezy man? And in turn, we get distracted or totally lost in the sauce and think those books are all a sham. At least that’s how I felt at 13 years of age. Nothing could really reach me. I wish all the great religions of the world could come together and just say what they need to say in a simple word: LOVE. But that makes things too simple.

As a result…we don’t know what the hell to believe. The great majority of us are just blowing in the wind...killing time...smoking and drinking, getting A**, working a 9-5, chillin with the homies or warring with our families. Of course there are highlights to this type of existence, maybe a kid's birth or a wedding ceremony or a really cool movie on a Friday night. But the great tragedy is we never take a moment, a day, a week to look within ourselves and find out what makes us HAPPY.

Why oh why do we continue to plague ourselves with so much misery following someone else’s idea of happiness? I'm tired of blaming it on the devil. What did that dude ever do to me? What can we do to make ourselves a little more joyful?

I believe happiness comes from each and every moment. It's this gift called life. Like, we have this awesome chance to become great in this lifetime at whatever we choose to experience. We fall and fall again because we’re just learning and that’s ok. But we can become better friends, better strangers, better bosses, better employees, better artists, better dreamers...ECT. We don't need permission to be loving and happy. And yet that's how most of us parade around town. “My boss won’t let me do this and it’s ruining my day”. REALLY? You’re entire day or life is ruined by one person who does not control your mind, your creativity, and your vision? Interesting. “I don’t have the money to go to college so I’m not going to go”. REALLY? Hmmm so just because you don’t have the money in your pocket right now, you’re going to deny yourself an opportunity to grow because you can only see one way to gain entry.

We all suffer from limited vision. I remember how I first glimpsed the infinite. I didn’t get it in a book or from a person. I was just a kid bored just staring at the ground. I saw an entire army of ants, marching onward, talking in a coded whisper, moving with purpose and total order. I’ve never looked at the world the same since that encounter. For some reason or another everything looked different when I looked up. When most of us get out of bed in the morning; we only see chaos. I wish we could have faith in the order because eventually we could see it in our own lives.

Some seemingly good and some seemingly bad situations will happen to all of us but they will pass because everything in life is in constant motion. It has to be that way otherwise how could we grow from nothing into something? But it’s because of our limited understanding of this concept that we place UNREALISTIC expectations on others and on ourselves to remain still, frozen and never changing as human beings. I’m sooooo guilty of this but I have to remind myself to be thankful for those who come into my life and for those who leave because they are making way for new and more pleasant experiences.

WE HAVE TO STOP LIMITING OURSELVES!

We act like our circumstances define who we are. We are not who our parents are. We are not our zip codes. We are not our race. We are not our income bracket. WE ARE BOUNDLESS POTENTIAL. Let’s do something with it. Let’s have a little flair, a little fun, a little creativity…

This is a limitless place of possibility. Don't believe the HYPE! Become more little by little, love a lil more. Go ahead try it. Smile at a random person, see what happens. I know, I know you feel weird doing it. Do it anyways. That smile could lead to an entire different life. I’ve witnessed it come true.

I wish success, love and happiness for everyone. Stay inspired on your grind. I beg you!

Shak
100.

We Can Be What We Will Ourselves To Be...

2010-12-16T20:20:00.000-08:00

Man,

I will get that damn monologue filmed even if it kills me and it's just me and the web cam. On our last day of class we all put up our work. But the camera guy, the coolest guy Will, wasn't able to make it that day. And I was really happy with the end result of the piece. Not that it was perfect, but it was far from my beginning. I've realized that's what intrigues me most about this process of creating. You always end up somewhere far from the beginning if you put in the work. And one day you look up and realize that you are someone totally different that what you were 1-2 years ago. How amazing is that? I remember the day I decided I was going to start acting.

No I wasn't 4 years old. I never had any particular draw to become famous or to sign autographs. LOL I never thought about it actually except for when my older bro would use me for his Twilight Zone reenactments. It wasn't really until a few years back that I gave acting any thought. In fact, I'm the type of person that is sooooo caught up in the NOW it's really hard to plan for tomorrow. With that said, from time to time I decide to become something different in life, something more. Most of the time it's when I get this feeling that I can't do anymore for that particular role in life OR I've discoverd another passion. It's the most EXCITING thing too. I've been a student, a girlfriend, a best friend, a lover, a high school teacher, a music producer's manager, a corporate trainer and now an actress. Friends of mine say I get obsessed. This total burning desire to go after something with all my heart. But the only thing that I try to do with each of these particular roles is WIN. That means I try my best to go all in, give it my all, give what I have to give and learn as much as possible. I don't always succeed. I've had several failed relationships, and a most painful experience within music which I loved dearly. But I do PLAY the game.

In my experience, the thing that baffles me the most in life is that there are so few players. I have yet to quite figure it out as of today the reason why. Acting is by far one of the most exhilarating games I've played thus far. I haven't really even started but I'm so enthused. It's the performance. The ability to capture something and create it to be whatever you wish it to be. I think that's total freedom. And if you're lucky, you can make someone feel something that you're feeling. That's power.

I can't wait for the perfect role that I may have to create for myself if it doesn't show up soon enough. I wish to create a beautiful character out of a most ugly situation or predicament. :) Wish me luck.

P.S. The monologue will be up before long. It's called "Rest Assured" by Joseph Arnone. I'm sure it will resonate with those of you who have gone through great lengths to reach a goal to no avail. The pain of not reaching a particular dream seems unbearable for a time. At least it did for me. Until I woke up one day from my heartache...and met someone who hadn't dared to live out any dream at all. He told me his pain was much worse. That's when I woke up and starting living again, dreaming another dream that's bigger in scope.

Shak
100.

I'm Inspired By: Big Shaq Diesel

2010-11-05T09:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was an utter failure. I BOMBED big time in class. But I had already seen it coming about a year ago. Memorization kills me. It's like I can hear a song a thousand times on the radio and maybe if I'm lucky I will remember the hook. The crazy thing is I've gone from grade school to a prestigious high school to USC without anyone noticing. The truth is...I can't hear music, I only feel it. I can't remember what people tell me only how they make me feel. This has killed me in relationships by the way. "Shak, don't you remember you said,..." Ummm...no I don't.

My emotional memory is a BEAST...I feel everything and everyone. In fact, I don't even hear people talk at first (and I usually get accused of not listening), but I'm feeling what they're saying. This is the most challenging. Many people speak with words but they give off a totally different feeling. I feel through the disguise immediately. I smile, pretend along with them nodding my head, many times wanting to cringe.

But in class I had to memorize a commercial in 15 min flat. I didn't panic, well not at first. I realized in that moment that I would HAVE to find a way to memorize info without a particular emotional component. Or I would have to give it an emotional angle. But how do you give a commercial about beans (the musical fruit) an emotional angle? It's very funny, well that is until panic kicks in. And that's when it happened, I let my fear take over. What if I'm found out? What if people realize that I can't memorize like everyone else and that I'm different? I hit the front of the room and went blank. DAMN! It was just a funny, chill commercial but I was too worried about missing the words. The words, the page, the selling point; wait what am I selling?

Thank God for Dave Chapelle. I remember reading about when he first bombed on stage at a local comedy club. I remember him saying something like, "Well at least I know what that felt like". But I hate to lose. No I really hate loosing. And there is only way to overcome a weakness, practice. Right???

I look at Shaq, the big one, and admire his basketball game. During his prime time, he DOMINATED the courts with hardly anyone that could answer. But he couldn't shoot a free throw to save his life. How could you be that great in the league and not be able to make free throws?

And how can I become a great actress without being able to memorize efficiently?

Because I will master EVERYTHING else. And that's what Shaq did. He stayed in his lane and killed anyone in that path. Maybe, we cannot totally overcome our weaknesses BUT we can make damn sure that no one comes close to our STRENGTHS. And of course even if we keep falling short again and again we practice on our weaknesses because we want to be great. Sometimes I wonder why I chose this new path considering all of my shortcomings. And the answer is simple. I love it. When magic happens, and I hit all the right marks it's like relaxing on a cloud, legs crossed and kicked back, while sippin' a pina colada.

I realize that even an allstar like Shaq has moments of utter failure. People are going to point out captain obvious, like how can you possibly act without knowing...blah, blah, blah. But we can become what we WANT to be. Don't just pick a lane because you're good at it. It will be easier. But will you ascend to the clouds?

P.S. Up next monologues. I'm going to kill it. And I'll post it when I have footage.

Shak
100.

It's Finally Time to Tame the Beast!

2010-11-02T11:51:00.000-07:00

Man it’s hard to realize that you’re the one driving the car. I know…I know what the hell is Shak talking about? I’m talking about taking control of your life. It’s just that this year has been HEEEEEEEEEEELA HARD. And I’ve been the main reason why it’s been that way. Sure, I could blame the Recession Monster (kind of a creepy dude) or the Money Bandit (another creepster) but the real truth is I’ve done a damn fine job of getting in my own way. I spend many waking minutes envisioning conflict sometimes in my waking hours. Who does that? Oh, you do it too?

Check out my most recent example. Getting a minor concussion from playing soccer with 10 stitches. Boy when I envision, I manifest! I even remember thinking a week before the incident, how cool would it be to get a tattoo with "Beauty & The Beast".

Day 2: Right After The Hit ( I went up for a soccer header & well it didn't go as planned. Thank Goodness for pain killers.)

OUCH (10 stitches)!!!!!!

Day 7: No more thinking crazy, battle-themed thoughts. I promise!

The truth is I have this 80/20 thing going on, maybe you guys do too. 80% of the time, I’m optimistic, I’m bright & cheery and thankful to be alive on this grand journey we call LIFE. But the other 20% of me would make Darth Vader shudder. It’s my inner beast that I’m talking about. It’s afraid to become more in life, it’s worried about making enough money, it’s afraid to get close to someone in a relationship and so what does it do? SEEK, SELF SABOTAGE & DESTROY!

Seriously.

2010 has been my own version of HALO. Because I love creating battles, I mean EPIC battles for myself I decided to kill myself financially and pay my mortgage by myself right when I was on track to decrease my finances and pursue acting 100%. This is nothing new; I’ve been paying for everything since I was 17 years of age. I have the lone ranger act down pact. I’m so ready for my scene where I walk into the sunset it ain’t even funny. But this isn’t good folks; it’s tragic hero behavior. Those who win create a team of support. Those who win don’t create obstacles for themselves but rather create solutions.

Who knows, maybe I feel like life will be too damn easy without the obstacles. But isn't that a good thing? I think that dude in the matrix, Agent Smith was right when he said, “…as a species, human beings define their reality through misery and suffering. The perfect world was a dream that their primitive cerebrum[s] kept trying to wake up from.” Say it ain’t so Agent Smith!!!!

I thought I had it. I thought through all of my research on personal development, I had learned to master my thoughts. I mean read through the posts I wrote the previous year. BOY WAS I WRONG! Every time I try to convince someone (including myself) that we can create our own happiness…it turns into this Disney vs. Apocalypse argument. What if Agent Smith is right? Who cares that he’s a fictional character. What if we just can’t accept that happiness is real and totally possible?

Well, I’m at it again. I’m opening up the positive reinforcement books. I realize that it’s a practice not a one and done scenario. It’s like lifting weights and eating healthy…it’s for life not for a season in your life. And more important than taking care of your body is taking care of what you feed your mind. So, for the time being, I’m focusing on peace, abundance and happiness.

I already know it takes a MASTER MIND to focus on such things in a world that blocks light, perpetuates fear, increases poverty…but each of us can make such a huge difference. I’m taking baby steps. I’m back on my inspired grind. I’m back in acting class with a most positive teacher, Dustin Felder. Check that dude out. I realize my efforts for 2011 will be spent on building a team of positive, inspirational and in Dustin’s words “winning mentality” types of folks. I can lose by myself. Nobody can create better war like scenarios than the ones I manifest in my mind. So, this time around I’m going to put myself to the test and envision a total win-win scenario for my whole camp.

I’ll let you guys know what happiness looks like.

Shak
100.

The Grind

2010-10-06T23:20:00.000-07:00

I'm still on it...(THE GRIND) now more than ever. It's crazy how we can totally psyche ourselves out of wanting to follow a particular path that leads...well we don't know where it leads. That's both the excitement and the horror. Sometimes I think I'm getting closer to what I'm looking for, only to fall back on old excuses or distractions. I now realize the hardest part in anything is the full commitment. It's like a marriage, for better or worse. What if we choose the wrong path? Is such a thing possible or is it simply meant to be? But for me it's more than becoming a "big time" that people look up to or admire, even though that would be nice. I want to become amazing at something worthwhile. For now, that's more than enough for me. But it's also a helluva lot of work to accomplish. And to put in that type of work not to "make it'. Damn...what a ride!

peace
Shak
100.

Right Here, Right Now...

2010-08-17T11:20:00.000-07:00

I almost wanted to cry...or shout...or scream....to someone, anyone...And when I got the news that the music video I was supposed to Direct was canceled, I was in the worst wall to wall traffic that I had ever seen on main and side streets in all of LA. Having to sit in that traffic forced me to really think about what this meant to my life. The artist was cool. He had other things that he had to devote his time to so, although he really wanted to do the video he was ok because he had other things he'd done to help propel himself forward. After a few minutes and I am proud to say it was only a few, I was able to see how fortunate I was to be where I was. I was able to get a place here to stay when I first moved out, my current apartment was all but handed over to me, I was gifted a car after almost 2 years of renting cars to work, I never had to get a "real" job.... My life out here hasn't been easy, by any means, all the same...if I was supposed to move back to Atlanta, I would have done so by now. I haven't gotten every single thing that I've wanted, per se, but every single thing that I needed. And like that traffic forced me to take time to think, not being able to do that video forced me to take a sec to see clearly. I have no idea what the silver lining is just yet, although I'm sure it will become apparent soon enough. I am basking in the knowledge that I was protected.

There is a daily encouragement that I read that states, to paraphrase, every prayer will be answered the key is to keep your focus on your goal. Even if it takes time, use that time to reflect on yourself and see what else, what more you could be and do. When it does come to fruition it will be in a form greater than you had ever hoped. So, that's where I am. I decided that I had to make sure I continued to beat on my craft and make myself the best that I can be. Last night I put in more pages on my screenplay and that made me feel like a winner. Maybe I have to soley put out my own works? I am working on another short short with Maya & Sakinah. Shak has a fantastic idea I cannot discuss for fear of some penalty worse than death. lol So things are definitely coming up...this is all an opportunity as opposed to an obstacle.

When I was driving and noticed the streets were just blocked off and there wasn't an accident (thankfully) I knew something was up. Come to find out, the traffic that put our entire city on pause last night was President Obama coming to visit. Can't be mad at that. Welcome to LA, Mr. President, especially because it was for a fundraiser. Well, that traffic was there to protect him and I think this pause was given to me to protect me. Thank you, Universe, 'preciate it. :)

100.

Bright

Balancing: On a Surf Board & in Life

2010-08-11T21:56:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying I am not a natural. lol And I'm not really sure what exactly attracted my spirit to surfing in the first place. I didn't have the desire to be pro necessarily (at some point I may be and that would be uber fresh!). I guess there are some people who can get on a board and ride instantaneously but not me. I love it, though, crazily enough. I always have, before I even started learning, I knew that I was going to love it. The first time I went out I was so frustrated because I could not paddle to save my life, for real. I know how to swim but I was getting nowhere fast and got so pissed about it. It used to, and still does sometimes, frustrate the hell out of me when I can't do something straightaway. I guess it's that damned perfectionist in me. Zero patience but I'm working on it. :) After a few more attempts I got better at paddling because I found out it was all about the balance on the board. Making sure you center yourself enables you to work your arms in a more efficient way.

In any case, this past Sunday I went surfing again. It'd been a long while. This last time out, though, I finally got used to falling. I was ok about it at first and then it started to just get downright ridiculous. The guy who was helping me asked me how I was doing periodically and one of those times I responded "Frustrated" after spitting out salt water and pushing my hair out of my face. Then he told me with a smile, "Well, surfing is a frustrating sport." Ain't that the truth. I had to smile. Isn't that the essence of life? It's frustrating until you find your balance. Although, I'm getting better at getting my balance while lying down on the board, I still have yet to sustain it standing up. I've only ridden a wave once while standing. I got my behind kicked by the ocean this past weekend and... it was awesome! lol For real. I was exhausted afterwards and still had sand in my ears 2 days later but I felt like a winner. Getting used to falling is like a fail in life...It's all about giving it your best every time out and getting back up. As long as I learn from every trip out I'll keep getting better. Moment of hilarity: I actually got better at falling. lol Isn't that something? Knowing how to fall helps you keep more of your energy and not get hit by the board. To get out there to catch a wave you go against the current. There is water coming at you all of the time..all of the time. I know now that it's the challenge of getting better that I love. I am working to be in tune with this amazing element. To get back out you have to dive under a wave so as not to get pushed back to the starting point, other times you have to stand sideways and lift up your board to limit the amount of impact of the water so you don't (once again) get pushed back. Flowing through the obstacles is the key not avoiding them. It's impossible to avoid obstacles if you want to ride a wave, even if you only get to ride it on your knees. lol If you don't want an obstacle, sit on the beach and watch. Seriously. To get anything worth having, you have to be in the water, on the field (like Shak says), or on the court. Get me? Challenging my frustrations head on and accepting help gets me better in life. Point blank. I didn't ride a wave standing up this weekend, only on my knees a few times and a partial stand (lol). The other thing I noticed is being committed to standing everytime, whether or not it actual happens, is a key component. Creating the vision and committing to the vision of your goal is the only way. In my earlier tries I realized I wasn't always holding the vision of me riding the wave. I was just on the board hoping I'd get there somehow. What?! How did I think I was gonna get up there? The wave would magically scoop me up and place me upright? No, I have to see myself pushing up, popping up and standing up all while remaining centered on my board from head to toe. Shiiiiit. That's a lot to see while you're making sure your board is also pointing straight towards the coast, and I mean not even kinda sideways.

Balancing in life to me at this juncture is making sure I challenge myself on the daily. It keeps me sharp and makes me grow constantly. I have to remember to remember to sharpen skills everyday, keep my self grounded and see my dream, live in it everyday. Play, too. But play with people who want more, do more, see more from themselves and life. Play with people who have my best interests (and I have theirs) at heart. All of this makes daily living productive (and fantastic). Balance also means... Keep getting up, accepting that I'll probably fall again at some point, and by probably, I mean I will. Not beating myself up because I'm not perfect just yet. This used to be a huge thing for me with regard to Directing. Just not wanting to suck, man. lol But just like surfing, and like Will Smith said, it's about beating on your craft. I can't get better at anything unless I get out there and work at it. I can't watch a show on surfing and get it, just like I can't read books on Directing and be fantastic at it. Like Nike, "Just. Do. It." And like Nike = Victory, so too, shall Victory be mine. :)

Always winning....

100.

Bright

On Checking Your Faith Quotient...

2010-08-05T13:23:00.000-07:00

Alternatively entitled:

"You can never have too much faith."

Shirt by: The Billionaire P.A.

Something has changed, or shall I say resurfaced in a new light, within me. My faith has grown tremendously and especially in action. A couple of years ago I was very diligent about doing my prayers morning and evening everyday. I may miss one morning or one evening here and there but I was pretty on top of it. Then, I fell off out of nowhere. I didn't lose my faith but I wasn't putting in nearly as much effort to do my prayers everyday. As of the last month or so, I've stepped up my game 10 fold and what a difference I've seen in myself and in my life. I mean I am really in flow with everything and everyone around me, again. People just want to help, people are kind. Green is super green and blue the bluest blue. I'm catching sunsets that are amazing. "Coincidences" are happening at lightening speed and you wouldn't believe how many people are willing to help on my first music video which is coming up. Everything is so effortless it seems. My gratitude for it all is in direct correlation to what I'm putting into my life and everyone around me.

Took this with my camera phone. It's the reflection of the sunset through my side mirror. I was late for an appointment due to crazy traffic. Because of that, when I was leaving my appointment this was in the night sky. How amazing.

As a Buddhist, I'm taught not to feel guilty about missing prayers. I believe one mustn't do things begrudgingly, be it hanging out with friends or what have you. What I have realized in hindsight, though, is that by letting that aspect of my life fall off, I lost my footing in life...for real. I became irritable, worried, depressed and insecure. These are not qualities I possess on any given day in my life. That's just not me. Slowly but surely as I stopped taking quiet time for myself to reflect upon my life, my spirit became disconnected from the Source and I was like a fish out of water gasping for air. Only as of late have I realized where my true grounding in life comes from...practicing my faith. For me, it's a base from which all things spring forth. The way I interpret and communicate with others, the way I live, love myself and others, workout, create.... Geez, I really must have felt so arrogant or lazy to think I didn't need to put in the effort no matter if it was even 5 minutes in the morning and evening in front of my altar. What does it feel like to be back? Winning! And you know how much I love winning. :) lol It really does feel amazing. I feel like my old self but way more dope (if it's possible lol). The reason is because I have this experience under my belt now. I took my practice for granted. That's it! That's what it was. I took my practice and thereby myself and my life for granted. I wasn't practicing appreciating every moment and so more moments seemed to start sucking. lol But for real...having had this experience not only increases my faith but it's a reminder of how precious decisions truly are. When I decided that my practice could take a backseat to most everything in my life everything became backwards, seriously. Damn, it's all a reflection of me. Everyday, that rings more and more true. How much power we really have is incredible once we learn how to be in tune with the universe and wield it responsibly, we can see and create beauty in everything we come in contact with. Everyday and evening as I remind myself that I am a Buddha and so are you I am in touch with the beauty, love, peace and compassion that encompasses and and surrounds us all. (sorry, i just teared up for a sec.) When I remind myself of that and continue to practice that on the daily I am more frequently enlightened. Enlightenment is not a destination it's a practice. Everyday we may have a moment or many moments where we are at one with everything. To sustain that truth and understanding is my goal. I know I can do it and am doing it. Thank you and this is my sincere prayer. With love... Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.

100.

Bright

p.s. please check out this guy The Billionaire P.A who made my new shirt (that I'm ordering), the pic above. I t-t-totally love his philosophy..."I am going to help over a billion people speak their dreams into existence! That is why I call myself "The Billionaire P.A."; not just to acquire a billionaire dollars, but to inspire over one billion people. My success will come through helping billions of people develop wealthy minds. The best part about what I do is I save lives tomorrow that want to die today."
http://www.wealthymindsclothing.com/

I'm Inspired By: Acting

2010-08-01T21:27:00.000-07:00

Many times when we’re on our journey we become exhausted by the grind itself or loss in the sauce. LOL And that’s why we have to stay inspired. After leaving an acting workshop a few weeks ago and listening to the panel (writers, studio heads, playwrights, acting coaches, and marketing experts) I listened to the panel talk about what it takes to make it in the acting business and the fact that 98% will fail (OUCH). They covered topics about marketing, saving do-re-mi, networking, taking classes to sharpen your skills, and hustling. Some even ventured to talk about the mystical aspects of being a believer and “highly favored” or “lucky” enough to find the right opportunities on their path. I happen to be a believer. :)

And for a moment I thought to myself, “of course everyone wants to get the prize (money), the glory and the fame”. But today thinking the workshop over I realized that something was missing. Something wasn’t quite acknowledged in that theatre on that day. It was the acting GRIND itself. Putting in countless hours to become better at what you love is also a major reward. A person becomes forever changed. There are countless folks who make it to the top without putting in "the work" sort of speak. But I always wonder if they appreciate it as much when they're not respected by their peers. There are countless stories of drug abuse, addictions and negative behavior that plague the industry for countless reasons. The money and the fame definitely can't guarantee what we all want which is happiness. And personally, I'm most happy when I'm embracing the work itself. All the risks and rewards are in the work itself.

Every time someone goes on stage; their Failure rate is huge, they can miss the mark and become unsuccessful in the worst way possible…publicly. It dawned on me that no one had even made the slightest mention of this at the workshop. Actors are already winning. 98% of the world would never take those types of risks. Images come to mind of my friends and fam who are still waiting to take their next step in life but are reluctant for fear of failing. I imagined dragging each of them on stage, kicking and screaming, to get rid of their fear for once and for all. :)

Besides I turned to acting for something entirely different. I wanted a bigger challenge in life (not grinding in Hollywood but acting itself) and to become great at something totally different. If I had never tried out for an audition; I would have never found out my innate gift of recalling my emotional memory. For me landing a tv show or a major theatre production is extra. The risk/reward is already built into acting itself. One of the workshop panelist actually said that she was a horrible actress but always worked in the business because she knew how to “market” herself. I don’t know if that was supposed to inspire us to take her course. I actually felt bad for her. Why go after something that you don't want to do? Or did she really want to act but was covering up her fear?

What we put in is what we get back. It might not seem that way but it’s physics. That’s why if you are going to do something half ass you might as well not do it at all. Our brains will record that as a pattern. Too many of those patterns and we’re in big trouble doing the same ol’, same ol’. Of course she’s no longer acting, she’s teaching marketing workshops to actors. And one by one each person on stage told their story about how they had started in acting but had ended up doing different things. I don’t know if anyone else took notice. But I wanted to know why did they all leave acting behind? Some were presented with amazing career opportunities. But I couldn’t help but wonder where the successful actor story was that day?

A teacher told me, “When a painting is criticized the painter can step back and detach himself from his artwork. Actors are the canvas and the painting, there is no detachment.” Maybe, no one wanted to say it. But it’s not just the hustle and/or the lack of work that sucks being a "working" actor; it’s the acting work itself that is the most grueling. Most people don’t like to open up to one person around them. Most of us live our whole lives trying to avoid rejection, but that’s impossible as an actor. It's an actor's job to expose the inner most part of herself in order to connect with her audience and hopefully make them feel something.

What a crazy opportunity for actors then! To learn how to take rejection over and over again in order to hit a specific goal, and I'm not talking about a callback. I'm talking about making the casting directors, the audience or whoever is watching in that moment FEEL differently because of your performance. WOW! A callback or being casted is extra, it's icing on the cake. But no one can take away your performance, your ability to affect people in that moment. And at the moment, I can’t think of a more worthwhile pursuit while I'm alive.

Shak
100.

Practice = New Results

2010-07-30T15:46:00.000-07:00

While looking at the floor in my bedroom last week and all of the clothes that had accumulated, I asked myself, "How did I get here, again?" I made the determination a few months ago to get and keep my house in order and did...for awhile. Then, it hit me...it's a mirror for life. Here's the thing, I often get that "got it", you know? I have epiphanies and whatnot but somehow lose the excitement of the realization after a few weeks/months. What really makes all the difference is keeping up the practice of implementing said epiphany or else I'll find myself with crap all over the floor even though there are 2 hampers for sorting laundry in the closet. lol Additionally, I must practice envisioning my goals everyday without fail. If I don't, I end up sliding back into seeing life only as it is currently and wondering why nothing has changed. I have to experience the joy of where I'm going everyday in order to make it come into existence. If I don't constantly see and feel myself on the set/in that meeting/in that relationship how will it come about? How will I be able to notice the intuitive nudges that lead me on that path if I'm not currently connected to the vision?

My friend Julia previously invited me to attend a networking soiree she was throwing in Santa Monica last night but I ended up getting off of work later than I thought. I wanted to just go home and sit in a bath and practice more imagining. Instead, because my intuition told me I was supposed to have a conversation there, I went. I ended up meeting five amazing young women and had incredible conversations. Actually, the second woman I met after chatting for a bit asked what I did and I told her I was developing my reel as a Director. She proceeds to tell me immediately that "We need to talk..." and that she has people who are looking for female Directors. Fan-f'ing-tastic! Everything is meant and I know for sure that because I keep putting my goals in the forefront of my mind in every aspect of everyday I'm pulling their actualization in so fast. Man, I'm telling you I am paying bills and living off of my passion a.s.a.p.

It's like in The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, I have to make a new habit or new agreement. In order to do that I have to break the practice of the old which equals the old way of living, loving, learning and the only way to truly do that is to institute a new agreement. I have to decide, for one, and hold fast to that decision, secondly, to really see a change. If I just make a decision but don't put any power (i.e. feeling or action) behind it I might as well just keep the old way because I really don't believe in what I want. I'm just making random wishes. Everyday, my belief grows stronger. I see myself there now, and I mean right now. The lil inner hater is still lurking about but she's becoming miniscule with every prayer, renewed determination and "chance" occurrence. Loving life :)

100.

Bright

Summer Boot Camp JULY 24, 2010

2010-07-20T08:26:00.000-07:00

What up,

So I know a great majority of you are not up to task when it comes to getting up at 4:30 am for a workout. Well now you can join me on Saturday at 7:30 am. That's 3 whole hours of sleep time. The flyer for the boot camp is below. I embedded it in my blog.

I hope to see you there!

Shak
100.

SUMMER BOOT CAMP

“Discover the New You”

We often find ourselves waiting for tomorrow. But the only time that matters is in this moment! Today make a commitment to do something that will benefit your body, cleanse your mind and fill up your spirit. Begin to take care of yourself for once and regain control!

Shon’s boot camps are incredibly efficient because you work all areas of fitness including cardio and muscular endurance, fat loss and weight loss, agility, balance and strength. In addition, you release negative tension and built-up stress that over time harms the functions of the body.

Where: Fox Hills Park, Culver City (Corner of Green Valley Circle and Buckingham). Meet on the top of the park, near the stairs.
Time: 7:30-AM to 9:30-AM (Will start promptly)*
When: Saturday, July 24, 2010
Cost: $20

RSVP: Shon (323) 508-6830 OR Leave Comment on my Blog/Facebook.
(25 trainees MAX, list will close as soon as it hits capacity)

WARNING: Not the Average Workout
 Burn tons of calories and increase energy

 Challenges you to go beyond your comfort zone

 Great way to begin new fitness regimen

 Connect with like minded individuals

*For new comers please arrive 10 minutes early to sign-up*
*Please bring plenty of water, a towel and sunscreen/hat if needed*

The Power of Playing Make Believe Exercise Part I.

2010-07-14T17:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I received a letter from a friend who is like a lil sister to me. She was writing about being stuck in her current environment. She said something like, "I don't want to be in the same place as I was last year." Often times when we feel immobile we look for others to give us words of encouragement to help us counter our inner fears. Sometimes this works out and other times it feels like a complete DISASTER depending on the responses you receive from your friends. Advice: (Keep positive folks around and ditch the negative unless their family) Sorry.

Since all answers lie within, I told her about a simple but powerful exercise that was going to give her more confidence to face her fears. I've been doing this particular exercise since age two. LOL The real is kids always do it but then right about the age of 13-14 it goes bye-bye. I'm talking about the ability to play MAKE BELIEVE. Now before I get into the exercise, let me tell you why this is MORE IMPORTANT that writing down a business plan or a list of goals that you want to achieve in life. I'm assuming most of us want to be successful. I doubt that we want to stay put and feel stuck. And I would venture to say that a good majority of us have also written down goals as a means to outline our potential dreams. Here's the problem with just writing it down. If you don't believe that you can obtain that goal...IT AIN'T HAPPENING. I know folks will say well if I think about it, it will come about and blah...blah...blah. That's not how the creative process works.

First we must see our goals clearly (writing them down does help), then we must believe in them, and then and only then do they begin to take form and start to manifest. Of course that's the super, simplified version. What my lil sis was asking about was gaining more belief in herself in order to silence the outsiders, ie. her family. After all faith is the only cure for fear. The millionaire dollar question then is: How do you gain more faith?

Well most folks will tell you that if you're not born with it then you're SOL. I don't think that's the case. But just like with everything in life, it takes mental discipline and much practice. In a nutshell, here is the exercise I gave her. I used this exercise diligently to purchase my first condo without realizing it and used it for my second condo and most recently I used it to start acting with no prior experience. Folks always ask me how is that I'm able to jump from industry to industry. Up until now, I was hesitant to tell people for fear of ridicule (adults pretending and playing=crazy in this society). But here is the truth. I first see it in mind, then I play make believe, and then I take action. VOILA!

MAKE BELIEVE: Part I. (The Senses)

Why is this effective? This is for the skeptics out there who always need to know why this and why that...lol I'm one of those people. The brain does not know the difference b/w what is real and what is pretend. When you don't know HOW to do something, you have no choice but to pretend it. Over time, the brain will begin to accept the make believe as REALITY. This is why pro athletes run the race first in their mind or execute plays while day dreaming.

The Exercise:

Part of what makes imagining something feel real is creating the environment of the goal you desire. The more real it becomes, the more you begin to BELIEVE that you are able to execute what you are imagining. Pick a quiet space alone and begin, for me this means bubble bath time.

The first step is to pick a goal. Let's not get fancy and write 10 goals all at once, especially if you don't use your imagination on a regular basis. If you are a "realistic type" then start with one goal. For example: My goal was simply to start acting on stage.
The second step is to create the scene in your mind. Close your eyes and try to visualize the environment. What does the place look like? What does it sound like? Who is there with you? What do you have on while you are attempting your goal? For example: If your goal is to holler at a girl that doesn't know you are alive; what would you be wearing when you meet her? The idea is to have FUUUUUUUUUUUUUN with this people. If you start saying, "Man I would like to have on a Rolex Watch but I can't afford that", you are going in the wrong direction. For GOODNESS SAKE you are dreaming damn it! DREAM BIG.
Ahem...sorry I get worked up about this stuff. I can't tell you how many times folks defeat themselves while day-dreaming which translates into perpetuating a lack of confidence in their reality. This brings me to step three. PLEASE leave your fears at the door. You are pretending. However, pay attention to what that little inner voice is telling you. If it's constantly worrying you to death about money or women or your family's concerns; it is a major indicator that your predominant thoughts encompass worry. Worry brings about more fear and fear based people in the forms of friends/co-workers who are going to push against your dreams.
The fourth step is let go and place your self in medias res. In Latin that means, "into the middle of affairs". Your only requirement is to create an IDEAL circumstance. This means actually acting out, or visualizing the scene as it plays. This is where that little inner hater voice usually gets his/her way. For example: If you are trying to become an actress, you don't want to dream up a situation where you start choking on stage or falling while exiting. However, this is what we do. We've been programmed to create less than ideal circumstances for what we really want. And what happens? Our brains later tell us that it's too scary or too dangerous. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Focus on PERFECTION when you play make believe. If you don't know how to do it, watch kids. Later on this year, I'm thinking about having a workshop. I had no idea that adults had lost their ability to play until recently. Another issue pops up when we are pretending. We don't like looking silly in front of others. That's fine, I suggest finding a place where you can pretend alone. But know this...YOU should begin to believe in what you are doing as you practice over and over again.
The fifth step is HAVE FUN! This should feel amazing and fun like you're role playing a totally different person. You might think, this is silly at first. I'm never going to gain the courage to talk to that girl I really like. But the more you rehearse it in your bedroom where no one is looking, the more confident you'll appear when it's no longer a dress rehearsal. By the time I hit the audition for the first time, I had already done 40 scenes in my mind while soaking in the tub. As a result I got the opportunity to play the lead. Be bold and brave with your dreams. Please do not limit yourself!

P.S. Let me know how playing make believe goes for you! Good Luck!
Shak
100.

The Struggle of Being Who We Really Are

2010-07-08T16:53:00.000-07:00

Dear Wannabe (Me),

I remember the scene in the Matrix where the Oracle spells out what’s written in her kitchen, “Know Thyself”. But what does that mean? Are we aware of how we come off to others? Are we aware of our inner most thoughts? Not really. The bulk of us have carefully designed an outwards persona with much deliberation, highly skilled effort and laborious detailed attention. The REAL us is somewhere buried, smothered by all the layers of pain, anger and loss. I believe we began masking when our scars first formed. It happened long ago when we reached out to be loved from our mother/father/sibling/wife/husband and no one reached back with love.

We tell our selves, “I’m never going to trust a woman again”. Or we start reading books like the "Art of War" in order to cope in our collectively created world that is deemed dangerous and not to be trusted. Some of us have spent our entire lives MASKING and I’m not talking about Mardi Gras even though that has something to do with the tradition. As Kanye said, “they make us hate our self and love they wealth.” Interesting…who is they? And why do we hate our selves so much? Why is money the fall guy?

Leave it to the pansies, the feelers, or the Empaths of this world to attempt to answer those questions. I happen to be one of these people. Amongst us are the crazy folks that we call actors, ironically. Just when the rest of the world is strapping on their weapons of mass defense; these guys are seeking ways to disarm themselves. They go on voyages to places others have labeled forbidden such as the exploration to inner self. It is there where we unlock the good, the bad and the ugly. It is there where the fiercest battles are raging. I’m not sure who Kanye was referring to when he said “they”. Perhaps, the real “they” is us. I think what Ye was saying is very true. We don’t like who we are too often. And we try to hide it from the world with a little Vuitton or Gucci.

Yesterday, I found myself in a Method Acting course based on the Ivana Chubbuck method. For those of you who don’t know, the “Method” as it’s been famously phrased has a number of definitions. But for me it’s a series of acting techniques to disarm actors from their public personas in order to discover who they really are . Sounds a lot like a psych class right? That’s actually pretty accurate. The only difference is instead of talking about your problems behind closed doors with a therapist; you’re on display, on stage, on set working it all out. ACTION!!!

Previous to this class, I had told myself several times that I would enroll in a class like this one. But I was always reluctant for good reason until Bright said she wanted to go and I decided to tag along. I was skeptical that a class that exposed a person’s deepest, tormented moments could become counterproductive. I mean I already know that the brain doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is pretend. That means reliving the past could be dangerous. However, I’ve spent countless hours and years with my inner most feelings, trying to see the patterns of why I am the way I am. In fact, I feel like the bulk of what I do day in and day out is help others get in touch with what they are feeling at that moment. After high school teaching, I’ve never really been afraid to expose myself in order to get others to come out into the open air and speak freely.

But boy does it cause a lot of controversy when you're not pretending, I mean acting. Sometimes family and friends fall back when they're around me, they don’t like that feeling of being exposed or to talk about their inner most feelings. After all, who am I to see and to speak on what they have tried to hide for years? But that is an actor’s job to see and to feel what others can’t or don’t want to reveal. We’re like detectives watching body language, listening to tone (anything) to give away a person’s true intent. We need to figure out a person’s motivation in order to do our thing. And we all know that motivation is tucked deep inside a person’s heart and mind.

And there I was in the second to last row of the small theatre observing all the actors who were fearful of truly exposing themselves. At one point during an exercise, a young nurse emerged onstage with her own personal story; I found myself sobbing beyond belief. She revealed being in an abusive relationship, wanting to end her life and feeling helpless. She didn’t have to say anything though; her whole demeanor and energy gave away her personal sadness. After she spoke, I had to give her a hug. Actually Bright and I both gave her hugs. Part of it was for her, the other part was for me; I felt drained and depressed. I looked at the actors as a microcosm of the real world. How could it be that the world was without this much love? Where were the happy stories, the actors gleaming with joy? Sadness.

Up until now, I’ve been performing freely, somewhat a vigilante in the acting game using nothing but instincts on stage. I’ve taken two classes (that don’t look good on a resume), one in acting theory and the other in film technique. But when I’m “acting”, I use my life’s experiences; the highs and the lows. But perhaps it will do me good to study a format, a prescribed method. I have to admit, I’m always skeptical about formats, procedures and regimented ways of study. I believe our best teacher is ourselves.

But maybe there was something else lurking. In the last few months I was beginning to avoid acting all together like I had once decided to avoid teaching. I knew what it was but I begin to squirm in the back of the theatre as the teacher actually said it out loud during the last 10 minutes of class. He said something like, “actors get paid the big bucks because they are willing to EXPOSE themselves front and center to the world. The rest of the world doesn’t want to deal with their “shit” so they watch us squirm, cry, bleed and suffer in order for viewers to say, ‘oh I know how that feels’.”

I was back at square one. I remember being a brand new teacher in class. I felt naked. I had no instructions, no books, no nothing but ME. It's funny, teachers go to college to learn how to become teachers of methodology and subject matter experts. But how can you teach a single child when you don't know who you are? It's impossible. Anywho...That’s when I first discovered who I was. The kids were intent on sniffing me out; they had disposed of 6 other teachers before me who had decided to play the “role” of teacher. That wasn’t going to cut it with these kids. I felt like crying, screaming, and quitting. Why wouldn’t they just accept me as the Professional that I am? Professional, smessional…kids know real from fake. PERIOD! All those fancy higher education degrees don’t matter with kids. They see through the BULL. They know if you’re there for a check or if you care about them. They also know if you have something to hide. When you hide, it's GAME OVER. They don't believe you.  In the words of Jay, "...you need more people." And after week one, something happened.

I let down my guard completely and was me. And one by one, all the bad ass kids came forward like a right of passage. They started to trust me. They showed up, listened and most of all they begin to believe in me. It was the weight of that responsibility that drove me out of the game. What if what I was teaching them was untrue? I wanted them to live COURAGEOUSLY to become more than their parents and their circumstances. But the environment suggested I was wrong. It countered me step by step with blows from every direction. It whispered, “don’t get caught slippin, watch your back’”, “get money by any means necessary”, and “women can’t be trusted”. Damn, I was just a 22 year old kid with high hopes, armed with a chubby cheek smile and passion. What if one’s environment conquered the soul I thought? And when I left the class for music it almost conqurered mine. But I digress...

Perhaps I was too young to counter the world’s push back while I was in the classroom. I remember Ye in the class saying the music game was worse than the dope game. LOL You would've thought I listened but I'm stubborn and off to the music industry I went. To my detriment I couldn’t “mask” in the music business. I was damaged goods by their standards. I was too open, to trusting, too transparent. In fact, that move costs me more than I care to mention. The only people I really got along with were the artists themselves.   This place is no place for an artist, for an open soul. Our current world that’s filled with rampant fear feeds on negativity, scarcity and lack. Some artists can’t survive those bitter blows because inside they feel differntly, they're creators. Several develop drug habits to numb the pain. And in the back of the theatre, I felt that weight again.

Why did I want people to see themselves in the first place? Most artists were never fully appreciated or worse off they were ostracized until a gazillion years later when folks said, “AHA”. Did I really want to go down this path? At least the kids in the class were genuine and made me laugh.

Besides, I had found a cool place to hide out in life…an office filled with some really laid back folks. Why go back on the battleground? People are content watching reality TV, jazzlin’ their lil lives away.  Most people ARE NOT READY to see who they are and God forbid if you’re the one to show them. I’ve made that mistake waaaaay too often. Show a person their talents, they might resent you. Now they can’t ignore their abilities. Show a person their strength. And they can no longer act weak. Perhaps the biggest lesson I’ve learned most recently is, don’t give others visions of grandeur about what they could become in this lifetime as Rick James might say. If they’re fearful of becomming more, they’ll resent you and they'll think that you're judging them.  Somehow, when you're open, like a mirror you tend to expose too much of others. And folks either fight or flee.

There is a price to pay to try to inspire/change/teach others. There is a price to pay to inspire/change/teach yourself to become more and brighter. That price is usually solitude. It’s like my reoccurring dream of me high up on the skyscrapper and I'm alone. My dad always tells me that “no good deed goes unpunished”. I always hated that quote. Why would good be punished? Jay Z uses that quote on Drake’s new album. He admits that his path in music altered him for GOOD. On the song “light up’ he says, “...And since no good deed go unpunished/ I’m not as cool with ni**** as I once was/ I once was, cool as the Fonz was/ But these bright lights turned me to a monster/ Sorry, mama,/I promised it wouldn't change me /But I would've went insane had I remained the same me.”

That saddens me. But I feel him. Man do I feel him.

Then again, art may be the only safe ground for those seeking change in this external world. I can always fall back on…it’s just pretend, right? I'm just an actress. I don’t know for sure though. People say having empathy is a gift. But often times, it feels like a curse in this world. No one wants to feel unless it isn't real.

To be continued…
Shak
100.

things i love...pt 4

2010-07-08T12:19:00.000-07:00

Alternatively entitled:

"Random Acts of Kindness & A Trip to Method Acting"

Yesterday, I went to audit an acting class. I haven't actually done acting since I was probably 15 yrs old. It was my very first passion...until I was on an actual shooting set. I'd done plays, taken classes blah blah blah. Anyhoo, so I'm getting ready to bounce to the class. I get to my car and it won't start. I have a laser cut key because I drive a Saab and the car's computer wasn't accepting the key. Come on, son! lol This put me behind several minutes. I tried not to freak out because I really can't stand being late. I get anxiety, it's wack. So, I decide that I'm not going to go that route. I decide to take my mind off of it and let the car sit for a sec. I put on mascara, try again. Nope. Put on lip gloss, try again. Sike. Several minutes pass and I just continue to refocus my energy on calmness, peace and grounding and try again. Alright, we're rollin'. There are quite a few ways to get to the main street from where I live but I always let my spirit guide me on which path, I guess it's kinda like a choose your own adventure thing. Anyhoo, the path for last night got me to a stoplight. It was about to change (I'm winning!) and I saw a bus loading it's final passengers. The bus driver closed the door but I saw a woman run up right afterwards. She banged on the door to let the driver know she was there. The driver took off through the light and my heart sank. I can't stand to see people missing the bus. I don't know why but I always feel like it'll change their whole day, you know? Anyhoo, the bus crosses through my intersection as my light turns green and then stops on the other side of the street and opens the door. I look over to the woman who is now defeated with her back to the bus. I start immediately honking my horn and simultaneously roll down my window to let her know the bus is there for her. Her face brightens and she runs across the street waving thanks to me. It was fantastic. It started to make me tear up because I love random acts of kindness like that of the bus driver. I am inspired by seemingly small things like that. It always amazes me and lifts my spirit to see someone do something for another simply out of the kindness of their heart. Everytime, I think to myself we're getting closer to world peace. Love it.

Anyhoo, I'm still trying to get to the class determined that I'll be on time. Shak hits me that parking is a wrap to say the least. I end up pulling up about 5 min late. No parking anywhere remotely close until after 7p. And at 7p finally find a space up the street. They let me in even though I was supposed to be there at 6:45p. Fantastic. The class doesn't start until 20 min later. They go through a slew of exercises and one of them is to close your eyes, take a deep breath and allow a sound come out that mirrors how you've felt that day/week/month/year. Ok, cool. When I tell you that the sounds that came out from EVERYONE were not unlike something that was a cross between "The Little Mermaid" when Ursula the octopus queen witch showed her her garden of "poor unfortunate souls" and what you'd expect to hear in Dante's Inferno...I'm not lying. I turn to Shak and ask her, "Where is all of the happiness?" She mirrors my shock saying her initial thought was to sing. I agree saying that I was going to do something more along the lines of "LAAAAAAAAAAAAA". lol We watch in amazement and concern as they repeat the exercise and it continues. So depressing, for real. Anyhoo, the class was pretty cool, otherwise, in that the instructor was pretty dope at digging deeper to get what the students needed to go for from within. I am interested in taking the class because I feel like it'll help me to be a better Director. To really help my actors and thereby myself get the story that we want...the real story, not the surface, no-one-believes-you-because-we-know-you're-acting thing. My desire is that people will get lost in my films because they see themselves there and let the actors inspire them to make better choices in their lives through our storytelling. Making those better choices comes from being honest with yourself and what you're going through. It's a part of the healing. You can't heal if you don't address the wound and clean it. The part that's kinda scary though is that method acting makes you drudge up something from your past even if you're over it, you've healed that wound. You use it to create that real emotion that comes through but is that really healthy? Is there another way to make the character truly identifiable without driving yourself and loved ones insane? Acting is about telling the truth not lying so, I'm not sure at this point. I need to do some more digging. Maybe I'll try the class for a month because I do feel like I could learn a lot. I have to have faith in my ability to center and recenter myself to get out what I need to on stage and leave it there. Not to take it out into the rest of the world with me. It's an art and a practice. This will be an opportunity for me to become comfortable with that type of exposure as well as becoming more aware of my actions and the way I come across. We'll see what develops. :)

What I did realize, though, last night on my way home is that me seeing that situation with the bus and the woman was meant. If my car started immediately, I wouldn't have been at the intersection to get her attention. If I hadn't centered myself during and post the car situation, I may have only been thinking about myself and getting to the class. I wouldn't have been able to be calm and observe my surroundings. There weren't any other cars behind me and she would have missed the opportunity. Maybe, just maybe, I am helping to bring about world peace on the daily. :)

100.

Bright

Vulnerability vs Wounds in a Frame

2010-07-07T17:10:00.000-07:00

When we first began this process I thought of myself as more of a behind the scenes kind of player. Shak really encouraged me to write and share. Ugh, no way...sharing means being vulnerable, having an expectation placed on me or being judged and I kinda just like to do my own thing...all the time. lol What vulnerability means to an artist and people in general, I suppose, is the difference between having an opportunity to be understood or none at all. It's the difference between letting the vision out completely and pulling the punch. When we put ourselves out there on that stage, on that site, in that relationship we give an opportunity to someone else and to ourselves to be heard. Without stepping out there it is assured that opportunity will never take place. Shak said to me last week, "if you never let anyone in how can you really expect to let anything out?"

There are a host of reasons why people don't share who they are or what they think. It usually surrounds some previous incident where their feelings were hurt/ego bruised/fell on their a$$. I think we hold on to those embarrassing occurrences thinking that remembering the experience will shield us from ever having to experience that again. I know I have. What really happens though is that we lead lives full of never sharing how we really feel, doing what we love, trying something we like for fear of looking stupid or someone using our good nature against us. And honestly that only creates more of itself. When I open up and share myself people respond in like kind. Usually someone is so happy someone, anyone finally said it...what ever that may be. People are dishonest or withhold info in business because they think that other people will try to cheat them. What really happens is that people will always respond in like kind. Holding on to these past experiences and keeping them alive every day remembering and thinking about it instead of letting it heal is like placing a wound inside a frame and posting it on your wall. Gross right? Yeah, I think so, too. No more wounds on the wall. It's just another part of the drama we create in our daily lives instead of living and loving in the now.

Vulnerability is truly courage. Think about it...who gives a shit if someone breaks your heart? You will meet someone else and the experience was grand wasn't it? You know why? You went for it! Who cares if you fall off stage? No one else in the audience had the courage to even get up there. You went for it! Time out for all of that b.s. We hold onto things because we know what that pain is like but when you step out into the sun again you feel healed and you don't need to cloak yourself in that misery. Letting go of the pain doesn't make the experience null and void, it allows you to have new experiences. And if you bump your head again and think "damn, why am I here, again?" The reason is because you didn't learn what you needed to so that you could go beyond it...beyond.

100.

Bright

Only The Beginning

2010-07-06T07:00:00.000-07:00

"Roger That" - Directed by Bright

Man, it feels like it's taken an eternity to just get to this point. Ideas have been floating around, pushed back and scrapped all together. Yesterday, my sister, her best friend (my other sister, Sakinah) & I got it together, finally, to do a quick shoot. Sakinah and I have been trying to hash out ideas and get the timing right for what feels like forever. Something always happens but not this time. Sakinah and I went to scout a location for another idea that we'd come up with about a month ago. We were able to find the spot immediately. Fantastic, right? Right. Then we set up a schedule for when she'd rehearse and when we'd shoot. Then, life happens. We aren't able to stick to the plan because scheduling conflicts arose. Momentum was lost and the plan was scrapped. Sadness. Somehow it just felt like I would never get off the ground...

About 3 months ago, Sakinah and I had a wonderfully insightful and honest conversation. I was trying to understand "why"....why wasn't I actualizing my dreams yet. Then she brought up "reasons". She said we all have these reasons for why things aren't where or how we want them that all pertain to some "external force". Ok, so I wasn't shooting all the time because I didn't have a camera to shoot with and I needed an editor and a new computer at the very least to be able to try to edit something myself. She said ok let's start to knock out your "reasons". That day we went to Best Buy and I bought a lil camera that only cost like $300. We went to the dance studio and I shot her developing choreography. I felt like a million dollars...for real. It felt so good to have something. It still wasn't enough, though. I couldn't upload any of the footage onto my computer because it was about 5 years old and wouldn't recognize the video files. Shit. You gotta be kidding me. Sadness, again. Cut to me finally buying a new MacBook Pro a month ago. That was a determination that I made at the top of the year and despite delay I did it. Feeling better still. This all brings me to yesterday. Because Sakinah and I had a location we'd already scouted and she and Maya knew the choreography and only had to practice it a few times over the last couple of days it was going to be a totally winning move. Then we get to the location and no one has the song on cd. This is hilarious. We didn't freak out. I tried walking around with my computer to try to get a signal off of someone's wifi to download it from iTunes. I said, "I wish there was someone around who would just let us borrow their internet for like 5 minutes." A couple of minutes later as I'm walking around, Maya and Sakinah come across this guy who is parked at the building adjacent to where we're shooting and he "just happens" to have mobile wifi. F'ing awesome. Now, we're winning some more. I start downloading the song and they go over choreography. We're under a time crunch because Sakinah has to teach and my camera starts to lose battery. We made it through, though and felt good about what we'd done. It was fun the whole time...little pitfalls and all. Maya dropped me off at home and I started to edit immediately.

Because I have been working on another kind of documentary project I was only a little refreshed on my editing. I just kept digging to find the answers to things I didn't know...It's been like 6 yrs since I've edited for real. But I figured it all out and completed it in like 4 hours. Sakinah and I talked it over and only made minor adjustments. I couldn't wait to post it last night...seriously. Shak had to talk me down from posting it without getting an agreement on the edit first. lol

What's crazy is that when we first started this site Blogger didn't have the capability to embed video into the actual post. I dug some more today to try and figure out how to add into our side panel. They just added the capability to embed recently. Talk about t-t-totally winning.

This I know for sure...things changed because I've changed...Because I'm continuing to challenge myself in personal growth. I've been making more determinations and etching away my "reasons". Having a never give up spirit always, and I do mean always, gets you to where you need to be. That is why you actualize your dreams. I'm making little jumps to create bigger leaps. In a minute, I'm going to be flying...Just watch me. ;)

100.

Bright

The Road Less Traveled...I'm a Muse

2010-06-28T14:29:00.000-07:00

The Oprah opportunity was the last straw for the kid. Bright was there to witness my melt down. Despite much preparation and great film footage (thanks Briziiiight); it still didn’t work. The editing process was a NIGHTMARE but I still managed to finish it by 3 am Saturday morning, only to realize that the sound was not synced up to the actual picture. The final product looked like one of those old Karate films. I finished it but didn’t send it in to Oprah. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I almost had one of those I-feel-sorry-for-myself moments. You know where you just want to throw in the towel and declare life totally unfair. Man, I can honestly say I really know what it feels like to know when something just isn’t in the cards. I have put forth so much effort in several projects in my life only to meet with a big, fat, FAIL on the other end. For this particular opportunity, I didn’t even get to turn in the video audition. I mean it’s not like I created the video, sent it off and then didn’t get a call back. I literally couldn’t send off the video. I thought maybe I could have put in more work, more preparation for it and that is possible. BUT I’M ALL WORK AND HUSTLE. That’s most of what I do, day in and day out. I told Bright, something had to be wrong. I do believe when a door doesn’t budge we should try again and again to open it. But sometimes after hitting your head against the same door; it might be time to realize that maybe that door isn’t opening for a reason.

And that’s when Bright reminded me and said, “Pal, I think you’re just going to have to create your own path like you always do”. Hell, our blog’s motto is “Put Yourself On”. How ironic too considering that’s what the show was going to be about. I was going to interview all the other “weird” people in the world who had struck out on their own accord. But up until the Oprah moment; I thought that “putting yourself on” included going after opportunities offered by others. Oprah represents a chief Inspirer, surely that was an opportunity worth going after considering that’s what I want to do with my life. But maybe not, “Put Yourself On” =Create your own way. Of course people, places and events will show up to help you on your way but they will not create your path for you.

I started thinking back to all of my failed attempts to become a part of someone else’s dreams. There was the time I flew out 2,000 miles away to try to get an internship for Rocafella. (That was an amazing experience nonetheless, talking to producer Clark Kent for like 8 hours). There was the pitch to Jay-Z for the hip-hop curriculum. (Another cool experience, Ta Ta, John Minnelli and all his boys had the curriculum in hand discussing it). How about going gold in a network marketing company only to find out the technology was flawed? Oh and how I can I forget, my last day at Interscope Records when the head sales executive told me, “You’ll be very successful in life but not here.” HUH? It was like a bad reoccurring nightmare. Actually, I do have a reoccurring dream in which I’m alone at the top of buildings and/or walking tight ropes but that’s a whole other story. Why wouldn’t bosses want a super driven, successful person in their company? ARE THESE PEOPLE TOTALLY CRAZY? What was so wrong with me that I could never quite fit the bill? I already knew the answer, it was buried deep down. But I’ve been fighting the truth for some time. I believe buried in our hearts are the answer to all of our questions. When we stop listening to our hearts, that's when we're in trouble.

It reminded me of my first experience with my “problem”. I was in the 1st grade when 4 students told our teacher I cheated because I finished 30 minutes ahead of everyone. All I could do was cry. I had never been attacked before for being different, too fast. I remember that moment at 3 am when I finished editing the project. It felt like, I was scared to run ahead and do my own thing still. In class, I would wait until the last minute to do my work that way I would never get discovered. I learned how to play small. Even though it hurt deep inside. Why was I looking for someone to give me an opportunity? I had all the faculties to strike out on my own, I always have.

I’m a creator. It sounds like a simple thing to say. But it’s not. The implications are very serious. It means that despite much effort, I would never be small enough to fit into one role because I’m constantly creating more opportunities in that role. DAMN! Most businesses are mainly interested in keeping status quo. That's the anti of creating opportunities but rather maintaining projects already in place. And it makes sense. Can you imagine if a business was constantly creating more products than it could manage? In other words, I do too much. I set things on fire, for better or worse. My greatest success has always come from creating something from nothing. In particular helping dreamers strike out on their uncharted paths. After all, they need a creative spark, fire to help them begin their journeys.

I think we dishonor ourselves, our family and God when we do not use our full potential. Boy does it hurt us too. We suffer greatly from resisting the urge to become more of who we are. We develop addictions, diseases and all types of ailments from trying hard to not fill our place. Everything in nature both living and inanimate has a particular potential. I truly believe it’s our goal while we’re here on Earth to max out our own potential. And we can’t compare our potential to others because we all have a different destiny. We just have to have the courage to realize what ours is. That starts with a decision to be who we “really” are. Usually, it’s a lot bigger than what we think.

And just like that I met my first helper to assist me with my new decision. I went to my lil brother’s boxing trainer on Sunday. I was drenched. I established a rhythm with the quick one, two three routine crosses, slipping, ducking and throwing constant jabs. Boxing requires crazy discipline and focus. I need more of both; I tend to be more flighty and less grounded. I’m in constant motion with more energy than a two year old. If I don’t use it, I become reckless, dangerous. I have to give it away constantly. When you box and become tired the first thing to go is the mental. That’s when you have to focus harder. Turns out I already knew the boxing trainer, of course.

He had sold his big time Rim shop on La Cienega to do what he loves, boxing. He let the shop go, to open a boxing gym in his own garage. I was inspired. No pretentiousness, no spa etiquette with warm towels; just a regular ol’ garage with gloves. That takes guts and courage to follow a path from your heart. But the clients were steady coming in, one left when I entered and one was coming in when I left. I felt the weight of his decision. He was dreaming up his path; it didn’t feel like I was in a garage. I felt like I was in a boxing ring, like I was training with a professional boxer.

He asked me. “What was my passion?” I told him I love helping people, particularly people who are stuck on their path. I’ve helped them my whole life regardless of what “job” I’ve held. It’s been a gift and a curse to be able to feel what’s in other people’s hearts. Sometimes they are not ready to know what’s in there. Of course, I was also speaking to myself. We can often assist others but can we assist ourselves? That's much harder. Often people want surface level help from me like writing a resume, learning how to speak in public or how to make pitch calls to people in the industry. And of course those are all helpful skills that one needs to learn. But it’s like learning the formation of doing push-ups to achieve overall fitness. It’s a useful tool, but what good is learning form if you don’t have heart to do the push-up in the first place?

Gaining heart, passion and overcoming fears is what is needed to help people make permanent changes. I’m an Inspirer for better or worse I told him. I can feel things deeply, mainly what’s holding someone back from their goals. I help folks identify what those things are and charge them up with positive energy so they can start on their path. I was trying to think of an example of someone that does this too but the only example I have is fictional, Tinker Bell. I really didn’t want to sound like a nutcase so I opted to leave that example alone. But then he went for it.

He proceeded to ask me if there was a name for someone like me. I didn’t know for sure, I wanted to say “fairy, maybe muse” but I told him “life coach” but that doesn’t quite capture it. That’s when he started coaching me. He showed me his cards and his website that he put together in one day. He told me three pieces of advice. “Be patient you might only have one to two clients in your first month, maybe none but they will eventually come to you and then you’ll have too many clients.” He also said, “Charge something reasonable but something that you would be proud of receiving”. And finally he paused, “find your niche, I’m a boxing trainer, everyone has their thing.” Ummm ok. Truth is I have many clients and have had several in the past, I just haven’t charged them yet.

WOW, I thought I was just going to sweat out the VODKA I had consumed from Saturday’s party. Man, I’m so not a drinker anymore. Those days are just about over. That workout sobered me up though. It’s another nudge towards helping me fulfill my personal legend. I smiled when I read his card. His name read Charles “Lucky” Brandon. Of course that would be his nick name. LOL I love this life; it has so many twists and turns I never know what’s going to happen next.

Shak
100.

P.S. Check out Lucky’s website: www.boxingfitnessfactory.com
If you’re ever in LA, you should get up with this guy if you’re ready to put in that work. :)

Day 22: Finishing what you've begun

2010-06-25T11:34:00.000-07:00

Today is day 22 and I start this day with only 31 pages. My job took a turn for the crazy. Insert me getting home after midnight on prep days and shooting overnight. I started to lose sight of the characters. When I came home from work to start on the script I felt like I was forcing things and got frustrated. The main character just started to seem really wack and uber typical. It was time to put a halt to all of that. On the shoot day of my current job, I ended up in a conversation with of my PAs who is a writer. I started talking to him about the script and he gave me a gem of a pointer. He said in addition to doing the character and plot breakdown what he'll do sometimes is cut out pictures of people or a person who looks like each of his main characters. That way he can look at a board of them and see their eyes, what they would wear and that enables them to take on their own voices in his head. Because a lot of the time all you hear is your own voice. Super fresh, right? Thanks, Marc ;) The other great thing about our convo is that I had another opportunity to discuss my concept and work on making it more succinct. I felt really good about how I relayed it to him. T-t-totally winning.

Now that I'm back in the land of the living (i.e. more rested) I realize time is running out. We've got less than a week left and I'm not at all where I thought I was going to be. Things started out so well! lol Isn't that life, though? Yesterday, I made a great effort at focusing and got out another couple pages. I'm only up to 31 but at the same time...I'm up to 31 pages!!! That's lightyears away from where I began. No matter where I end up on June 30th (I'm still shooting for at least 60 pages), I'm still winning.

Sidebar: "Randomly" met my main character while out with my sisters and a friend Sunday. The guy had the same name, job description and ethnic heritage. I've never been to the place we went before in life. Hadn't even heard of it until that day. Yeah, I think I'm on the right track. :)

100.

Bright

Audition for Oprah's Reality Show...Your OWN Show!

2010-06-23T16:23:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 2:50 am for my audition for Oprah’s OWN Network Reality Show. Being blessed, my dad agreed to bring me to the audition and he shortly arrived at my house around 3:30 am. He brought his own rendition of a Mc Muffin with just egg and cheese and some hot tea. At around 3:45 I realized how lucky I am to have him in my life. He is and always has been my number one supporter throughout all my crazy endeavors. Not once has he ever looked at me with total dismay as I explain one of my off the wall concepts. Everyone and I mean everyone needs a sounding-board. The go-to-person who makes you feel human, normal and somewhat connected. That person is often hard to find when you’re a dreamer. Our ideas are often lofty, pie-in-the-sky and non-existent in the “real world”. I asked him on the ride up why he always went along with my crazy ideas. He simply said, “It’s just so much fun, I don’t know what’s going to happen next”. LOL

And there you have it. It’s not always about the execution of dreams, but it’s the ride that is well worth it. Oh and we’ve gone on many rides. I remember when I was 21 and told him that I wanted to buy a condo; he would often accompany me on Open House trips. I would always talk about what kind of party I would throw in the backyards. Some of the homes were mansions, others were condos but we would discuss their potential. He could have stopped me. After all, I didn’t have $100 in my pocket. I was in debt from going to USC. But he just went along for the ride. And then something happened rather magical. We stumbled upon “the” condo on the edge of Downtown Culver City. I told my dad that it was the one because I felt it. This was before Culver City was going through its many renovations and the neighborhood just had potential. I just knew it in my gut that I was going to buy it and gave the guy my word. So I did what any rational person would do, I started calling banks. I called 20 to be exact and they all turned me down. I had been working for less than 6 months as a teacher and had $0 in the bank. I still don’t know why the seller literally went off a handshake with a kid. What was he crazy?

But there is magic in pure belief. In that same week, my dad received a check for his car accident that happened 2 years prior and I was about to receive my federal student loan money for graduate school. I promised my dad if he would give me $8,000 as the down payment, I would return it to him the very next week. Finally, a lady from Wells Fargo called and said she would do her best to close the deal. Now looking back, that was totally crazy and backwards thinking. Back then, I would believe first when I had nothing. Then I would act as if I already had it. And like magic it always appeared. I’ve been dreaming my whole life but I digress…

We arrived at Kohl’s in Laguna Niguel around 4am. There was already a line of about 300 people. The parking lot was closed. But my dad simply dropped me off and went to a nearby parking lot to read. Meanwhile I took out my beach chair and copped a squat. I met a couple of really interesting folks: a very attractive blond, early forties who was an ex-cheerleader, married to a pro-football player; an ex-drug addict who became sober after a prison bid; a mid-aged woman in a wheelchair who survived a car accident and a young, stay-at-home mom. Boy one thing was for sure, this wasn’t going to be a long, boring wait. I mean when else would I ever get to talk to all of those folks at once? What an adventure life is.

Finally, we were close to the front of the line but I noticed a slim, athletic built, blond woman to my left. She was an athlete for certain who happened to be missing one of her legs. I couldn’t remember how I knew her. Did she go to my gym? Where we in class together? And then it hit me. She was on one of my dream boards. Not a woman that looked like her, IT WAS HER. I had no choice but to go up to tell her that I knew her and how I knew her. And I remember telling her that she inspired me to run. If she could run marathons, then I could run them too. Man it’s still a bit crazy that I actually saw someone from my dream board. I LOVE IT!

But of course when I actually got to the auditioning part 10 minutes later, I think I was a bit high off life and unfocused. I didn’t exactly give the concept pitch for my show as succinctly as I would have liked. BUMMER! And as a result, I didn’t get a call back. DANG! And I decided well on to the next opportunity. First, the very next day, I decided to research someone that is currently doing ALL that I want to be doing day in and day out. I knew it would be difficult to find the vision of the person I wanted to be. After all, I am a writer that aspires to be a published author, an inspirational coach that aspires to get PAID for what I do, a speaker, actress, blogger. I was determined to find someone as close to this vision as possible. And it took all of 5 minutes. She was already in my favorites on my work computer. Her name is Jennifer Tuma Young, and although she’s not an actress, she does all the rest.

And as I begin reading her blog, I noticed that she too had attended the Oprah audition in NJ. In addition, her dad aided her in scoping out a location super early in the morning. Furthermore, she said it herself that she didn’t give a specific enough concept for her show idea so she didn’t receive a call back. BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT, there is a caveat here. She had decided that she was going to also submit a video audition and that she wasn’t giving up. Had I already decided to throw in the towel? Why? I’ll admit I felt a bit defeated like we all do when things don’t work out as planned.

And I learned a very important lesson. When we give up, others are picking themselves up and attacking the mission. We all will stumble in the beginning. We’re novices and have limited experience with our dreams. It should never be taken as a sign of failure though. Failure is when we call it quits. And quitting on our dreams are unacceptable. At that moment, I remember the woman who runs marathons, the woman on my dream board. I wonder how many times she had to pick herself up before she could run.

Today I film my video portion for the Oprah Audition. It should be completely edited by Friday and I will post it. I guess you can say this is ROUND 2.

Shak
100.

Day 7: Staying Focused

2010-06-23T14:00:00.000-07:00

Initially, I was a bit nervous about this challenge. But I knew that no matter what I had to challenge myself and with zeal no less, that I would make it happen. I have been able to keep myself to at least 3 pages a day on my script and most days a bit more. I enter day 7 at 24 pages with a trillion more to go but it's fantastic. I cannot wait to get home from work everyday to hang out with my characters. I was worried about how I would be able to get into that mindset after working all day. So, this is what I decided to do.... On my way home I would begin the transition. I start to think about them and where they were when I left off the night before. I let my mind wander around the characters and their personalities. I daydream about anything regarding them even if it doesn't pertain to what needs to happen next in the script. By the time I reach the house I am in that mode. The very first thing I do is set up my computer to write. After every installment, I chat with Las Mujeres (Sakinah & Jay) to share the updates.

Things I love for 5,000, Alex? The fact that they're already so invested in the characters. I feel like I'm telling a story to them everyday about real people, Sakinah & I might be in love with the main character. lol But all of it feels so great to be able to live with the characters who feel like completely new people in my life. It's like a new television show that I get to watch a piece of everyday.

100.

Bright

p.s. this was meant to go up about 13 days ago. :)

I'm Inspired By: Oprah

2010-06-17T09:54:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning I will travel at 3am to Laguna Niguel for a chance to become a part of Oprah’s new reality show. WOW! Although, thousands may be present, hovering outside the parking lot for a chance to compete; I’m overwhelmed with the idea that an opportunity is at hand. Sometimes I think it really does take a partially delusional individual to try to defy the odds. But all dreamers are partially delusional, right?

And in my attempt to totally familiarize myself with more things Oprah, I started diving into her online content. One particular article by Karen Salmansohn caught my eye right away. It was about how one could reach their full potential. Before reading the article, I visualized the magnitude of such a thing. I mean imagine if everyone was STRIVING day in and day out to become MORE. What would that look like? I envisioned a sci-fi flick filled with kids moving objects with their thoughts and coliseum size stadiums filled with folks meditating…but I digress.

Today becoming more is the equivalent of achieving the American Dream, the tangible do-re-mi and home with a white picket fence. A good majority of women still feel to reach their potential, they are supposed to be married, with 2.5 kids when they hit the age of 30-35. I know I feel the subtle but steady pressure building. YIKES!

And then there is another group, those who are just waiting. Either life has beaten them down so much they don’t want to get up. Or they’re so lost with no direction they’re afraid to move forward. But most haven’t been hit with any disproportionately bad luck; they are waiting for something in life to happen to them.

Karen referenced Aristotle; she said that he believed in something called entelechy, (having one’s end within). Wait, say that again. According to him our happiness and our ability to reach our full potential is within each and every one of us. But how is that possible? You mean to tell me that all these years striving for that Bentley isn’t going to bring me closer to my “potential” or true happiness? Aristotle would answer that each of us has a different potential, a different destiny, and a different journey or as Paulo Coelho says it, we all have to live out our own “personal legend”.

But how do we find the yellow brick road let alone follow it to the freakin wizard?

Well, that’s the fun part. That’s life’s greatest riddle. And I’m FAR from a scholar on spirituality or philosophy and don’t claim to know “the way” or “path” to achieving one’s personal legend. But I do know, we have to PAY ATTENTION! When we’re on the right track, I believe life begins to feel AMAZING. We start to notice things like little coincidences that seem to point us in the right direction. Some call it going with the flow or being in the zone. For example, on Sunday while filling out the form for Oprah’s reality show I looked up one of my old time favorites, Teen Summit, which was a talk-show on BET that catered to teens. Well on Tuesday, while working out at the gym, a guy was wearing a sweatshirt that said, “I f*** with the OLD BET”. It was kind of jarring, and the dude was like 6’6 so it really did stick out to me. But in that moment, I thought about the old BET, and Teen Summit. What was it that I really liked about that show? Perhaps, I needed to think about it more and incorporate it into my show that I was pitching to Oprah. Hmmmm…

I received a quote in my inbox today by Einstein that said, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is”. The cool thing is we all have free will to decide how we’ll travel down our path. Some will skip, tumble and race along, while others will drag and crawl at a snail’s pace. I’ve jogged forward, sprinted backwards, and now I’m just trying to steadily walk ahead without going backwards. I hate going backwards but maybe it’s part of my path.

But by all means, let’s not STAND STILL. We got a lot of traveling to do.

P.S. Check out Karen’s article! http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-to-Know-and-Grow-Your-Potential

Shak
100.

Day 2: the "Challenge"

2010-06-06T00:49:00.000-07:00

At this point, I'm technically in Day 3 but I digress....

So, Shak came up with this brilliant idea a few days ago after reading something about Quentin Tarantino. He wrote "Reservoir Dogs" in 3.5 weeks. That was his first feature and well, we all know where he is now. There's a whole amazing story about how he ended up getting it funded and shot that I knew about but I didn't know how long he took to write it. To paraphrase, here's the challenge: write a short, feature, pilot, or story in 3.5 weeks. "Ok, I'm down," I say. There are the moments that change our lives forever; this is one of them, I can feel it. That push, that challenge to do the most... I'm excited and nervous. What's going to come out in the end? Who knows. Even if it still needs work, having a feature in my hand is amazing!

Currently, I'm up to page 9 of my feature script. The first day I spent time reading through Final Draft's (my script writing program) tutorial. I got it as a gift for my Birthday/Christmas (thanks, mom!) and was unable to upload it to my computer until this Thursday because my new computer came finally came in! (Super long)Sidebar: My other computer was moving rather slowly (it's 5 yrs old) and because I have to use it for my job-job (what pays the bills right now) I didn't want to risk uploading another program on it and it crashing on me. So, I finally found a MacBook Pro that was brand new and a lil cheaper than what other people were charging and bought it. Now, when I bought it I had just spent $700 fixing my car but was expecting a check from my last job to arrive any day. Wellllll, it still hasn't arrived AND I had to pretty much empty out my saving's account and put off paying my car note in order to pay my rent. Yep, awesome. lol (It's the grind right? :) ) I don't have buyer's remorse because I needed to make that leap and buy the computer already so I could start to upload footage from my camera (the other computer because it's older won't recognize the files), start formatting scripts and just be winner for goodness sakes. I'm knocking out all of the "reasons" one by one for why I'm not exactly where I see myself. The camera was the first step, the computer the next and this challenge the most recent.

I just got home from taking my mentee to a Dodger vs Braves game (the Braves won 9-3! sweet!) and all I could think about on the way home was getting in front of my computer to continue to write. I was able to do a few pages earlier before I left for the game. I had a great impromptu brainstorming session with Sakinah, too (thanks, sis) that had me super juiced.

What's crazy is that the story that I've been in love with/has been haunting me for the last 6 years is finally feeling like it's being pieced together. I've jotted down notes as they've come to me about the characters over those years and a partial scene here and there as it comes but over the last couple of days they finally feel like they're coming alive to me inside my head. I can't say what it's about just yet because that would t-t-totally ruin the surprise (lol) but suffice it to say I love it and it's going to be dope.

So, I'm off to continue writing a bit then finally going to bed. I've been up forever, it feels like. We had a great run this morning in Palos Verdes and I think I might still be high off of that, or the creativity, or the Braves win... either way, still winning.

100.

Bright

How to be: Super Fresh

2010-06-03T16:25:00.000-07:00

Switching it up a bit..for me at least. I've been on another kind of knowledge kick as of late. I think it's cool to be what comes easily but to push yourself to stretch beyond your known limits makes you super fresh. I like being super fresh so.... I've got like 12 ideas running around in my head. 2 feature scripts, 1 video, 2 shorts and a documentary (& a partridge in a pear treeeeee....lol). Focus man. Alright, but different days feel like different projects. What I am teaching myself is how to write all of the above because the formats are so incredibly different. I learned how to write scripts in college, taught myself how to write treatments for videos when I moved out here and am learning about documentaries for the first time ever.

Feature scripts are behemoth in nature, at least to me. It's really the dialogue that kills me everytime. I wish I could just outsource it! lol Alas, I am currently not paid like that so, I have to step up to the plate. When I had to do it years ago, I got better at it because I just locked myself in a space and wrote and let my friends read it to see if it sounded believable. I also, didn't have to write 80+ pages. This time will have to be much of the same. I am reteaching myself all of the break down elements. Setting up the locations, character's personas, plot elements.... I know that I can do this and it's something I need. Fleshing the entire thing out from stem to stern will help me get even closer to the project. Screenwriters are genius (& I'm something like a genius so...) and there's so much that they go through. Besides all of the drafts they're like novelists on speed. In addition to the final draft that has to be in a certain format that is universally accepted there is also a treatment for the film that is 8-15 pages long that gets submitted 1st. This treatment gives all of the plot points, acts, characters and such in a condensed form that has to have its own format. So think about it like this....most features are about 80-120 pages in length allllll of that info has to be miniaturized and still make you want to buy it. That's some amazing pressure. Oh and you only use minimal dialogue and it's solely for descriptive reasons.

Moving on to the video treatment. I worked on several videos when I moved out to LA and had the privilege of reading over the Director's treatments. What most people don't know is that a large percentage of the Directors don't actually write their own treatments. I was saddened initially when I found that out, but here's why.... Mainly it's because of Directors being inundated with a catrillion projects that may or may not jump off the ground and all of the hours that are put into making a treatment could be a complete wash because if they don't choose you you don't get your pay. In those cases production companies will outsource a treatment writer to come up with a concept that the Director and Production Company can stand behind and then it gets submitted to the label. Anyhoo... a treatment for a video gives the writer more creative room as far a format goes. Sometimes, there are photos submitted to give a better sense of the art direction, wardrobe, make up etc. Even if they are not submitted there are tons of style magazines that are flipped through, books about architecture, the human body, movies, you name it that are referenced to allow the Director to fully grasp his/her vision. Cut to me as a PA driving to tons of newstands, movie stores, book stores sifting through so much to find that gem that will yield the perfect reference. No, it was not glamorous but it was fun (sometimes). lol So, the format of a video treatment is usually a one pager or at best a couple of pages consisting of paragraphs laying out the complete visual element and feel of the video down to the presence that the artist gives. It's simple yet effective as long as your adjectives are super on point.

Oh the documentary..... Well, this is a completely new field for me. The reason being is that it's live. In essence what you're doing as the Director/Writer is writing what you're looking to shoot and leaving room for real life to take place. When you're interviewing, you will have a list of questions to ask but you don't know what the answers will be and if those answers will lead you on an eye opening tangent. You come up with a list of places to drive to shoot footage and get permission to shoot and have no idea that you may come across an unexpected nook or interview that will lead you else where. The important part of this entire process is keeping track of it all and documenting the changes. Your pre-shoot/shooting script may change dozens of times to get the best story. The difference between a documentary and the aforementioned is that there are far less rules and it's your idea. It's real life and you have a plan but you end up making a lot of it up as you go along. What's amazing about it is that you have your core message/subject matter outlined and you let it develop itself, you cannot force this or else it's incredibly obvious. The downside is that without the structure, if you're not paying attention, time will fly by and you won't know when or where you're supposed to stop. It's real life so, there is no real end and you choose your own adventure.

That being stated this is my adventure to create compassionate stories that are fictional, 100% real or a combination of both. Developing my breadth of knowledge is incredible. It makes me stretch myself to be more so I can touch more people and do what I'm hear to do...Inspire dialogue and break boundaries. The bear is tackling one at a time. With Shak's "Tarantino Challenge" on the table it's must.

100.

Bright

I'm Inspired by: Invictus

2010-06-02T12:00:00.000-07:00

I’m at it again. I’m back to slaying the beast (ME). And this time that means that I’m going to do a mini triathlon as inspiration to get the last 30 lbs off. Sometimes we have to kick our own butt to get the results that we desperately need. Most of us write ourselves off. We think that achieving a particular size, fitness goal or career goal is impossible because the truth is we don’t want to do THE WORK.

I realize I’ve hopped off my path in 2010. I wanted to see what it was like to have a more “balanced” life complete with dating and going out to b-day parties and chillin’. The truth is, it doesn’t feel good, it feels mediocre at best. Sure, everyone needs time to relax with friends and time to regroup; but what good is a vacation if you’re not committed to the GRIND. It’s THE WORK that makes a vacation feel necessary and appreciated. And how much work we put in determines how we feel about ourselves. Right now, I need that hard core work as fuel for all my future auditions. How could I possibly go on all those auditions not feeling and looking my best? Acting in and of itself is reserved for the warrior class. First you have to work on your mental prowess to withstand the insane amount of rejection; the physical restrictions is only ½ the battle.

I realized today that by me consistently eating junk food and sweets was just another form of self sabotage. If I don’t look and feel my best then I don’t have to pursue the path 100%, right? It’s something about going after the unknown that just sends my mind into a whirl wind. I’m deathly afraid. And so…I try not to commit fully so I have a back-up plan. I can tell others around me that I never went all out; so I really didn’t “want it’. I’m in “waiting” mode. Fear is so subtle. It disguises itself as a host of other things that we don’t easily recognize. But I see it for what it is now. And it’s time to jump back on the path full force.

I can’t wait. I’ll update with photos AND video along the way. I feel the sense of urgency is now. I can’t wait another pilot season. I can’t wait another day. It’s not going to be easy. I hate getting up at 4:30 AM to run. I hate being hungry in the middle of the day when there are pastries in my work café screaming at me to pick them up. :) But more than anything I hate waiting for something to happen to me. I’m the master of my fate. I’m the captain of my soul.

Shak
100.

The Catch 22 of Being Creative

2010-05-27T14:05:00.000-07:00

It’s the blessing and the curse.

Creative people see opportunities and ideas everywhere. I was listening to Lil Wayne’s song w/ Eminem, "Drop the World" while I was driving back from my morning run. And out of nowhere, this warrior style Anime chick popped out of my head. I don’t know where she was going, but she had a black cape with a laced veil and was walking in slow motion blowing up the streets around her while it was raining softly. A blade came at her face, maybe it was ninja star, and it sliced one of her high cheek bones wide open. The blood splattered everywhere but she just kept walking. She wiped her cheek, took out a toothpick or was it a match and placed it in the corner of her mouth. Her cape flew open and revealed dynamite sticks. She lit one, and threw it grenade style towards the direction of where the blade had come. Then gracefully, she strutted down the middle of the street and kept walking. WHAT THE HELL? Sleep deprivation + Lil Wayne = Deadly daydreams while driving. MAN!

I’m supposed to be designing inspirational cards right now. I don’t even read COMIC BOOKS. What the hell is wrong with my mind? A woman blowing up the streets isn’t going to inspire young women. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! And so this is the problem with my mind. It focuses on what it wants to imagine, I’m just a passenger going along for the ride. Maybe it was the run, too much adrenaline pumping in my veins. But this type of craziness had just got to stop. I mean I’ll never finish a lovely, Disney-esque project at this rate. WHAT TO DO?

At the moment, I can’t start writing about some vigilante style anime chick. I got other projects to finish. She’ll have to wait her freakin turn. Who does this chick think she is anyways?

Man but if you would have seen her heels! They might have been Charles David not sure though.

Shak
100.

Are you an observer or a doer?

2010-05-18T13:51:00.000-07:00

Every day I question the pursuit of my path. Every day I wonder why do I have this hunger to create. Every day I wonder if I will be able to produce in time...before it's too late. Every day I wonder if it is worth it to create when there is no guarantee that it will be received well or sold. And every day I realize I have no choice but to create.

The story below is taken from Steven Pressfield's About section: (He's a professional writer/screenwriter that is a major advocate of fighting one's own personal creative Resistance in order to "turn pro" or rather to become the great artists/writers/creators/actors/fill-in-the-blank that we are capable of becoming)

     My father was in the Navy, and I was born in Port of Spain, Trinidad, in 1943. I graduated from Duke University in 1965. Since then, I've worked as an advertising copywriter, schoolteacher, tractor-trailer driver, bartender, oilfield roustabout and attendant in a mental hospital. I've picked fruit in Washington state, written screenplays in Tinseltown, and was homeless, living out of the back of my car with my typewriter. My struggles to earn a living as a writer (it took seventeen years to get the first paycheck) are detailed in The War of Art.

     With the publication of The Legend of Bagger Vance in 1995, I became a writer of books once and for all. From there followed the historical novels Gates of Fire, Tides of War, Virtues of War, The Afghan Campaign and Killing Rommel.
     My writing philosophy is a kind of warrior code—internal rather than external—in which the enemy is identified as those forms of self-sabotage that I call "Resistance" with a capital R (in The War of Art). The technique for combating these foes can be described as "turning pro."
     I believe in previous lives and the Muse—and that books and music exist before they are written and that they are propelled into material being by their own imperative to be born, via the offices of those willing servants of discipline, imagination and inspiration, whom we call artists. My conception of the artist's role is a combination of reverence for the unknowable nature of "where it all comes from" and a no-nonsense, blue-collar demystification of the process by which this mystery is approached. In other words, a paradox.

     There's a recurring character in my books, named Telamon, a mercenary of ancient days. Telamon doesn't say much. He rarely gets hurt or wounded. And he never seems to age. His view of the profession of arms is a lot like my conception of art and the artist: "It is one thing to study war, and another to live the warrior's life."

I love the fact that he's done a catrillion things in his life, I've often felt weird that I've worked a million jobs in search of my highest calling, only to find that it doesn't exist, I have to create it. Sometimes I think it's the search, the pursuit that drives me, the longing to become MORE in this lifetime.

Here's a guy that's shining the light on those who are willing and courageous enough to heed the warrior's call. I believe we all receive this call in life at one point or another to follow what's in our heart but we all don't follow.   I love his last line, "It is one thing to study war, and another to live the warrior's life."

Shak
100.

Random Stream of Thought...Energy

2010-05-10T18:45:00.000-07:00

In Response to Bright's Blog:

I'm glad you're feeling very creative and with Bright spirits. :)

As for "depression" kid, in the future try not to give it any of your attention if humanly possible. Do not mull over it with moms or sis. Do not speak of it with yourself when you are alone with your thoughts. I know you might not want to call friends when you feel down. Perhaps you think you will give off negativity to them or rather that you will take their positive energy. That is a valid concern. But try to quiet yourself, better yet your thoughts and search for the light (watch Katt Williams), he's bound to make you laugh.

But it takes great mental prowess to only think the positive. We lose patience, we lose hope and we start to slip. We're ALL human. When I fall, I see divisions where as before there was just unity. But we fall and we get back up because we're troopers. The further we climb we understand more truths that there is really only one truth=Love.

Depression, dangerously, is on the vibration of fear, poverty and scarcity. Perhaps a bit worse, it is in the realm of total disconnection to the source/Love. I've tried to work with folks in this perpetual state of depression and it was beyond DIFFICULT. I was sucked completely dry of my ENERGY source because they were existing on NONE. It feel like suffocation...run from this scenario immediately.

When we feel disconnected (sick, poor, angry, tired) we're just out of balance. But over time and with great practice we don't have to dwell there beyond a day, an hour, twenty min. Even writing about it brings me great pain and sadness to know that folks are perpetually in that state of being. I've experienced depression's temporary affects when attempting to help others increase their energy, or rather help them feel better. It hurts me too much to remain there and it's dangerous because I become depleted. I only do it if it is Totally necessary.

I have to center myself daily to remind myself that there are no divisions but the one's I construct in my head. Happiness is a practice that we must maintain. So sad there are no classes on uncovering joy. We have the evening news to thank to teach us negativity.  Interestingly enough, people think happiness is something they acquire but it's there already. We don't realize our power as creators yet. And so we keep spinning the same story of sadness, guilt, and anger. Of course these are all strong statements. Most doctors will strongly refute all of the above and say depression is simply a mental illness. HELLLLLLLLLLO!  That is precisely what it is...detrimental, negative thoughts.  Fatefully, we think we don't control our thoughts.   Sigh...If only we could always be in the flow. How brilliant we would all be.

Perhaps that is still a little ways off for civilization. Right now there is still so much struggle for energy/love. We have not learned enough of how to gain it ourselves, sustain it and not steal it from others. We complain when we are not loved, we kill when we feel poor. We steal when we feel angry and unbalanced. We create war. All these things are manifestations of disconnecting from the source. But most of all we struggle with our selves.

PERSONALLY I HATE WHEN FOLKS STEAL MY ENERGY. Buuuuut as often as it happens, I can't stay mad for long (1 hour tops maybe a day on major cases). I know most people don't know what they're doing. Sigh! DANG IT...get your own freakin energy supply man. Take my money, take my ideas but don't steal my energy.

Furthermore, I really need to stop getting upset for helping people so they can find their own energy source. It's taken me a long time to understand this process and honestly it's easy and a gift. But it goes something like this: a person needs help in life (they're down and out with no do-re-mi, they're spirit is low and they're uninspired, sad, depressed, out of balance feeling fatigued) and I usually give them some of my energy.  Like, "here you go pal, I got a lot...there's so much to go around." Then they say, "wow this feels kinda cool'.   Slowly, they start practicing this thing called happy thoughts and feeling connected. And what happens next? I'm thanked for my services and they're off on their own to sustain their own energy source.
HEEEEEEEEEEELL TO THE NO!

Folks call me back immediately, usually they're irate (disconnected again) and they tell me it was a fluke. They think I'm on that stuff called puff the magic dragon which pisses them off even more. But they want some more of it, and come running back. I keep helping them because that's my business until they finally connect long enough to witness the real MAGIC. This is where folks take off the training wheels and take the first bike ride through the neighborhood. I should be very happy at this point because usually they've jumped from super low vibrations and they are singing another tune that sounds like "living the life".

And I've seen miracles performed. Folks who were homeless got new cars, apartments and jobs. Those who had 0 ambition become super stars in ultra competitive industries. People with a few clients gain tenfold. BUTTTTTTT...something goes wrong. All of a sudden, these same jokers act like they were feeling the sunshine all along in their lives. And they actually come back to me to tell me how THEY DID IT (on their own). Ummmmmm NOOOOOOO!

Understand when I get a call it's usually because folks are at ground ZERO, sometimes they are at negative 2. And by "a call", I mean a randomly placed individual happens on my path. I've seen so many times it's like ok here we go again.  Sorry, I'm digressing and on my little rant. But it's the truth. I've NEVER worked with anyone that was already there, well potentially yes, but in actuality NO.
Bottom line, I have to get over my ego like Kanye. My ultimate purpose is to inspire. Or better yet, to be a guide. I'm super blessed to 80% feel the flow that's all around us and within us. And it doesn't hurt to show others that they can do it too. But best believe, next time I holla at God, I'm going to ask the creator for another assignment. I mean it's cool and all, and I'm very blessed to have worked with some amazing albeit stubborn as hell people. But it's a freakin thankless job, and I thought being a teacher was bad. Let's just say being this whatever you call it, oh "coach" pales in comparison.

But I have an idea. Yall know you've seen those before and after weight loss commercials? That's what I'm going to start doing with all new clients, friends, family and strangers. When I meet someone for the first time, I want them to write down in entirety where they are in life at that given moment. I'm talking Everything! So next time, one of them gets even the slightest bit of impulse to show me how they got to where they are totally on their own accord; I'll just ever so gently show them the original contract. WHAAAAAAAMO!

Ok, ok I know that's not my job. My job is to point out the HAPPY TRAIL. I kinda like that. It's my job in this lifetime to get as many people to experience the light that's within and without and god willing I'll ascend a bit higher for it. The reward is in the giving. It only makes me brighter and all that jazz. Sometimes I wish I could turn the ego off. But I will say to witness light where there was once an abyss is like (I have no words to describe this, I'm at the point of tears) it's ethereal.

Shak
100.

"I'm Like Rubbin' 2 Logs...."

2010-05-10T16:24:00.000-07:00

Feeling on fire. Since my post on F.E.A.R., I've felt strangely liberated. I mean, I feel something kinda like A-Ma-Zing. It's like when I made the decision that I wasn't going to let my limited view or that of others affect my destination the world became my oyster, so to speak. I have felt so incredibly inspired as of late that it's almost ineffable. The ideas are pouring forth so quickly and clearly and even from other sources, as well. The universe is truly my ally and the reverse is true.

The funny thing about how we feel and what we see is that it can change from moment to moment and from day to day. That's, once again, the beauty of an ever changing life. I am feeling appreciation and ownership, knowing that my environment changed because I decided to. Being more of myself is a necessity and it hurts so much when I can't see me stretching and reaching for all that I want to gain and share. I realized that when I said that I am worth more and will get more, my life reflected that. Making ends meet cannot be the end goal or product because that cuts me off from the source, my creativity. If all I think about is how I am going to get my bills paid then that's all I will bring into my environment. I began to seek clarity of vision, knowing that it comes from within because that is my gift, envisioning. I'm a seer and it's so painful when it feels like I can't even grasp a coherent thought. When I began to return to myself and the way that I do things the well seemed like it sprang forth. I even had an idea to go have ethiopian food at a spot I'd never been to before and ended up in a conversation with the owner because he had a picture of himself with Stevie Wonder posted. I knew seeing that photo was a confirmation of my need to be in that place at that time because Stevie is the truth! I digress...(lol) At the end of my meal he invited me to come back for live music and then decided that he wanted to show me the back area of the restaurant that was only open during the evening. When I walked back there I knew instantly that was the place I was supposed to shoot the video for the treatment I'd just written (which, incidentally got rave reviews from the artist ;) ). I inquired about cost and he told me hundreds of dollars as opposed to thousands of dollars which is what most locations would charge. He even talked about the crew being able to eat lunch there, so on and so forth. We established a phenomenal rapport immediately and I am so grateful for the time and connection.

Everything is definitely meant and I know that I have to make sure I keep my mind in the right space at all times because I sometimes take for granted my innate happiness...that is until depression rears it's ugly head. Then, I can't see the forest for the smog (what up, shak? lol). I feel blinded by it but I'm continuing to learn to share all of those moments (positive and not so very positive) because when I let people in they can help me see more clearly and help. Life retains it's color and I'm a blaze of inspiration to myself and others.

Still t-t-totally winning..... :)

100.

Bright

Past Bedtime freestyle...

2010-05-09T22:50:00.000-07:00

i only got one way to go
that's up...free flow
people have words for me
like they know
but they move slow mo
until they standing froze
they talk but don't walk
where their heart goes
pit-pat they following roles
so when you see me
on my natural free spree
don't up your nose
you could never be me
so don't ever suppose
i'm a Prima that means
i stay on my toes
all petals aren't soft

thorns guard the rose
i'll put foot to the pedal
show u how fast my grind goes
so don't make moves
you can't afford to lose like snoose
cuz my progress has no timer

my eyes wide open
there are no blinders
yall scared to mix it up

cuz blades are in the grinder
go ahend blend in
i'm on fast forward
never on rewinder
need new terrain
4 wheel drive Path finder
in my own lane
blueprint with patterns in my brain
make you think i'm like the Rain
man but i'm really just the man, HAHA
what I got to do
to make yall believe in the plan
i think
then conceive
make notes, sign deeds....

Shak
100.

Never Leave Your Imagination Behind...

2010-05-07T22:36:00.000-07:00

Floor

By: Randall Munroe

This message was brought to you by "Kids Doing Their Own Thing" and "Never Leave Your Imagination Behind".... Thank You and You're Welcome! :)

100

Bright

I'm Inspired By DJ Granny

2010-05-07T10:54:00.000-07:00

My friend Alison sent an email to me today that made me SMILE. It's about a granny changing her mind and becoming a DJ.

The best part about the article was when she talked about young people coming up to her at the Cannes festival where she was a guest DJ. She said they told her, "'you're awesome, we want to be like you'". And she told them..."you don't want to be like me. You want to be you." How wonderful a thing to say.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/france/7368096/69-year-old-British-granny-DJ-conquers-French-party-scene.html

I'm Inspired by the Shepherd

2010-04-30T10:04:00.000-07:00

He forgot about the Shepherd...that's me!!!! The price of being a Shepherd is great burden.

Super Dope Blog...if you're looking to take risks in life, the good kind of course. http://gapingvoid.com/

EXCUSES!

2010-04-29T17:46:00.000-07:00

Excuses...everyone has one.

Excuses are monuments of nothing that build bridges to nowhere. Those who use these tools of incompetence are masters of nothing.

I’m no longer going to say, “I don’t have time to write because of my day job.” I’m going to create every day even if it’s for 15-30 minutes. I’m going to keep a note pad by my side and just get to writing. I’m also going to buy a freakin recorder because sometimes the dialogue comes so fast I CAN’T write it out in time.

As for the actual creation of products such as my greeting cards, short films and books; I’m going to set aside 30-60 min every other night right after soaking in the tub to CREATE. I get most of my inspiration and ideas in the tub or while driving. That way I can start small and build a dependable system. On the weekends, I’ll dedicate one day for 1-3 hours to create.

Hmmm...I already feel better.

Shak
100.

Taking the Jump

2010-04-28T11:38:00.000-07:00

I’m speaking to a professional group of writers this Saturday about “jumping” out and pursuing their goals. All of my other speaking engagements have been with kids so this will be interesting. Kids tend to still believe they can become whatever is possible or impossible in life. But adults are a different breed; they have learned the rules of the “real world” which declare that pursuing dreams is a most hazardous occupation. Out of the group of writers, many write consistently, and a few are published, but most haven’t “put themselves out there”. I don’t know all that it takes to be considered a “talented professional” writer. However, in my experience, the most talented people are usually never discovered because they just sit and wait for something to happen to them.

And it’s understandable to take the “sit and wait” approach because it isn’t scary, it’s comfortable. Being a writer, unlike being a teacher, psychiatrist or doctor doesn’t have a prescribed path. Who wants to go from 0 to 1 and jump towards a goal whole-heartedly when there is no safety net? Personally, I know that one day I want to fully develop my own creative company, period. But like the writers, I’m preparing for the jump. For me, the contest was somewhat of a test run. Could I plunge towards a goal with no guarantee and put myself out there? But in order to become a “jumper”, I think it’s like anything else it takes practice. It’s like a dude who gets all the women; he’s had years of becoming immune to rejection by constantly putting himself on the line. And so, he’s able to navigate the most treacherous waters of women; and he ends up being with the woman he wants to be with not the woman who he can just “get”.

What’s even scarier about pursuing dreams is people start to hold you accountable for your actions right out the gate. Not to mention, when you fall short there are folks waiting to point out that you haven’t succeeded. And it isn’t no doubt that you’re going to fall it’s just how many times. Because while you’re still learning your bound to make mistakes on an unchartered path. It’s hilarious motivational gurus will say success is falling down 7 times and getting up 8. But who wants to fall in the first place? It HURTS when you fall down and every time is harder to get up. So why would anyone in their right mind want to jump out and pursue their goals? Furthermore why would anyone set a dream goal beyond their immediate reach?

To me it’s simple it’s called LIVING. Flowers bloom, birds jump the nest, trees bear fruit…it’s natural evolution to produce more and to want to grow. So even though folks who “jump” may suffer more initially; they have the satisfaction of truly living life. Besides, nothing to me is as painful as staying still, that’s a lose/lose, there’s no chance for success.

Shak
100.

F.E.A.R.

2010-04-25T15:35:00.000-07:00

F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real.

- Hill Harper

I am not afraid of most things. I cannot wait to jump out of a plane. I wasn't afraid to go to Jordan. I'm really not afraid of dying. I like going places by myself. No problem going to dinner alone. The movies by myself = cool with me. I am afraid of failure. I am afraid of not winning at being a director. I have been going through this whirlwind of emotions and thoughts... So many thoughts. I am unhappy with my current job. Not because of the people I work with. I think they're awesome. My job is stressful but it's exciting. The hours are ridiculously long (think 80+ hour work week) but I get to see cool stuff. I mean in the span of 2 months alone we worked with a live elephant, rhino (yes, a real live rhino!) and Danica Patrick (cooler than a fan). My problem, my frustration is that I am helping to put out other people's dreams, not my own. My home is a safehouse for dreamers who grind...My sister, her best friend Sakinah, my friend Damani, my friend Shawn.... These are all people who have made the leap and I love them for it. But not me. I haven't made the jump to go after what I want 100%. For the third time in my life, I feel alone. I see myself standing at the top of the cliff and watching all of the people I love and admire and brainstorm with one by one smile at me, turn to look at the cliff and take a running jump. They disappear from my sight for a second and reappear with wings. They motion for me to come. "It's ok...it's easy", they say. But I'm paralyzed. I look over the edge and wonder if my wings will sprout, too, or am I not special enough. Maybe they're different than I am, maybe they're better, more talented. I have tears in my eyes now because I want it so badly and I am ashamed of my lack of confidence, faith, belief. Where did it all go? This is NOT me, I feel like an alien in my own skin, in my own mind. When I found out my mom had cancer, it exacerbated my anxiety. I felt like time was running out. I have to show her that she did an amazing job. She did the right thing. Prove to her that everything she has gone through having us was a winning move. "I just wanna be, I just wanna be successful...." keeps playing in my head. My vision is blurred and I'm having difficulty tapping into the source. I go go go but feel like I'm running in circles. What's funny is that when I moved out to LA 5 years ago, I was not afraid in the very least. I left every person who knows and loves me to make that leap by myself. I moved clear across the country to fulfill my life's mission without one ounce of nervousness. This jump somehow seems greater. And it is, in a sense...This is the most important decision I have had to make to date. I know that I am prepared and that the people who love me will love me always no matter what happens. In my heart I know that I will be ok but my mind, my inner hater, tells me I'm not ready yet, that I don't have what it takes. Fuck you, hater. Seriously.

"...let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself"

-Franklin D. Roosevelt

That's so real. So, what am I going to do? I get into this cycle with work where I need to pay my bills so I work but then I'm exhausted. Tapping into my creativity after not utilizing it at all feels impossible. I have to remember to make the things that matter most to me a priority. That means praying, writing and shooting. This also means that I will buy myself a new computer so that I can upload footage to work on editing to improve my vision. I will budget money better so that I don't have to take every job that comes my way because of some wack scarcity mentality. This will allow me to stay in the creative mindset longer to actually see my vision clearly and create it. Making this decision is an act of faith. I have been extraordinarily protected and will only have the opportunity to win if I truly tune in and take care of me. That's what I'm here for anyway. Besides, this site isn't called "Inspire the Wackness/Complacent/Fearmonger", so I'm going to leap. I have to...I owe it to myself. I'm going all in because I'm sure as hell not going home.

100.

Bright

The Obstacles Are Within

2010-04-21T11:59:00.000-07:00

Be careful what you put out into the universe…sometimes it comes back the very next day. Most folks complain that they aren’t manifesting things, but the truth is their thoughts are so scattered they can’t see the patterns. I realize I’m creating things as I go along, some amazing moments and some challenging obstacles.

     In my mind, this weekend was going to be AMAZING. I had a hilarious short film lined up, a play performance and a photo shoot for a modeling contest. I mean what could possibly go wrong? This is the life I’ve envisioned living, well sort of.
     Right before I left work on Friday, I put up a blog on the modeling contest. I had reservations about posting it because of how strongly opinionated it was. BUT being true to who I am, a staunch optimist, I was sick and tired of hearing about all of the complaints and crying about the contest. It is true that towards the end of the contest, votes were severely chopped because of counterfeit votes. It’s also true that on the last day, voters couldn’t vote because the system prematurely shut down for 3 hours but the company extended the votes later in the day. Folks were REALLY frustrated, and I thought I was offering another way to look at the bigger prize. Many women felt wronged. They wanted to vent and to blame the company for their lost. Maybe my timing for posting the blog was really bad and I’m starting to feel like Kanye…alien. It made me think of when I was trying to tell Bright about looking at the pattern of her loosing her keys. She immediately cut me off and said now is not the time. I mean she was still stranded and was working on a solution for getting her keys.
     I wrote a blog piece to the women about embracing the process itself. I said all we can do in this contest and in LIFE is to give our BEST. However, I personally feel that we should get upset with ourselves and each other when we are slacking, when we are not doing enough. But that’s not what people do. It’s CRAZY to me, instead we complain and we become disappointed when we finally get off the sideline, and start striving and fall short of our goal. WTF???? YOU’VE JUST BEGUN! You don’t know what you’re doing so you’re going to make mistakes. And when you strive to become more, you’re probably not going to get it right the first time, you might but it’s unlikely. That’s so UNREASONABLE.
     When you actually DO something and give a GREAT attempt, you become disappointed with one failure. WHY? Where are the tears, where are the complaints for doing nothing and living dormant? Why don’t people get upset and disappointed for doing NOTHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG? That’s when you should be angry, that’s when you should point fingers but make sure they point at yourself. Sorry, I’m going on my rant again. But it really pisses me off. I also said something like: real life has obstacles and they seem to come right before our biggest moments but we can’t give up. WHY, I repeat on the loudest bull horn, why did I write that? And so unknown to me at that moment, I had called forth a series of obstacles for the weekend that were quite major. And I was going to be put to the TEST.
     My weekend became a mirror of that written piece. I woke up Saturday morning super juiced about filming, incredibly grateful that the entire concept and piece came to me while sitting in a bathtub days earlier and while talking with Bright on Thursday. We went back and forth and it seemed like a dope collabo. I felt like I was on fire again like when I created the hip-hop curriculum.
     Saturday morning, I’m up at 5 am about to work out, getting ready for the day. But then I got a call two hours later. A friend of mine, close to me is asking for do-re-mi for BAIL money. WHAT??? Is this the same person who didn’t believe in me participating in the modeling contest? I had two hours before Bright and her boy were setting up at my crib. We talked back and forth for about an hour. I decided NOPE, not going to aid a negative situation or a negative person who I love. And I cried about my decision for 30 minutes. I felt HORRIBLE inside, his dreams where going to be delayed...big dreams. Why do we sabotage ourselves?
     Lights…camera…action! Bright and her friend arrive with tons of lighting equipment, props, and snacks. Oh did I mention I’m playing a funny character? I’m a bit surprised, in my mind I thought there was going to be maybe one light, dude’s camera and us just working out the script…filming in order to work out the kinks of the characters. But who knew? I mean it’s super cool we have an actual set, we’re official and best of all Bright got it for free .99.
     It’s around noon on Saturday…Bright is looking at the script I sent her a day earlier, oh I forgot to mention, I wrote out the script Friday at 2pm, and revised it at 6pm. And it’s SATURDAY!!! At around 1:30 pm I really look at it for the first time. I’m asking her questions, but she’s in a super, serious mode like she’s at work. She’s revising the script. I’m starting to panic, wondering how are we going to work out the script and shoot when we haven’t even run lines? I mean I want to take advantage of the set but we haven’t even read together. My call time for the stage is at 6pm. My mind is all over the place but I try to focus. I use all the negative energy and channel it into my character…I begin acting nervous. My character is a wreck…a conspiracy theorist.
     It’s working…I forget about my morning call and I embrace Jasmine. We run lines till about 5:30 pm, we’re laughing and having a good time and then I’m off. From 6pm -10 pm I’m at Stage 52. I also have a dinner scheduled that evening. I get home at 1:30 am and fall asleep talking with Bright about the film till around 2 am.
     I’m up at 8 am, eating b-fast, trying to focus. I feel the pressure starting to take a toll. I’m in a modeling contest and I haven’t even got my hair done, I’m going to look 100 years old. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
     They’re back at the house to film and it’s 10 am when they arrive. I’m thinking there is no way in hell I can memorize an entire scene in 3 hours without having hardly any time to “become” my character. I mean the script was written yesterday! I think about my friend, is he in jail now? No phone calls….damn maybe I should have helped him. Why are we rushing? This is supposed to be fun.
     We film the opening shot several times…it’s now around 11:30, the pressure is building. I think well maybe we can do this…nope not really. I give a suggestion that we should continue this next week because her friend will be in town or maybe we can do this another time. This is silly we should just call it a day; this is supposed to be a freaking, fun project. It’s getting harder for me to remember the lines I’ve just memorized. What’s happening? What’s the rush? What the hell is going on? Last take…I’m feeling drained, we barely get the shot. I don’t feel good about my performance today. It’s rushed, it’s sloppy. I didn’t get to work any kinks out. I’m off to perform again, stage time.
     We discuss close up shots, I know it’s a LONG shot. I ask my hairdresser can she do my hair Monday, I’m trying to give my best. I mean after all Bright got lights, props and her boy is filming. My beautician says no way. She’s made an exception to open the shop for me on Sunday as it is. I call Bright she’s disappointed, she really wanted to finish.
     And then it happens, my reaction. Up until that point, I had imagined this scenario so differently. I thought about working out the clothes of the character Jasmine and her nervous mannerisms. I thought about creating, pretending and having fun. Creating had become stressful and not about the creation but about the finished product. I was starting to feel resentful. I wasn’t able to give my best as a performer.
     I blow up on the phone. I’m resentful for creating; the play's cast tells me to leave the dressing room, rightfully so because I'm killing thier vibe. I’m angry…I feel exhausted, used up…and RUSHED. I’m on the competitive playing field now, HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? I just wanted to create. I just wanted to have fun. I feel like I’m not ready yet. I’ve been here before.
     I leave the stage running to my car, I have a hair apt and thankfully it goes very well, it’s only me inside and it’s quiet, it’s peaceful. I try to relax. She has a brow kit too which is great because I had no time to get my eyebrows waxed. I leave the shop at 8:30 pm. I talk with Bright and tell her how I feel. We both realize there was a big misunderstanding about the shoot. I get to my house for 8:45 and the lights are still up. Bright’s boy makes adjustments and then she starts shooting. It’s almost 10:30. We don’t have all the shots we need but we’re both exhausted. She has to be up for 4:30 on a commercial the next day. I feel bad that she’s still at my house working.
     I take off of work, can’t move…totally drained. I wake up at 10 am and my dad comes over to bring me cereal. There is no milk. HA! I log on to take the modeling survey. Finally, I can focus on this project. The page reads the modeling survey has been canceled. HUH? How can this be? I am still within 72 hours. I’ve done the most to prepare for this moment. Or have I? I remember loosing out on the reality show Ultimate Hustler…it comes back in a flash. I was out the night before until 4:30 am with a rapper who I wanted Dame to meet, Bishop Lamont. I was out hustlin' while the other contestants were sleep. How could this happen again?
     I feel defeated. But I realize defeat is when we stop. I email the company and ask them if there is a mistake. They tell me they will get back to me. I hear nothing….ALL DAY. I can’t panic. My dad starts complaining, going on a rant about how it’s B.S. for a company to shut down the survey...blah, blah, blah. He sounds like many of the girls in the contest, how ironic. I politely ask him to be quiet…I have to center myself. There is too much noise all around me. I recognize it now. I’m closer than I thought there are all these obstacles appearing.
     I take two baths on Monday each time asking God for more focus and for patience. I can not afford to think about the obstacles, it is but an illusion. The truth is there are no obstacles only love, only peace, and only success. I’m mentally exhausted, I’ve ran a mental marathon. I’m meeting my trainer at 2 pm for lunch. Maybe I can get my mind off of the contest. He tells me he won’t be there for an hour. I go to coffee bean for a sugar free mocha, they don’t except Discover Card. I take a deep breath.
     I give them my ATM from my other bank knowing there is no money in it. I’ve lost my main ATM card. Next, I kill time at the Car Wash they tell me their card machine is down. I have no cash. I call my dad; he brings me to my bank (thank god for this man). I use my Credit Card to pull out cash, at least my Coffee Bean purchase will not bounce. I’m happy but fighting the urge to call it quits. I just want to sit down and cry.
     My car is clean. I arrive at Sizzler and have a great conversation. I vent…but not too much, I don’t want to complain. I don’t want to give in just yet. I go back home. I look up the modeling blog post, and under my blog are a series of rants. Curse words, explosive words directed towards me. Was my post positive? Or was it seeded in competition? Could it be misconstrued as non-compassionate? I remember the email with Bright and Clarence about non-believers. He said I need more compassion towards others.
     I told him the world needs more belief. I feel alien again. People want to blame the world for their failures; they do not want to look within. I refuse to take that route, I gave my all…I’m exhausted. I’m confused. I feel like I don’t want to create anymore…it comes lightening fast, and never ends well; maybe I’m not ready to harness its power. I’m afraid I’m going to lose my fire, my inspiration again. It will leave me if I’m not grateful. I think of Jewel’s, the singer’s mom; she told Jewel that she would have to get ready for the world’s energy. People would want more and more of her energy. And if she wasn’t ready and prepared for it, it could destroy her. I smile, and think of Anakin from Star Wars.
     I arrive today at work it’s Tuesday. My daily inspiration says, “How do you react to setbacks?” I can’t help but to laugh. “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” ----MLK It sounds like the blog I’ve written for the contest. Maybe, these tests are helping me get to my next stage.
     I keep reading the daily emails, next up “surrounding yourself with the right people”. It mentions folks who belittle your ambitions…hmmm, I’m glad I make my decision about my friend, or perhaps friend isn’t the correct word. He never believed in anything I was creating because he didn’t believe in himself. But I do have compassion for him, it hurts me that he ruined his chances probably right before his big break. Those who live off thier passion do that...we never see ourselves worthy of reaching our goals. Finally, there is an inspirational message about “giving it your all”. You’ve got to be kidding me. It says to forget the past mistakes and press on. I think about the Science of Getting Rich and how it says an apparent failure means you haven’t asked enough.
     Wait!!!! I realize I’ve sent the wrong headshots to the contest. My bra strap is showing. Oh well, it is what it is. This is kinda hilarious actually. I’m doing too much and making mistakes. I’m only supposed to do a day’s work in a day. Duh! I gotta pick that book back up. I did wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much this weekend, I created too many road blocks for myself and for what?
     It’s Tuesday, the modeling folks just hit me. They’re giving me another chance to take the survey. I’m still in the running. Maybe I should resend the photos.
     Tonight I’m taking a bath with candles and prayer. I have to silence the obstacles within me. We really don’t understand our own power. I know I don’t…yet. I’m still a jedi in training.

Shak
100.

Creation

2010-04-19T18:31:00.000-07:00

Why so few? Why so few of us? Why so few of us? The pain sometimes is too much...when words offered with kindness are met with swords, the blades hurt, they cut deep. I only weep because of their lack of belief. their undeveloped understanding. they believe only what they can see. so they create more misery. where are the dreamers?

I wonder why so many make a hell of heaven? And they blame the world...they want to see it burn, they want to see others fall, it makes their pain hurt a little less. NO ONE WANTS TO GROW WINGS.

I want to stay strong...see my visions through. But when you smile too long, they start to question you. Why so much sunny disposition? they make a mockery of light. to wish others well is unbelievable. i'm tired of dumbing down, they listen, they talk back when you complain, ...but it hurts more than trying to fly.

Where am I? Laughter is drowned out by yelling. I can feel their fear...they don't feel adequate, they don't feel like they're enough. I feel alien. Sometimes I just cry when I can't bear it. The hustle...the hustle...the hustle...i want to stop and quit but my spirit won't let me.

creativity come effortlessly but it's not mines. I wish others could join me...become creators. We hurt what we're not...we live with fear. we squeeze other's fruit because we cannot plant our own seeds. I can barely hear the music now...just whispering, threatening words and gossip. Don't they know that words have power? I'm tired of slowing down, I try to help them, reach out...but that makes things worse. they resent me for it. where am I?

those who DO mainly follow patterns they don't try to figure out their own EQUATION...it's so much easier to point fingers...i see their sneers with my heart. it makes me sad. why so much life with no living? why can't i just be a simple formula? when you blend in no one sees you, you add up like everyone else...i hope I'm close, the obstacles are getting harder. i'm tired.
i've seen unicorns fly once but I'm the only one...becoming more is lonely. there are lines wrapped around preying on our mistakes, they live to see us fail. the critics..who needs them? i can't fly with this much weight, i want to leave the ground. no jack daniels can numb who I AM...I AM WHO I AM.

Shak
100.

Believing in the Unseen = Faith

2010-04-13T09:30:00.000-07:00

I'm inspired by Clarence, thanks for the blog post:
http://aconvowithgod.blogspot.com/2010/04/universal-law-of-faith.html

Most of us never put ourselves “out there”. What that means is we don’t go after particular goals because we don’t believe we can obtain them. Before we can go after something, we must first believe it’s possible and have faith. I realize that most people’s so called “lack of work or effort” is really a direct reflection of their lack of faith. When we do not believe it is impossible for us to act. We later blame our unproductive lives on a lack of opportunities but opportunities are everywhere, in plentitude.

I received a call from a friend to enter a modeling contest online. Now what I didn’t know is he told about 25 of his girl friends on Facebook. 2 of us decided to enter. The other contestant entered and said that she had been a finalist in their previous contest years ago. I could definitely see why she had just cause to enter the contest again. Now on paper I’m only 5’4, and far from thin (I like to think I’m wonderfully curvy) so becoming an industry model wasn’t exactly something I was planning to become. But it just so happened that this particular contest was about hair and facial attributes which means height was a non-factor and so was weight to a certain extent. It made me realize that there is always a particular way to do almost anything even goals that seem very restricted or incredibly limiting.

In my friend's blog, he talks about one woman's faith. More specifically, he talks about a biblical story in which a woman in need of healing approaches Jesus. When she finally sees Jesus in the crowd, she makes a decision she is going to touch him, and she also "knows" that she is going to be healed. But that makes me wonder several things. What made her know that she was going to be healed? Did she make that decision beforehand, that if she ever saw Jesus, she would touch him regardless of who was there and she would become healed? There is a Universal Law…it’s proven in religion and physics that “what goes towards comes towards”.

It’s the scientific law of cause and effect. The issue is most people don’t realize that the cause is our thoughts or more specifically, our original decision to go after a particular goal. In my situation, the cause was making a definite decision to enter the contest. The effects are all the actions that happened after that decision. The woman in the story decided she was going to be healed, and so it happened.

Most of us like to think that things “just happen” to us. We think we are born lucky or born fated to disaster. Wrong.

Once I decided to enter, I then ACTED upon that initial decision, immediately. I sent out an email to all my folks and then I sent out a link on facebook to get people to vote for me. This was the scariest part. I had no idea what was going to happen next. But it was too late. I had already acted upon my decision. This is where I encourage people who are going after a particular goal to do something that makes them commit to their decision. The best way to do this is to tell other people about it. If I had waited to send out the email another day, my inner hater would have destroyed me (fear is no joke). I started thinking limited thoughts right after I sent out the email. “What if no one votes for me?” “What if folks don’t think I should be a model?” "It's just an online contest, is it worth any effort?"

But it was too late…I had already sent it. And the next two days something crazy happened, I was part of the Top 8 immediately. I was totally surprised. And then my co-worker told me something that I’ve told myself over these past 3 months. He said, “If you’re going to go after something, you might as well decide you’re going to win at it and be successful.” And, throughout this whole competition, not one person has ever said, “I don’t think you should have entered”. Imagine that! But most of us…oh no we totally sabotage our best intentions. We don’t say that we’re winners. Instead we say things like “I’m just going to enter the contest and see what happens. I don’t really care anyways.” "I'm not going to go after (fill in the blank) because I don't think I can do it. And if I try it, and I fail, people will think I'm stupid."

From the beginning, I decided my plan of action would be to send out 2 emails per week to my friends/fam and to send a daily reminder on facebook, in order to remain in the TOP 20. It started out WONDERFUL (beginner’s luck huh), I was part of the Top 8, then the Top 10, later the Top 20…but then I fell off completely after 3 weeks. My dad called me and said you need to do more. But I was already executing my plan. Maybe I needed to give more in my emails, so I started incorporating stories. More phone calls came in to let me know I wasn’t part of the “Top” group anymore. YIKES! I started to panic, but I realized that I was doing everything in my capacity to act upon my goal. Then came the inner hater, "Relax, it's just a contest!" You can quit now and know one will really care that you started it". Or I could just believe that I was going to be in the Top 20, after all, I had put forth effort.

A week later, I walked into work, and someone yelled out to me, “Hey Shak, you’re number 6! What did you do over the weekend?” I was FLOORED. I couldn’t believe it. Did more people start voting for me? Was their a glitch in the matrix? Or….

The next month, the same thing happened. I was holding on to #19 for dear life and then I was bumped off completely. Now there were over 1000 women in the contest, and my friends let me know that there were billboards up everywhere. Folks at my job told me they heard about the contest over the radio. I wanted to panic again…but I was dealt with this just a month ago. I was sticking to my initial plan of action. I didn’t want to inundate my friends with any more emails and I didn’t want to fall into a competitive mind set. I decided I was going to just wait and relax. (BTW, I never sent messages on facebook like “PLEASE VOTE FOR ME NOW, I NEED YOUR VOTES BECAUSE I’M ABOUT TO LOSE MY SPOT”). I always sent messages thanking people for all of their help. I decided in the beginning that I would only send out positive messages of thanks and no messages of panic.

Last week, I bumped up to number 8 from 23/24. Now, I have no reasonable explanation for why this happened as I’m not that skilled and savvy to have a reporting system that captures all of the votes. But I was nonetheless really pumped by the results. And what was to come next?

More obstacles…most recently, I’ve had a few folks close to me, hate on this endeavor, underhandedly of course. In the past, I would act secretly towards a goal without telling anyone because of fear of these types of obstacles. But with this goal it is impossible to not “put oneself out there”. My friend asked, “What are you going to win again?” in a condescending tone. “When is it over? Wow, that’s a long time for just a contest.” I was actually offended and hurt. But one thing I’m learning through the process is to remain detached personally from others, thanks Bright. We only give off to others what we feel inside. And so we should not take what others say about us personally, although it is hard to do when we care about people.

I’m convinced by simply DECIDING to go after our initial goals we become changed, we become more, and some of us become believers. We gain the ability to really have faith in the unseen. There are now 1240 women in the contest, I’m number 14 which in mathematical terms, I’m part of the 1% group. How awesome is that?

With only 2 days left, I’m going over my initial reason for entering the contest. Initially, I thought whoooo hooooo, with $5,000 I can do this and that like take a lil trip and film some material. I also thought, I could use the contest itself to promote the plays I’m in…but something else happened. I ended up writing stories, and sharing them with people. And now I look forward to writing stories, it’s not about the contest or the play, how about that? God is so clever. I received so many responses over the past 3 months, I feel like I’ve already won a major prize. We never know how we find our paths you know. We just have to submit to the process and stay open. We often say I won’t do this or that but we can be blocking the very thing that brings us joy. We have to fight fear DAILY or else we end up doing much of the same which is often not doing much of anything.

P.S. http://www.thegreatmodelsearch.com/profile.asp?CustomerID=23

Shak
100.

Getting Here...

2010-04-12T13:01:00.000-07:00

Alternatively entitled:
"Capitalizing on an Opportunity: Part 1"

This is part one of this particular part of the journey. Recognizing that being patient is a major quotient of the process of getting the opportunity.(Thanks, Caleb :) ) My major frustration as of late has been where I'm not. I get so worked up over not being where I want to be right now that I know I'm not being as grateful as I should be for where I am currently. Being grateful for my current surroundings doesn't equate to wanting to be here in this space forever. It just means that I have to remember to remember (once again) to appreciate every aspect of this process. Being here in this moment is preparing me for when that opportunity presents itself. I find myself trying to force the moment, trying to make it happen...if only I do this then yadda yadda yadda will finally take place. That, however, is not the divine nature of things. All of these experiences will allow me to appreciate that moment even more when it arrives.

I had a wonderfully inspired thought last week while guess where..in the shower. So, I was thinking that I could begin to make a name for myself shooting music videos for major artists without them and post them on youtube. I could get really good actor friends to impersonate them for me and get my ideas out. I know a slew of choreographers and dancers, too. My ideas are ~~really good~~ fantastic and artists will start to contact me to do their real videos for them. Even if that doesn't happen I will create a following online and people will seek me out to direct things for them anyway.

This recognition has given me the chills..the good kind. Seeing that vision...I feel it..I'm already there...I see it...I'm a director! I'M A DIRECTOR!!! It finally became crystal clear to me. I saw that the reason I had to go through all of these years being here, working the way that I did to get to this point is so that I would NEVER have to work for anyone else as a director. I could start my own company straightaway with all of my contacts that I've acquired to date. I can do what I want, create what I want. I just have to remember that I'm not a failure unless I stop trying and that's never going to happen.

100.

Bright

I'm not who you think I am

2010-03-24T10:16:00.000-07:00

I’m an artist? WHAT? You got to be kidding me.

No matter what we do, we can only see so much of ourselves, especially when we’ve been living life according to someone else’s plan. And sometimes our friends or our family that “know” us well are comfortable with seeing us only under a certain light. So if you embark on figuring out who you really are and it looks very different than who you are today…MADAY…MADAY…you’re going to be under attack. Not just from friends and fam, oh no, your deadliest adversary is reading this blog write now. YOU!

At one point, maybe about 2 years ago I got the best advice from a co-worker at my current gig even though I didn’t ask for it. Don’t you love that? I was talking to a friend that sits next to me, telling her how it’s sooo weird that I always meet artists, especially right before they’re about to blow up. I told her how most of the guys I’ve dated are in the arts/entertainment world but I dismissed it to living in LA. I’ve often thought maybe it was just meant for me to assist creative talent. I had helped several people to date including students and friends alike. It’s funny how it never crossed my mind, not once, that just MAYBE I might have been one of those crazy, creative people. I remember going on and on, telling my homie that I just attracted talent for some odd reason regardless of where I worked. I could be at a bank and I would happen to find the one rapper, writer and model in the entire building. Even when I was a teacher, I was a magnet for the lunch time rappers and the school’s fashionistas.

That’s when my other co-worker cut me off. Apparently she was eavesdropping the whole time. Don’t you love the cubicle layout? Everyone and their mom can hear what you’re talking about. She first blurted out that I was in denial, and that the reason why I was always meeting artists and creative talent is that obviously I am an artist. Then she looked at me and said, “Why are you wasting your time here?” WOW. It’s not everyday that someone tells you who you are unapologetically. Well, actually people do it all the time, we just don’t listen. She wasn’t the first person to tell me that. It was just the first time I really heard it. Me=Artist I could never get that concept pass all the fuzz. You know, “Get a real job!”…”Oh, you left your real job to become an artist?”…
Hmm is that why I had left teaching to go into the music business? It always amazes me how strangers can see us plain as day but we set up smoke screens for ourselves. Ironically, over time, I had grown increasingly frustrated with the artists I worked with because they just wouldn’t commit to the path and GO ALL THE WAY. Maybe, I was really angry at me. And there she was before me, she was a mirror.

I had like one of those Twilight Zone moments where the room started to spin around me. LOL It’s a real painful eye-opener when you see yourself for the first time. It’s like coming out of hibernation, the light hurts at first. You start to think back to all these moments that defined when you were most happy and you wonder why you’ve been hiding from who you are.
But why was I so afraid to be the real me? Subconsciously by helping producers, rappers, skateboarders, football players, I was helping myself. And God was so generous to show me the talent that went all the way to the top. Sure I witnessed the starving artist but I also glimpsed happiness. We can only be who we are truly meant to be. I was pushing all the talent around me in order to push myself. If you want to find yourself…LOOK AROUND…see who you are. The path is all around you. WWWWWWWWWWAKKKKKKKKKKKKE UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

Shak
100.

Organizing the Mind

2010-03-16T10:50:00.000-07:00

I once heard something along the lines of a clean house is a reflection of one's mind. I'm totally paraphrasing but that's the gist of it. Upon returning from visiting my mom that's exactly what I set out to do. I needed to clear my head and that began with my apartment. Time out for keeping crap that I haven't used...ever. Fortunately, I'm not into tchotchkes or else I'd be totally screwed. lol There are a few of my close friends, Shak included, that are really good and minimalizing and organizing their lives. She totally has a place for everything and everything has it's place. She has a really good rule about not keeping something around (especially clothes) if she hasn't used them in 6 months. There are some people who are a bit OCD; I don't desire that necessarily, but I have to be better. It was one of my recent determinations for my life. I not only feel better but I can think better when I know where the hell things are. Organization, is not my strong suit but it's about to be. lol

The best thing about the hours of work I put in yesterday is that I found some notes I'd written regarding ideas I've had. I also found the very very original beginning of the script that I'm working on and all other subsequent notes pertaining to it. I felt a surge of energy and recharged creatively. I've been having a writer's block lately and it sucks! That's why I decided to clear out my house so my brain could breathe better. This purge is a way to get myself even more disciplined. I used to feel like discipline was like being in prison. Why can't I just do what I want when I want? Well, what I am discovering is that without more discipline I cannot truly be prepared for success. I am not where I want to be because I am not ready to capitalize on that winning opportunity just yet. All is not lost... starting from today onward. Everyday and every moment is about reaffirming my determinations. It starts from the most minute to get to the grand. They are one in the same, truly. My thoughts and notes are now in one place and I am building on them currently. I still have more work to do but I'm super close. I love being a winner. hahahahaha

100.

Bright

p.s. My mom is much better now, thankfully. The surgery was an uber success and she is now cancer free. :)

I'm Inspired By: The Oscars

2010-03-09T11:26:00.000-08:00

Did you guys catch the Oscars? Usually I don’t watch awards shows because honestly, they’re quite boring.

But one thing that stood out was the “Legion of Extraordinary Dancers” performance. WOW! It was a breath taking performance that juxtaposed classical ballet with breaking and pop locking. It’s crazy to see that performance come to fruition. I remember going to school at Brentwood and I would get in trouble at the dances. I was told by the administration that I couldn’t bring anymore of my “outside” friends to the parties. Most of them were Hip Hop dancers, “housers” with backpacks, baggy clothes who performed crazy flips. The message I got was that Hip Hop was neither welcomed in the gym dances or in the “modern” ballet classes. But that was in 93. Even worse was citing rap lyrics on English term papers when comparing Shakespeare or Arthur Miller. My teachers had no frame of reference for the poetry and so they dismissed it. Actually they completely dissed it.

And then there it was…break dancing at the Oscars. It made me want to cry. Hip Hop is no longer the language of the edge-dwellers and has gone main stream for some time. But to see it in its infinite grace and beauty at the awards; I was floored. I think we take it for granted. But I remember when it was just something that “those kids” did, including me. But what would the world look like without Hip Hop? Would Obama be president? Think about that for a minute.

Shak
100.

Creativity...Who needs it?

2010-03-05T10:16:00.000-08:00

Creativity according to Yay:
http://www.kanyewest.com/2010/03/02/creativity/

My response to him (below)

Most of the world never questions anything, and they damn sure don’t question anything about themselves. It’s sooo much easier to point fingers. People don’t know why they wear the shirt on their back or why they style their hair the way they do. They don’t even know why they sit for 2-3 hours in the church they have chosen. For the creative, it’s painful to go with the flow, to fit into a particular mold of patterns.

Being comfortable is never comfortable; the creative never fits in; perhaps a swig of Jack soothes the pain…

I think that’s why I like to dream in barren landscapes. The possibility to create is immensely infinite. Where there is already structure; opinions and facts about those structures have been created. Where there is trash and waste, there is only room for beauty and boundless options. And most important, when trash is transformed into beauty, the landscape is not only transformed but the inhabitants are rid of their inner waste. Creating something from nothing, like Ye says, is magic. I’ve seen it produce the most unlikely results, fruit even.

But without belief, creativity is useless. Don’t lose your belief Ye…keep your faith. The world’s evolution depends on dreamers.

Shak
100.

I'm Inspired By: Tyga & The Kids at Jordan High (Watts)

2010-02-24T15:41:00.000-08:00

On 2/23/10 I spoke at Jordan High school to a group of 250+ teenage girls.

I was supposed to speak about Dreams/Success. But what is success? Is there a formula to obtain your dreams? The definition of success in Webster is to obtain a desired goal. Well that’s great but how do I tell these kids HOW to obtain a specific goal? I was told my whole life that success would come from working hard and getting a good education. But my experience has taught me that’s not nearly the case. We all know plenty of hard working folks who are still not exactly as successful as they would like to be. We also know plenty of educated and talented individuals who are very far off from obtaining their goals. Hard work, education and talent are only a part of success but there has to be more. I’m sure the teachers weren’t going to be too happy when I explained that piece. What then do I tell the kids? This kept me up almost the whole night. To top it off, I was speaking to kids who lived off grape St. in the projects, so giving them a pipedream wasn’t going to get it.

I was prepared to speak to classes of 20. However, during the last workshop because of a “logistical problem” (the girls/boys were getting to rowdy to continue to move from class to class); I was placed in the auditorium to speak to over 250 students. Although, one of my main goals in life is to speak to large audiences, I wasn’t prepared for it yesterday. I think we have to be careful of what we want in life, of what goals we set, because when the opp comes we’re often not prepared. I want to personally thank Cira; who sent an email yesterday saying when in doubt tell a story. And that’s exactly what I did.

I told the story about a young dreamer who was struggling in school like many of them. He hadn’t found school very relevant to what he was preparing to become. That’s the last thing I thought the teachers would want me to discuss, another renegade kid who didn’t like school. But this wasn’t for the teachers it was for the kids. So I began the story.

“Randomly” I received a call back in early 2005 from my sorority sister in ATL. She wanted me to have lunch with a young rapper from LA and her friend who was the kid’s play uncle. At the time, I was just an intern at Interscope. When I met with them, I told them I had no “pull” to further his career. I only had ideas of what he could do to become better. Over time I became great friends with his uncle and met with the kid’s mom. When he was really messing up in school, I did what any friend/mentor would do. I talked to him about the importance of education, and I brought in two other friends to help “guide” him. At one point his mother was so fed up with his performance in school that she told us she was out of options and was ready to ship him off to live with his uncle permanently.

But he was different that the other kids I had mentored and tutored. He had a definite goal/purpose in mind. And all his actions; and all his pursuits were in line with that goal. If he found someone who could help move him a step towards that goal, he seized the opportunity with 100% dedication. Hell, I was green in the music industry, how could I help him become a “rapper”? I wasn’t a rapper; I was just a young enthusiast of Hip-Hop who happened to think people could reach their dreams. Not knowing much, I invited him over to write to several beats given to me by my friends. Now these beats weren’t famous producers, but I told them that they were going to be huge one day. And he believed me, silly kid.

Telling the story, I realized that’s one of the truths that is often overlooked. We don’t become anything in life, we are who we are or we aren’t. People think their environment affects them but it’s the other way around, we affect our environment. And the kid came over to my house, and grabbed a pen and paper and just started writing to my friend, Dame Taylor’s beats. He acted like he was in a real studio. I told him that one day I would have an in-house studio but at the time it was just a room with bare walls. About a year later, Dame would become my roommate and he would turn that room into a real studio and create a beat there that he later sold to G-Unit… but I digress. I told the kids, maybe there is power in pretending; don’t let anyone or any adult tell you different. I’m interrupted by one of the girls in the audience. “Was he as good as Lil Wayne”? I told her, “His talent as a rapper was about average, but I remember telling the kid that he reminded me of Lil Wayne”. In fact, Lil Wayne was his source of inspiration.

By late 2005, a group of us were creating a reality show pilot with school age kid rappers and skateboarders. It seemed like a cool concept. 2 years earlier I had met Stevie Williams via a friend who was also an inner city skateboarder. I thought, well, why not throw the kid rapper into the project…it would give him another chance to compete. Of course this wasn’t sponsored by MTV; it was just 3 chicks producing it. Just like I had never been a rapper, I mos def was never a reality show producer. But we were just having fun…pretending, dreaming. It still amazes me to see so many young urban kids riding skateboards in the city 5 years later; I don’t remember seeing any of them back then. Another girl yelled out, “But this kid had an opportunity. We don’t have any opportunities in Watts.” And I told her, “then you guys have no choice but to create them”. I asked them, how many of you skate board? About 20% of hands went up. I started smiling. And said, “Sometimes you have to create and imagine what you want to see around you”. Last time I came to Watts there were no skaters.

The kid lost the battle on our pilot show. And a year later, I saw him in the Fox Hills mall with an entourage. He told me he was on tour with the group Gym Class Heroes. He had met Travis in a sneaker store on Melrose. Long story short the two became friends and the kid bugged him until he got an opportunity to perform. He later got signed to their label. If he would have quit after not “winning” that one opportunity the story would be over. But there’s more. Today, ironically, he’s signed to Lil Wayne’s label. And has a song/video out with the young money crew right now, it’s in heavy rotation on the radio. It’s called “Bedrock”. Tyga is one of the featured rappers.

I told the kids that Tyga’s story wasn’t about becoming rich and famous. It was about a kid who had “unwavering faith”, determination and talent. But after witnessing many talents in Los Angles, I’m convinced that finding a person with belief is much rarer than finding talent. I remember our ride home together when he lost the battle. He asked me, “Shak, yall rigged the competition so I can lose”. And I told him “No, Ras Kass and the other judges thought the other boy was better today”. And he looked at me with total disbelief. And said, “They must not have been listening”. LOL Maybe blind faith is what’s necessary to go to the top. It’s the type that is childlike (sees no limits), imaginative (creating as you go) and totally unreasonable (doesn’t accept defeat).

Shak
100.

The more things change the more they...well, change

2010-02-22T20:31:00.000-08:00

Alternatively entitled

"The C word"

I've never understood the real ending of that, you know..."the more they stay the same." I guess someone was trying to be ironic but yeeeeaaaah, not so much. lol I digress. So, I've been trying to decide whether or not I wanted to post this but it's on my mind so, on with "keeping it real." I found out just under two weeks ago that my mom has breast cancer. This news shook me to my core. I was stunned, scared, nervous and a host of other not so great feelings. What does this mean? I mean, everything has changed. My mom is my only mom, you know? She can't go anywhere AND she's a trillion miles away in Atlanta so, I can't just go see her and feel her energy and know she's ok. I'd just started a job when I found out and was at a loss as to what to do. I decided to stay on the job because in order for me to have some kind of piece of mind about going to see her I needed to stack that do-re-mi before I bounced. The job is almost over and I made it through with only crying on the job once.

What I am facing is change...dancing in the storm, so to speak. I was(am) nervous about being strong for my mom. I know that she needs me to be that way for her so that we can make it through this entire thing. As much of an "adult" as I felt before the news I felt equally like a little girl afterwards. I'm not ready to take care of everyone, yet. I thought about all of the accomplishments that I hadn't made to date to show my mom that she did an amazing job raising me. I felt overwhelmed. Shak and my friend Ife have both counseled me on trying to shoulder this alone. I am learning to set aside my pride and to ask others for help. Because the truth is I cannot handle this on my own. I am so happy that my sister was working in Miami and could go up to Atlanta. At the same time I was pissed that I couldn't do the same. The real is that Maya(my sister) sacrificed what she was doing on her grind to be there for my mom. I have to sacrifice not being able to be there right away to make sure that we (my sister & I) still have a place to live in LA throughout this experience. There are a myriad of emotions I may feel at any given moment. For the last couple of weeks, I've felt mostly incredibly numb. Like I just can't let the news permeate me because I have to continue to move forward, to finish my job, to be "strong". But I haven't completely felt "strong" this entire time. The strangest thing is that I know that my mom is going to be ok, like I know it in my heart, in my spirit, in my soul. My faith is not shaken in the least. I know that it will only get stronger through this. Faith isn't the absence of nervousness or being afraid, I don't think. Faith is continuing to take the steps forward to move through in spite of those things. The other side of that, though, is that I can't control this..this change. This was a very sobering event that shook me to my core because everything is truly transient. And amazingly enough, that is the beauty of all existence. When it presents itself in different forms it looks like an obstacle but when we are on the other side of it we realize that obstacle was really an opportunity. I'm training myself to see the opportunities at present. I see the opportunity of being closer with my mom and sister and my friends. I get to be in the same space with my mom and sister and we haven't been in years. My friends are allowing me to lean on them for emotional support and I am learning to relinquish that control of having it all together. I never want to seem like I can't handle a situation or that I'm not strong enough. I never want people to pity me. But it's my own fight with my ego that I have to work out.

I finally balled my eyes out yesterday and it was so cathartic to just let go at Shak's house. For some reason, I couldn't let myself do it even alone in my own space. I felt so much better after that release. What I am learning and why I wanted to share this is that our lives may take a trillion twists and turns on this path to greatness. This grind and my individual process of growth will shape me to be able to tell the stories that I need to share, to speak to people and inspire them from all of my experiences. Being a liv-er is not about going through life unscathed, it's about how you heal and flaunt your scars. lol

100.

Bright

I'm Inspired By: Synchronicity

2010-02-18T17:36:00.000-08:00

Dear Bright,

Man I was reading Backstage's "Secret Agent Man" as usual. And I noticed in one of his articles that he ended it with a quote that my brother just sent me yesterday. It read, "And remember, if you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans". I guess that's just it. We're on a path, and pal, we have no idea how and the hell we're going to get to our destination.  Of course we've both heard that it's all about the path and not a particular destination, but I'm digressing.

I kept on reading all of the articles I've missed, including his most recent post. And coincidentally the article was for new, unrepresented actors like me. He talked specifically about a particular submission he had received from a new actor. Long story short he said the kid was attractive and would probably turn heads. Only one problem, he had no referral in his cover letter. And he had 4 pics instead of 1-2. And that's when it hit me...the reason why I had met with your referral (Casting Director) was to gain a much coveted connection that would be necessary to stand out amongst the million of us jokers in this city.

That's how it goes. We think that our opportunity will surface and it will be as simple as 1, 2 and 3. I meet a CD, he falls madly in love with me and my talent and Bada-Bing, Bada-Bang...I'm on network tv. Ummmm nooooo! Reeeeeeeeelax, you're just getting started. I'm talking to myself btw. Your first opportunity (connection with a gatekeeper) will usually just be one key to open your next mission. So right now, I'm very happy that I haven't rushed to send out my first set of Agent mailers. I made a decision to go down this path back in 08. But instead of rushing into the biz (getting an agent/joining SAG), I've taken classes, auditioned and was casted in theatre. Most of all, I've been acting. Now it's time to take it a step further. Honestly, I still feel like I'm in the beginning stages but now I feel confident. I know my type now (the supporter), I know my range and although I'm just getting started, I'm better positioned to knock down the door. Btw, I can only take the cute and cuddly helper type for soooo long. I'll show them the other side when we start filming. :)

Notheless, I appreciate the connect, I know in your 5 years of being in the film game, you've never given any direct lead to anyone. So I'm going to make you proud and use that key to open up the next door.

P.S. I've included pics from the last photo shoot for "Come Sunday". I really appreciate you coming to MAC for make-up and rushing to rehearsal with me.   I guess I just want to say, thanks for being an amazing friend.

Shak
100.

Only the Hard...Only the Strong! I'm Inspired By: The Saints

2010-02-11T14:52:00.000-08:00

Over the past week, I've been overfilled with so much emotion; I didn't quite know what to write or say. Not only did my favorite team win the grandest of games: The Super Bowl; but my family’s city had the opp to bask in glory. But being a Saint’s fan has been more of a religious experience than anything else. It’s taught me to keep the faith EVEN when the appearance of things and common sense tells me to jump ship. I can remember going to one of the games in the Superdome just 2 years ago and this angry fan yells at me, “You could have blocked that for Brees. Where in the hell is the coverage”? YIKES. The bad part about it, he was right.

My bro has been a fan for close to 30 years compared to my 20, and man it’s been such a long and defeating road. I remember when the Saints finally looked like they were going to win the Super Bowl; I glanced over at my brother and his face said it all, he was in a total state of shock. I think it’s like that in life. We get used to things being a certain way weather they’re good or bad. We don’t REALLY anticipate any real change. Sure, we hope for it. We might even talk about it occasionally. Like, “What if the Saints got such and such on the squad”? But it’s like discussing Fantasy football, it’s all in theory, when it’s said and done. Most of us don’t BELIEVE in the possibility because it’s beyond our control. And looking back on the record of the Saints of old, I can’t really blame fans for loosing their patience. But to lose belief is something entirely different.

To believe in them for so long and to finally reap the reward is in itself AWESOME. You see, the SAINTS have never been a “good” team by NFL standards until recently. And, most folks thought they had a fluke, great year Post Katrina. Thinking back on it, there was never a reason to pick the Saints unless you personally wanted to be tortured as a fan. And some folks love being tortured and rooting for the underdog. But the Saints took that routine to another level. It was flat out painful.

I picked the Saints as a kid by default, always looking up to my big brother. It’s bad enough I was sour at the Rams for abandoning my city but to root for the Saints was barely a step in the right direction. Most folks pick teams initially because of 3 reasons: they are born in that city or they’re family is born there, they’re bandwagon-jumpers that follow the winning teams or they follow teams with their favorite players. I picked the first category. And it turned out to be the most gruesome path that tested my fan hood.

Perhaps that’s why the media just couldn’t totally fathom the depth of talent on the Saints squad. I mean putting the two words together: Saints and Winning seemed counterintuitive when discussing the Super Bowl. Poor Brees never got his just due until the very end. Hell, the game against MN had turned into the Favre show and Manning was being hyped as the Poster Boy for the NFL, well that might not change. But isn’t that a metaphor for life? No one believes until you demonstrate it. But then that begs the question: How did the Saints learn to believe when the NFL and media didn’t’?

I would like to give a personal thanks to Sean Peyton for Lead Inspirer. But most of all, thanks to all the diehard, crazy Saint’s fans who believed when no one else did.

I see yall! Who Dat! Who Dat!
Shak
100.

Expression is a necessity...

2010-02-09T21:22:00.000-08:00

"Express Yourself"

Expression is a necessity. And I'll be so bold as to state that I believe that goes for everyone. When I create anything I feel a sense of buoyancy and a feeling of release. I feel calmer, at ease, in tune. It makes me think about how some people are incredibly angry or try to pick fights blah blah blah. I think it really boils down to a lack of an outlet. How to do you let it all go? For some it's dancing or setting choreography. For others it's painting, tapping into a character, writing a poem, journal entry, blog or script. While reading "Stealing Fire from the Gods" I came across a section about metaphors. "Metaphor literally means 'to carry over' to substitute one thing for another." What it is in stories or our dreams is raw energy finding it's expression in readily available images that allow us to relate and understand. This is why something is poignant or touching or freeing. It's because our spirit's wisdom sees that truth and has a picture to liken itself to/with. That's what I believe expression is really about.

Expression: something that manifests, embodies or symbolizes something else. A mode, means or use of significant representation or symbolism.

Our innate truths spring forward in a myriad of ways to allow us to touch each other and grow immensely. When we're so overcome with joy, pain, love, sadness, je ne sais quoi...we are driven, propelled even, to express it somehow. I think that a lot of people think that only "artists" are allowed to express themselves. Thinking that being "artsy" gives one more leverage to share. The real is that it's all, everything thing in life, is there for the taking or better yet the usage. Like my friend Melinda realized about her photography, you don't have to think about something as a money maker in order to enjoy it. Who cares if you're "good" at it. Does it fulfill that yearning? Does it make you feel lighter? Happier?

When we are free...Rather, when we allow our inspiration to come out we are becoming free. Even if for a millisec...in that time, in that space we allow ourselves to be almost suspended in air. We are free from judgment, mainly our own. I think we are able to be in touch with the greater truth which lies within us all. I live for that feeling...it's the most amazing high.

100.

Bright

Doing Your Own Thing

2010-02-06T12:16:00.000-08:00

Alternatively entitled:

"Being an Out-fitter..."

I remember one of my favorite parts of Sesame Street when I was growing up was when they sang "one of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong...." but the best version of the song was "one of these kids is doing her own thing...." I loved it and of course that completely resonates with me now. Last night, when I was taking my mentee to the Laker game, I played one of my favorite songs by the Dixie Chicks. I stopped to explain to him the back story of "Taking the Long Around." Then, I played the song...my favorite part is when Natalie sings:

"I fought with a stranger and met myself,

I opened my mouth and I heard myself,

It can get kinda lonely when you show yourself,

Guess I could've made it easier on myself

But, I...

I could not follow."

Dixie Chicks - "Taking the Long Way Around"

Some of the dopest lyrics...EVER. Jose and I discussed seeing yourself clearly and the pros and cons of following for the sake of ease. To me, it really isn't easier to be a gen-popper. I think it's more painful to deny myself of who I really am to fit into a box that others will deem to be more appealing. This goes back to my thoughts on us all being naturally multifaceted. I think what actually goes against the grain is trying to keep everything in line with the infamous status quo. I mean, no one watches a story centered around a bad guy who never tries to make good or a good guy who's "goodness" is never tested. a) that's not real life and b) it's not very interesting. Living a life without shaking it a up a bit is not only incredibly boring but I don't think we actually grow or learn anything. Without knocking preconceived notions around or turning idealistic thoughts on their heads how do we really know what we truly think and feel? Yes, it can be extremely lonely when it seems like no one thinks like you or when everyone ridicules you for trying something different. Seriously, I've spent the entirety of my life as an out-fitter. I've had friends...amazing friends..but I was never one who "fit in"...NEVER. I guess "I could've made it easier on myself" by changing the outside, and I did try to assimilate for a millisec. But that was just too damned painful because the truth is that I can't change my spirit and everything that I say, the way I look, the way I carry myself, the clothes I like...yadda yadda yadda are merely an outer expression of what's internal and intangible. That "weirdness" is raw energy, that "radical" person is really only expressing what their spirit sees as truth. Honestly, all art form at some point was thought to be strange and/or taboo by the masses until someone else broke it down and could see from another's point of view. Only then, do gen-poppers jump on board and it's "cool".

My homie, Mike 2.0 said "Jewel, you've always been one of those kids doing their own thing." Thanks, Mike. :) When people express themselves "differently" it's actually not an effort to be different just for different's sake. I think it's really a part of the natural progression to keep this party rolling...forward. Challenging what's deemed to be common thought allows us to be closer to each other. We break down invisible (and sometimes physical) barriers.

Now that I think about it, everyone of my close-close friends is "weird", even if they didn't know it at first. *ahem* Shak lol I guess like attracts like. Love it. Cheers to doing your own thing.

100.

Bright

Vote For Yours Truly!

2010-02-05T15:29:00.000-08:00

I've never been in a modeling contest. But there is no time like the present. Life is always an adventure if we pay attention and use a lil courage. The next opportunity in your life usually goes something like this...

You get a call from a friend or family member telling you to take advantage of something; and what do you do? Well, most of us end up doing nothing. I most certainly have been guilty of this. But lately, I've been realizing that opportunities come when we least expect it. Well perhaps it’s not when we least expect it but rather, they come in surprise packages that we're not expecting at all.

Let's say you want to become a teacher. You may think it's all important to sign up for a degree program and to dive headfirst into school. However, your very first opportunity may appear when you find yourself talking to a random woman on the bus who is actually an assistant teacher. It’s not clear to you that this is an opportunity because you’ve already made up your mind that your opportunity to become a teacher begins with signing up for a college program. So you don’t even bother to ask her about her experiences teaching or the possible ways to become a teacher at her school. And in the process you miss out on the fact that her district is offer Free Fellowships to teach. Sometimes the opportunity isn’t even as obvious as the prior example which makes it even harder for us to connect the dots.

But I believe that this dilemma is a result of limited vision. We have NO WAY of knowing all of the infinite ways that God is working on our behalf. So what to do? Create a vision, and take advantage of all seeming opportunities that come your way whether you see the connection or not. Therefore, next time opportunity knocks; open the door regardless if the visitor isn't who you are initially expecting to see.

P.S. Check out my next adventure and register to vote, ummm for me of course! :)
https://www.thegreatmodelsearch.com/profile.asp?CustomerID=23

Shak
100.

Can You Be Too Happy?

2010-01-29T10:40:00.000-08:00

Today as I walked in the office a co-worker stopped me. She said she had decided to ask me, "Why am I always so damn happy"? She said, "Shak, can you just give me a bit of what you have and sprinkle it in my coffee"? Man, if she only knew. I've been trying to find a way to scientifically reproduce happiness and SLANG it to the masses since I was about 4 years old. I've been ridiculed for being "too damn happy" since a child. “You’re too nice” I still hear all the time. “You have to learn how to deal with the REAL WORLD”. Recently, a sweet guy I was dating knocked on my door while I was singing in the shower. I can't remember what I was getting ready for at the time but we weren’t in a rush. But he started knocking on the door angrily, "Shak, what are you singing about, why are you always so damn happy?” REALLY????? No, I mean REALLY????? Isn't that an oxy-moron, can you really get angry at someone for being too damn happy?

That’s when it started to sink in I’m not from this planet. No it’s the only logical explanation. Maybe, people are right. I must not be a part of “THE REAL WORLD”. I can't help but to find the joy in the GRIND. My cup has always been full not half full but really full. And as a result, folks from far and wide have taken it upon themselves to try to drag me down to their level of misery or rather take me back into “THE REAL WORLD”. But I don’t live there. I’ve tried being miserable and depressed like most other people. But the truth is I’m just no good at it. I’ve even tried being really mean and totally inconsiderate of other people, and it ended up hurting me more than the folks I was trying to intentionally hurt. Remember, what goes towards comes back towards. I’m happy because I give off happiness. My other co-worker said, "Shak you're like a Disney princess, singing while you work for 7 dwarfs like Snow White". NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! That might be taking it a bit too far. A Disney Princess?

Perhaps the real truth is no one sees the amount of effort and sweat I put into taming my inner beast. We have to fight every day the good fight to be NICE people. The reason it’s such a fight and uphill battle is that we live in a world that doesn’t see the value in treating each other nicely. Sure there are several books that preach it’s the RIGHT way to live (the bible, the Koran, the Torah…Aesop’s Fables). But who reads and believes those books right? I mean it’s one thing to quote a parable or two, but no one is crazy to live that way right?

"The honey bees that fetch the nectar from the flower to the comb
Never tire of ever buzzing to and fro.
Because they take a little nip, from ev`ry flower that they sip.
And hence, they find their task is not a grind.

For a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.
Medicine go dow-wown, medicine go down.
Just a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down
In the most delightful way."
---Mary Poppins

Shak aka The “happy” alien
100.

Scarcity or Abundance?

2010-01-26T21:43:00.000-08:00

Photographer: Jaques Slade

"Pawn Shop"

Chess Board

S: 1/10

A: 1.8

FL: 35mm

ISO: 400

I really dig the above photograph for a few reasons...

a) I love chess

b) I love photography and

c) because Jaques shares his camera settings

Now, chess and photography are things that I'm super interested in, in part because I have, by no stretch of the imagination, perfected my skills just yet. I'm still learning and that's cool with me.

Regarding the camera settings...it's just dope to me because instead of hoarding how Jaques Slade got to that point so that no one else could match it, he decided to share. I'm sure it's partially to remember his own growth but to also give his knowledge away. That's a large part of the reason Dies and I decided to start this site because the information we were trying to get we couldn't find ANYWHERE.... Well at least not in one place. We're talking scouring the world wide web, magazines and picking at bits and pieces from random conversations. We wanted to know..."How do you sustain a winning life?" "How do you get to actualizing your dreams?" I mean, you read the articles and see the shows on how someone got there after they've already done it but what about the PROCESS? That's the key. Think: Life/Happiness/Success is not a destination, it's a journey. So, we want to share our process and that of other grinders we come into contact with along the way. We wanted to build a home for grinders and dreamers. A place where..."everyone knows your name" lol...ok, maybe not Cheers but, a place where other people like us from anywhere could tap into and see themselves..right. now. Because life is about right now. What I'm doing right now to be more. So, I share what I've learned in hopes that it helps and that I'll get the next piece of my puzzle through this self discovery. Already, I've "met" so many people who are incredibly fresh (what up 365ers?!) and I never would've had the opportunity if I'd subscribed to the scarcity mentality.

Scarcity (think: greed, hoarding, being withdrawn, etc) begets more of itself. What I know for sure is that scarcity is:

a) something learned and

b) something that will not allow me to become my very best self.

I truly believe in abundance. I know that my thoughts are my own, just as my vision is, as well. I have something incredible to share on so many different levels and when I continue to open myself up to experiencing life abundantly that's precisely what I'll get in return. It's pretty a-ma-zing and it's quite simple. The difficulty resides in remembering to remember it when people who love me tell me to "be wary of...." I must be wise, learn from my mistakes, of course, but I don't have to guard myself from anyone. I'm here to help you and you are here to help me. So, thank you so much in advance! Preeesh! hahahaha

100.

Bright

I'm Inspired By: New Years Resolution-ish

2010-01-26T10:59:00.000-08:00

This year I’ve decided to part ways with my ol’ pal, a real gentleman. That’s right, no more Jack Daniels #7. It’s really nothing personal against him. I’ve had so many good times; I can’t begin to recall all of them. But every good thing comes to an end right? Or perhaps it comes to a stopping point, only to rediscovered later. That’s how life is…ebbs and flows.

Bottom line: Shak ain’t drinking no more. And no I didn’t come to a religious understanding about the subject. Nor did anyone tell me about my personal health demise from abusing it. I made the decision to stop based on a cost/benefit analysis. I want to be a great runner. I want to be in the best shape in my life. I want to be able to perform in front of crowds with explosive, contagious energy.

I can not accomplish this and be a DRINKER. That’s it, it’s really that simple. I just made a decision. And I could write a blog about how important and how powerful it is to make decisions BUT that’s not what this particular blog is about kids.

This is about how people will react when YOU decide to make a decision about YOU. Come again? That’s right, when you get ready to make up your mind to do things a bit differently, you can expect a bunch of folks to start acting crazy based on a decision you’ve made about yourself. Case in point: I stopped drinking but I didn’t stop partying. As a result, the last 4 outings I’ve been to, I’ve heard at least one of my friends get real “pissy” about me not drinking. One chick said, “No, I can’t believe you’re not going to take at least one shot. This is ridiculous! You’re at least taking one shot”. Am I? Really? It seems so trivial until it happens at every event you attend.

Ever wonder why your friends/fam-bam get so upset at you for changing? It’s because we are all MIRRORS. When ever you change a pattern or behavior that’s incredibly consistent with who you are; it challenges what people think about you in the first place. But more importantly, it challenges what they think about themselves.

Shak
100.

Why I've turned off my tv...

2010-01-25T23:50:00.000-08:00

At first it was necessity. I needed to eliminate some bills that I could live without. Then, I just didn't desire it any longer. I mean how many reality shows pitting people against one another can I really ~~watch~~ stomach? Sad and disturbing news shows...Gossip tv.... I've found better use for my time. I was writing more and reading a hell of a lot more.

I remember when I was in high school and found out over convo after school one day that my art teacher, Mr. D'Andrea, didn't own a television. WHAT?! You've got to be kidding me! I told him about all there was to watch on tv, "You're missing Seinfeld!" lol I told him about Bob Ross ("Happy Trees"), gotta love that guy..he was hilarious and so sincere. Anyhoo...I digress.... But Mr. D'Andrea was a G(enius). He could play most instruments, paint, draw, sketch, was dope with graphic design, an amazing photographer AND he found time to do all of those things at my school and teach us how to as well. Only now does it dawn on me that he could be so prolific because he wasn't spending his time watching Dynasty reruns and Dawson's Creek. hahahahaha

If there is a show I'd like to watch (Entourage), I netflix or hulu.com it. I know I've expanded myself exponentially from cutting the cord. A year or two ago this guy basically ripped me a new one stating that he would never hire me if I came to him for a job because I worked in the entertainment industry and didn't have cable.
A) Dude, I'm not asking you for a job annnnnd
B) I'm probably more in tune with what really matters in my industry...Hello, I LIVE it everyday! hahahahaha Bless his heart.

I keep up with new directors I really dig and continue to expand my horizon on the classics. I have no desire to recreate what already exists. I seek to strengthen my own vision. By and large, television for me was a distraction. TV was something that allowed me to "zone out" when I really didn't need that, I needed to delve within. I'm creating what I want to see because I definitely don't need filler, I desire substance.

100.

Bright

p.s. check out http://georgetwopointoh.com. An example of what we can do with what we have when we turn it off for a sec.

I'm Inspired By: 365ers

2010-01-23T14:32:00.000-08:00

Photographer: Tony Price

Gotta love technology. Thursday, the homie, Yohance, tweets, "ART, 365 days of it. http://www.365ers.com/" The name alone is the hook. I go to the site and check it out. It is, in a word, "fresh."

Their motto:

"Every year, we all make resolutions of some sort and end up breaking them at some point. So instead of making a resolution, we all decided to document our growth over the year through photos, video, audio clips, or simple words. This is our story ART...ONCE A DAY...EVERYDAY"

The 365ers are a collection of 10 artists and you get an opportunity to see a myriad of visions and thoughts. For instance...

"This week has taught me that excuses will just lead me to a non-life where I don't really do anything or truly live."

-Sui Solitaire reflecting on her lack of shooting this week because of rain

Woooow! That's real. When I honestly sit down and look at myself, being a "non-liver" = certain death. Everyday I have to make a succession of decisions that keep me on the "liver" path or else life just just ends up being something that happens to me.

What's so dope about this site is that like us, they've decided to chronicle their individual growth along their ascension. It made me take a sec to think about what I do everyday. What I do and "don't have time for." The mind tells the body what to do, right? Can't I create something EVERYDAY? When I initially thought about it, I found trouble in that sometimes I feel like I have to "tap" into my creativity, kinda like turning on and off a light switch, because of work stuff. I am soooo tired after these 18-20 hour days (remeber 3:30a? lol). But that just sounds like an excuse to me because we make time for what we want don't we? Granted, often times it feels like there aren't enough hours in a day but I have to make it work...somehow..someway. How else will I "be the change [I] wish to see"? Then, it occurred to me...the fact that my "work" consists of creative problem solving ("so, we need to come up with a plan to recapture the elephant in case it escapes." real talk but, more on that another time. lol). My creativity is a large part of me, I don't have to outsource it. As long as I'm diligent, I'm golden...I will make it happen.

100.

Bright
aka
Liver

p.s. thanks Tony for letting me use your piece :)

Thanks, Dave

2010-01-20T13:08:00.000-08:00

Alternatively entitled:
"Why you have to be on top of your game even at 4a"

My dramatic interpretation of "Random Dude" aka Dave

So, this morning I was at the gym doing my warm up. Today it consisted of 15 sprints up 4 flights of stairs. OK. After about the 9th one this random dude who'd been sitting at the bottom of the stairs watching me comes up and tells me he wants to race me to the top. O.....K....? So, I said, "sure." He literally raced me to the top...and beat me! Ugh!! I was on his tail though. lol Anyhoo, so as he's panting (lol classhole move #43) I say, "Is that all you're gonna do?" He's like "huh?" I said, "Yeah, that was my 10th one. I've got like 4 more to go." He calls me on it and tells me he's gonna get me at least 3 out of the 4. Wow. Ok. So we go for it. He gets me every. time. Damn! Right before the last one as he takes a sec to catch his breath (classhole move #46) and he gives me pointers. Dope. The last go I almost got him. I was on his heels. At the end, he lays out at the top of the stairs and tells me he's gonna pass out. I give him some dap, say "Thanks, Dave" and I walk down the stairs to finish my work out.

Now, old uber prideful Bright might've been insulted or pissed that "random dude" aka Dave decides to race me at 4AM. But, I am appreciative because I want to be better all the way around and the universe was giving me what I asked for. I was open to hearing Dave's critique which really made me work smarter not harder. I didn't really view him as an opponent but more as an ally. He was, after all helping me. He helped me to max out myself in my warm up! Seriously, my pride wouldn't let me do it in front of him but, as soon as I got downstairs I had to sit down because I thought I was gonna hurl. lol But that 's what it's about. I gotta go hard even at 4AM. I mean, what's the point of going if you're not going to give it your all in every. single. moment. Thanks for the reminder, Dave.

100.

Bright

Don't Worry, Be Happy...Doo do do doodoo doodoo :)

2010-01-19T21:37:00.000-08:00

My belief #268: Clemies are definitely purely made of smiles

What gives me chills up my spine? What makes me cry tears of joy? Beauty. When I think of beauty, I think of beautiful spirits...art...and determination. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I'm starting to realize that happiness is as well. We are taught that happiness fits into a box or is intangible by most but I believe that it's in everything all day long. I pray every morning and evening that I am able to see and experience how wonderful my life is moment by moment. What I am learning is that gratitude is a major component of that happiness..that beauty.

Never compare your best or worst days to someone else's. Why? Because it just never compares. We all have our struggles and when we try to do a side by side the scale always tips someone's way. Who am I to say that my accomplishment of running without wanting to just stop already every 5 seconds isn't as dope as someone who's run their 19th marathon? I always try to focus on the good even when it seems like it all sucks. My motto#472 (yeah I've got like a trillion) is that "it's gonna work out because it has to." That's it. I am hopeful and thankful. A friend was sleeping in her car and I could provide a place to shower and sleep for the evening. I was so appreciative that I could help. I've slept on couches before and this chick was just on her grind. She hadn't given up at all. She reminded me to be thankful I could be there for someone I didn't know that well. I'm learning new things to be thankful for everyday.

Some stuff I am appreciative for in no particular order:

My homie, "Fat Steve", is in remission
I love Clementines, and I like to call them "Clemies"
My sister
The rain when it comes every now and again in LA
Hot tea
NetFlix
Faith in my practice
My existence
Movies = my life
Love
Green
Blue
Music = soundtrack of my life
My mom
The amazing way that eyes work (think about it...you can focus on something close or far away just by thinking it, even if you don't realize you are)
Friends (every last one I've ever had and will ever have)
Passion
Celeste
Having my apartment
Daddy-o
Uncle Lo
My bed
LAUGHTER
Wine
Getting paid to eat sushi for dinner tonight (awesome!)
Learning to run
FreeStyles!
Missy Hardesty
Inspiration (because it's everywhere)

Gratitude allows me to appreciate this grind. To see all the people I can learn from and all the people I can help along the way. It allows me to be inspired and not block out the inspiration because I'm waiting for something else to come along to make this very moment better.

Gratitude=Happiness

100.

Bright

I'm Inspired By: Gnarls Barkley

2010-01-15T10:04:00.000-08:00

Can’t stop all these stories from being told
U crazy?
I want to unfold…evolve
I'm tyring to solve
sh** that ain’t been done
Since nothing is new
I’ll find it under the sun
Never run from
go towards
Keep rollin gotta get the rewards
U can keep the applause
Always movin never a pause
Well maybe for a minute
Jack & coke n’ it,
Livin it up…then feelin sick with it
I’m slippin
Swayin from my vision
Thank god she sewed me up
Made a lasting incision
In my heart
So when I stray
I’m still on a mission
Can’t get lost
God knows
I’ve made wrong decisions
I’m the come back kid
Tightly swingin
in the last inning

Shakira

100.

I'm Inspired By: Kids Doing Their Own Thing

2010-01-14T14:55:00.001-08:00

This reminds me of one of my fav SNL skits "Baby Toupee"...

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/baby-toupee/27129/

Fame Does Not Equal Success

2010-01-11T08:18:00.000-08:00

If I allow my success to be based on how much money I net or what other people think about what I do then I've lost. It's akin to looking for happiness outside of myself. My friend Michael Curry, II and I were discussing this at length before I left Atlanta. He told me that he stopped thinking about whether or not he was successful based on anything other than the effort that he gave to what he was going after. This speaks to "100%" on the logo and "100." at the close of every post. If he gives maximum effort then he has won. I haven't fully liberated my ego to that extent just yet. Meaning, I have not completely freed myself of the financial parameters of success. I do not believe that anyone has to be broke to live from their passion. However, I do believe that it should not be the sole basis for traversing the path. What I am discovering though is that my love of storytelling is trumping my initial fear of perfection. I was afraid of doing anything because of it possibly not being perfect. The reason we made our logo with "FAME" crossed out and "SUCCESS" written above it is to illustrate that they are not synonymous. With all that's being thrown at us everyday in the media, sometimes it's hard to remember that our success is truly subjective. There are people who remind me of this on the daily, Michael Curry, II, George Peters, II and now Guy Ritchie. Guy Ritchie stated that "Revolver" was his favorite movie to date because of the subject matter it tackled. He addresses the fact that a lot of people didn't like the film at all. He took another look at the it and decided that he was in fact proud of his piece and confident that people will come around when they're more open to seeing themselves.

Sometimes, I get so scared about whether or not anyone will get "it." That "it" being the story I'm trying to share. What that equates to is that I'm afraid people won't get me. I know now, though, that is merely the perceived self rearing it's ugly head again.

Here's the thing...Success is doing what you're inspired to do no matter what anyone thinks. It's sharing your voice in whatever capacity you are drawn to and living life "100." everyday. As Shon, my trainer, says, "Time waits for no one, Bright." Time to get it in.

100.

Bright